Lonely and lost

My birthday is coming up next week. Looking at my solar return chart has made me feel terribly sad. I'd been hoping for a positive change: I'm so very lonely.

For as long as I can remember, I have felt that I was alone. I attribute this to my Moon in Capricorn; Chiron opposite Venus, ruler of my 7th and 11th houses, emphasizes this even more. My Moon is trine Pluto and, while that does give me a strong intuition and empathy, and made me feel particularly tuned-in to my children in many ways, I agree that the troublesome facets of that aspect are attributable to my relationship with my mother. My mother detested me from the beginning. She hadn't wanted to have children and felt that I had ruined her life by being born. I am very much like my father; after he died when I was 8, I became the focus of her anger about losing him. She described me as not worth knowing, a parasite. That's a pretty strong portrayal of the Moon in the 2nd house, isn't it? She resented having to raise me and, when she died, disinherited me because, her will said, she'd done more than enough for me already. (I have a younger sister whom my mother loved very much and treated completely differently.)

I married a very Scorpionic man who became increasingly abusive over time, refusing to allow me to develop my career or to control my income. Mars opposite my Ascendant can mean attracting abusive men, and that does seem to be what happened. (It may also point to anger management problems, but that's not one of my problems, thankfully!) One of the reasons I ended the marriage was that I was lonely. I wasn't allowed to have friends or to be close to other people. Maybe, he said, I could have a friend after the children were grown, but until then he insisted that I be able to respond to his life, his career, his schedule. He's a complete sociopath with no conscience and no ability to be empathetic, though he usually performs those things well enough, when it suits him. He controlled every part of my life.

After we separated, he dedicated himself to ensuring that I would have no resources and receive little to no child support. As a result, I wasn't able to develop my own career or personal life because everything I earned had to be used for my children. Food banks and charities provided what I couldn't. Having no friends didn't change because I couldn't afford to go out and meet people or build relationships with other parents.

I moved to Vancouver with my youngest child about five years ago. While many things are much improved, here, and while it's great to be out of my ex-husband's easy reach and back in the city where I grew up, my level of poverty hasn't improved. My work is piecemeal. I have nothing to invest in my business or to improve my skills. I'm always teetering on the edge of financial disaster. At my age, no one will hire me to work any other way.

I try to be cheerful and positive but in actuality, while high-functioning, I am chronically depressed. I do know people here, but they're mostly quite a bit older than I am and not really friends. I've been in a relationship with a man for the last 18 months, but we're not compatible in a lot of ways and, in any case, I'm not very important to him.

See, that's the thing: I have never been very important to anyone except my children when they were very young. I've never been "first" for anybody, anytime. I seem to be a good back-up: I'm useful, helpful, and resourceful. I'm pleasant, warm, friendly and even entertaining. I try not to think about myself too much and to put others' needs and interests first. I don't ask for much from other people. I make it easy for others to be with me, but it's also easy not to be with me, or to forget about me altogether. My birthday is next week and not even my children will remember it. I'm just not the kind of person others care about very much. I'm not a martyr: I don't feel as though I've sacrificed myself. I've never much mattered.

I don't think anyone knows me. People admire things I do. But they don't get close to me and I guess I don't know how to get close to them, either. I'm 54 years old and I haven't had a real friend since grad school almost 30 years ago.

I accept that, having married the man I married, I made a worse mistake in leaving him. I wasn't happy in our marriage, but I never worried about whether the rent could be paid or whether I could feed my children. After I left, I did the best I could, and the youngest is about to enter university, now. But my own life is as tight and narrow as can be.

I really don't want to turn this into a maudlin, "poor me" thread. I almost never talk about these things. I try to be positive, optimistic and pragmatic most of the time. But I'm struggling hard these days. I don't see much hope for change in my life. Maybe this bleak emptiness is the price I have to pay for the mistakes I made. If that's true, I need to find a way to be reconciled with it. After all, Pluto was in my first house throughout my marriage and has been harrowing my first and second houses ever since. But I'm afraid of growing old, alone.

I'm attaching my natal chart and the solar return for this coming year. I don't think it matters much, but I was actually born in Oklahoma. However, I've lived in Vancouver, B.C. for most of my life and the relocated chart feels right for me, although I've never been able to express much of its potential.

If anyone has insights to offer, I'm open to learning.

Thank you.

Hi Ann,
sorry about how you're feeling, i can understand you very well, am going through somewhat similar stuff.. feeling very lonely and like all my relationships and friendships seem to have failed and come to nothing...

Pluto is transiting your Moon at the moment - this is such a challenging aspect! I think this aspect can take one's emotional world to pieces, it makes us look at all our feelings and instinctual reaction patterns, eventually we come out a lot clearer and knowing ourselves better, but it can be a grinding, painful process!

I've come across some of your posts on this forum and i feel you know a lot about astrology and can express your insights very well (Mercury sextile Jupiter), my feeling you've helped a lot of people on this forum already!
I can't write as well, but will try and tell you anyway what i can see in the charts you have posted..

Looking at your chart, which i'm sure you know very well.. your Mercury, Sun, Pluto conjunction close to your MC stands out, this could give you a powerful personality, but i think it is also where your difficulties with your mother may originate, 10th house Pluto/Sun could indicate your abusive, dominating mother. Sun/Pluto make a wide trine to your moon as well, with the moon in a difficult place in detriment in Capricorn ..- at least it is a trine, so the flow of energies between these planets is harmonious.

This pattern of abuse repeated itself with your husband, there's an almost exact square from Mars in your 7th house to Chiron, which sextiles Saturn, so a quincunx from Saturn to Mars as well, this pattern may be about your wound with your father, who left you so early, and men in general.
Just let me say, i've also been in a very abusive relationship which i left many years ago, and i think it is never a mistake to leave someone who is abusive, even if things get more difficult afterwards! Abusive relationships are destructive to the soul and spirit and it takes a long time to recover!

The close Mars/Chiron square makes a wide t-square with the Venus/ Uranus conjunction, all are in the middle of the fixed signs, a very powerful pattern, which in your relocated chart also affects the Des/Asc axis. The Venus/Uranus conjunction could have given you the impetus to leave that abusive relationship and be free.

The current transit of Pluto to your moon would be bringing up all those old feelings of being unworthy, unwanted and unappreciated which you carry around with you since your childhood. This could be a chance to look at those feelings with love and to heal and transform them, to give yourself the love and appreciation which you never received as a child and try to move on.

Jupiter is conjunct your NN and Neptune, making a nice sextile to Mercury and all the planets on your MC, you have a gift in expressing your intuitive insights and perhaps you could work with this somehow, i think you have the ability to be a brilliant astrological counsellor!

I think the new moon last night close to your Mercury and the Mars/Saturn conjunction on your Jupiter/NN is making you question your life, but there could also be a new beginning for this potential in your chart.

The solar return chart on the whole looks complex with many aspects and patterns.
The Jupiter-Mercury sextile from your natal chart is repeated in the SR, Jupiter is in the 7th house (which could be good..), also semi-sextiles from both to Venus, a nice line-up of planets.
The Pluto-Uranus square with are a close sextile between Pluto and Chiron, this could indicate healing and transformation of your Pluto issues during the coming year.
A grand cross between the nodes on the Asc/Des axis and the Sun/Neptune opposition - you may be looking for your identity, and perhaps there is some confusion as to who you are and how others see you.

I hope some of this is helpful to you,
wish you all the best and lots of love ,
Bina

P.S.:
Was just wondering what's going on in your progressions - i had a quick look, your progressed moon has just entered Capricorn a bit more than a month ago and is heading for a progressed moon return, so another indicator for the need to resolve your old feelings around your mother, let her go and be free!
I also thought it may be helpful to look at your vedic chart, whichever Dasa you're in could explain what you are going through and also tell you concretely when things will improve.

Bina, thank you for taking the time to look at these charts. Thanks, too, for the kind things you've said about me. I appreciate your insight and your good heart, too!

I will ponder what you've said and respond more fully later. One thing I'm pretty sure of is that transiting Neptune opposite my Sun is powerfully confusing. I don't feel I can really trust that what I see about myself is real. This confusion of reality and illusion is frustrating but I do understand that, in prodding me to reconsider many things, it can eventually be of benefit.

Thanks again.

ur marital life was bad?

Peregrine_Moon said:

One thing I'm pretty sure of is that transiting Neptune opposite my Sun is powerfully confusing. I don't feel I can really trust that what I see about myself is real. This confusion of reality and illusion is frustrating but I do understand that, in prodding me to reconsider many things, it can eventually be of benefit.

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Hi again,
so it looks like all the outer planets plus Chiron are targeting your Sun and Moon!! That's a bit much all at once, no wonder you are struggling!

The Pluto-Uranus square, with Pluto conjunct, Uranus square and Chiron sextile your Moon feels to me like you are really trying to become free of emotions which no longer serve you, the sextile from Chiron could be a very healing influence!

And Neptune opp your Sun/Pluto, as much as Neptune can cause confusion and illusions, i feel he also spiritualizes whatever he touches and he can help us to let go. (I have so much Neptune in my chart, i love him and try and see what good he can do.)

Anyway i'm just bumping your thread so other people on the forum can put in some insights about your chart.

Bina

You should also look at your blockages, symbolized by the intercepted signs~ (Aries 5th House, Libra 11th House) Though maybe you already have and I'm being redundant xD (>_<).

Taking a gander at your chart, you seem to have a moderately large amount of Trines, Sextiles and Squares...there's a great deal of learning there! ^_^

Interestingly, your Pars Fortunae is in the 4th House, which is supposed to be related to your genealogy and inheritance...though being kicked out is hardly an inheritance >_<

I guess you just have to harden your resolve and just do what you can~ The moderate amount of squares indicate that you would eventually form a strong character and will, and you have a many talents (Trines and Sextiles) to tap on!! Hang in there!!


Whenever there is light, there is darkness. Therefore, whenever there is darkness, there is Light...


~Larxene<3~

I think the OP left the thread after creating

beginner said:

I think the OP left the thread after creating

Click to expand...

Actually, no . . . I've been trying to digest some of what I'm learning, while also dashing around to get some paid work done.

Thank you, everyone, for your contributions to this thread. You've all given me much to think about.

Bina, what you've written is very helpful to me. I'm grateful for your time and care. That Pluto/Sun/MC/Mercury stellium is one of the key features of my chart, to be sure. I think the Pluto/Sun conjunction represents my father. He also has this conjunction, I discovered recently, though because I don't have his birth time, I don't know where it operates in his chart. In any case, he was my "primary" parent in many ways, and he died when I was 8, which meant I had to deal with him as a hidden, remote person after that, who also had enormous influence in terms of my intellectual development and aspirations.

I agree that the transit of Pluto to my Moon is yucky. I feel more emotional, more anxious and more responsive in many ways than is normally the case. At this time of the year, around my birthday, a lot of those emotions have their origins in my relationship with my mother. A Capricorn Moon is pretty detached, remote. It's a Saturnine thing, structured, disciplined and all that. Not an easy kind of mothering, at all.

It's hard for me to know how to resolve leftover emotional issues. Mostly, I try not to pay too much attention to them, not to give them much space to operate, and not to focus on whether the things I think are true or not. I can tell myself that they're untrue, but I'm a Virgo and since the evidence is weak at best, it's not convincing.

I'm flattered by your compliment about my potential ability to be some kind of astrological counsellor. At the moment, that sounds wonderful to me and it might be a real, as in realistic, option. I thrive when I'm learning new things and sharing what I discover--that Mercury in Leo is very strong with me! I had wanted to be a university professor but had to let go of that when I was about half-way through my Ph.D. because my spouse decided he wasn't willing to re-locate to support my career and I couldn't take the children with me.

I do have a lot of uncertainty about who I am, what I should be doing, how I'm seen, etc. I have some very strong talents but I'm 54 years old. Every headhunter and career placement professional I've met has told me that I'm virtually unemployable because I'm over-qualified for most things. I need to develop new skills but I haven't been able to afford to do anything more than struggle to pay the rent each month. It's frustrating at the best of times. There's a lot of chatter about entrepreneurship these days, and that's very important. But one needs money to get started. I don't have money and my credit rating is non-existent. In the current economic climate, I'm a huge risk for anyone's investment, unfortunately.

