Aunt on Facebook

Osamenor

Staff member
I have lots of extended family who I'm not that close to but keep in touch with on Facebook. Mostly, it's just a post here and there about what people are up to, an occasional hi-how-are-you message, things like that. One of my aunts likes to post viral political-religious memes, of the right wing variety. Which is the polar opposite of most of my views, but whatever, I mostly just ignore it.

Just recently, though, she gave me a perfect opportunity to step in, when she posted the rumor that Facebook has banned the Lord's Prayer. Her son, my cousin, said no, it's a hoax, while I obliged her request to post the Lord's Prayer by posting this translation.

My aunt didn't respond to that, but the next meme she posted was... pretty racist, and I'm not sure how to respond to that. You never win arguments on Facebook. You never win arguments with family, least of all distant family. But I feel a bit of moral obligation to not let stuff like this go. Unlike the Lord's Prayer hoax, I can't think of a good humored way to clap back.

What would you all do?
 

waybread

Well-known member
You've given a good example of why I let my Facebook account lapse.

If you've got your aunt's horoscope, you might be in a good position to sleuth out the best way to communicate.

Maybe thank your cousin, point out that social media are full of hoaxes, and post something inspiring by a member of the visible minority that most upsets your aunt.
 

Dirius

Well-known member
I have lots of extended family who I'm not that close to but keep in touch with on Facebook. Mostly, it's just a post here and there about what people are up to, an occasional hi-how-are-you message, things like that. One of my aunts likes to post viral political-religious memes, of the right wing variety. Which is the polar opposite of most of my views, but whatever, I mostly just ignore it.

Just recently, though, she gave me a perfect opportunity to step in, when she posted the rumor that Facebook has banned the Lord's Prayer. Her son, my cousin, said no, it's a hoax, while I obliged her request to post the Lord's Prayer by posting this translation.

My aunt didn't respond to that, but the next meme she posted was... pretty racist, and I'm not sure how to respond to that. You never win arguments on Facebook. You never win arguments with family, least of all distant family. But I feel a bit of moral obligation to not let stuff like this go. Unlike the Lord's Prayer hoax, I can't think of a good humored way to clap back.

What would you all do?


What was the meme? I ask because everything can be considered "racist" nowdays. :w00t:
 

Osamenor

Staff member
What was the meme? I ask because everything can be considered "racist" nowdays. :w00t:

I won't pass it on because it's racist enough to be against this site's rules. I'll just say it starts with a response to Black Lives Matter that says, essentially, no they don't.

For perspective, my aunt lives in a very white area, and pretty conservative, too. Think Bible Belt. I don't think she's consciously racist so much as falling for the ideology when she hears it. But, that's really how racism usually works. And to put it in perspective even more, I've heard some casually racist statements coming from left coast liberals closer to home. They just go about it in a different way. But that's not who I'm connected to on Facebook.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
If you've got your aunt's horoscope, you might be in a good position to sleuth out the best way to communicate.
I don't. I'm not even sure of her birthdate. She's an aunt by marriage, and technically not even that anymore, she and my uncle have been divorced a long time. But she's my cousins' mom and I grew up knowing her (though not closely) as an aunt, so I still think of her that way.

Maybe thank your cousin, point out that social media are full of hoaxes, and post something inspiring by a member of the visible minority that most upsets your aunt.
I hit the like button on my cousin's post, all right. I am thinking of putting something on my own feed about what Black Lives Matter does and doesn't mean.
 

Dirius

Well-known member
I won't pass it on because it's racist enough to be against this site's rules. I'll just say it starts with a response to Black Lives Matter that says, essentially, no they don't.

For perspective, my aunt lives in a very white area, and pretty conservative, too. Think Bible Belt. I don't think she's consciously racist so much as falling for the ideology when she hears it. But, that's really how racism usually works. And to put it in perspective even more, I've heard some casually racist statements coming from left coast liberals closer to home. They just go about it in a different way. But that's not who I'm connected to on Facebook.


I wouldn't do anything then. I presume she is from an older generation. Its not like you are going to change her mind.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
I wouldn't do anything then. I presume she is from an older generation. Its not like you are going to change her mind.

You're right, I won't change her mind. That's part of the dilemma. But I also feel that putting up another perspective could be useful, if not for my aunt personally, then for the others who see it. At the very least, it wouldn't be complicit silence on my part.
 

Dirius

Well-known member
At the very least, it wouldn't be complicit silence on my part.

I don't get that expression "complicit silence". Why would you be responsible for someone elses opinion or action?

I think you are trying to convince yourself to go ahead and post something, even if you feel unsure if you should. The question you should ask, is why you think you have to say something to begin with.
 

katydid

Well-known member
Did she post "ALL LIVES MATTER"?

Because I have heard people say that saying ALL LIVES MATTER means the same thing as saying 'Black Lives Don't Matter.' Which is not what it means at all, in my opinion.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
Did she post "ALL LIVES MATTER"?
No. All lives matter is within the rules of this forum. What she posted was a bit more of a push than that.

Because I have heard people say that saying ALL LIVES MATTER means the same thing as saying 'Black Lives Don't Matter.' Which is not what it means at all, in my opinion.

In and of itself, you're right. The mere words "all lives matter" do not mean black lives don't matter. But using that as a rejoinder to "Black lives matter" is, well, like "all plates matter" in this video.

I actually saw the best rejoinder to "all lives matter" posted in someone's window the other day, and I did post that on my Facebook page: "All Lives Can't Matter UNTIL Black Lives Matter."

