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  #26  
Unread 10-02-2018, 12:24 PM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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I started working on a concept for a novel while in the hospital...I have a title for it already and I've had it for a while now. Titles come to me a lot and they always carry an infinite well of concepts and ideas. I actually have a lot of titles tho I'm still working my way around writing fiction. I'm gonna try to start it as a short fiction, maybe even as a flash fic/vignette type of thing and work from there. I don't think I could start with a story board bc it doesn't have flesh yet and for me, everything is always openended

It's about someone dying and having their whole conception of reality fall apart after leaving the physical form and having to come to a reckoning with themselves and what they can now perceive. That's not set in stone and will definitely evolve, but the title is sacred to me

I know that sounds very generic, but as I said, it has no flesh yet and yet has so many wounds. If I said what the title was, the idea would make sense, but anyway. I can't say the title


The title just kinda came to me out of thin air or rather from my subconscious, which happens a lot, and the curious thing is that my subconscious mind will come up with lines or titles or other collections of words that are actually very novel. Novel doesn't necessarily mean good, but it does mean they haven't been thought of before which is odd to me given that they feel like they come out of nowhere. Curious workings of the subconscious mind
I decided I'm gonna work this month on a set of poems based on the title. Who knows? Maybe it'll become a poetry book. I have a cousin who's an artist who I may be able to get to do art if I decided to put out a poetry book, however, I feel like it's wiser to start my career by submitting to various journals, then putting out a book
Actually, depending on the journals, I could put out a book and still submit some of the poetry they contain


Since I have many titles and ideas, I may do that for all of them even while working on the story

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  #27  
Unread 10-04-2018, 11:38 PM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

In my journey, it's become known to me that I may not actually be bipolar. My friend suggested to me I may be an empath. And the odd thing is that I've been talking to a very knowledgeable woman lately and she told me that she perceive my latest suicide attempt to not have been completely about my own emotions. She told me the perceived the root of my suicide attempt to have been a blond girl, instagram modelish, but kinda nerdy and who wears glasses. This does not at all describe my friend who blocked me everywhere who really made me feel horrible, it describes my ex's ex who who 'fell madly in love with' after dumping me and who dumped her after she sold all her **** to move a few states away with her. This woman told me I was still attached emotionally to my ex and was partially feeling her emotions rather than just mine

Well, she actually told me my suicide attempt was wholly about this glasses wearing chick I'd never met, but I feel like it's more likely the emotions just piggybacked. I have no feelings for my ex, but I do pity her and all she's gone through and is going through

I've also become aware that some of my emotional and mental issues may actually be because I'm a medium and I'm also an initiated Shaman. This woman is helping me realize a lot of things about myself. I'm still very lost as I have no idea how to actually develop any mediumship abilities I may have latent within myself. I'm pretty lost on the Shaman front too, but it's not a surprise to me as I'm no stranger to trancelike states. I started getting myself into them quite naturally, but I know there's a lot more to them than what I've discovered

She told me I'm a "powerhouse of power" and that I do have a mission more important than most. But she won't go into more depth about those things. She did say I'm not ready yet and it's ok that I'm not, I have a little bit of time

She says most of the emotions and energies I pick up are so negative because I'm a healer from a different dimension. So all these negative thoughts and feelings aren't exactly my own. She wants me to do meditations to figure out what's mine and what isn't, but I feel like that may be next to impossible...

I have to try anyway


I know there are things for me to do, but it's so odd to me because before this year, I was just an aspiring writer with severe mental illness trying to make my way through school and failing. Now there's so much more and it's a lot heavier than I ever thought it was even tho I could perceive I had a mission as a teenager
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Last edited by Lykanized; 10-05-2018 at 12:04 AM.
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  #28  
Unread 10-05-2018, 08:04 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

Something weird happened to me last night. I started becoming a bit paranoid, but mostly, I'm pretty sure I was seeing and hearing things that weren't really there. Someone was directing me to meditate and a few times I fell asleep, but then I started going into this state of rapidly switching from dream state to waking state. It was odd.. I'd literally be almost deep in my dreams, and then the next second awake. And I kept having these odd sensations that certain things had happened to me that had never happened to me and they were things that would produce fear in me