It would be wonderful if the coming year resolves some of the Pluto issues, at last! This transit has been very hard for a long time.

But yes, it does seem as though the outer planets, including Chiron, have it in for me. I would like Uranus to be somewhere else, not helping Pluto! Uranus squares my Moon while Pluto is almost on top of it. It’s a wonder the Moon is holding together at all, really. I might wonder whether Pluto would like simply to obliterate the Moon; I know Uranus wouldn’t object—radical change for its own sake is reason enough, right? The sextile from transiting Chiron is the only counter-voice, there. Maybe it will heal my Moon, somehow. Perhaps I should just focus on this Moon’s real job: it’s not to feel things too much but to organize things, to make things happen. As Noel Tyl says, a Capricorn Moon’s reigning need is for an army—to coordinate and mobilize, to make things move on a large scale.

The Neptune opposition to my Pluto/Sun conjunction has been going on for awhile, now. I think it prompted some major health problems I had last year. I had been in very good health, or so I thought, with a complete check-up and blood work last spring showing everything was normal. Then, suddenly, last October, my pancreas quit producing insulin reliably and I became an insulin-dependent diabetic. That was very hard and it took quite awhile to get everything worked out with dosages, etc. Just before Christmas, I developed a life-threatening allergy to nuts. In February, I had a powerful allergic reaction to two different antibiotics. I’m now allergic to penicillin. Neptune doing its over-sensitive thing, in spades! Natally, Neptune sextiles Pluto/Sun and that feels fine. It’s my only planet in a water sign, but it functions very well, I think. I am sensitive, intuitive, with a broad swath of spirituality, too. But this transit has magnified Neptune’s ability to be-fog me, too. My vision and judgment are clouded, particularly in terms of friends (Neptune in 7). I have to be cautious about anything I think or feel about others.

IleneK, your idea of holding space, even if empty, is very important. Thank you for that!

Larxene, are Aries and Libra really intercepted in my 5th and 11th houses? Those houses are each narrow and begin at 2° of the relevant sign, ending at 26°, so it’s only one sign filling each house. I think of intercepted signs as pertaining to very wide houses where the house cusp may be in the late degrees of, say, Aries and the house contains all of Taurus plus a few degrees of Gemini. In that case, Taurus would be intercepted, right?

Kimbermoon, thanks for weighing in. What you describe about Virgos is often true. It’s difficult for me to imagine how I could be more independent or self-sufficient, to be honest. I’ve never depended on anyone in my adult life. I’m more independent than anyone I’ve ever known. I do look after myself and my family, on my own. I don’t rely on anyone to do anything for me. It’s not that there are things I need someone else to do that aren’t getting done. If I need something, I get it, make it, repair it or do it myself. I don’t make work for other people. And I don’t expect anyone to honour me. Beyond simple, modest things, I would feel very uncomfortable with that kind of attention.

The problem I’m trying to figure out is what it is about me that makes me someone people don’t invest in, want to be close to, or just want? I’m likeable, friendly, helpful, a great listener. I keep my problems and worries to myself most of the time and when I can’t, I don’t let my concerns become burdens for other people. I don’t want to be a burden for anyone. I do my best for others, all the time, because I think that’s the way to be. I feel appreciated for things I do. But I don’t feel valued in deeper ways.

In many ways, it’s silly of me to be concerned about something like this, though, isn’t it? I mean, so what? I can imagine being loved, being close to others, having real friends, that someone else might know me well and love me anyway. Neptune functions pretty well in my sky. Maybe my sense of isolation is a Neptune-thing, anyway. And even if it’s not, my son might say it’s just “a first world problem.” Perhaps what I need to do is just get over it. I don’t feel I matter because . . . I don’t. Surely there’s something liberating in that, isn’t there?

Please be gentle with yourself. Give it time. You have overcome great obstacles in your life, I hope you can see how strong, courageous and independent you truly are.

Most of all,
You do matter.

Happy birthday, dear.