Now I'm getting an idea for starting a conversation on Facebook. Not directed at my aunt, though of course she'd be welcome to join, but discussing with whoever wants to participate what "Black Lives Matter" means and how people react if they find it uncomfortable. Which, I think, is really what pushback against it is about.

I'm glad you posted that, though, because it's complicated and it's helpful to have perspective from people who don't necessarily see it the way I do.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
I don't get that expression "complicit silence". Why would you be responsible for someone elses opinion or action?

I think you are trying to convince yourself to go ahead and post something, even if you feel unsure if you should. The question you should ask, is why you think you have to say something to begin with.

I may not be responsible for someone else's opinion or action, but not countering helps give the impression that it's okay. Or that it's just a difference in political views. Black Lives Matter, and everything that's been happening to make it necessary, is much more serious than that.
 

waybread

Well-known member
Osamenor, perhaps Dirius suggests that we need to pick and choose our battles. As well as teaching moments.

But I applaud what you wish to do. Sometimes we have to stand up for what we know to be right, even when nobody else gets it.

Let me paraphrase a Jewish joke, told by Elie Wiesel.

A man on a busy street corner was dressed in a white robe, shouting and holding up a sign that read, "Repent! The End is Near!"

A friend of his happened to walk by, and said, "Mike, what are you doing? You know these people will pay no attention to you! You are not going to change them."

The man said, "I know. I do it so that they will not change me."
 
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Opal

Premium Member
My husband’s uncle used to send us a lot of stuff that was racist, against, well everyone.

He is a nice guy in person, I enjoy him. But, he wouldn’t stop when asked. So we started writing him, explaining that we are of mixed races and don’t appreciate that stuff.

Then one day, we noticed, he had stopped, some of them are sexist, or blondist but, I will accept that he put in the effort. Now I look forward to 90% of his memes. Cool

I can’t change everything. But, I can try influence people without anger.

I don’t know how close you are to her. Do you care if you lose her? Do you can influence her, kindly? Depending on what you are willing to lose, may depend on what you can win.

Good luck Oz.
 

Opal

Premium Member
Osamenor, perhaps Dirius suggests that we need to pick and choose our battles. As well as teaching moments.

But I applaud what you wish to do. Sometimes we have to stand up for what we know to be right, even when nobody else gets it.

Let me paraphrase a Jewish joke, told by Elie Wiesel.

A man on a busy street corner was dressed in a white robe, shouting and holding up a sign that read, "Repent! The End is Near!"

A friend of his happened to walk by, and said, "Mike, what are you doing? You know these people will pay no attention to you! You are not going to change them."

The man said, "I know. I do it so that they will not change me."

I love it! 🙂
 

Dirius

Well-known member
but not countering helps give the impression that it's okay.
To whom?:pouty:

If you are doing it for popularity points, go ahead, but seems to me you are more worried about what other people may think, than what your aunt may have actually done. That never ends well.

I wouldn't recommend you to go out against your aunt on the public sphere. My personal opinion is family comes first, above everything else, even ideology. Family grievances are to be resolved in private, never in public.

I think your cousin, acting against his own mother in a public setting, was wrong.
Or that it's just a difference in political views. Black Lives Matter, and everything that's been happening to make it necessary, is much more serious than that.

Na, BLM is just a marxists movement trying to cause chaos, which ironically is hurting their image even more, making them seem like petty activists. Outside the twitterverse, no one agrees with BLM.
 
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Osamenor

Staff member
My husband’s uncle used to send us a lot of stuff that was racist, against, well everyone.

He is a nice guy in person, I enjoy him. But, he wouldn’t stop when asked. So we started writing him, explaining that we are of mixed races and don’t appreciate that stuff.

Then one day, we noticed, he had stopped, some of them are sexist, or blondist but, I will accept that he put in the effort. Now I look forward to 90% of his memes. Cool

I can’t change everything. But, I can try influence people without anger.

I don’t know how close you are to her. Do you care if you lose her? Do you can influence her, kindly? Depending on what you are willing to lose, may depend on what you can win.

Good luck Oz.

I'm not close to her at all. I grew up miles away from extended family and only saw them a handful of times. After she divorced my uncle, I saw even less of her.

I did decide to make a post discussing Black Lives Matter and what it means on my own page. I don't know if my aunt will even notice or necessarily think it has anything to do with her, and I don't care either way. It got some positive feedback from several of my friends... and a HUGELY racist screed from a cousin on the OTHER side of my family, who I had no idea felt that way.

That cousin shares my last name, though, so at least when my friends see it, they'll realize it's an unchosen relationship.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
I wouldn't recommend you to go out against your aunt on the public sphere. My personal opinion is family comes first, above everything else, even ideology. Family grievances are to be resolved in private, never in public.
Which is why I'm going gently and not calling out my aunt specifically. That makes it a statement of my own views, not a family grievance. Sure, my relatives inspired me to say it, but it's about the idea, not the person. That's also why I'm not blocking her even though I find some of her posts distasteful. Nor my other cousin, the one who posted a racist screed on my page.

I think your cousin, acting against his own mother in a public setting, was wrong.
Acting against her? Looked to me like he was trying to stop her from making a fool of herself. Incidentally, Facebook has since covered that meme with a false label.

Na, BLM is just a marxists movement trying to cause chaos, which ironically is hurting their image even more, making them seem like petty activists. Outside the twitterverse, no one agrees with BLM.
No one? That's funny, I know lots of people irl who are for it. To the point that they've marched and faced the tear gas.
 
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