I had this image of a deaf woman pop up pointing to her heard and mouthing something about my head. I heard "Things are shifting" and "It's all we can do before we can go out"

It was all very odd. Someone was directing me to meditate and figure out where my negative emotions and thoughts would come from
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  #29  
Unread 10-05-2018, 08:17 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

Perhaps for some reason my dream state and the concrete, physical 'reality' were colliding
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  #30  
Unread 10-05-2018, 08:22 AM
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Cool Re: In need of some light in the darkness

Wait, did you join discord? I don't see you... Just curious
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  #31  
Unread 10-05-2018, 08:39 AM
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Cool Re: In need of some light in the darkness

Because I'm a pretty decent listener, if you want and discord is easy to communicate through.
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  #32  
Unread 10-10-2018, 04:05 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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Wait, did you join discord? I don't see you... Just curious
No, but maybe I will. I'm not much of a social person but I feel like maybe I need to become more social. I'm feeling the call
Also, thank you for your offer to listen. You probably wouldn't actually want to listen tho. My mind's quite an insane place and when I'm really worked up, people I turn to tend to find my heavily abrasive
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  #33  
Unread 10-10-2018, 04:05 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

"If the idea of illness can become an illness, what else about our reality is actually a disorder?" -Legion
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  #34  
Unread 10-10-2018, 04:13 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

I never posted a link to the original thread which was, btw, a masterpiece, but here we go for my own sake... https://www.astrologyweekly.com/foru...d.php?t=117481
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  #35  
Unread 10-10-2018, 04:17 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

I despise when all a person can do is talk and talk and talk but they have nothing to show for it. Yet what I despise more is someone who only has a label, and worse, because they can't even talk, all they can do is tattoo something on their head and hope everyone walks along with them

But what I despise the most is how annoyingly obvious to me it is as I can easily see through peoples' ******** and it's quite impossible for me to just walk along with them


I gotta admit, I think there may be times I give myself a label without having knowingly proven it to be worth anything and people walk with me lol
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  #36  
Unread 10-10-2018, 04:51 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

I have many different personalities, but tonight I'm feeling a slightly different one. A wild, primal being is normal for me and one with whom I'm well acquainted. She's wild an insatiable, destructive because all she wants is to feel something and express herself. This one may be a new one... she's just as insatiable, but more choosy and also more likely to attack with precision because she knows what she wants. She's a devilish one. I like this feeling, it's quite tasty
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  #37  
Unread 10-10-2018, 04:58 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

Similarly, tho, I feel this aching need to express something like something is making its way out of me and it NEEDS to. Often times I feel like I'm soft-possessed when things like this happen, but I know I'm just a Cancer flowing with the waves and tides. And more than that, beyond all astrological conception, I'm just an intense person
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  #38  
Unread 10-10-2018, 08:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lykanized View Post
I have many different personalities, but tonight I'm feeling a slightly different one. A wild, primal being is normal for me and one with whom I'm well acquainted. She's wild an insatiable, destructive because all she wants is to feel something and express herself. This one may be a new one... she's just as insatiable, but more choosy and also more likely to attack with precision because she knows what she wants. She's a devilish one. I like this feeling, it's quite tasty
Where'd this precise, scalpel-like demonic personality develop from?
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  #39  
Unread 10-10-2018, 10:37 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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Where'd this precise, scalpel-like demonic personality develop from?
Oh, don't let the 'devilish' part draw you in. I wouldn't call this literally devilish, just devilish in the more human sense and really, it might point to me having gained more certainty and sureness about myself in general. I have many personalities tho. I can feel when they're coming about. It always feels like something trying to reach its way out of me and comes about seemingly out of no provocation

I fully believe our fears will feed off of us like parasites, fears, anything that makes us doubt ourselves and our power. I'm starting to embrace my power and to stop letting my fears feed off of me. It took a lifetime of feeling truly weak and powerless to reach a place where I could do that and so I feel grateful. But then I do believe the natural course of things when we're engaged in a state at any intensity is to bounce to the other side as I've said many times, opposing forces, always connected

This personality's top song of her soundtrack is definitely
Queen - Killer Queen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VS54zmuEY3s

But I'm definitely sure I lost your attention when I assured you there was (most likely) not anything truly demonic involved in this situation. I of course can't be certain, but I'll keep you updated
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  #40  
Unread 10-10-2018, 10:45 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

Not at all. In fact, I was more interested in the fact that this personality of yours acquired a precision that you've never really articulated before, especially when you just came along. As one on the outside looking in, it looks like an evolution to me. What was the catalyst?