Hi Ann,

You were born in Oklahoma at 2:11am, you need to be using the correct birth-time as was explained on the other site you posted the same thread. People put a lot of effort into interpreting your chart, it will not be a completely accurate interpretation if it's not the correct information. Your ASC is not Scorpio it's Sag. The sign placements and degrees of the planets remain the same as well as a general interpretation of transits to your planets, however I believe the planets themselves could have moved into different houses based on the one hour time difference and actual place of birth; in addition the rulers of your houses could change as well, which of course would all point to an entirely different interpretation.
Vista

PS. I edited my first response, I apologize if it came across as harsh.

Hi Ann,

thank you for all the feedback and i'm glad to have been of some help!

Since Pluto is troubling you so much at the moment, a book which i found really helpful came to my mind, i don't know if you know it, so here's a link:

http://www.amazon.com/Pluto-Evoluti...d=1345646996&sr=8-1&keywords=jeff+green+pluto


Just the visual impression of your chart made me think it almost looks like it is split in 2 halves, with the t-square on one side and all the trines and sextiles (your talents) on the other side. Right now the "talent side" is receiving all the challenging aspects, perhaps this is a prompting to develop and expand your skills, talents and abilities? You write and express yourself so well, wish i could write like that!

I feel the Pluto transit to your moon is trying to transform that part of you which has to do with how your mother treated and disrespected you, so that you can value yourself for all the good you have done in your life. Uranus "helping" Pluto could be good as well, often he comes up with unexpected turns and solutions to seemingly impossible or stuck situations (says me as someone with a close Pluto/Uranus conjunction in my own chart ).

Chiron opposed your Sun/Pluto conjunction during most of last year until January this year - he, too, could be connected to all the health issues which have been coming up for you. Diabetes often has to do with feeling a lack of love, you must have really missed your father (who you feel is represented by the Sun/Pluto conjunction in your chart) and his love, with him being your main parent and leaving you when you were still so young! I really feel for you, how very tough to have been left as a child by the parent who loved you and to be left with the other parent who doesn't seem to care about you and treats you badly!
I think this child is still somewhere inside you waiting to be loved and acknowledged! Perhaps there is also a need to not only be efficient, functioning and successful, but to allow the child back into your life as well and give yourself some time to play, to have fun and enjoy life! - it could well be that only by integrating this part of yourself will you be able to feel truly happy and fulfilled and open up ways to express your creativity fully!
I'm reminded of a very touching story i read last year :

http://www.amazon.com/You-Could-See-Now-ebook/dp/B002RI9ARM/ref=pd_sim_kstore_3

Take care and best wishes,
Bina

u have mars in 7th square 7th ruler indicate arguments in relationship.
jupiter square venus (ruler of 7th) indicates difficult to manage relationship matter.

how was ur married life?

Vesta, I was born in Oklahoma but I haven't lived there for more than 41 years. I've spent a number of years in Ontario and lived in England for five years. But most of my life has been here in Vancouver.

Relocating my chart to Vancouver feels right for me. It's not perfect, but it's a better fit for me than the natal chart, though that one does echo through the relocated one.

In the natal chart, Sagittarius rises at 12° 20'; Saturn and the Moon are in the first house; Mars is in the 5th; Uranus and Venus are in the 8th; the Pluto-Sun-Mercury stellium is in the 9th; the MC is at 27° Virgo; Jupiter and Neptune are in the 11th house.

The most significant differences between the two charts are:

