It's cheap, but would someone willing to take a stab at my chart?

waybread

Well-known member
Actually, it would be helpful if you said something about yourself first, and what you would most like to learn about yourself. It's hard to do a "blind" chart reading. We pretty much have to fall back on vague generalities.

Sun-Mercury in Aries, Mars trine Uranus: You value your independence.

Moon in Capricorn square Pluto: you can get into some pretty heavy moods.

Venus in the 7th sextile Neptune. Artistic talent. Idealism about relationships, although these may start and end suddenly. (Venus square Uranus)
 
Actually, it would be helpful if you said something about yourself first, and what you would most like to learn about yourself. It's hard to do a "blind" chart reading. We pretty much have to fall back on vague generalities.

Sun-Mercury in Aries, Mars trine Uranus: You value your independence.

Moon in Capricorn square Pluto: you can get into some pretty heavy moods.

Venus in the 7th sextile Neptune. Artistic talent. Idealism about relationships, although these may start and end suddenly. (Venus square Uranus)

Thank you waybread! Well, lets see... my childhood had some abusive, an alcoholic abusive father and a co-dependent mother. As a child I also was a little aloof and was bullied at times. I did grow up in a household with wealth so that was supportive and on a block with other cousins so I did have a lot of close familial relationships.

As I hit the teenage years I started to come into my own a bit. I started dating and this boosted my self-confidence. God has blessed me with good looks and good body constitution. I lost myself in the world of body building, sex, drugs and rock and roll during college. Mentally I was a bit on the anxious side and always seemed to struggle after bad relationship struggles. But in many ways, I was your typical alpha in college and many of my peers looked up to me. While these years where exhilarating due to pure hedonism I always felt something was missing.

I started studying Buddhism and this was like reuniting with a long lost friend. I completely changed my life because more centered and felt I had more of a purpose.

I pursed meditation with such zeal. I would often go on retreats and visit spirtual masters from all of the world. A beautiful time for me. My practices were bearing fruit as I was entering various states of samadhi, I wanted more and more and to go deeper and deeper.

Thats when in 12/2011 I had a spontaneous kundalini eruption during an intensive retreat that turned my life upside. My crown chakra opened and I became instantly dissociated and depersonalized. All the subsequent trauma and fear relating to the violent energetic fluctuations(that last for years later) left me a shell of who I was. I was barely functioning and medicated. My wife literally cared for me for about a years time.

I still suffer with PTSD type symptoms and minor dissociation(it has gotten better) but mentally and emotion life is still brutal(although it has gotten better, I can now hold a job and I'm mostly off of my medication and only take PRNs now). I'm not suicidal per say, but I do find myself counting down the years until its time for me to die a natural death.

On the outside I now have my health, physical constitution, a sharp mind, a good job, good money, two beautiful children, a beautiful/loving and faithful wife but internally it's another story.

Just wondering if there will ever been relief from the mental/emotional afflictions? I appreciate honesty answers and not platitudes and placating.
 
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waybread

Well-known member
Usually we amateur astrologers do not see such profound problems. Most people ask about day-to-day matters, as critical as these might be to someone who is in the throes of a relationship or job loss crisis.

I assume drugs were not involved when you had your explosion (or implosion) as they might lead to a different interpretation.

I checked the ephemeris for 2011, and found a major transit of Uranus conjuncting your sun (identity) and Mercury (thinking, communicating) and opposing your natal 12th house Jupiter. Jupiter in the 12th would precisely indicate the meditative spiritual seeker; and Aries in the 9thh house is ever the religious explorer. Transiting Saturn square moon (emotional nature) can also be a time when our emotional stability is sorely tested.

Uranus deals with sudden change. If that is unwanted, then Uranus seems horribly disruptive. If we can stay open to unforeseen change, then Uranus is the liberator.

Is it possible that, during your earlier period of spiritual exploration, you (or the discipline you followed) were highly invested in control and following prescribed rituals?

Frankly with natal Mars in the 8th house, hasn't death long held a kind of fascination for you?

After 2011, transiting Pluto in Capricorn started working its way through your Capricorn and Libra planets. Pluto also up-ends our accustomed world, and is none to gentle about it. It deals with profound change, which can feel like being in our own personal war zone.

I hope this doesn't sound platitudinous, but prior to your disruptive experience, do you think you were deeply invested in, first, looking good according to conventional markers of success; and then following a strict protocol of spiritual practices? (Something about in pointing to the moon, the finger is not the moon.)

Maybe Uranus was in your life to whisper, "Not that! Not that!"

Your north node of the moon and Saturn are in your 12th house of money and material possessions. Downshifting and frugality would seem like important areas to explore if you haven't done so already.

I don't know how old your children are but presumably they and your wife want to keep you around for a good long while to come. Live for their happiness, if you do not currently manufacture much happiness about life on your own.

Best wishes for your journey, W.
 
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