Leocorpicer
Well-known member
Hello everyone. I would like your insight about my thoughts and situation. My second account is Alper, and I made a topic about some of my feelings before, you can check it here if you want;
http://forum.astro.com/cgi/forum.cgi?num=1339706792
(I apologize for having two accounts, I ended up this way because I was confused about something)
Anyway, here I go. I am a handsome, fledgling but, confident and ambitious, idealistic young man (Leo sun in the first house). Since awhile, I have been comtemplating deeply about my relational life, which still belongs to the future, to the point of obsession. I know of the kind of person I want to be with, someone compassionate, self-respecting, and hopefully of above average intelligence (as for looks, it would be enough if it doesn't hurt my eyes to look at her). I also want mutual respect (Juno in Leo). My problem is, I seriously want to please and satisfy that person in every way possible and for this, I am doing the following things:
-Learning cooking.
-Taking fitness training to shape up.
-Learning dancing (normally I don't like dancing, but am learning anyway because my partner might want it)
-Will take masseur training
-Reading about female psychology
-Reading and watching educational sexual material (not plain ****)
-Meditation (mental discipline for... ahem)
-Will even study kama sutra!
I think all this sounds too much and possibly insane. My feelings on this topic are mixed with fear (Saturn in 8th) (of not being good enough), idealism and obsession. But lately, a little due to some of the comments on the previous topic of mine, I have been rationalizing my feelings. Since I am preparing so much for someone who doesn't even exist for me yet, I started to think that I don't really care about whether she exists or not, but this is all about my big ego. Perhaps, even though I am kind and compassionate, I am also so deceptively arrogant deep within that what I want is not really emotional satisfaction out of a relationship, but ego satisfaction by seeing how good a partner I can be. Perhaps it is just a mix in between. This has brought anohter realization to me, that if I indeed become someone who is so caring, supportive and even servile, it is very possible for my partner to start taking me granted after awhile and possibly lose respect for me. That would **** me off.
In the end, I started to doubt myself about following thorough my plans. Anohter thing that has happened is, during all of the preparation and contemplation I have been through, perhaps it is not that important to be in a relationship. Even though I want to be ready for it when the time comes (more so than others), I love the idea of being alone and not having to be self-conscious with a partner in home. It is very likely that should I indeed begin a relationship with someone, the give-and-take stuff will be imbalanced and I don't know if it will be worth it after awhile. The only thing I want for myself, from my partner, is mutual respect and compassion. And there is nothing beyong that. Make me a sandvich? Pointless. Sex? I wouldn't want sex for pleasure, what I get from it would be so little compared to a woman who can enjoy herself. I just want to please her. The whole idea of having sex is also unsettling to me because for me the meat of it is all about performance when I exclude the intimacy shared with... "her".
Here are some relevant things from my natal chart.
-I have a Leo sun as Singleton in the first house in conjunction with my ascendant, so my ego is kind of... fat. This hypothesis is sort of weakened because my ascendant is in Cancer.
-I have my Moon is Scorpio as the ruler of my chart. Emotional intimacy is very important to me.
-My Saturn trines both my Moon and Venus, so this signifies my wishes toward being supportive and dependable
-My Mars is in Virgo, so the way I give love is planned and I like servicing my partner.
-My Mars trines Neptune by an exact, 0 degree orb, so the way I give love is extremely idealistic.
-My Saturn is in the 8th house so my performance in emotional relationships and intimacy is very important to me to the point of being intimidating.
-My Pluto is in Scorpio and in the 5th house, showing that I am obsessed with the topics of love and sexuality.
-My Juno is in Leo suggesting that mutual respect and admiration is very important for me in a relationship
To conclude, I would like to apologize for the long, exhaustive walls of text. What I would like from you is give me insights about my situation based on what I said and of course, my natal chart. If I am indeed an arrogant... "prick", I hope your response won't be too offensive and I also hope that you can give me advice to improve myself. I would never consider myself a bad person. I am just too idealistic for my own good.
Kind regards and thank you for your time.
http://forum.astro.com/cgi/forum.cgi?num=1339706792
(I apologize for having two accounts, I ended up this way because I was confused about something)
Anyway, here I go. I am a handsome, fledgling but, confident and ambitious, idealistic young man (Leo sun in the first house). Since awhile, I have been comtemplating deeply about my relational life, which still belongs to the future, to the point of obsession. I know of the kind of person I want to be with, someone compassionate, self-respecting, and hopefully of above average intelligence (as for looks, it would be enough if it doesn't hurt my eyes to look at her). I also want mutual respect (Juno in Leo). My problem is, I seriously want to please and satisfy that person in every way possible and for this, I am doing the following things:
-Learning cooking.
-Taking fitness training to shape up.
-Learning dancing (normally I don't like dancing, but am learning anyway because my partner might want it)
-Will take masseur training
-Reading about female psychology
-Reading and watching educational sexual material (not plain ****)
-Meditation (mental discipline for... ahem)
-Will even study kama sutra!
I think all this sounds too much and possibly insane. My feelings on this topic are mixed with fear (Saturn in 8th) (of not being good enough), idealism and obsession. But lately, a little due to some of the comments on the previous topic of mine, I have been rationalizing my feelings. Since I am preparing so much for someone who doesn't even exist for me yet, I started to think that I don't really care about whether she exists or not, but this is all about my big ego. Perhaps, even though I am kind and compassionate, I am also so deceptively arrogant deep within that what I want is not really emotional satisfaction out of a relationship, but ego satisfaction by seeing how good a partner I can be. Perhaps it is just a mix in between. This has brought anohter realization to me, that if I indeed become someone who is so caring, supportive and even servile, it is very possible for my partner to start taking me granted after awhile and possibly lose respect for me. That would **** me off.
In the end, I started to doubt myself about following thorough my plans. Anohter thing that has happened is, during all of the preparation and contemplation I have been through, perhaps it is not that important to be in a relationship. Even though I want to be ready for it when the time comes (more so than others), I love the idea of being alone and not having to be self-conscious with a partner in home. It is very likely that should I indeed begin a relationship with someone, the give-and-take stuff will be imbalanced and I don't know if it will be worth it after awhile. The only thing I want for myself, from my partner, is mutual respect and compassion. And there is nothing beyong that. Make me a sandvich? Pointless. Sex? I wouldn't want sex for pleasure, what I get from it would be so little compared to a woman who can enjoy herself. I just want to please her. The whole idea of having sex is also unsettling to me because for me the meat of it is all about performance when I exclude the intimacy shared with... "her".
Here are some relevant things from my natal chart.
-I have a Leo sun as Singleton in the first house in conjunction with my ascendant, so my ego is kind of... fat. This hypothesis is sort of weakened because my ascendant is in Cancer.
-I have my Moon is Scorpio as the ruler of my chart. Emotional intimacy is very important to me.
-My Saturn trines both my Moon and Venus, so this signifies my wishes toward being supportive and dependable
-My Mars is in Virgo, so the way I give love is planned and I like servicing my partner.
-My Mars trines Neptune by an exact, 0 degree orb, so the way I give love is extremely idealistic.
-My Saturn is in the 8th house so my performance in emotional relationships and intimacy is very important to me to the point of being intimidating.
-My Pluto is in Scorpio and in the 5th house, showing that I am obsessed with the topics of love and sexuality.
-My Juno is in Leo suggesting that mutual respect and admiration is very important for me in a relationship
To conclude, I would like to apologize for the long, exhaustive walls of text. What I would like from you is give me insights about my situation based on what I said and of course, my natal chart. If I am indeed an arrogant... "prick", I hope your response won't be too offensive and I also hope that you can give me advice to improve myself. I would never consider myself a bad person. I am just too idealistic for my own good.
Kind regards and thank you for your time.
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