I hate my chart
Everything is just not blending,from the planet/sign/house placements to the aspects.I am just this covert narcissist,overly sensitive,coward person.& i hate it & i never like this part of me.i don't know how to get out.;i don't even wanna look out my transits cause i still am hopeless & at dead end.
Hello Pouiz,
If you don't know how to get out - the best to do is - to first get in. To face what is necessary without rejection and judgement and to go through and then find the way out.
But what is more worse than hating your chart - is that you unfortunately obviously hate yourself. Moon in scorpio in personal mental mind and thought house is a very strong mental focus ability able to create something as a self-fullfilling prophecy - for the most best to happen for you - but also for the most worse to come. And it is up to YOUR decision- what you focus yourself on. Pls. be aware of this. NOBODY ELSE is thinking in your head - only you.
Moon rules your 12th house with moon neptune correspondence and with your moon in scorpio in 3rd house - house of perceiving information you are born as high sensitive person- perceiving a lot more than others do and also a lot from other people - especially what emotional issues people are in truth dealing with inside under the surface.
With moon ruling 12th house - the most possible highest outlook in a chart and the widest range of perceiving information and prewarnings and able to recognize all what is going on in society and public - you are also endangered to get overloaded and overwhelmed - not knowing anymore what is going on with you from one second to the other. And you probably feel yourself as an alien not belonging anywhere and even not right on earth.
With sun ruling ASC and your firy first house - your birth energy and your personal enforcement energy in a firy 5th sag-house ruled by jupiter you are not a coward.
But jupiter in 5th house is strong placed as ruler of 5th in 5th in own sign and own house. And jupiter is sitting ON your sun - like subpressing it - not allowing you to show you as you are and to express your own individual being and your own creativity.
5th house (to me) is also father as first male model role how to act in life and father experience in childhood. And what you experienced with your father took a strong influence on your later life.
Jupiter and your sun is in zero degree semisextile with your venus as ruler of your 3rd house communication, thoughts and physical appearance and outsending radiance to people and as ruler of your midheaven.
With venus sitting in 6th house in the middle and between neptune and uranus - to me it looks like that you had to learn early to keep yourself silent - to not show yourself much as a female being, to hold yourself back and to submit yourself to high standards of perfection your father expected from you - even if nearly impossible to fullfil.(Saturn ruling 6th house is in 8th house- with saturn/pluto correspondence energy - demanding to function perfectly like a clock work.)
With libra moonnode in 3rd house in exact square with neptune as ruler of your 8th house - you probably also have a karmic connection with a sibling.
Do you know whether your mother had a miscarriage before your own birth ? Which you probably kinda feel yourself subconsiously responsible to heal with your own existence ?
Pluto rules your 4th house and is also significator for your mother and pluto sextiles uranus in 6th house - also health house.
Moon as ruler of 12th house - also prenatal experience before own birth during pregnancy of your mother sextiles mercury as your physical body house ruler and mercury squares your chiron in 2nd and opposes your cancer lilith in a mercury ruled 11th house with uranus correspondence energy.
Actually your libra moonoode is still squared by transiting pluto for a deep emotional transformation, your neptune as your 8th house ruler is still conjuncted by t-pluto- to support you to find out something for yourself - and therefore getting up subconsciously stored past memory (8th) up again to see in a different light. And your pluto as ruler of your IC and 4th house (house of soul and emotions) is sextiled by transiting saturn - to innerly work on you for your better.
And your sun, your jupiter, your venus and your uranus are still transited by saturn to support you to find more clarity and information about your own birth - with activated birth axis. To have a new start in your life.
Transit ending for visible results on Dec. 4th, 2020. And on your moonnode and neptune on Jan 13th, 2021.
Pls. give yourself some time during this time and try to have more trust in yourself - a lot of energy is working in you right now to help you to find your own way out.
.