Lack of social life, why
- Thread starter Pisces13
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graay ghost
Well-known member
The fact is that, contrary to popular belief, school is not a great place to meet people. Sure, you're forced to be near people all the time, but it's often with people you have no common ground with and you're forced to sit down and shut up most of the times. That is no way to make friendships. Often you have to go out and find people yourself. Clubs, sports, conventions, things like that is where you will meet people because in these places people are primed to socialize and be comfortable. It does not matter how attractive you are and it is not enough to be "nice" and say a few polite words to make friends. A pretty face and polite words are receptionist material, not friend material. You need to be engaged, interested, and interesting yourself.
graay ghost
Well-known member
You're completely misunderstanding me.
I didn't say go to a club, I said join a club. Join a sport, as in join a team. In a club or a team or at a convention, everyone has a common interest and every reason to chatter. If you're not even going to try to mingle without other people to guide you, then there's no hope.
Noel Eastwood
Premium Member
Pisces13, I am pleased that you have engaged so well with everyone here, I can see that you are intelligent as well as focused, that helps me work out what I need to talk about next.
Your Moon is in Sagittarius and conjunct Pluto in the 3th House of home, family and upbringing. I am going to just drop this in as someone's past is no one else's business. I am suggesting that you seek some counselling with this, OK?
Our foundations are our childhood experiences, and fear is a nasty foundation to live with. Pluto shows that you are sometimes smothered by it, especially as your Moon is sitting right next to Pluto.
I wonder if she can handle his power or if she shies away from him? Guess what your next assignment is? Yes, I want you to drop in and visit Pluto and Moon and have a chat with them, find out what they are up to and how they can help lift you up a bit.
If you haven't downloaded my free ebook, now is the time, it will show you how to do this.
I won't go into these two archetypes now, I want you to explore them first, get back to me and let me know what they have to say. We might discuss them a little later, they are very very important.
Your 7th House is ruled by Aquarius on its cusp, Uranus, the ruler of Aquarius is in your 5th House of friendships and fun. You have Saturn sitting right on your 7th cusp and Mercury is escaping into the 8th House above. This House of love and relationships is not just lovers, it is customers and clients, so you can see that it is a little more complex than at first glance.
Why clients, customers and lovers? Because we learn about ourselves, that's the First House, from people who come in very close to us and have the power to influence our beliefs, attitudes, values and how we act. These are the people who we work with as well but we shall just look at lovers for now, OK?
You are attracted to an unusual partner, someone who is solid and steady, has strange and exotic interests and customs and can excite your mind as well as your body. Believe it or not but you will find this someone one day.
One clue, if you are too focused on your toes then you will miss out on rejoicing in the pretty birds flying above you. Your second meditation exercise is, of course, to chat with and hug Aquarius and Saturn. They know a lot about you and your relationship needs and can help you understand yourself. Please let me know what they say.
Your Sun is in Pisces in your 8th House of transformation and spiritual crisis, he is trine Pluto and square NNode. This is an incredibly important House placement for him, he is comfortable in the House of spiritual evolution. He wants only the best for you and will do everything in his power to help. This is your next meditation, visit the Sun, ask him any questions you have, and listen attentively. If he suggests you do something, then make sure you do it.
Your Sun's 8th House says a lot about your predicament, he is quite a loner in that 8th House. He doesn't want to be noticed, however his Sign, Leo, is on the Ascendant for all to see. Therefore he is between a rock and a hard place and no where to run. This is partly the bullying you had at school, as is the Pluto Moon conjunction in the 4th. This may be something to discuss with him.
Your chart shows many things Pisces13, there is too much for me to go into here on this forum. Just learn from the basics I have discussed. What I have shown you is the core of who you are, the rest takes a lifetime to understand and it is not up to me to hand it to you, you have to earn the rest of your Self. Your meditations, your conversations with others on this forum and other places, is how you find that level of understanding. I just don't want to spoil your journey, it is way too exciting to find it out for yourself.
No, I am no leaving you, I just want you to know that you are far more complex than these posts suggest, I want you to undertake your own journey of discovery, I want you to 'do'.
OK, next post is about your transits, what has been happening to you to bring you here to ask these questions. And it is really interesting because I have the chart in front of me. Let me know how your meditations go.
And once again, let me remind you, make sure you visit your inner self, she needs a hug 10 times a day. Don't forget her, please don't ever abandon her, she cannot cope inside you alone.
Your Moon is in Sagittarius and conjunct Pluto in the 3th House of home, family and upbringing. I am going to just drop this in as someone's past is no one else's business. I am suggesting that you seek some counselling with this, OK?
Our foundations are our childhood experiences, and fear is a nasty foundation to live with. Pluto shows that you are sometimes smothered by it, especially as your Moon is sitting right next to Pluto.
I wonder if she can handle his power or if she shies away from him? Guess what your next assignment is? Yes, I want you to drop in and visit Pluto and Moon and have a chat with them, find out what they are up to and how they can help lift you up a bit.
If you haven't downloaded my free ebook, now is the time, it will show you how to do this.
I won't go into these two archetypes now, I want you to explore them first, get back to me and let me know what they have to say. We might discuss them a little later, they are very very important.
Your 7th House is ruled by Aquarius on its cusp, Uranus, the ruler of Aquarius is in your 5th House of friendships and fun. You have Saturn sitting right on your 7th cusp and Mercury is escaping into the 8th House above. This House of love and relationships is not just lovers, it is customers and clients, so you can see that it is a little more complex than at first glance.
Why clients, customers and lovers? Because we learn about ourselves, that's the First House, from people who come in very close to us and have the power to influence our beliefs, attitudes, values and how we act. These are the people who we work with as well but we shall just look at lovers for now, OK?
You are attracted to an unusual partner, someone who is solid and steady, has strange and exotic interests and customs and can excite your mind as well as your body. Believe it or not but you will find this someone one day.
One clue, if you are too focused on your toes then you will miss out on rejoicing in the pretty birds flying above you. Your second meditation exercise is, of course, to chat with and hug Aquarius and Saturn. They know a lot about you and your relationship needs and can help you understand yourself. Please let me know what they say.
Your Sun is in Pisces in your 8th House of transformation and spiritual crisis, he is trine Pluto and square NNode. This is an incredibly important House placement for him, he is comfortable in the House of spiritual evolution. He wants only the best for you and will do everything in his power to help. This is your next meditation, visit the Sun, ask him any questions you have, and listen attentively. If he suggests you do something, then make sure you do it.
Your Sun's 8th House says a lot about your predicament, he is quite a loner in that 8th House. He doesn't want to be noticed, however his Sign, Leo, is on the Ascendant for all to see. Therefore he is between a rock and a hard place and no where to run. This is partly the bullying you had at school, as is the Pluto Moon conjunction in the 4th. This may be something to discuss with him.
Your chart shows many things Pisces13, there is too much for me to go into here on this forum. Just learn from the basics I have discussed. What I have shown you is the core of who you are, the rest takes a lifetime to understand and it is not up to me to hand it to you, you have to earn the rest of your Self. Your meditations, your conversations with others on this forum and other places, is how you find that level of understanding. I just don't want to spoil your journey, it is way too exciting to find it out for yourself.
No, I am no leaving you, I just want you to know that you are far more complex than these posts suggest, I want you to undertake your own journey of discovery, I want you to 'do'.
OK, next post is about your transits, what has been happening to you to bring you here to ask these questions. And it is really interesting because I have the chart in front of me. Let me know how your meditations go.
And once again, let me remind you, make sure you visit your inner self, she needs a hug 10 times a day. Don't forget her, please don't ever abandon her, she cannot cope inside you alone.
Osamenor
Staff member
Good: clarification! It's not literally true that no one could be happy alone. But you're not speaking literally when you say that, are you? You're dealing with a different kind of alone. The kind that being around people doesn't resolve. There's nothing lonelier than feeling alone when you're with others.
Depression is a continuum. It's possible to be depressed and still have fun and laugh sometimes, and not have suicidal thoughts. That's just a lower level of depression. We could debate over whether that fits the clinical depression diagnosis or not, but that's beside the point. The point is that you have some very deep emotional wounds, and that's severely affecting your ability to make friends.
Very likely, you're traumatized from the bullying. And you've alluded to there being earlier problems in your life. If you're carrying that around, you might be very deeply fearful of others, and it might prevent you from relating to people on anything more than a superficial level.
I'm speaking from some personal experience here. I'm also a bullying survivor, and that very deeply affected my sense of others and self and ability to make friends. As an adult, I've had a much easier time making friends than I did as a bullied child--but deep down, there's always been at least a small part of me that lived in a reality of having no friends.