• my natal ASC is Sagittarius; the relocated ASC is Scorpio. While I think my personal ethics and social orientation is Sagittarian, I've never been as extroverted or extravagant as most Sagittarius rising folks. Scorpio's depth is great, and Pluto does conjunct my Sun. I'd probably feel happier in many ways with the Sag. ASC, though: Scorpio can be brooding and troubled.
• the Pluto-Sun-Mercury stellium relationship to the MC. In the relocated chart, the stellium straddles the MC, with Pluto-Sun in the 10th house, Mercury in the 9th (the cusp is 0° Virgo). This indicates a potential that I haven't been able to realize--and probably won't, at this late point in my life--but which was realistic until after I married and had children.
• Jupiter and Neptune move to the 12th house in the relocated chart
• Mars moves to the cusp of the 7th house, in opposition to the ASC in the relocated chart. This is an accurate reflection of my relationships with men in my adult life. I met and married my ex-husband in Vancouver, and the level of conflict between us became even more destructive after I returned here five years ago, too.
• the relocated chart moves Uranus and Venus to the 9th house, which is a better reflection of my academic work and original aspirations than the 8th house natal placement.
• Saturn and the Moon are in the relocated chart's 2nd house instead of the natal first house. In the natal chart, Saturn conjuncts the Asc. But in the 2nd house, these two planets better accord with the financial and material circumstances that have affected my entire adult life. The Moon co-rules the relocated 8th house. Saturn rules the 2nd and 3rd houses in the relocated chart instead of the 1st, 2nd and 3rd houses natally.
• Jupiter and Neptune's placement in the relocated 12th house is a much better reflection of my spirituality and religion than their placement in the natal 11th house. Most of my academic and professional work has been in or related to theology. Like a lot of theologians, I have significant "god issues." All my adult life, God has been absent or hidden from me. When I was young, though, I had a strong sense of God present within everything and everyone. That could be a child's view of things, but it also fits with the natal 11th house placement and the Sagittarius ASC. Whether Neptune is in 11 or 12, it's still sextile my Sun and clouding my vision of myself (Sun), other people (11th house) or my spirituality (12th house).

I know that there are many questions about the value of relocated charts, but I think that, in my own case, the relocated one simply fits better than the natal, overall. If I think of the horoscope as a multi-faceted crystal, the planets and transits don't change, but the view shifts when seen from a different angle. That said, I've always felt out of place, to some degree, wherever I've lived since I was a teenager. That may just be me, it could be my Capricorn Moon, or it could be the product of living away from the place I was born--it's hard to know.

Beginner, my married life started out well enough. I still remember very well how I felt and why I married my spouse. It seemed right at the time and I would be comfortable with someone who had similar traits and characteristics today. My ex is brilliant, verbal, creative and dynamic.

But over time he couldn't accommodate my needs in addition to his own. We had originally expected that my career would advance along with his. In reality, there were conflicts and adjustments that needed to be made, but he couldn't flex. When it came to making choices between pursuing my vocation and leaving my children, I had no realistic option but to abandon my career intentions. Over time, my ex became more and more controlling. Unbeknownst to me, he also become increasingly secretive, particularly about money. I had fewer and fewer choices as time went on, but also had a hard time recognizing what was happening. Neptune sextile my Sun has not been good for me in some ways, regardless of how the chart has been located! I was extremely isolated from other people, couldn't have friends and never had any family nearby. He saw these as necessary sacrifices that would support his career and personal development even though I felt trapped. When I finally ended the marriage, he went into a full-blown Aries/Scorpio rage that continues to this day. He was determined to destroy me in any way possible, and began by abducting our children followed by waging a relentless battle in family court as he connived to avoid paying child support. Living in Ontario, Pluto, Sun, Mercury, Uranus and Venus were all in my 8th house from which they controlled or were controlled by the rest of the chart in negative ways. There was no way my marriage could have been good, there. The 8th house is a house of endings, full of the goods of the dead, obsessions and shared resources. I ended my marriage because I thought it was killing me, literally. Astrologically, that may have been a fair analysis, too.

"Larxene, are Aries and Libra really intercepted in my 5th and 11th houses? Those houses are each narrow and begin at 2° of the relevant sign, ending at 26°, so it’s only one sign filling each house. I think of intercepted signs as pertaining to very wide houses where the house cusp may be in the late degrees of, say, Aries and the house contains all of Taurus plus a few degrees of Gemini. In that case, Taurus would be intercepted, right?"

Ah sorry, I made a mistake . Only signs can be intercepted. Your houses were intercepted, not your signs...I don't know if that means anything, but I have not read about intercepted houses. Please disregard what I said about intercepted signs~


~Larxene<3~

Well, let's see


Venus in Leo - warm, generous, loyal, big-hearted - in 9th - may receive money from far away or have business deals with foreigners, foreign countries; natural appreciation for different cultures and far off lands; strong attraction to religious and spiritual ideals; love comes through anything which expands the horizons - trine Jupiter - strong sense of responsibility to the ones you love; understanding when others are in need; trustworthy, willing to compromise; well-disciplined and can focus efforts quite effectively in order to achieve success; sensitivity to the needs of others; a good parent; you encourage your children to develop their own individuality; you require that the partnership contain mutual respect and loyalty
Sun in 10th - taking up the challenge of making mark on the world; considerable ambition, that works as a powerful push to drive you into making the maximum use of your talents to achieve success; strong desire to be influential and make mark on the world; leader; will not hide behind the light of close friends, a partner or others; serving the collective through expressing your own individual gifts + the full list of Sun in Virgo we both read some time ago
Mercury in Leo – you speak with style; skilled at the art of persuasion, which you do with warmth and good will; passionate and enthusiastic speaker; can be magnificent story-teller because you speak and write with heart – in 9th - eternally curious and hunger for knowledge; enjoy exchanging ideas and personal philosophies with others; skilled at finding a quick solution to problems; pleasure in learning that something you have shared or taught has inspired others to take action, experience something new, or make changes in their lives (and you did this a lot just in this forum here!);
Moon trine Pluto - http://www.cafeastrology.com/natal/moonplutoaspects.html - Sun trine Moon! Sun sextile Jupiter!


I was thinking about you today a lot. You maybe were not physically present, but today around 1pm you were in Amsterdam, Netherlands having a walk with me through the city! It was great! Thanks for joining me even if it was your birthday


You are a very special person Ann! Happy birthday! Big hug from across the Ocean I wish that in the year before you all your loneliness and sorrow disappear.

Re: 9th house Venus in Leo

in my experience with this:
Venus in Leo - warm, generous, loyal, big-hearted yes: however lack of same respect and honor from others: Saturn square Venus; Venus at the apex of a Yod configuration.
- in 9th - may receive money from far away or have business deals with foreigners NO. At my age that is unlikely to happen now.
foreign countries; natural appreciation for different cultures and far off lands; YES travel opportunities in youth;
strong attraction to religious ideals NO offended by the dogma and hypocrisy of religion. Now a reformed Catholic.
Spiritual ideals YES, with lofty aspirations....

lejla, many of those things you've described apply to me, I agree. Even to the potential to receive money from another country as I have close relationships with people outside of Canada, some of whom have helped me when needed. It's not something I can count on, though, largely because of others' limitations. Even so, it's meaningful.

The attraction to religious and spiritual ideas is strong with me, though I would not describe myself as particularly religious in the ways that most people understand it. I think the religious interest is linked to my interest in higher academic study: I am one who puts a lot of energy into my quest to understand things deeply (Pluto conjunct Sun conjunct Mercury). I would say it's the driving motivation in my life as it's part of everything I do.

I agree about the communication skills, too. My sadness is that I haven't been able to put them into use in the ways that might have been best. Pluto does have that effect, sadly. He points to strong potential which will be made very difficult to achieve and so, in this stellium, clustered around the MC in the relocated chart, or just in the 9th house in the natal chart, he works in the same ways. Jupiter's aspect gives encouragement to keep going, not to be defeated, and sends me signs that I'm doing the right things, too, from time to time. Jupiter rewards effort! I've received so much positive encouragement, feedback and support in this forum, for example, in a very short while, leading me to conclude that studying astrology and participating in these discussions is, indeed, the right direction for me.

kimbermoon, there's always something double about many aspects, don't you think? Like Venus in Leo which can mean respect from others, or it can mean that respect from others may be an issue, or a desire that may or may not be met. Aspects are about potential, and I think they're often much more neutral than we might like them to be!

Thank you, everyone, for the birthday well-wishes, expressed here and in PMs. I do appreciate them very much! It's been a very good day, with some surprises and successes. Yesterday was the day my Sun made its return, and it was a very fine day, indeed. I hope that bodes well for this coming year!

kimbermoon, there's always something double about many aspects, don't you think?
Indeed, the strength or weakness of any planetary energy is largely determined by the aspects in the chart, showing where we are to make the best of our abilities and successes, and work to overcome those things that have been designed to hold us back and teach us lessons. I belive much of it is 'by design' and triggered by our individual experiences from the past.