Rawndawndawnski
Banned
I've lost myself. I'm looking to find me.
I used to be someone. I was full of life, and intrigued about anything to learn. I used to paint, draw, photograph, explore, socialize, and travel. There wasn't an end to things I was interested in. I would sing one day, draw the other, pursue being an engineer, exercise, read up on astrology, anything that interested me. Then I would read academic papers, do analysis, projects, guitar, dress well and care about my appearance, and I was an intellect (I have over 140 credits to my name but have no degree to show for it). Now I don't do any of those things any more. I'm nobody and parts of me feel doesn't even care. I'm surrounded by my own depression. It feels like an internal struggle despite hardships around me.
The past 7-8 years has been rough. Things were relatively stable, but I wasn't emotionally stable. Mental illness took an all time high, lost many friends over the years, family situation got worse, dropped out of school multiple times, etc. However, 2013 was one of the best years of my life. I became close to the woman of my dreams but I then made mistakes that contributed to our end. Everything wasn't all bad over the years - there was lots of good, and I was somewhat stable - but overall, there has been many events that have taken a strain on me.
I want to find me. How do I find me? Am I holding myself back or is there an external influence?
I used to be someone. I was full of life, and intrigued about anything to learn. I used to paint, draw, photograph, explore, socialize, and travel. There wasn't an end to things I was interested in. I would sing one day, draw the other, pursue being an engineer, exercise, read up on astrology, anything that interested me. Then I would read academic papers, do analysis, projects, guitar, dress well and care about my appearance, and I was an intellect (I have over 140 credits to my name but have no degree to show for it). Now I don't do any of those things any more. I'm nobody and parts of me feel doesn't even care. I'm surrounded by my own depression. It feels like an internal struggle despite hardships around me.
The past 7-8 years has been rough. Things were relatively stable, but I wasn't emotionally stable. Mental illness took an all time high, lost many friends over the years, family situation got worse, dropped out of school multiple times, etc. However, 2013 was one of the best years of my life. I became close to the woman of my dreams but I then made mistakes that contributed to our end. Everything wasn't all bad over the years - there was lots of good, and I was somewhat stable - but overall, there has been many events that have taken a strain on me.
I want to find me. How do I find me? Am I holding myself back or is there an external influence?
Last edited: