How do I meet people both romantically and placonically

clip11 said:

It's very frustrating, because it seems like life just conspires against me to make sure I have no opportunities and I have no idea on how to go about making any. And if I ask anyone what they did to make friends or meet a significant other, no one can tell me. It seems like something that is supposed to just organically happen, you know? Not something you make happen. And im just looking for some glimmer of hope. Am I destined to just go to work, come home, rinse and repeat until im old and dead? I really hope not. I know that having a 4th house stellium is hurting rather than helping things. But is there something in my chart that will bring any luck to me in these areas?

Is it ny Saturn or a bunch of planets in the 4th house? Im so desperate to figure out an answer to this. Why can others just make friends and get romantic partners by just living their daily lives but not me?

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Harmelia said:

Hi Clip 11!
I've responded to many of your posts. I'm wondering what you take away from them. You are always so genuinely disturbed by something. Today I pulled up your chart on my professional software and have you saved in my files. That way I can look at transits and progressions easily.

Anyway, we have several planetary influences in common. We have Virgo rising - with mutable signs on our cross. We have Sagittarius Moon in the 4th. Our nodes are similar in that there is an Aries-Libra influence - yours by sign and mine by house. My South Node is in Virgo in the 1st house - Aries natural house. So, I can personally related to some of your influences.

But I also want to say that I think your assumption that people have relationships effortlessly - is maybe a little too dramatic. I think people have a great deal of trouble with relationships generally. It may not look like from the outside - but they do. Some people put up with a lot of **** while others don't take any ****. The one's willing to put up with a lot of **** stay in relationships longer.

With Virgo rising and Sag Moon - there are high standards set - for yourself and other people. I'm in the same boat. I have very high standards and not very many people meet them. You are also a Capricorn Sun with Mercury and Neptune. Capricorns tend to be very comfortable with solitude. They can be loners. They don't reach out to others so easily - as they aren't as social in a fun kind of way. They love to work.

Now, I'm not saying you can't have a love relationship. Many Capricorns have them. I'm just pointing out that there are influences here you might consider working with. I think the high standards of Sag and Virgo are most likely the thing you might look at. They have high standards and also can be critical of others too. So, they aren't attracted to a lot of people. How inviting are you to others - really? I don't know the answer to that, but I wonder how you come across. Since I have the same Sag and Virgo influences, I'd honestly say that I don't come across as very inviting. I'm friendly, a good conversationalist, caring and giving - but in terms of love relationships - I'm not inviting. My standards are very high. I've heard this from many others - particularly the Sag Sun and Moon people, but also Virgo people. Our attention is more geared toward work, analysis, meaning of life questions, understanding things . . . Virgo also is a bit worry wort - and is focused on helping. Helping isn't the same as a love relationship.

That said - Virgos have relationships too. But, there needs to be a strong willingness to compromise what you want - to work at the relationship - to sacrifice your own goals at least a little. You have to love someone enough to give up something. In your case, you've got an Aries North Node - very independent. For you to personally develop that North Node, you'll have to be very independent within your relationship. You'll need a partner with good boundaries and who is secure enough to give you room.

Honestly, I think there is luck involved in this love thing. Finding a right person isn't easy for those who can't compromise too much. Those willing to compromise a lot, can always find someone. Those willing to compromise only so much, well - there's luck needed in coming across a much smaller number of good matches. And sometimes I think that not every lifetime is going to be about having that kind of relationship. Also, your Chiron is in Gemini on MC. There is a problem with how you think of yourself in regard to your social life. Perhaps you need to reflect upon your social self-identity. Who are you socially compared to how you'd like to be - and what thoughts do you think that might not be creating the social life you want?

Anyway, these are the thoughts I have looking at your chart.

SP Sun is in Aquarius and SP Moon is in Aries. These are the two most independent signs in the zodiac. NN in Aries anyway, says that you are learning to be more independent. Perhaps if you come across as more independent socially, that will be more attractive. Feeling like you want a relationship can come across as needy. If you're doing that, try acting more independent - feel independent - feel autonomous - and see if that gives you a stronger, more attractive presentation. Don't care so much and need so much. Virgo can be needy. Your SP Moon is in the 7th house of relationships in Aries - so that could work for you.

When we feel good alone, have self-love, and don't need a relationship to feel whole - we are more attractive to others.

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Harmelia said:

Hi Clip 11!
I've responded to many of your posts. I'm wondering what you take away from them. You are always so genuinely disturbed by something. Today I pulled up your chart on my professional software and have you saved in my files. That way I can look at transits and progressions easily.

Anyway, we have several planetary influences in common. We have Virgo rising - with mutable signs on our cross. We have Sagittarius Moon in the 4th. Our nodes are similar in that there is an Aries-Libra influence - yours by sign and mine by house. My South Node is in Virgo in the 1st house - Aries natural house. So, I can personally related to some of your influences.

But I also want to say that I think your assumption that people have relationships effortlessly - is maybe a little too dramatic. I think people have a great deal of trouble with relationships generally. It may not look like from the outside - but they do. Some people put up with a lot of **** while others don't take any ****. The one's willing to put up with a lot of **** stay in relationships longer.

With Virgo rising and Sag Moon - there are high standards set - for yourself and other people. I'm in the same boat. I have very high standards and not very many people meet them. You are also a Capricorn Sun with Mercury and Neptune. Capricorns tend to be very comfortable with solitude. They can be loners. They don't reach out to others so easily - as they aren't as social in a fun kind of way. They love to work.

Now, I'm not saying you can't have a love relationship. Many Capricorns have them. I'm just pointing out that there are influences here you might consider working with. I think the high standards of Sag and Virgo are most likely the thing you might look at. They have high standards and also can be critical of others too. So, they aren't attracted to a lot of people. How inviting are you to others - really? I don't know the answer to that, but I wonder how you come across. Since I have the same Sag and Virgo influences, I'd honestly say that I don't come across as very inviting. I'm friendly, a good conversationalist, caring and giving - but in terms of love relationships - I'm not inviting. My standards are very high. I've heard this from many others - particularly the Sag Sun and Moon people, but also Virgo people. Our attention is more geared toward work, analysis, meaning of life questions, understanding things . . . Virgo also is a bit worry wort - and is focused on helping. Helping isn't the same as a love relationship.

That said - Virgos have relationships too. But, there needs to be a strong willingness to compromise what you want - to work at the relationship - to sacrifice your own goals at least a little. You have to love someone enough to give up something. In your case, you've got an Aries North Node - very independent. For you to personally develop that North Node, you'll have to be very independent within your relationship. You'll need a partner with good boundaries and who is secure enough to give you room.

Honestly, I think there is luck involved in this love thing. Finding a right person isn't easy for those who can't compromise too much. Those willing to compromise a lot, can always find someone. Those willing to compromise only so much, well - there's luck needed in coming across a much smaller number of good matches. And sometimes I think that not every lifetime is going to be about having that kind of relationship. Also, your Chiron is in Gemini on MC. There is a problem with how you think of yourself in regard to your social life. Perhaps you need to reflect upon your social self-identity. Who are you socially compared to how you'd like to be - and what thoughts do you think that might not be creating the social life you want?

Anyway, these are the thoughts I have looking at your chart.

SP Sun is in Aquarius and SP Moon is in Aries. These are the two most independent signs in the zodiac. NN in Aries anyway, says that you are learning to be more independent. Perhaps if you come across as more independent socially, that will be more attractive. Feeling like you want a relationship can come across as needy. If you're doing that, try acting more independent - feel independent - feel autonomous - and see if that gives you a stronger, more attractive presentation. Don't care so much and need so much. Virgo can be needy. Your SP Moon is in the 7th house of relationships in Aries - so that could work for you.

When we feel good alone, have self-love, and don't need a relationship to feel whole - we are more attractive to others.

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clip11 said:

Thanks for the reply

You know, I try to come across as cordial and friendly and im not a mean person. But I still really don't have friends and it seems like I can only make brief acquaintances. And then I see people who have a lot of friends and a big social circle and I wonder to myself "What did they DO to achieve that? What is the secret?" But perhaps, they didn't DO anything. Maybe there is no secret. Maybe life just made it happen for them and not for me.

Because I don't even have any opportunities to make friends or meet anyone in a romantic sense. It's not like im always rejecting people because of high standards. It's like my life circumstances are such that I literally have no way to even form any relationship. I get up, go to work, perhaps go to the gym before work and come home to sleep. And get up to do it over again.

And that is honestly beginning to be one of my worst fears. That Ill do that for the rest of my life and die alone. And I wonder, did I do anything to deserve this? I don't know if it's a personality defect I don't know i have, but I genuinely hate being the way that I am. And I don't know how to change it.

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IleneK said:

First and foremost, you do not have a personality defect, clip11 .

I agree with Harmelia's wise advice about relationships:

Honestly, I think there is luck involved in this love thing. Finding a right person isn't easy for those who can't compromise too much. Those willing to compromise a lot, can always find someone. Those willing to compromise only so much, well - there's luck needed in coming across a much smaller number of good matches


​

and

When we feel good alone, have self-love, and don't need a relationship to feel whole - we are more attractive to others.


​

I would only qualify that I personally don't think luck is involved; I think that life unfolding is involved. When all the unique causes and conditions that bring your life to the current moment are ripe for someone to step into your life, they will.

And your job is to appreciate yourself and your life as it is. Both are whole all the time, fully in each moment. When it is time for you to be in a relationship you will and in the meantime bring your attention to kindness toward yourself and your life. You deserve such kindness from yourself to yourself. And you will feel a whole lot better.

To connect with such feelings of compassion and kindness, I would suggest following the ephemeris for triggering transits of the Moon, Sun and Mars to your dignified and angular natal Jupiter in Pisces on the cusp of your 7th house. When those planets make hard contacts you may feel this sense of spacious generosity toward self and others. You can rest in that.


I am wishing you the very best.

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clip11 said:

"First and foremost, you do not have a personality defect, clip11"

I wish I could believe that. But it doesn't make sense that I do everything that I was told to do to make friends and yet I really don't have any. I can't lie, I get jealous of people who are very popular because usually they didn't do anything more than I did and yet life just make sure they have a large social circle.

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Katarzena said:

Hello!
I'm also a Virgo rising and got Capricorn on the 5th house cusp.

Cap in the 5th is someone who doesn't find it easy to let go of self control and have fun. So probably you're a bit scared of drinking too much etc. Virgo rising is also really orderly and with the details. Make a conscious decision to have some fun.

Go dancing. Or dance to the mirror.

Find peace in loneliness, Cap in the 5th will feel comfortable alone, give it a try. It may take a long while.

Going from work to home doesn't give you a lot of opportunities to meet anyone. Gym doesn't either. Try going to a dancing class or join some kind of society in your area. Or exercise group. Or evening class. And take it easy. Just go, see how you feel about it. You don't have to do it again if you don't want to.

With romance it's usually a chemical thing. It's hard to explain. You feel a pull towards someone when they hug you. Physical touch is necessary here. So dancing would be good. Usually you'll be able to tell if it's mutual.

With Cap in the 5th I find most people sexually neutral. Chemistry is a rare thing but it does happen.

It's true that when you feel comfortable with yourself this is when you are more likely to meet someone. When you feel like you know who you are by yourself deep down. If you had a lot of planets in the 7th maybe then I'd say you need relationships.

But maybe what you want is family? Have you tried online dating? Everyone is doing it. Again don't take it too seriously, talk and meet many people.

The main thing is to enjoy yourself. If you're doing what someone told you to, that's not gonna work. Find something that you like doing and do it.

Also I have recently met someone I was willing to befriend but he kept on complaining to me about not having many friends. That's annoying to hear for someone who is being friendly to you. It's not about quantity but quality. At least for some. He was also not really aware of boundaries sharing intimate details of other friends with me. Well what would happen if I shared something? Everyone would hear about it? Best to ground yourself in who you are and your views on things. And one day you'll meet someone who likes you and your point of view.

Also keep in mind loneliness is actually a pandemic right now. There are many many lonely people.

Best wishes!

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clip11 said:

It's very frustrating, because it seems like life just conspires against me to make sure I have no opportunities and I have no idea on how to go about making any. And if I ask anyone what they did to make friends or meet a significant other, no one can tell me. It seems like something that is supposed to just organically happen, you know? Not something you make happen. And im just looking for some glimmer of hope. Am I destined to just go to work, come home, rinse and repeat until im old and dead? I really hope not. I know that having a 4th house stellium is hurting rather than helping things. But is there something in my chart that will bring any luck to me in these areas?

Is it ny Saturn or a bunch of planets in the 4th house? Im so desperate to figure out an answer to this. Why can others just make friends and get romantic partners by just living their daily lives but not me?

https://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=85597&d=1591076930?

Click to expand...