I can satiate my fix for demons elsewhere. Interesting that you think that's the only reason why I responded.

Last edited by conspiracy theorist; 10-10-2018 at 10:48 AM.
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  #41  
Unread 10-10-2018, 10:48 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

darker forces... in general, they function, as far as I've discovered, but feeding off. As soon as you stop letting yourself be a source of what they need, oh they may weep because it's not only you who's realizing the whole game of it all, but anyone you may touch

Just remember, we are endlessly powerful creatures. Anything that seems to be a hindrance, to hold us back... that's not what it's there for. You learn from it, you use it to fuel the present actions you take toward your future and the shackles without struggle are released
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  #42  
Unread 10-10-2018, 11:05 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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Not at all. In fact, I was more interested in the fact that this personality of yours acquired a precision that you've never really articulated before, especially when you just came along. As one on the outside looking in, it looks like an evolution to me. What was the catalyst?

I can satiate my fix for demons elsewhere. Interesting that you think that's the only reason why I responded.
I honestly can't say if this is a normal course for everyone or not, but I do know things are rapidly transforming for me. And I grew up depression, anxious(since as far back as I can remember which is 4 yrs old), eventually I started to feel weak and lost and there was a lot of darkness

Boringly, my life has very much been about discovering my power and realizing that right now, more than ever, I need to start using it. And as much as you may despise newageism, 'cocreating' my reality. I don't fully understand the term, but I enjoy because I believe, without looking it up, that it acknowledges our ability to exert power over the course of our lives from the present on and referencing the past as a creative force, but also acknowledging that there is a collective force at play which is important to me

I know I'm being called right now to embrace all my power. And believe me, this is coming from someone who believed she had so little power it wasn't even worth it to put any effort into anything, even things i may have desired like writing

Yes this is very new because I realize just like magic, reality doesn't happen to us, but we happen to reality. And I'm still in the trial period, I'll admit, but I feel hopeful. And that's because I know that it really is all in my power

And I cannot deny, there have been so many positive messages from people around me and from the universe in general, chance meetings and all, all that point me to something possibly incorporeal or the universe on my side and I can't deny that. I've had so many positive forces come into my life and I know that's for a reason and I can't just leave them unattended, I can't just squander them

I believe some people may see me as insane, but I know I'm not. I call myself insane jokingly. But I've just realized that the reality we've been served in conventional thought is ********. I mean what rational thinker could actually come to the conclusion that any one individual, even people in 'high academic authority' can say with certainty what exists and what doesn't? No one can...what's true and what isn't. None of us know

The truth is, we're left here to find our own power in our minds, in our souls, in our hearts, and of course with any aid from spiritual guides which I hear we all have

I can also feel a magic in my life, tho that's hard to describe. It's mostly in the bounds of luck and positive forces coming in right when I need them


--
So in short, this is new for me. It's been with the help of some good people understanding that I'm a very powerful being. I'm beginning to realize that. All my anxieties I've had throughout my life were all...just delusion. In truth, the power knows no bounds


I don't know what's to come next, but I'm a pretty chaotic person still
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  #43  
Unread 10-10-2018, 11:15 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

What's so boring about finding where your true power lies?
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  #44  
Unread 10-10-2018, 11:20 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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What's so boring about finding where your true power lies?
Well I meant it's boring...the classic story of someone who feels weak and powerless and starts coming into their power. It's overdone in movies and the such, but maybe it's because we can all relate in our own ways






power of consciousness
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  #45  
Unread 10-10-2018, 11:37 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

Power... I swear, that's been one of my most used words on this forum and otherwise for a whole year, and more


Power


Believe me. All of us have the power to 'cocreate' our realities and to no longer let anything leech off of us. Seizing that power will no happen over night, but it'll happen
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  #46  
Unread 10-10-2018, 11:40 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

