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  #1  
Unread 12-04-2015, 04:34 PM
blindowl blindowl is offline
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Question Identity, Career and Family choices.

Hello everyone,

I am asking on any inputs about the attached birth chart.

My main concerns are:

1)Identity: so many contradictions living inside, and a sense of "allergy to life", despite the massive amount of work in raising self awareness and taking responsability for my own situation (massive ego, immaturity cage in some aspects of life, difficult to draw the line between reality and world of ideas). With the rigidity and creativity at the same time I always wonder who am I?

2)Family: should I leave them, moving abroad again and starting to "live"?
Feelings of fear, guilt. I would love to be their parent to help them with all the things they don't realize (of course there must be plenty of things I don't realize too), but we argue constantly despite our mutual love. I am living with them currently, and helping them a little between the fights with their work.

3)Career: degree in computer science, but I worked mostly in generic jobs, where my tendency to perfectionism lead me to burnout most of the times. With age it takes always more to recover. Should I look in the humanitarian field with an Aries midheaven? Thousands of blazing fast ideas spinning around that almost never see the light. Very little facts.

Thank you for your time for reading this post.

blindowl
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Last edited by blindowl; 04-05-2016 at 08:51 AM.
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  #2  
Unread 12-04-2015, 06:10 PM
dowhanawi dowhanawi is offline
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Re: Identity, Career and family choices.

Well its a difficult chart. The placement of your planets isn't easy. Everything of course has positive and negative. Your chart has several areas where the negative seems like the easy path. To choose the positive traits would be a choice you would need to decide to work at, and certainly you can.

6th house is jobs and health. Its in Capricorn with Jupiter in fall and moon sitting in Aquarius. Negative traits would be a nervous, distant person who focuses on why something can't be done. This is going to effect so much else with its total lack of balance unless you aim to be the guy who is ethical, inclusive, sees giving others a good life as a worthy contribution, is a problem solver, provider and demonstrates emotional maturity. Your also going to be stuck in job mode, never realizing a career till you do this. It is effecting what is left of you for the family and in so doing you have decided that the kids are moms responsibility, cuz you can't handle it. Likely you grew up with a mom very much like this. (4th Libra with Saturn in Scorpio) She probably filled in for your dad so well you never noticed, but have come to feel its a responsibility you can let the woman do, cuz you have more important things to work out. Your 10th house is empty, Aries (but filled a lot with Taurus, still Aries is on the cusp). You are driven to have a great reputation, but you haven't figured out how. Like much of your generation you're waiting for someone to hand it to you. Maybe the Taurus influence thinks if you did humanitarian work you'd have a great rep. You need to put that 10H Aries to work! Get some drive, action achieves wants. Mars rules Aries and is in Aquarius on cusp of 8. You could use this to be an amazing networker (Aquarius rules 11th - community) and social connections could be what you need to activate your 10th house. But positive healthy connections. Not ones where you charm and manipulate, not ones you ditch when you no longer have use of them. Those actions get noticed, and will prevent you from climbing out of a job and into a career. This also speaks to family, and your father and how you act as a parent and partner. No doubt you have the mental ability to walk away from family so you can serve yourself and your sense of having a life. Taking the easy route here again will see you fault short if your hopes as you will have learned no lessons on making these traits work in a positive fashion and so they (in return) will bring you no rewards. Neptune-sun & Uranus-Mercury in 5 under Sag. I bet you were a charming person to date, love having fun, but that balance issue. Also sun/NEP in five makes me wonder if you gamble. If so its a problem, one you possibly deny. Fix it and the inbalance in six and around the rest of the houses will start to work out also. It would be hard to work enough to make gambling and family life run smoothly. Very draining. And since sag is in 5, how many kids are there so far? If only a few, there could be many more- I'd your not ready for that make choices. Neptune here could make you the peace loving dad/partner should you choose. Mercury is in detriment in sag & with Uranus its also prone to the negative attributes. You can choose to be the playful, funny, different dad/partner or the mouthpiece, who puts himself first with radically out of date views on the subject

You have choices throughout your chart that break down like this:
1: balanced, fullfiling life found through fairness, play, equality and hard work
2: miserable pencil pusher in chase of immediate gratification of the self - never fulfilled. So if you choose you and move to enjoy your life, you will fail.

If you choose 1, it can't be just about you, and you have a lot of hard work and self reflection ahead but it will be worth it.

Last edited by dowhanawi; 12-04-2015 at 06:15 PM.
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  #3  
Unread 12-04-2015, 07:49 PM
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kimbermoon kimbermoon is offline
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Smile Re: Identity, Career and family choices.

the formation of your Identity at any given time in your life is very much defined by your early conditioning and the influence of the parents. By the time you hit the Saturn opposition around age 14, you begin to pull away from that and start to try and carve out your own changing Identity, largely through socialization with others, and your outside interests.

'With the rigidity and creativity at the same time I always wonder who am I?' This is fitting with your Capricorn Sun in the 5th. As we see your force of creativity is joined with Neptune: obfuscation, vagueness, non-clarity, illusory, unreality, confusion which can indeed make it 'difficult to draw the line between reality and the world of ideas.'

Since your Sun sextiles both Mars and Pluto, in a harmonious triangle, these are the energies that you need to bring in as part of your greater Identity.
Looking to your past we note both Pluto and Saturn in your 4th H, showing the difficulties entailed in the family. This shows a challenging past, whereby the family input had largely negative implications for you. Since you are again living with them, you still get caught up in the karmic patterns and imprinting involved with them.

With Pluto afflicting your Moon, much of the conflict was related to the mother in terms of your emotional fulfillment and needs. Saturn in the 4th also squares your Mars and Venus; your father was then also involved in thwarting some of your early development as well.

Now that you are moving beyond your Saturn Return, this represents a significant time of moving away from the past and finding your own sense of Identity and autonomy. It demands much self-reflection about the past, and finally letting go of the family patterns you are attached to.

Yes I would say from my own experience that it is better to move away from the continual influence of the parents if at all possible. But do it kindly and gently.
No blame, no guilt, just an expansion of awareness and consciousness. Once the consciousness has been focused in the present, without carrying the residual baggage of past entrappments, then you will open yourself up to discovering your true Identity within.
Many more insights to be revealed in the study of your chart.
You do have strong energies in your house of creativity; but the thing about creativity is, it is not just about drawing, painting, music etc. The key to understanding, is that it should apply to every endeavor you encounter. Perhaps you can find creative ways of solving the difficulties in the present.
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  #4  
Unread 12-04-2015, 08:40 PM
dowhanawi dowhanawi is offline
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Re: Identity, Career and family choices.

OK, I thought you were living with a family if your own making. But if you still live with your parents and you are almost 31, then yes move out and work on weaknesses and strengths before you become your parents
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  #5  
Unread 12-05-2015, 10:08 PM
blindowl blindowl is offline
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Re: Identity, Career and family choices.

Thank you, I am grateful for your time for these observations.

I suspected it was a 'difficult chart'!
The feeling of unbalance caused by a 'distant person who focuses on why something can't be done' is very familiar: still a challenge, but way more manageable if comparing with the past.
Thinking more about being 'ethical' and 'giving others a good life' is definitely the way to go here… paradoxically my 16 year old self was probably better at this, but the problem was that his drives were coming from the mind, not from the heart.

I thought about the humanitarian field because when I consciously choose to help others (outside family) I feel more committed and I can keep a more objective, detached and wide point of view on the situation: and with a wider perspective comes a bag full of ideas/intuitions that I could only dream of when I'm too emotionally involved in a situation. But again it has to come from the heart, not from the mind.. otherwise unbalance comes in again.

If Saturn return could be translated as "questioning values taught in childhood and the rational common sense" I assume I got a profound experience regarding how that works.

Networking is difficult due to a lack of dense social life experience, despite the appearance (Leo?) … may I ask if you see any self-confidence issue?

Also I find it difficult to stay in people-dense environments.. too many inputs to process along with a constant feeling of not belonging anywhere.

No kids, no relationships (no way), no gambling.. but there is an addiction to the infinite flood of informations and stimuli in the internet.

Sun sextiles both Mars and Pluto: I feel those energies every time I manage to win inertia.. but once I move, it is difficult to stop and easy to ignore my limits.

Family area is a minefield of emotional triggers. I am impressed by your empathy and sensitivity in speaking your mind regarding that, kimbermoon.
Despite the family fights (who hasn't any?) I feel I have been given everything they could give and I am grateful for every bit I received when I'm away from home. But I also feel I must protect them sometimes from the outer world.
At the same time I constantly fail to bear the emotional and energetic baggage in this specific context. Leaving them without a concrete purpose would be taking the easy way out, but if I don't leave there is a risk of not finding a purpose at all.

downhanawi, you mentioned I have two choices, but I see only 1.
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  #6  
Unread 12-06-2015, 12:21 AM
katydid katydid is offline
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Re: Identity, Career and family choices.

Following the lead of your Aries midheaven can be a good thing. Mars, the ruler, is @29Aquarius on the 7th/8th cusp. Mars is the leader of the tight bundle of birth planets and makes some strong aspects. It trines Pluto, sextiles the Sun and squares Saturn in Scorpio in the 4th. So Aries on the midheaven could give you the necessary motivation and energy to move forward, in a community oriented, passionately productive way. [Aqaurius trim to Pluto/scorpio, sextile Sun/Neptune/in Cap]

You have strong leadership qualities but may tend to hold people at arms length and do not allow them to become too close in a personal or intimate way. That might be an important step and lesson for you IF you decide to follow the Aries Midheaven pathway. It will open you up to closer personal relations and make it awkward but progressive.

That Uranus, ruler of your 7th house, is so tightly conjunct your mercury---it must be very uncomfortable if people try to talk to you about your own personal life, needs, desires. There is a strong internal knee jerk reaction to shut that down, but it only works against you in the long run.
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  #7  
Unread 12-06-2015, 05:49 AM
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Re: Identity, Career and Family choices.

