What prevents me from finding happiness with other people?

I've no idea what's wrong with my natal chart and transits, but ever since I've been able to remember, there was something preventing me of having a satisfactory circle of friends or a happy personal relationship.

I'm the only child and since my childhood I've learned to play by myself. There were relatives frequently playing with me, and some friends too. Anyhow, it was always me inviting them to come over, to go somewhere and do something together. When I was in high school a group of friends would come to my house and I'd almost never go to theirs. At university, it wasn't any better. After it, even worse.

Now when I've been employed for 7 years, I've tried to make friends at work, and it was still me to initiate every contact with a very few young colleagues I have. I'm almost 33 and I am not deluding myself that I could have a large circle of friends to go out with and party. I'm not craving that, just someone whom I could occasionally see and confide in. Most of my former friends have either got married or moved in with their bfs and forgot about me.

Girls in my smallish town don't take up many activities together. Guys take up sports or go to watch games together.

I'm not confident about the relationship I'm in either. I love my boyfriend, but he has numerous problems. He thinks he's still very young and he acts immaturely, only cares for football, beer and going out with his friends (which he cannot really have/afford, plus his friends let him down many times and still he ran after them and neglected me, but thank God, that has changed to some degree since he realised they weren't that great as he had thought). This is a hard period for him, his dad has recently died, he doesn't have a job or income, he's lost. And I'm drowning with him, I mean psychologically. I want to settle down, but it's impossible now due to circumstances. I'm under stress every day. Many questions run through my mind - what to do with my salary? how to save it and what on? where will I live in the future? Will I ever have children? Will I ever make my parents happy by giving them grandchildren? How long can my biological clock work?Last month my mom wasn't feeling well, and when she went to doc he asked her if she was worrying about something and she said that she's worried cause she can't get me married. Knowing that only adds to the pressure I feel, but I can't really tell her how my bf is now and break her heart. I wish something magically changed. All my relatives and acquaintances have husbands and children or a nice circle of friends to support them, only I'm going crazy with not knowing what to do or what I'll end up with.


Thank you for reading this. Any advice and reading is welcome.

The attached chart are mine with transits and my bfs. I'm the female Taurus.

Becca, I think the problem with friendships is your Saturn-Pluto conjunction in the 11th house of friends. People born in 1983 (and also 1947) have that Saturn-Pluto conjunction, but yours shows up in the house of friends.

Saturn can show where we feel limited and inadequate in life. Pluto has kind of a brooding energy to it in combination with Saturn. But more to the point, there may be all kinds of people out there willing to befriend you, but you bring to new encounters a belief that they won't like you (Saturn) and that the friendship will never develop.

Your sun is conjunct a little planetoid called Chiron. It shows where we hurt in life, whether emotionally of physically, but also where we can gain in wisdom or compassion. Because the sun is your identity, you may feel that "it hurts to be you." So maybe begin to expand your compassion and wisdom.

Apart from that, your Pluto-Saturn isn't badly aspected. Are you living in the same small community you've always lived in? If so, is there any chance of your moving to a city where you would have more opportunities to grow, expand personally, and meet new people? There you might also meet new men through a reputable Internet dating service. Your Taurus sun loves stability, but you can stay stuck in an unsupportive situation for too long.

The age-old cure for loneliness is to find people who are even lonelier than you. Saturn rules older people. If you have older relatives in town, you might make more of an effort to visit them. Or volunteer at your local hospital, animal shelter, or some type of cultural institution like a museum or theatre. These would be more empowering interpretations of your chart.

I don't know why friends didn't invite you over when you were young-- but at least they came to your house. If you had a much nicer home than theirs' or their homes were dysfunctional it's possible they simply preferred to meet at your house.

So far as your BF goes, it seems like you love him but don't really respect him. You don't see a settled future with him. Do you stay with him mostly because you are afraid of being even more lonely if you separate? Sometimes we do have to say goodbye to people we love.

Just based on your natal chart, I see no reason why you couldn't marry and have children. But can you get there from here? You may need to break away from your old habits and circumstances. This takes courage, but your sun also conjuncts Mars, so look to your energy and initiative to make some positive changes in your life.

p. s. If this helps, it's OK to tell your mother that I have a daughter your age-- her circumstances in some ways are similar to yours. She is going to finish up a graduate program in a few months but has no job lined up. She has a BF but he is a real free spirit and I doubt that he is going to want to settle down. I don't know what her future will bring, and I do worry. But meanwhile I try not to put pressure on her.

Thank you very much, waybread, for your kind answer.

You're an excellent chart reader.

Moving to a larger city now would mean I'd have to live for rent, and that's not what I want right now. I'd rather stay at home, save money, so that later I could buy a property of my own. It would be nice if I could get an apartment here, and then, when my future kids are 18, buy them an apartment in the capital. I just don't want to be 50, with a flat, but in a family of 1 (just me).

When I lived in the capital, as a student, I didn't have much luck with friends, but, to be honest, I was more focused on my 1st bf and spending time with him back then, and when that ended, on my studies.

I adore travelling and I've travelled more than most people my age I know. I haven't had the opportunity to move abroad, I don't have any relatives in other countries.

I'll try to calm down and not to worry about marriage too much. It's easier said than done, especially when all the middle-age acquaintances ask me about that. I met my physics teacher last summer, and the first thing she asked me was what my status was, ugh.. And a few months ago, my principle was telling me and my 2 year younger colleague how we should get married before it is too late.

Thanks for the feedback, Becca.

I don't know how your BF fits into all of this, but a good response for truly single people getting this kind of pressure is, "The right man just hasn't come along yet." And truly, it is better to be a self-confident single than unhappily married. We see a lot of divorcees on this forum, also.

I am not in a position to advise you about the circumstances of your life, but if you're a woman in your 30s still living at home, this probably won't help your chances of meeting the right man. It may get you into home ownership at some point, however, if that is a bigger priority for you. Most choices in life come with benefits and costs.