I met a woman who saw and heard people since she was 5 and I asked her, 'how do you know you're not just psychic'? Yet there she was in a mental facility. And the funny thing was that she agreed. She told me thank you and just explained that no one else believed her
Now if we can see something and hear something, how can we just right it off as untrue. We don't know what's true and what's not, not with certainty. I told her that and she agreed. She wholeheartedly thanked me and told me she'd remember that, what I said and that one person believed her

So I can hope I made a positive influence


Because true to the message of Legion, mental illness can and will leech off of us and make us weak, make us not believe what we would otherwise know to be true. I suspect, but can't say for sure, that that's a major message of Legion. It acknowledges that what we believe to be mental illness can draw from us and make us weak, but also that there is power to be found, possibly power that others may not quite understand and so it may be isolating at times but that's ok
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  #47  
Unread 10-10-2018, 05:27 PM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

True story, if a little off topic: I was once friends (ages and ages ago) with one of Bill Cosby's accusers. I remember her telling me her story about him in her car, (which she did not tell to pretty much anyone at all at the time) she was in tears, and told me that not even her therapist believed her, because of who he was. I'm linking this to your story of your possibly psychic friend because even in the mundane (non astral, psychic) world there is a dominant "reality" and if you dare question it with your alternate reality the avalanche of dogma will try to bury you. Question it.
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  #48  
Unread 10-10-2018, 07:18 PM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

Questioning dominant mundane reality, great phrase and so right! Theres not a worse feeling when a dominant reality which is false, remains to be seen as true.
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  #49  
Unread 10-11-2018, 05:57 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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True story, if a little off topic: I was once friends (ages and ages ago) with one of Bill Cosby's accusers. I remember her telling me her story about him in her car, (which she did not tell to pretty much anyone at all at the time) she was in tears, and told me that not even her therapist believed her, because of who he was. I'm linking this to your story of your possibly psychic friend because even in the mundane (non astral, psychic) world there is a dominant "reality" and if you dare question it with your alternate reality the avalanche of dogma will try to bury you. Question it.
Oh yeah. And I KNOW that Hollywood is so corrupt that men in power, and I'm sure women too, are allowed so many years of grace. They begin to abuse their power and they can get away with it because these people in power have teams behind them guarding the public's perception of them. It's horrible

It brings me to the question if an otherwise decent human being given the right amount of power, testing their boundaries, could begin to abuse that power whereas if they weren't given that power, they'd seem a decent human being. It makes me question many things...
1. the effects of power on man

2. for how many their actions are governed simply by the knowledge that they don't have the power to do what they would desire to do if they knew they could get away with it
It makes me question a lot about human nature and our relationship with power
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Unread 10-11-2018, 06:03 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

This is more in the noncorporeal portion of reality again...
As a child I was very much a dreamer. I remember asserting things to be true that were outright against conventional thought. I was very much lost in my own little reality. For instance, I believed dragons once existed and I argued with my parents about it only because I wanted them to have existed. Granted, stranger fossils have been found and I'm of the belief folklore has roots in some reality

However reality exists. We do share a reality, I know. I began to lose confidence in myself and my thoughts, my mind, my points of view. I thought I was an illogical idiot and eventually as a teenager I tried to conform

Though with all things, I think it takes balance

Where I am now, I don't believe we can say for certain what's true and what's not as making such assertions would be to have absolute trust in both our minds and our levels of knowledge which are everexpanding. So I don't believe in drawing lines, I don't believe in a box

I'm not the dreamer I was as a child where anything I pleased was true, but I'm able to extinguish the box and acknowledge that there is infinite more to learn about this 'reality' of ours, this universe, this dimension, the multidimensional reality

My point being that I'm at a place where I can say all that with complete confidence. People locked into conventional thinking may think me insane, but I know I'm not. The box to me does not exist and I don't see how rationally it should


I also quite question the conception of reality. I know we all share a reality, but our perception of reality is not all the same. Some people are able to push the laws of physics because their perception of reality has been built in such a fashion
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Last edited by Lykanized; 10-11-2018 at 06:09 AM.
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