It really depends, I think, on the type of therapy, and the therapist. Talk therapy is useful up to a point, but it has its limits. It allows you to tell your story, and just telling your story and being heard can be helpful, but it doesn't do anything to change the story. When you're stuck in something like this, changing the story is necessary.
I have a friend whose life experiences were in some ways very much like yours, and he swears that cognitive/behavioral therapy changed his entire outlook. That does work on changing the narrative. I, however, have experienced hypnotherapy and found it to be even better than that. It made lots of good changes for me, including ones I hadn't even thought to look for.
Between your actions here--seeking help, taking it in, looking in an unorthodox direction (astrology) for a solution to your problem--and your chart factors, I think you would do especially well with hypnotherapy. You and I share some key placements: we're both eighth house suns and Sagittarius moons. Eighth house has a natural affinity for things of the unconscious, such as hypnosis. Pisces is very strongly oriented in that direction, too, and with a nice trine from Pluto (ruler of the eighth house) to your sun, you're well set up to heal and grow in an especially deep way.
Sagittarius loves learning and experiences and is very process oriented. Moon's placement shows what your deepest desires and motivations are. If you get into a process that really moves you along, you'll enjoy the process, perhaps even more than the result.
That exercise that our friend Noel Eastwood gave you a few posts back is exactly the kind of thing a hypnotherapist would do, only a hypnotherapist would go into much more depth with that, and would work on solving the problem, not just diagnosing it.
Osamenor
Staff member
Interesting. This describes me very well, too, and I also have an eighth house sun, only mine is in Leo. House of transformation and spiritual crisis... yes, yes, yes! That's a big theme of my life. And probably yours, too, Pisces 13.
Enough about me, since this isn't my thread. I just want to add the voice of an eighth house sun person to show that's right on target.
Osamenor
Staff member
Who said anything about having anyone to call?
I've shifted parts of your post around a little in my quote in order to address all this together. You keep attracting people into your life who are very different from you, who you don't want to be like at all, who you want to disassociate yourself from. That reflects your Pluto placement.
Pluto is especially strong in your chart. Not only does it tightly square your ascendent, it also tightly trines your sun and loosely conjuncts your moon. Those aspects make Pluto extremely influential in your life. On top of that, you have Pluto in Scorpio, where it's most at home. That magnifies its influence even more.
Pluto rules the Underworld in astrology, just as in mythology. People with such strong Pluto placements have Underworld sorts of things surface in their lives again and again. That means the collective unconscious, the shadow (in the sense of Jungian psychology, that is), hidden things, parts of yourself that you want to disown. With Pluto trine your sun and conjunct your moon, it's inevitable that you'll draw people into your life who reflect your shadow side.
The pot smoking, class skipping, bad kids, people in abusive relationships with children at a young age and/or parents or partners in jail, show the part of you that you want to disown. You do your homework, don't do drugs, dress nice, etc. You play the part of the good girl to a hilt. You've done a very good job of disowning your shadow side. Your life as you've chosen to live it reflects the extreme of staying completely within the lines, not breaking any rules.
That doesn't mean it would be healthier to skip class, do drugs, go through relationship dramas, etc. The people who do that are living the other extreme. They're out of balance one way, and you're out of balance the other way. That makes you and them, as you put it, like magnets: polar opposites that attract.
Just as they reflect your shadow at you, you reflect their shadow back at them. They very likely disown the part of them that could be "square." So any interactions you have with them are mutual shadow reflections.
When you're getting such a wallop from Pluto, it does feel heavily karmic and fated and, usually, impossible to handle. Exactly as you've been describing all along.
You do have an out, however. You could choose to work with your shadow consciously. Which brings us to this:
What on earth makes you think a therapist would try to make you feel better about being alone, ignored, and friendless?!
Maybe the kinds of things a traditional psychotherapist or psychiatrist would say would come out sounding like that. But there are other kinds of therapists. Considering that you have a lot of shadow to work with, and lots of deeply unconscious beliefs to sort through, someone who takes a Jungian approach would likely be very good. Again, I think the best method of therapy for you would probably be hypnotherapy. That's a whole class of therapy in itself, with different kinds of training than the usual, and based on my own experience, I'd say it's much more effective than traditional counseling therapy.
As long as you try to disown your shadow and escape it, Pluto will keep throwing it back at you through the people you draw into your life. But if you start consciously working with it, things will change.
graay ghost
Well-known member
I just have a simple question. Do you enjoy doing anything for its own sake? What is it?
