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  #251  
Unread 04-07-2019, 01:28 AM
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If I do feel like the only thing I can do is go, I'll definitely miss you <3
I saw the debacle in random thoughts. I don't blame you.

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  #252  
Unread 04-07-2019, 01:34 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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I saw the debacle in random thoughts. I don't blame you.
debacle indeed...
I should've just shut up, lol I almost got banned
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  #253  
Unread 04-07-2019, 10:15 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

Ok, I've been depressed for about 2 weeks or something idek
I'm done with that. I'm just done being depressed. I had made so much progress and I think all the events with my uncle which really, I mean having him out of the house has been beautiful. But then there are some other things that have come as a result even tho this is really a good thing. I didn't even realize how much he affected me until he left, but immediately I could feel how much had been lifted from me
I also think I reached a point where I had to evaluate a lot of things as I'm just a very introspective person I guess. I really don't know what happened. I'm the kinda person who's always digging for those 'whys', but maybe it doesn't even matter


I feel like depressions aren't wholly negative things. Sometimes I think they're breaks we must take from physical reality to as I said reevaluate things. It's basically just that with anything that happens in my life I search for the reasons why both on the level of causality and overarching meaning. The latter is far more vital tho


Something cool that did happen was that Wednesday night I read some of my poetry out at an open mic. This was the first time in over a year and I'd only ever done it two times before, the second time I was also very sick and my voice pretty much gave out completely in the middle and someone had to finish for me. Both times were in highly intimidating settings with professional writers as opposed to this one which was more local, but those two others times my whole mentality was just different


My mentality those two times and with every other thing I'd do to pull myself out of my comfort zone was all about proving to myself just what I could do, putting myself out of my comfort zone just to see how far I could go. At this point I really have no doubts as to how far I can go and that I could do anything, so I don't need that. It's not a path of progression for me. Lately I've been needing something a little more, ya know?


I'd been trying to figure out what my new juice is. I have those inner tools so what's the next level??
Well that former mentality included doing some things solely for the sake of challenging myself. But you can't just take on everything in life that's challenging and even moreso JUST because it's challenging. And honestly, my inner monologue of questioning whether or not I should do things was basically..."does this make me scared on any level?" 'if no, then do it if you want to, if yes, then DEFINITELY DO IT NOW IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT IS'. I mean those are vital tools to gain, but after you gain them, you don't really need to keep doing that ****


Now it's more about meaning, something more personal. It's one thing to be able to go up in front of an audience and just get your *** out there and share something that you created, but it's another thing altogether to be able to actually make your time on that stage a piece of performance art which is one of my goals with my poetry reading. I know that's not gonna come until I do this so many times that I'm just that comfortable and natural up there that it's my default


I do have to admit that I was really nervous to go up and do this especially since I have social anxiety in every social circumstance. I tend to get shaky and stutter and all this other nerdy ****. But I had a quick convo with my sister who was also reading and had been reading her stuff this yr already and she told me to just own it. Just own my nervousness and my anxiety. I didn't even have very long to process that, but I enjoyed that fact since I just immediately went into action mode. I didn't give myself time to think about it all much altho I did think about what I'd go up and say


I kinda just went up there and told the crowd it was my third time ever reading something and I was extremely nervous. I explained to them why I was reading what I was since that particular night had a theme and I dedicated it to my mom since she has similar anxiety issues to mine that disturb greatly her creative process and orientation toward what she creates and I just did it. I wasn't nearly as shaky once I started and that quickly dissipated, but I still stuttered a bit. but that doesn't make me feel bad like it did in the past



Obviously I wasn't TOOO bad as some guy with very beautiful energy was flirting with me after


This was at a bar, but I hadn't had time to drink yet. I was 100% sober


Anyway--
---thing about anxiety is that it's really all about the fight or flight response. It's really just energy built up, priming us for action. That's what it is. It's an evolutionary advantage, otherwise it wouldn't be so rampant as it is. It helps get us out of our minds and just do what we need to do. That's the whole ironic duality of it. Anxiety prone individuals tend to overthink, yet anxiety calls us to stop thinking


As a result, I surprise myself all the ******* time. I'm very good at thinking on my feet, bullshitting in the moment, thinking fast and taking action based on those thoughts, and I have superwoman reflexes. Things like that. I'm thinking a lot of people with anxiety probably have these abilities laying latent within them as well and these are things we can tap into


What I've learned is that every traits comes with it's little partner in crime. The more extreme we are, the more likely we are to hold opposing traits of whatever extreme trait we have. So being a very extreme person in general like I am is quite the trip!!

As an example, if you're very anger prone or prone to extreme hatred, you really do have equally as extreme pools of love within you. That's just how it goes
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  #254  
Unread 04-07-2019, 10:36 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

I can't remember if I went over what happened with my uncle...
Basically I was waiting for a parcel to come in the mail: a pair of 160$(including shipping and tax) earrings. Beautiful ones I'd been looking forward to getting for weeks. The arrival time for these earrings wasn't set in stone since these were personally made earrings from an etsy company. I had ordered a ring from the same company a month prior to ordering the earrings and I figured I'd have to wait an extra month to get the earrings, but NOPE! Turns out that these earrings came around the same time I got the ring



My uncle spends all of my grandma's money on useless **** that in his delusional mind is part of his ""company"" even tho he rarely sells anything. He gets packages every single day and he's gotten to the point where he just assumes everything is his. But he also doesn't respect anyone else's property so a part of me wonders if he knows these things have the potential to be someone else's but just doesn't give a ****. Or maybe he even sees the name and just decides to keep it. Especially me because I'm the one person in the house who has the lowest tolerance for his **** because I just don't put up with peoples' ********


He's gotten three of my packages this year already including an iPhone 7+ my bestfriend set me and a 2TB external harddrive she also sent me. He also stole a pair of 100$ sai of mine with the excuse that he felt they were demonic ??? I had to personally go get these things from him, but getting those sai back was tough because he initially he completely lied. But this time,... he already sold the earrings for 20 ******* dollars and I know he genuinely did this. He wasn't lying. Such an idiot...


I was very straightforward and mature about it all even tho internally I was raging. I just calmly asked him if he had perhaps gotten my earrings and showed him a picture and he didn't lie to me. He told me he sold them and he'd try to get them back


I told him this in a very mature albeit cold tone, 'ok, either get me my earrings back, or get me 160$'. And Christ almighty. He went into a huge rage. He started getting so defensive... I guess he didn't like hearing his 25 yr old niece tell him that, but he's done so much ******** both ridiculous and abusive and there's absolutely nothing respectable about him. His hang up is that he wants everyone to respect him but he commands less respect than a 3 yr old. And I was being very adult about the whole thing but he basically threw an adult temper tantrum. He got so upset with me telling me things like, 'you know Celine you can't just get 160$!!! It's not that easy!!!!'. Acting like I didn't understand how much money it really was but like... yeah I do understand it, but he just stole it from me and I'm not gonna let him do that


I called him an idiot because that's what he is. I don't care to be fake with people just to soothe their egos. That's when he really started losing it. It got even more heated and we started getting into an argument, but then he threatened violence... I pretty much challenged him at that point and told him I'd call the police. So he pushed me. He's been violent with me before and I was so done with all of his ******** I just called the police and told them what happened and he was taken in


This man is ill, but the fact is, he knows how to be charming in front of people he needs to be. Well, not charming, but charming perhaps in comparison to his normal state. There was even one time he was raging and he didn't realize someone was over and as soon as he did, he just turned everything around. So we all know he has selfcontrol, he just doesn't care to use it around his family


He's in jail now. I also got a protective order against him(meaning he can't be within 200 yards of me legally) and I'm gonna extend it for 2 yrs. Good riddance. I really hope i never have to meet my uncle again



Some people just never learn that there are consequences to their actions and they need to. He needs to. My grandpa wanted to teach him, my grandma just wanted to baby him. He's not as strong as my mom is, so he just let himself be babied. She tried that **** on my mom too, but my mom didn't want to be babied. And their sister is leading a completely normal upper middle class life. Obviously my uncle isn't very strong so he really needed that guidance. if my grandma had allowed my grandpa to do that, my uncle would probably be happy right now


instead he's one of those people who's so unhappy that all they can do is take it out on other people
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  #255  
Unread 04-07-2019, 10:42 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

On that note, I have to say... I've never been in an online community before with so many people who are like that, who are like my uncle. Who just project all their ******** onto other people and who are just so delusional every interaction just leaves you dumbfounded

I don't know what it is about this site. I mean this is just an astrology site! I've been on reddit, on a site dedicated to an indie band, to a website dedicated to personality systems(like mbti and enneagram) and you'd think you'd find a lot of crazies there, but no. This site is a special one

But I think I'll end up staying. I have to separate myself from all the vents that happened yesterday. I won't be reading any moderator or admin emails in the next week. I'll just delete them. I'll put this individual on ignore and just keep them there for good and hope they respect the lines I've drawn


I love so many people on this website that I really would love to stay. I've just been in such a bad place already that everything affected me all that much more and I guess I'm already a very emotional person. But it's just a forum, it shouldn't be that big a deal. I can't take shame in what does affect me, but I suppose I wasn't prepared for the interaction I had with that individual because it was just so damned absurd and surreal
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  #256  
Unread 04-07-2019, 10:44 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

I even use twitter, but this forum really takes the cake LOL
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  #257  
Unread 04-07-2019, 11:14 PM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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Originally Posted by Lykanized View Post
On that note, I have to say... I've never been in an online community before with so many people who are like that, who are like my uncle. Who just project all their ******** onto other people and who are just so delusional every interaction just leaves you dumbfounded

I don't know what it is about this site. I mean this is just an astrology site! I've been on reddit, on a site dedicated to an indie band, to a website dedicated to personality systems(like mbti and enneagram) and you'd think you'd find a lot of crazies there, but no. This site is a special one

But I think I'll end up staying. I have to separate myself from all the vents that happened yesterday. I won't be reading any moderator or admin emails in the next week. I'll just delete them. I'll put this individual on ignore and just keep them there for good and hope they respect the lines I've drawn


I love so many people on this website that I really would love to stay. I've just been in such a bad place already that everything affected me all that much more and I guess I'm already a very emotional person. But it's just a forum, it shouldn't be that big a deal. I can't take shame in what does affect me, but I suppose I wasn't prepared for the interaction I had with that individual because it was just so damned absurd and surreal
This is not my first rodeo or my first astrology site. The other sites have the same deplorable shortcomings. Astrology attracts various parasites who think that astrologers would be easy pickin's -- a gullible bunch. So all kinds of riff-raff and sociopaths move in to push their agenda. They all pretend to be astrologers. IT IS EASY TO TELL WHO IS WHO.

The Boy Scouts organization attracts pedophiles to the roles of Scoutmaster. The Roman Catholic Church attracts preditors to the role of Priest. Astrology sites attract many kinds of preditors and psychopaths. It is not a reflection on you or on astrology.

I would be sad if you left. I just met you, and I hope you remain. You are well equipped to deal with the phonies. You handle yourself pretty well.
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  #258  
Unread 04-07-2019, 11:45 PM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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Originally Posted by Lykanized View Post
I can't remember if I went over what happened with my uncle...
Basically I was waiting for a parcel to come in the mail: a pair of 160$(including shipping and tax) earrings. Beautiful ones I'd been looking forward to getting for weeks. The arrival time for these earrings wasn't set in stone since these were personally made earrings from an etsy company. I had ordered a ring from the same company a month prior to ordering the earrings and I figured I'd have to wait an extra month to get the earrings, but NOPE! Turns out that these earrings came around the same time I got the ring



My uncle spends all of my grandma's money on useless **** that in his delusional mind is part of his ""company"" even tho he rarely sells anything. He gets packages every single day and he's gotten to the point where he just assumes everything is his. But he also doesn't respect anyone else's property so a part of me wonders if he knows these things have the potential to be someone else's but just doesn't give a ****. Or maybe he even sees the name and just decides to keep it. Especially me because I'm the one person in the house who has the lowest tolerance for his **** because I just don't put up with peoples' ********


He's gotten three of my packages this year already including an iPhone 7+ my bestfriend set me and a 2TB external harddrive she also sent me. He also stole a pair of 100$ sai of mine with the excuse that he felt they were demonic ??? I had to personally go get these things from him, but getting those sai back was tough because he initially he completely lied. But this time,... he already sold the earrings for 20 ******* dollars and I know he genuinely did this. He wasn't lying. Such an idiot...


I was very straightforward and mature about it all even tho internally I was raging. I just calmly asked him if he had perhaps gotten my earrings and showed him a picture and he didn't lie to me. He told me he sold them and he'd try to get them back


I told him this in a very mature albeit cold tone, 'ok, either get me my earrings back, or get me 160$'. And Christ almighty. He went into a huge rage. He started getting so defensive... I guess he didn't like hearing his 25 yr old niece tell him that, but he's done so much ******** both ridiculous and abusive and there's absolutely nothing respectable about him. His hang up is that he wants everyone to respect him but he commands less respect than a 3 yr old. And I was being very adult about the whole thing but he basically threw an adult temper tantrum. He got so upset with me telling me things like, 'you know Celine you can't just get 160$!!! It's not that easy!!!!'. Acting like I didn't understand how much money it really was but like... yeah I do understand it, but he just stole it from me and I'm not gonna let him do that


I called him an idiot because that's what he is. I don't care to be fake with people just to soothe their egos. That's when he really started losing it. It got even more heated and we started getting into an argument, but then he threatened violence... I pretty much challenged him at that point and told him I'd call the police. So he pushed me. He's been violent with me before and I was so done with all of his ******** I just called the police and told them what happened and he was taken in


This man is ill, but the fact is, he knows how to be charming in front of people he needs to be. Well, not charming, but charming perhaps in comparison to his normal state. There was even one time he was raging and he didn't realize someone was over and as soon as he did, he just turned everything around. So we all know he has selfcontrol, he just doesn't care to use it around his family


He's in jail now. I also got a protective order against him(meaning he can't be within 200 yards of me legally) and I'm gonna extend it for 2 yrs. Good riddance. I really hope i never have to meet my uncle again



Some people just never learn that there are consequences to their actions and they need to. He needs to. My grandpa wanted to teach him, my grandma just wanted to baby him. He's not as strong as my mom is, so he just let himself be babied. She tried that **** on my mom too, but my mom didn't want to be babied. And their sister is leading a completely normal upper middle class life. Obviously my uncle isn't very strong so he really needed that guidance. if my grandma had allowed my grandpa to do that, my uncle would probably be happy right now


instead he's one of those people who's so unhappy that all they can do is take it out on other people
Your uncle is a classic sociopath. No conscience. Con artist. Everything's a con or a manipulation. His upset feelings are a manipulation. All his feelings are displayed for effect. The physical threat is a manipulation. Everything is supposed to fragment the issue; divert away from his deeds. Its not his fault that he stole from you; its somehow your reaction of anger and your demand for his responsibility that is the offense. Complete pathology. He is a dangerous offender obviously.
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  #259  
Unread 04-08-2019, 01:27 AM
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Smile Re: In need of some light in the darkness

It's even worse when someone of this sort can easily convince others that he's not to blame, no matter how obvious that he is when you examine the facts. That's one of the hallmarks of a really adept, sociopathic con artist.
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  #260  
Unread 04-08-2019, 05:28 PM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

Hey Lykan, I found an article that might interest you. It's about the use of draconic charts in astrological consultation.

http://www.noeltyl.com/insights/081031.html
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  #261  
Unread 06-06-2019, 10:12 PM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

Hey guys!
Iíll look at that later Con Theorist. I love you bae
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  #262  
Unread 06-06-2019, 10:15 PM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

I had this idea come to me earlier that Saturn relates to the myth of Daedalus and Icarus. And itís not solely with the message if ďdonít fly so close to the sun!!Ē either. Iíve been trying to find satisfactory ways of understanding Saturn since nothing conventional satisfies me

Given that I find this myth has reentered the collection consciousness and unconscious, I was gonna be studying it anyway. So Iíll see what I find
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Unread 06-07-2019, 02:28 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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Hey guys!
Iíll look at that later Con Theorist. I love you bae
Anytime Lykan. You know I adore the **** out of you
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  #264  
Unread 06-07-2019, 02:43 PM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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Originally Posted by Lykanized View Post
I had this idea come to me earlier that Saturn relates to the myth of Daedalus and Icarus. And itís not solely with the message if ďdonít fly so close to the sun!!Ē either. Iíve been trying to find satisfactory ways of understanding Saturn since nothing conventional satisfies me

Given that I find this myth has reentered the collection consciousness and unconscious, I was gonna be studying it anyway. So Iíll see what I find
Well, Saturn rules gravity and limitations. I see both in that myth. No matter how technologically advanced you are, you still have to obey the laws of nature. Flying is apparently okay if you can come up with a way to do it, but the sun is still hot, it still melts wax, and gravity still pulls you down.

I actually see it as a Jupiter/Saturn conversation. Jupiter is the flying: spreading your wings, literally, creating wings in the first place, doing the impossible (humans flying). Breaking free, too: they did it to break out of prison. Saturn intervenes, just by being what it is, when Icarus gets overconfident.
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Unread 06-12-2019, 10:10 PM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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Hey Lykan, I found an article that might interest you. It's about the use of draconic charts in astrological consultation.

http://www.noeltyl.com/insights/081031.html
What I find intriguing about my Draconic and natal charts is that my Draconic moon, well it doesn't opposite my natal sun since my natal sun is at 29 degrees and my draconic moon is at 1 degree, but they're in opposite signs. My Sun and Mercury go to Scorpio ruled by a Pisces Pluto and my natal sun would be considered Piscean if decans are used. Venus goes to Libra while my natal Venus trines Jupiter in Libra. My NN is in Sag which becomes both my ASC and my Chiron in Draconic astrology

Another thing that strikes me is that Saturn forms hard aspects in my chart, notably a square to my MC, but my Draconic Saturn conjuncts my natal MC and Venus

In sidereal, my NN is actually Scorpio too

A lot of people discount Draconic astrology and I really have been curious to go down to the core and discover its roots and really dig into them, but that's proven hard to do. Apparently they're ancient, but may have possibly been misinterpreted while translating ancient texts. I'd have to see for myself
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  #266  
Unread 06-13-2019, 01:04 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

I got into using fentanyl and I decided to get a spiritual reading on the matter as I slowly became a daily user and silently to me, I would have to say I was an addict
Fentanyl is many times stronger than morphine and heroin and this was the 100 dose **** I was using


I was told there's basically a demon who's been attached to me. They 'want me dead, but they'll settle for chained and dreaming'. Why? Apparently my intelligence is off the charts and I have abilities and talents many can't fathom


I don't know how true that is, but I went clean. I went cold turkey which isn't recommended so I'm not sure if I'll maybe start tapering myself. I felt the physical effects of the withdrawals pretty hard yesterday but today it's hitting me more emotionally and mentally since my dopamine levels are regulating


I'm gonna be focusing more on practicing magick and meditation. I find that I don't really need much guidance, my higher self is good enough. An experience practitioner told me what I have been doing is traversing risky territory, but I don't feel like I am. As I go deeper, I'll need to do protection spells and the such, but this is the realm I'm being invited to and guided to so I can't just run away from it


I was also told that there are many things that can charge spells, but emotions are one of them so I'm finding that being as emotional as I am may serve to be a major benefit for me as I traverse those grounds
emotions are probably the most powerful charge for spells so I'll just feel grateful for the fact I am so emotional by nature. It's about focusing those emotions and giving them a channel. That's where the magick happens
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Last edited by Lykanized; 06-13-2019 at 01:17 AM.
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  #267  
Unread 06-23-2019, 10:21 PM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

Lykanized, have you ever tried DMT? While it is illegal an I'm not recommending it (or am I?), the visions and beings one sees during a trip can be quite....enlightening.
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  #268  
Unread 06-24-2019, 01:54 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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Lykanized, have you ever tried DMT? While it is illegal an I'm not recommending it (or am I?), the visions and beings one sees during a trip can be quite....enlightening.
Any mind altering substance is dangerous to recommend to someone who tends to become a daily user.

I think there is a connection between drugs and the divine, but it's been perverted to the point of becoming very dangerous. In the distant past, what we might think of as a drug trip was a shamanic experience, with something like soma or ayahuasca or amanita muscaria (known to us today as shrooms). But it wasn't just taking something to get high. If you were going to do that, you spent days, weeks, or even months preparing yourself spiritually, and preparing the medicine itself, in a specific way, in communion with the plant (or fungus, as the case may be).

Getting high on modern drugs, "natural" or otherwise, is not that kind of shamanic experience. There isn't much respect for the source of the drug. There's usually no preparation other than obtaining it. Most crucially, there's no sacred culture around the drug: no shamans who've been working with it for generations and can tell their apprentices exactly how to do it properly, no sense of propriety to observe. It just comes down to, "Get me high!"

Divine medicine needs to be respected, and worked with respectfully, or else not used at all.

That said, I've had my own forays into mind altering substances, and they were interesting. Overwhelming, in one case: coming down from a mushroom trip, I heard my roommate's cat talk in a human voice. I was not ready for that!

But I don't think it's a good idea to keep doing any kind of drug if you tend to get addicted. Better to learn to alter your consciousness without them.

In fact, non-hallucinogenic plants can also be a good meditation aid, and meditating with them can be a trip in itself, though not with detrimental side effects. I just published a new article on my blog about that.
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Blaze (06-24-2019)
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Unread 06-24-2019, 02:35 AM
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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"Get me high!"

Divine medicine needs to be respected, and worked with respectfully, or else not used at all.
That's definitely the reason some do it. I don't, though. I found that the trip I had was a lot like the deep meditation visions I have. It was quite something to say the least!

One of my goals in life is to "discern the nature of reality" and meditation has done something like that, but I'm always open to other ways of seeing what we call reality.

The answer I seek is always right there but it slips away so quickly. Like a dream.

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That said, I've had my own forays into mind altering substances, and they were interesting. Overwhelming, in one case: coming down from a mushroom trip, I heard my roommate's cat talk in a human voice. I was not ready for that!

But I don't think it's a good idea to keep doing any kind of drug if you tend to get addicted. Better to learn to alter your consciousness without them.

In fact, non-hallucinogenic plants can also be a good meditation aid, and meditating with them can be a trip in itself, though not with detrimental side effects. I just published a new article on my blog about that.

Is your blog in your sig? I'd like to read it.

Edit, Never mind, saw it now.

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Osamenor (06-30-2019)
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Lykanized, have you ever tried DMT? While it is illegal an I'm not recommending it (or am I?), the visions and beings one sees during a trip can be quite....enlightening.
I havenít, but I want to. Iíve wanted to for a good while. It wouldnít be something Iíd ever get addicted to and Iíd have far too much respect for the plant than to do that anyway. Iíd approach it with power and intention and speak to the aether before taking it to make sure Iím ready and have a reason to be doing it

I have no means of attaining DMT right now tho sadly 😕
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

The areas Iím now traversing spiritually arenít in the books and if I was to speak of them, only a few would understand. This fact makes me feel trepidationís, yet I know this is what Iím supposed to do

Most people seem to be born with their powers, but I find that the only powers Iíve had throughout life, all throughout life, are intuition, being able to tell whether what Iím presented is true or not, and having bursts of information flood through me, information I somehow know is true. Itís been helpful to guide me on a journey of finding things I need to remember aspects of what I always was and always will be, powers I forgot I had

Itís very possible if I was always in full awareness of my powers, theyíd kill me, quite literally kill me. Or so Iíve been told. So instead I think I was taken on a journey where everything could come to me gradually tho on another level, my evolution is so fast that from day to day it can be light years from the last stop

So Iím very much discovering my powers now and I do have a sense theyíre far too immense to have always understood and grasped, but only time will tell
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

I was very briefly attracted to magick especially after this insight I had about the power words have to affect us and our 'realities'. But I've realized that I don't really need the structure of magick. Perhaps some people do and for others it just suits their taste, but tbqh, I think it's all so much easier than that. It requires no tools, only your self

I've been practicing it on very simple fronts lately many times a day and I feel like my connection will expand A LOT in the coming year. Probably more than I'm really prepared for, but ultimately, my goal is to help others understand this ability in their own selves. As my connection expands, I'll come to understand it more intimately and be able to translate it to others and perhaps help them access it in their own selves

The truth is, everyone uses it without knowing. But consciously accessing it is necessary for most people to fully embrace their power as much as they can

It takes a perspective shift to be able to access this power, that's all. It's also a science, it's just one that humanity doesn't really understand yet. I'm not a scientific individual tho so I'll engage that aspect of it, but the way I personally interpret them isn't encoded in a scientific language
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Unread 07-11-2019, 07:24 AM
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Smile Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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The areas Iím now traversing spiritually arenít in the books and if I was to speak of them, only a few would understand. This fact makes me feel trepidationís, yet I know this is what Iím supposed to do

Most people seem to be born with their powers, but I find that the only powers Iíve had throughout life, all throughout life, are intuition, being able to tell whether what Iím presented is true or not, and having bursts of information flood through me, information I somehow know is true. Itís been helpful to guide me on a journey of finding things I need to remember aspects of what I always was and always will be, powers I forgot I had

Itís very possible if I was always in full awareness of my powers, theyíd kill me, quite literally kill me. Or so Iíve been told. So instead I think I was taken on a journey where everything could come to me gradually tho on another level, my evolution is so fast that from day to day it can be light years from the last stop

So Iím very much discovering my powers now and I do have a sense theyíre far too immense to have always understood and grasped, but only time will tell
If you have to learn to use your powers, you'll make a much better teacher than those who obtain them without effort.
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

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If you have to learn to use your powers, you'll make a much better teacher than those who obtain them without effort.
That's true...

I've had this thought before of lightly, very lightly categorizing various aspects of us as individuals. I feel like we all come into this world with strengths, inherent strengths. These strengths are aids, but I don't think they represent anything we could give to anyone else since anything inherent like that is gonna be part of an assumed conception of reality and self we perhaps can't even comprehend not being there. The logic being that strengths that come naturally to us creates no friction within and therefor don't make their presence known in an overwhelming fashion that demands to be understood, analyzed, or otherwise dissected

Things we have to fight for on the other hand I'd say are on the opposite end of that spectrum. In my case, from the beginning what defined me was feeling powerless and limp and as if I was helpless to myself and every facet of my reality that were seemingly happening to me in ways I couldn't in any way affect. That feeling creates friction. It's a weakness and it has to be fought against, fighting the currents, fighting gravity

I feel like I can teach this to people since this power now coming into focus wasn't something I was conscious of for the overwhelming majority of my life
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david starling (07-12-2019)
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Re: In need of some light in the darkness

I've been through so many thought systems and obscure corners of the internet, but my journey is taking me in a new direction. I've gotten it confirmed multiple times that magic runs in my family. I've been able to use it and I was told I could probably feel this magic all my life, but it won't be free flowing until I'm 29. That's what I got confirmed... That there is magic in my family and that'll receive it at 29


Someone with similar abilities to mine(I can put thoughts in peoples' head, send energy, feel their reaction when they're particularly intense, and make things happen in the physical world, I can also make psychic shields, but that's basic) and he pointed out something that never dawned on me: That age, 29, may align with my saturn return. Since my Saturn is at the 28th degree, my return will be p late. I calculated the exact month and year and it will be February 2023


Until then, I have to make lots of changes and the transformation occuring now is the deepest one I've ever been through. It's bizarre because as I make changes that will help me become the person who can achieve what I desire to, I'm actually making changes that will also allow my magic to be wielded wholly and with confidence and self control


That's new for me. I'm cultivating discipline and self control. I realized that with the right about of discipline, we can direct our energy fully to what we choose rather than having the energy running all over the place. I'm learning to tame my mind as it's very reckless by nature


Then it occurred to me that these are rather Saturnine changes... the devil, bondage, liberation, removing self limiting beliefs, discipline, the beauty of conserving energy and directing it where I desire to. There's a beauty to restriction as it makes what we do far more powerful and intense. It's like the difference between letting your sexual appetite take the reins while having sex and the whole thing is over in minutes. **** that. You can make it last for hours!
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