Hello,
I have this conjunct in my natal chart, saturno retrograde conjunct pluto retrograde in libra, scorpio ascendant, saturn and pluto in trine with venus in gemini in house 8.
I have been studying spiritual matters since 5 - 6 years old.
My opinión about this conjunct is that is amazing, in one hand all my life I have been responsible for others, more in the emotional part than material part, even though, i donte remeber one day that I haven´t in service to the world, I mean, all time I have been listening the problems of people, and not easy problems, no problems related with "my boyfriend is gone", " i don´t have enought money", no, problems about "my child died", "my father and my uncle raped on me 7 times, and I want to die", just to give some examples.
Then I have been in service not because I feel this is my obligation, is because I see the world, I see the human being sinking, dying for real pain, and it´s impossible for me to ignore them.
I got a lot of knowledge from that people, information that it's incredible useful for myself, but I thing the cost is to high, because in the other hand, It's horrible because I dont find someone that can hear me since I was a little girl, I had to build myself, for example,
When I was 5 years old and my father left us, my mother worked all the time, my grandmother who took care of us, my brother and me, beat us, he did not defend himself, I defended him even though he was 6 years younger than me, but then my grandmother ran me from the house, and I had to sleep on the street, and the next day I went to school (all this at least 4 o 5 days by week), still, I always had school recognitions, the responsibility was tattooed on my skin, and right now I write, because Now , in this time, when the conjunction is forming again, I still hold a lot of people around me, but at times I feel like I'm dying, and I need to talk, but as always, there is no one to listen to me ... that's why I wrote this ... and no It matters if someone reads it, I just needed to get it out of me, today, at least today, I needed a break, and then I´ll continue ...
I think that conjunction makes you understand something very clearly, to live here, it is a brutal school, to get out of here in a triumphant way, it is only possible when you have given it absolutely everything from you, or to say it in another way, this conjunction starts your fear to die, because you fully understand that death is actually the rest you have always sought, but dying is something we will do, but a good one is something that must also be won.
Then I understood that every day of my existence I have not worked to learn to live, or have a good life, I have worked to learn to die, and die in an honorable way for me. Where I can see myself to the face and be at peace with me, because I never gave up despite the world, despite my fears, despite all the pains in the world. And despite all this, I believe in humanity ... because I know their heart, I know mine.
I don't speak English in my mother tongue, excuse me if I can't express my ideas very well.