He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his mind?

craft94

Well-known member
Justifying what you already believe has never been and will never be any part of a legitimate search for truth. When you seek what you already believe you can only find what you already believe. Seek to prove your self wrong and you can usually learn something. Seeking self-love is your main problem because there is nothing to love about your self. The self or the ego is pure selfishness. It is the ego-centric "How does this benefit me?" perspective by which an infant relates to the world. It makes you self-obsessed, self-depressed and self-anxious and these states of mind make you want to self-control how everyone else behaves in order to protect your self. It is a treacherous feedback loop until you cut it and tell your self to take several seats. Notice your complaint, how considerately you want others to treat you and then notice how inconsiderate you are to others. Your egocentric double-mindedness is what makes you unstable. You want to get what you want and none of what you don't want, and you don't care what anyone else gets. In other words, you do not want to end suffering. You want to end suffering for your self only. Demanding subjectivity to be as good as reality is a crime as old as humanity. Your foundation is wrong and your mental life will crumble each time until you get it right. Consider keeping your self under control rather than allow it to control you and you'll be pretty as a peach, inside and out.

As to depression and anxiety, they are neurotic diseases of the mind which have a purpose to alert the soul where and how it needs to grow. Being neurotic diseases, depression and anxiety are on the very opposite end of the scale from psychosis. Psychosis means to be detached from reality. Depression and anxiety result from being too attached to reality that reality is disabling. People tend to cling to comfortable weights that drown them. Depression and anxiety are a mechanism of self (see above) protection which is the wrong path. The self needs to be confronted, the demons faced. Depression and anxiety are not illnesses of the brain. This is why medication does not cure. Medication masks the symptoms which is to make the person feel better about being broken. If we are broken, we should want to feel broken, so that we can know what needs to be fixed. Depression and anxiety feel uncomfortable which is why the self (i.e., infant egocentrism) is desperate to get rid of them quickly. They are not easy to shake but they are impossible to shake unless the patient takes full responsibility for their thoughts and in the correct way. That is why Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) is the number one choice for combating these ailments, because it teaches the patient to take full responsibility for their mental state and to correct with reality the patients' erroneous cognition. Depression and anxiety stem from the emotion centre of the brain, the amygdala, which has monosynaptic projections to the cortex. Monosynaptic means they effect the cortex, not vice versa, which means the cortex cannot inhibit depression and anxiety. However, intelligence and therefore intellectual growth (i.e., CBT) is modulated by the cortex. This means, whilst the cortex cannot inhibit depression and anxiety, it can override them by intention. This effortful and consistent feedback to the amygdala results in neuronal representation within it which targets the cause and ends, rather than masks, the problem.

Painting, music, medication, kicking-off, etc. are masks. They may make you feel better but they are not necessary for your recovery. What you need to do is some hard work in confronting the self each and every single time it tries to control you. It's probably hard for you to trust me on that, particularly since you have the amygdala sending you emotional signals which you find hard to ignore. But by confronting what holds you back, you can learn to ignore some of it because some of it is not always rational. You've tried it your way and it's not getting you far. If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. I know you'd rather hand your responsibility for your wellbeing over to little Johnny, rafaella, your doctor, etc. because then you never need to blame your self. To save you time and energy, however, you are barking up the wrong tree. These people are neither responsible for what is within you nor can they heal you. They also have a right to make decisions indepenently of your agreement and often they will not be in your best interest. You are not the centre of anyone's universe nor will you ever be. It is a fact of life. Only you can make decisions that are in your best interest. Only you can cut off those weights that drown you. You can overcome so much more if only you give your self the chance. All the very best x x x

Not necessarily insulted but I am thinking you got the wrong impression of me
 

waybread

Well-known member
I've been shaking my head over this thread.

craft94, isn't it time that you focus on your inner beauty, not on your outward appearance? Secondarily, many of us got short-changed when the good looks were handed out. I, for one. If you're a wee bit obsessive about your appearance, just spend a modest amount of time looking your best: a flattering haircut, colours and style that suit you is pretty much all you need. Then focus on the other people in your life, activities you enjoy, doing good for someone else, &c. Most women are dissatisfied with their appearance according to surveys. Which is why I don't look in the mirror too often.

I strongly disagree about any stereotypes about the male of the species. My husband insists that men are more visually oriented than women, yet we've been married nearly 20 years, long after my youthful allure gave way to senior citizen status.

Much of this has been said before, but Venus (you) is combust the sun, and the moon (your stake in the matter) applies to a square with the moon. So far as the potential relationship goes, you're not in such a strong position. Since it didn't amount to much I'm more inclined to see the guy as a 5th house than a 7th house matter, but either way: Venus does not apply to an aspect with Saturn, and it applies to an opposition with Mars (7th house ruler.) With both those planets retrograde, it looks like he's had second thoughts about you. Or about his money (2nd house placements.)

I don't think your looks are the problem, as Venus suggests actual beauty. Rather, he might have simply decided you're not his type, or been something of a player at heart.
 

sibylline

Well-known member
Hi Craft *hugs*

Everyone's given you a lot of good advice. Don't reject it outright; I know that Libra is still in there. I completely agree with Dirius' post #34. And don't put your defenses up because Tessie gave sage advice in first paragraph post #39.

You posed this as an horary but the problem, as I told you long before this occurred, is in his natal. Unsurprisingly he behaved as his natal suggested. In this case, it's really not you, it's him. I sent you a PM. :)
 

Kitchy

Banned
bottom line -

most boys don't know what they want and it easily gets worse when they get older.

let them test the field, test the waters, with others who are fine with it.

no one said you had to be fine with it, and no one said it would work out the way you wanted.

what more do you want? your feelings are legitimate from the perspective of one of thinks "i'm all in" when the other has folded. it happens. you're young. you'll rise above it.

best horary reading ever:

don't waste your time on someone who doesn't want you - and while you're at it - make sure he needs you more than you need him.
 

craft94

Well-known member
Also, the Sun in this chart is conjunct his Natal Sun and my Natal Ascendant if that means anything. My Sun is in the 1st house of this chart and his Moon is in th 7th, jf that means anything.
 

Kitchy

Banned
Tenacious C -

What is the answer you want from all of this?

Is it Saturn - "but YOU came after me - there must be a commitment!"

Or is it Pluto - "how dare you recognize my dark side so quickly and reject me?"

Or is it Neptune - "Nobody understands what I'm asking...."


What is it that you are really wanting out of all of this? Your answer gets 10 pts for honesty - whatever your answer is if it is honest.

Then we can delve further into the the layers of this blind onion question.
 

besitos

Well-known member
i find i have a similar reaction when people don't answer the exact question i had asked -- if the answer cannot be answered by the chart then that should be pointed out more directly. The person who asked the question should also respect their own responsibility in a conversation as well (how they are being understood).
 

waybread

Well-known member
Nobody is obligated to respond to a question in the way that the OPer assumes it should be answered. We are mostly a bunch of unpaid amateurs on this forum.

Sometimes OPers have highly unrealistic ideas that involve forcing the oracle to give the answer they want. This isn't how honest astrology works.

You get what you pay for.
 

Nikki of Dawn

New member
Hey this comment has nothing to do with horary astrology...I've experienced a couple guys who lost interest in me years ago. