I feel like I'm the opposite of what my chart says I am

FiliaVeneris

Active member
Need help interpreting hard aspects

Hey, I'm just looking for a general reading of my chart right now :)

Original Post:
Hey, everyone.

I'd really appreciate it if someone could help interpret my chart. I've been trying to interpret it on my own, but the more I try to do that, the more I feel like my chart doesn't suit me. Let me explain why.

I seem to have a 10th house stellium. Based on my studies, having a 10th house stellium (especially with the Sun and Jupiter in it) means that you are quite career-oriented and you will focus on that throughout your life. Not only am I half-unemployed right now (I'm a teacher on an indefinite leave), I have never really felt like I was success-oriented. I went to good, prestigious schools and gained recognition along the way, but I was never really the "star student" or the one voted "most likely to succeed". If anything, I've always felt demotivated (which can be attributed to my depression), and so I've never really shone at anything or anywhere in life.

The reason I'm on an indefinite leave is because I feel like teaching isn't really my passion. I took the job because it's something I can do, and something that allows me to be creative, but at the end of the day I still feel like I'm not reaching my full potential as a teacher.

The more I think about my life, the more I regret the fact that I didn't pursue being a performer when I was much younger. I love dancing and singing but I used to do these things only as occasional hobbies, mostly because my parents wanted me to focus more on my studies. And when I entered university, I just wasn't confident enough to pursue those things anymore. Most of the singers and dancers in my school seemed to be talented, untouchable stars who have been training since birth. Compared to them, I felt like I really wasn't that skilled at all.

Interestingly enough, the strong Libra influence in my chart points to an inclination towards the arts. Right now, I really do feel like the performing arts is my passion, but I'm paralysed in fear of rejection and failure. I even looked up my Terpischore just to see where it was in my chart, along with its aspects (even though I still cannot read aspects very well). I suppose I'm posting my chart here because it's screaming "artistic, career-oriented" woman, but I don't feel like that at all right now. Are there placements and aspects which show how I can heal and overcome this? And am I really reading my chart right, or am I just projecting my desires upon it?

I really would appreciate your help. Any additional non-career related insights on my chart are welcome as well, as I am a beginner and I only understand the basics right now. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot seem to understand my own chart, so a reading would be very much appreciated.

Thank you very much for your help.
 

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kimbermoon

Well-known member
True success does not typically come early in life; for most of us it comes later in life after we have gained some experience about the ways
of life. The stellium in the 10th shows the potential for achievement in the outer world, but first you have to resolve the Sun/Jupiter sq Neptune influence; this suggests that your outer sense of identity is skewed by insecurity or low self-esteem, so that is what you need to build up within yourself. This is reinforced by Jupiter's ruler governing over your
1st house, as part of your personality component.

How you express yourself externally may come across as being restless,
outspoken or irresponsible; you need to be aware of your outer expression for that will determine how the world responds to you which in turn affects your circumstances.

You were born under the dark phase of the Moon and are inherently a seeker of knowledge; you have a message to get out to the world and discovering
what that is may take some time. Having a Sagittarius ASC would naturally draw you towards education.

I would suggest that your passion for teaching was lost due in part to your Scorpio energies being usurped by Saturn; within the system there is typically not enough room for personal creativity, since Saturn is the enforcer of rules and regulations. Saturn wants us to
create stability and security and can often deter creativity.

Of note in your chart is the fact that all the planetary energies fall on the left side of the chart indicating that you are more of a self-contained type of individual who can make things happen for yourself without being dependent so much on others. You may also have strong humanitarian impulses which are also being held at bay by Saturn, but you could offset that by using the energies of your Uranus/Neptune conjunct.

Your path of Destiny shows that your Soul Purpose is about 'expanding your consciousness and experience through study, travel or contact with other
cultures that encourages a philosophy of life that you live by, and perhaps teach.'

Read more about that here:
http://northnodeastrology.blogspot.ca/search/label/North%20Node%20in%20Sagittarius


You are urged to be the seeker you are meant to be, and the key to real self-fulfillment is to Know Thyself. I am open to a personal dialogue if interested.
 

FiliaVeneris

Active member
Hi, kimbermoon, thank you for reading my chart!

I've previously read about my Sun/Jupiter sq Neptune, but I didn't really understand what it meant for me until your explanation. It's very accurate, actually -- I do suffer from some sort of identity crisis, since I've always felt like I wasn't really allowed to be myself. Is that what's causing me to be afraid of pursuing my passions? I mean, I suppose that makes sense. I barely have confidence in my skills and abilities. I always second-guess myself, so I suppose that's the Sun/Jupiter sq Neptune influence, isn't it?

That also really explains why I've lost my passion for teaching. Aside from the fact that, sometimes, it's mentally and emotionally taxing for me to be invested in my students' education and well-being, it's really just not that sort of creative work that I'd like to do. Perhaps it's because I teach English as a second language, and while that can be fun occasionally, it's not really what I want to do. I hate teaching grammar the most.

As for my path of Destiny, it's scary how accurate that is... I've never paid attention to my true node, as I've always associated it with past life astrology (which I don't really look into), but it makes so much sense. I love travelling. I'm in love with a culture other than my own and I wish to travel to that country someday.

Thank you so much for this reading, really. I'm interested in having a personal dialogue with you and I'll be sending you a private message.
 

Rawiri

Well-known member
Try and look at more than the stellium.

I read mostly whole sign so how I read is perhaps different to some...

However, lords of houses are important.

Mercury, lord of the 10th is in the 12th (reading whole sign). The 12th is a house of loss. It's not able to "see" the 1st house (yourself) or connect to it well.

Then you have Venus, lord of the 6th (a house of delays and obstacles) in the 10th sign, with the 10th cusp, in "fall."

Neither of those are very big for causing career focus. Instead they divert from the career.

Sorry I don't actually have time to give anything approaching a proper reading right now.

But because you are actually attempting to learn astrology (and posting and helping others where you can) I felt I should at least take a moment to point out the importance and value of sign lords and dignities when reading a chart.
 
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FiliaVeneris

Active member
Hi, Rawiri! Thanks for these pointers. I honestly haven't read about the whole sign system at all and therefore I don't really understand it, but does the whole sign reading say anything about my career/potential?

Thank you very much!
 

JUPITERASC

Well-known member
Hi, Rawiri! Thanks for these pointers.
I honestly haven't read about the whole sign system at all
and therefore I don't really understand it
,

but does the whole sign reading say anything about my career/potential?Thank you very much!
House location of a natal planet can change
dependent on the house system chosen :smile:
easily verify that fact at astro.com's Extended Chart Selection Page
there, fourteen of the more popular house systems currently in use are available options
Placidus is simply the default
to view for yourself how that works in practice
simply create your natal chart using Whole Sign Houses option
then compare with the same natal chart using the Placidus option
Whole Sign House ascendant sign becomes the whole first house
and the other houses follow.
The ASCENDANT POINT ITSELF can then fall anywhere in the first house
and
MIDHEAVEN POINT anywhere in the upper half of the chart

'...There are at least twenty or thirty different house systems
or means of dividing the so-called "birthchart" into twelve segments of life activity.
In astrology, houses, mansions, or domains
represent general areas of life activity
and are the grounding areas or arenas of expression for planets.
Originally, the words "houses" and "signs" were interchangeable.
A planet in the SIGN of Aries
was also a planet in the HOUSE of Aries
so that in effect houses as we know them today did not exist....'

Artificial divisions now known as houses
were attempts by early Greeks and Hindus to measure strength "points" in the horoscope
which during 7th and 8th centuries AD were construed
or confused
as means of dividing the birth chart.
The ascendant and midheaven degrees and their opposites were definite power points
or areas of intense focus
but not necessarily the beginnings of a house or quadrant

The Whole Sign House system was used by the ancient Greeks
and the Hindus (who still use it today).

It is the oldest and simplest house system in existence
and immediately eliminates the awful mess
astrologers have made on the issue over the last 1300 years or so



WHOLE SIGNS discussion at http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=42163
WHOLE SIGN OR PLACIDUS http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39669






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kshantaram

Premium Member
hope observations help reflections and integration,
do share-discuss feedbacks pointwise how true-untrue-insightful, etc :


asc lord jup libra with sun 9th lord for luck and venus lord 11th for gains,
sun-moon-jup libra could suggest govt-corporate roles into public relations,
human resources management, law-justice;
sag asc-medicine-law/justice, philosophy;

venus debilated virgo 10th, jup lord of elevation over 10th quadrant,
debilation cancelled, gradual gains through career;
venus virgo could be self-centred in approach;
venus highest planetary deg, the core personality, critical attitude;

jup libra 2nd highest deg, factor for vocation,
advisory-consultancy-leadership roles;


sun libra debilated wavery mind, slow decision making;
mars lord of elevation over own scorpio, debilation of sun cancelled,
gradual pace of success and recognition in career;
lord venus over 10th quadrant too;

mer-mars scorpio 11th, gains through
research-occult-forensic-investigative aptitudes;

mer lord 7th over 11th, gains through spouse/business partners;

rahu north node 12th sag inclined to/seeking foreign lands, hyper-impulsive;
ketu separative node gemini 6th, hyper-analytical,
good for information processing roles,
while prone to accidents and job separations;

sat own acq 3rd for initiative-progress,
communication tech-innovative aptitudes,
acq-lower legs, aptitude for dance, dance reform, etc
sat lord 2nd for finances over 3rd own acq;


wishing well, kshantaram
 
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FiliaVeneris

Active member
Thanks, JUPITERASC! I will look into all these different systems once I understand the basics a bit more. :biggrin:

hope observations help reflections and integration,
do share-discuss feedbacks pointwise how true-untrue-insightful, etc :


asc lord jup libra with sun 9th lord for luck and venus lord 11th for gains,
sun-moon-jup libra could suggest govt-corporate roles into public relations,
human resources management, law-justice; sag asc-medicine-

venus debilated virgo 10th, jup lord of elevation over 10th quadrant,
debilation cancelled, gradual gains through career;
venus virgo could be self-centred in approach;
venus highest planetary deg, the core personality, critical attitude;

jup libra 2nd highest deg, factor for vocation, advisory-consultancy-leadership roles;


sun libra wavery mind, slow decision making;
mars lord of elevation over own scorpio, debilation of sun cancelled,
gradual pace of success and recognition in career;
lord venus over 10th quadrant too;

mer-mars scorpio 11th, gains through
research-occult-forensic-investigative aptitudes;

mer lord 7th over 11th, gains through spouse/business partners;


rahu north node 12th sag inclined to/seeking foreign lands, hyper-impulsive;
ketu separative node gemini 6th, hyper-analytical,
good for information processing roles,
while prone to accidents and job separations;


wishing well, kshantaram

Hi kshantaram, thank you so much for this reading! It seems like my chart placements show that I have potential to have a career in public relations or law and justice. Unfortunately, I've never really felt a calling towards those careers -- in fact, I tend to avoid corporate or administrative work whenever I can. I hate the formality and the politics within the system (I worked in the corporate world for awhile and I've also seen how it has affected my friends), and I really wish to pursue a career that allows me to be creative. I'd love to pursue dance and travel, although I'm not really sure how I can combine those two.

Is there anything in my chart that shows potential for those? I did see that you mentioned "rahu north node 12th sag inclined to/seeking foreign lands, hyper-impulsive; ketu separative node gemini 6th, hyper-analytical". This bit really resonates with me. Thanks again and wishing you well too!
 

waybread

Well-known member
Filia, the 10th house is one's career in the sense of a vocation or calling. It is your public image: what you are known for, even by people who do not know you personally. So fame and public shame-- if they happen-- belong to this house, as well. It doesn't actually concern employment, as one's calling in life might have nothing to do with getting a paycheck.

So many of your planets bunched into the southeast (upper left) quadrant of your chart, as well as your 10th house stellium suggest a need to live your life in an action-oriented way, out in the world. (In contrast, some people do just fine figuring out life on an internalized basis, and then adapting themselves to it.)

I think your chart is heavily weighted towards an artistic career (note also Venus conjunct MC and trine Neptune.) This doesn't mean you should feel forced into it; just that you probably have a lot of talent. With or without formal training.

The dilemma in your chart, however, is that despite your emphasis on public image and your calling in life, you have two indicators of weak self-confidence: Neptune square sun, and Saturn square Mercury.

Also, Neptune in the first house can confer an identity crisis. The first house is your outward personality and body: how you come across to other people. But Neptune dissolves what it touches. When we don't have a clear sense of our appearance to other people, we tend to turn into chameleon people-pleasers. But this is a fine placement for a performer, because it is helpful in getting into another character or role.

With your NN in the 12th house of "self undoing," I would encourage you to consider that your life may not be "all about you" as an individual.

You can take this two ways. One might be a more altruistic, service-oriented life. Another might be to consider that actors, dancers, opera singers and graphic artists seldom portray themselves. Musicians have to focus on their music. Actors play roles and learn to portray a different, usually fictional, character. Prior to a performance, actors "get into character" so that they're playing the role, not tied up with themselves.

Maybe Neptune tends to erase your robust sense of self for a reason. It is also the visionary. Mercury-Saturn can mean "disciplined thinking." Saturn can show us where and how we feel inadequate, but it can also show where and how we develop self-discipline.

What is your message to the world, Filia?

(Do not over-think this: whatever comes to mind just now is fine.)
 

FiliaVeneris

Active member
Waybread, thank you so much for your insights on this. Thank you for pointing out the placements that indicate an artistic career -- that's certainly reassuring, considering how much I really want to pursue dance and the performing arts.

My low self-esteem is certainly a problem. It's stopped me from going to auditions (even when people around me were encouraging me to do it) and from joining competitions through which I could have gained experience and connections. There's always this feeling that I'll fail or lose in the end, so it feels pointless to try. I realise that this is really something I should work on. Artists are supposed to be confident, even if it's just a mask they wear for their audience.

I also learned a lot about Neptune in the 1st House thanks to you. I recently discovered that Marilyn Monroe has that placement as well, which is why she's such an iconic actress. Due to her chameleon-like personality, the masses saw what they wanted to see in her. My love of theatre and roleplay forums makes so much sense to me now -- it allows me to melt into an identity, since it seems as if people with Neptune in 1H are shapeshifters, sort of. I think it's also fortunate that I have that Mercury-Saturn "disciplined thinking" aspect. Neptune in 1H supposedly makes the native more prone to drug addiction, but I've never dabbled or experimented.

As for my message to the world, I know this is such a cliche "Miss Universe answer" but I really want to spread beauty and hope. I want to entertain. I feel like there's way too much darkness and sadness in this world for me to contribute to more of that. I think one of the most beautiful things about dance is that it's a celebration of the human body and the wonders it can do. I can't help but fall in love whenever I see beautifully choreographed dances, and I want people to feel the same way when they see me dance. Aside from entertaining people, I want it to be a cathartic experience for the audiences. If I could heal or make people happy with my dance, I'd really feel like I've done something good for this world.
 

waybread

Well-known member
Ok, so is your message to the world, "I spread beauty and hope through entertaining"? (or, "I spread beauty and hope through a celebration of the human body"?)

Super.

I totally get this from your 10th house, including the ruler of your first house (body) in your 10th.

Then it doesn't matter if you flub an audition or don't win the competition. These are all steps along the journey. Each time you try out, you are gaining experience and getting better known. In expressing your message, you might also post some Youtube videos, join a community theater group, or start a small dance troup playing at local events.

I don't think that all performers have oodles of confidence. Some have horrible stage fright.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/celebrities-with-stage-fright_n_3022146

http://www.dancemagazine.com/your_body_got_stage_fright-2306937625.html

Just remember also, it's not about your self-doubt, but your commitment to spreading beauty and hope. When those negative thoughts inevitably pop up, thank them for sharing and tell them you'll get back to them later.

With all good wishes for your journey, W.
 
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FiliaVeneris

Active member
I know it's been awhile, but I'd like to thank everyone who responded to this thread. Not long after I posted this, I decided to take dance classes, and I've been busy with that ever since. To waybread, thank you so much for all the readings and encouragement. I always think back to what you've told me every time I feel like dance isn't the path for me. It's really reassuring to know that it's right there on my chart. I know we shouldn't rely too much on astrology to make decisions, but I have very little confidence in myself, so what you said really helps.

Anyway, I'd thought about making a new thread because new questions have been forming in my mind lately, but I decided to just update this thread. Though I'm happy to be dancing again, certain things happened recently and I've actually been feeling down quite often. I thought perhaps it's just because I'm currently facing a fear, but I realise it's actually because of things that I've allowed to pile up.

If anyone is interested in helping / interpreting more of my chart, I would really appreciate it. Thank you very much!
 
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