Quote:
Originally Posted by blindowl View Post
Hello everyone,

I am asking on any inputs about the attached birth chart.

My main concerns are:

1)Identity: so many contradictions living inside, and a sense of "allergy to life", despite the massive amount of work in raising self awareness and taking responsability for my own situation (massive ego, immaturity cage in some aspects of life, difficult to draw the line between reality and world of ideas). With the rigidity and creativity at the same time I always wonder who am I?
Sun conjunct Neptune.


Quote:
2)Family: should I leave them, moving abroad again and starting to "live"?
Feelings of fear, guilt. I would love to be their parent to help them with all the things they don't realize (of course there must be plenty of things I don't realize too), but we argue constantly despite our mutual love. I am living with them currently, and helping them a little between the fights with their work.
Saturn and Pluto in the 4th house of early childhood conditioning. Pluto square moon, Saturn square Venus (4th house ruler) and Mars.

Quote:
3)Career: degree in computer science, but I worked mostly in generic jobs, where my tendency to perfectionism lead me to burnout most of the times. With age it takes always more to recover. Should I look in the humanitarian field with an Aries midheaven? Thousands of blazing fast ideas spinning around that almost never see the light. Very little facts.
Mercury conjunct Uranus (partile)

Quote:
Thank you for your time for reading this post.

blindowl
Hey, no problem. If you don't know how to interpret the planetary placements I've listed, just ask. Hopefully you've got some self-awareness around them.

With Neptune conjunct sun it will be hard for you to get a clear sense of self. This aspect will go best if you take the focus off of your own identity and look at doing something helpful for others, ideally children or in a field that like recreation & leisure (5th house.) Combining something to do with children or recreation & leisure with health and fitness or the concept of service to others would correlate well with your 6th house moon and Jupiter.

A horoscope isn't going to tell you what you should be doing with your life. It can say what is likely to go well or poorly if you choose certain options.

Why haven't you worked in your field of computer science?

With such a strong focus on the northwest quadrant of your chart, your solutions to a happier life may lie in adjusting from within, not in actively pursuing externalities.

See if you can develop Saturn-Mars for some self-discipline.
__________________
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. Jack Layton, "Letter to Canadians"

I thought we went along paths--but it seems there are no paths. The going itself is the path.
C.S. Lewis, Perelandra.

Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. Message on a refrigerator magnet.

Last edited by waybread; 12-06-2015 at 05:51 AM.
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  #8  
Unread 12-07-2015, 09:57 PM
blindowl blindowl is offline
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Re: Identity, Career and Family choices.

Ok, a lot of material to investigate on!

Quote:
Originally Posted by katydid View Post
You have strong leadership qualities but may tend to hold people at arms length and do not allow them to become too close in a personal or intimate way. That might be an important step and lesson for you IF you decide to follow the Aries Midheaven pathway. It will open you up to closer personal relations and make it awkward but progressive.

That Uranus, ruler of your 7th house, is so tightly conjunct your mercury---it must be very uncomfortable if people try to talk to you about your own personal life, needs, desires. There is a strong internal knee jerk reaction to shut that down, but it only works against you in the long run.
That is probabily because of my hypersensitive emotional land.

Quote:
Originally Posted by waybread View Post

If you don't know how to interpret the planetary placements I've listed, just ask. Hopefully you've got some self-awareness around them.
Thank you! I have already been reading a lot of documentation about the mentioned point.. so much information!

Quote:
Originally Posted by waybread View Post
With Neptune conjunct sun it will be hard for you to get a clear sense of self. This aspect will go best if you take the focus off of your own identity and look at doing something helpful for others, ideally children or in a field that like recreation & leisure (5th house.) Combining something to do with children or recreation & leisure with health and fitness or the concept of service to others would correlate well with your 6th house moon and Jupiter.
This is very interesting, since I've become interested in health and fitness in the last few years.

Quote:
Originally Posted by waybread View Post
A horoscope isn't going to tell you what you should be doing with your life. It can say what is likely to go well or poorly if you choose certain options.
I think I understand that. It is all up to our choices. But I feel these understandings could have an intense positive impact on our lives!

Quote:
Originally Posted by waybread View Post
Why haven't you worked in your field of computer science?
Well I did for a limited amount of time. Perfectionism and probabily unrealistic expectations led me to burnout. I still get back to it from time to time and it is always a challenge.

Quote:
Originally Posted by waybread View Post
With such a strong focus on the northwest quadrant of your chart, your solutions to a happier life may lie in adjusting from within, not in actively pursuing externalities.

See if you can develop Saturn-Mars for some self-discipline.
I don't lack the ingredients, but I should learn how to cook.
Thanks!
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  #9  
Unread 12-07-2015, 11:52 PM
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Re: Identity, Career and Family choices.

Quote:
I don't lack the ingredients, but I should learn how to cook.
What a great expression.
__________________
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. Jack Layton, "Letter to Canadians"

I thought we went along paths--but it seems there are no paths. The going itself is the path.
C.S. Lewis, Perelandra.

Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. Message on a refrigerator magnet.
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