Osamenor
Staff member
I didn't say you wanted to. Shadow isn't that simple.
I have an example of that in my own life. I'm mostly anti-drugs, but I've so often attracted people into my life... both romantically and platonically... who smoke lots of pot, or cigarettes, or drink a lot, or do harder drugs. Me, I tried pot when I was younger, and would probably still smoke it if I liked it, but I never could like it. It always had terrible effects on me. Cigarettes are even worse. I get an allergic reaction if I'm exposed to much cigarette smoke.
And yet until I was in my mid twenties, every guy I ever attracted was a smoker, or else had just recently quit. The only one who did not smoke cigarettes--and he was my longest and most committed relationship, we were together for ten years--smoked pot frequently. More frequently than I would have liked, but he had so much else going for him that it wasn't a deal breaker.
That doesn't mean I ever really wanted to smoke pot or cigarettes. They themselves are not my disowned shadow, but what they represent is. For you, I think it's similar. It's not that you want to actually be a slacker or a druggie. Rather, slackers/druggies/bad kids represent the disowned side of yourself.
Ah, sexual fantasies! The greatest shadow of all... and probably the easiest part of the shadow to acknowledge.The only shadowy side I have is I rather like those passionate relationships where you fight, but kiss and make up and there's lots of passion and power plays/struggles in them..but at the same time we're loyal and and are good friend.
So...mature, stable, and faithful by day...by all appearances normal...and then by night, a little fight here and there, some jealousy, mean remarks, then boom passionate sex...like where we both want to dominate each other in the relationship (but its consensual and normal, not like abusive crazy guy who beats his girlfriend, i don't like that at all). Where he's slightly jealous...I make him more mad, we argue, we make up...sex.
But at the end of the day, that's just what turns us on, and we're otherwise normal and mature people, solid citizens. Think Megan Fox. Oh my god, I love how she's hot and can control a guy with one glance. Love that. I don't have a desire to be a trashy person. I get anxiety just thinking about getting in trouble or being one of those people who I could never respect because they don't care about themselves.
I want to be a financially independent career woman, have a good job, be a solid citizen, maybe and hopefully be married someday and have one or two children...I don't like that crazy unstable life. But in the bedroom...it's a different story, then a little drama is great...but with a reliable and mature guy who isn't some trashy bum. Imagine Eminem...minus the white trash life he had back in the day.
He's so independent, aggressive, wants to dominate and be the boss, is impersonal and serious...Oh my, if I had a guy that hot and that career-oriented and capable of being mature and family minded (Eminem post drugs) but had that independent power-seeking dominant side...ahhhh.... how fun!
Shadow is very much like a kinky fantasy. (I don't know if you consider yours kinky, and I'm not trying to label it... that's just the word that comes to mind when I think of shadow.) What you want in fantasy isn't always what you want in reality. If you do have a real desire to do something that mimics being hurt or hurting someone, but in a safe, sane, and consensual way... like being turned on by jealousy and consensually dominating each other... it's not at all the same as wanting to be genuinely abused. It's actually a very far cry from real abuse.
Maybe your acquaintances who have so much relationship drama in their lives reflect your shadow in the same way that fantasy of yours, about arguing and make up sex, does. Only difference is that what's going on with them is not safe, sane, and consensual.
Even the slackers you see around you might be reflecting a deeper fantasy of yours. Have you ever had times when you really didn't feel like doing schoolwork and just slacking off, even if you did the work anyway? Maybe you buried that urge so deeply that you're not even aware of it. But it's still there in your subconscious, as part of your shadow.
Osamenor
Staff member
I feel similarly about all that. Funny thing, though, how many people I've drawn into my life, especially in my younger days, who were more towards the addicted and irresponsible side.
As I write this, I realize that there's probably a reason why I'm not meeting many of those people anymore: I'm now involved in lots of activities where people are about staying present and playing with consciousness in ways that don't involve substances. Which reflects my eleventh house placements pretty well. Looking to yours, natal or relocated, might help, too.
Oh, god, why didn't you say so in the first place? Now I see your problem! (Cue redneck jokes.)
It sounds like maybe what you really need to do is move. You mentioned that you're going to graduate school. Are you in grad school already, or is that still ahead of you? Might you be able to go to grad school somewhere else? Maybe someplace where there's a decent S&M subculture? It really sounds like if you could safely enact some of your kinky fantasies, that would help. Could be one way to do your shadow work consciously.
Osamenor
Staff member
I thought so, too, until I met some people who are full blown S&M players. And I don't mean met them in a romantic sense. I'm not that interested in it myself (I have some fantasies in that direction, but it's absolutely a case of having different wants in fantasy than in reality!). Most people don't talk about it if they do it, so I probably know more people who are into it than I think.
If you're not ready to explore it in real life, there are internet forums where you can talk to people anonymously about it. I don't know any specific ones off the top of my head, but I know they're out there. Could be a good first step in sorting out what you really want from what might be just fantasy.
I've certainly heard the jokes. Some from my Kentucky cousins.But yeah, I'm in KY where people are exactly as you'd imagine, super trashy and on the low class side (not talking money, I'm normal middle class myself, I'm no Hilton, I'm normal) but in behavior . They're hicks. Don't know if you know this but KY guys are not attractive. I'm convinced it's their gene pool (which their family trees aren't even trees, it's a family pole..no branching...
I'm from California, and I can tell you that what you think of as the "California guy" is a Hollywood construction. However, it's not redneck and genetic error country, either. If you came out here, you might do much better socially. Californians don't have such stratified class attitudes as southerners. There isn't such a big glaring divide between born loser and making something of yourself. It's a very different kind of social attitude, in my experience. I'd say that's true throughout the western states, for the most part.I like California guys. Like Matthew Lawrence in The Hot Chick (girl, google him). He's hot. That kinda guy is the kinda look I like. He's also a college graduate and isn't unstable and crazy, but as hot as he is I'm sure he's no bore either
They both look masculine and act masculine. Their both respectable. I'd want to bang them (well, someone like them to be more realistic lol).
Can't find that here in Kentucky. It's boring, it's not exactly a fun big city just bursting with life, I live in a normal ol' southern town. The people are drunks, trashy, that heroin addict from Teen Mom..Janine? Whatever. You see my point. They're typical rednecks and genetic errors.
A few posts ago, you said you were a magnet for... what did you call them? Bad kids, losers, something like that? So you're a magnet for some people. If you were in a different kind of social environment, it would probably be a different kind of people that you'd attract.
Maybe your Sagittarius moon is playing some part here, too. Sagittarius loves difference, including getting to know different kinds of people, people different from yourself. A Sag moon myself, I've always found people from different cultural backgrounds the most interesting, often the best friends I've made, and I was lucky enough to grow up where there were many such people around.
However, the fact remains that your strong Pluto is going to keep pulling people into your life who reflect your shadow side. The shadow work remains to be done, one way or another. How you do it is up to you, but don't ignore it.
That I cannot do, because I'm not familiar with relocation astrology. However, there's a whole relocation subforum in Natal Astrology. If you post there, other people can help you out.
Osamenor
Staff member
With an online forum, you can always lurk for a while before deciding if you want to participate, you can always leave if you don't like it, and you never have to give your real name or identifying details about yourself... in fact, it's best if you don't. And I wasn't suggesting trying to meet a partner that way. Rather, it would be a place to talk to other people who share your predilection for kinky fantasies, and get some sense of what might or might not actually work in real life. That way, if and when you meet someone you want to get involved with, you'll have a better sense of what you really want and how and when to bring it into the relationship.I imagine people who go on those forums to be on the perverted side? Not to be judgmental Im sure plenty people on there are normal and nice, but I'm not much into online stuff it's scary. I'm cautious about that. I just want meet a guy in a normal way (starbucks, library, mall, whatever) then when we get to know each other be like, "so i'm into this.." and then take it from there. I'm talking subtle s&m, nothing too crazy, just kinky and fun
Not close family, and they make those jokes themselves... so no offense taken!
Yes, for sure.
The California girl is another Hollywood stereotype. We're as ordinary looking as anyone. And California is a very racially diverse state. The stereotypes you're imagining sound like they're all white. Californians actually have a much wider range of looks.
No one can answer that for you, at least not accurately. Birth charts don't show whether or when you'll marry or have children. Some astrologers say this placement or that placement means you'll marry young or late or never, or have lots of children or no children, etc., but they say different things about that--there's no consistency in which placements determine what--and their predictions are wrong at least as often as right. So I can't tell you that, and if anyone says they can, it's as likely that they're giving you a bill of goods as not.
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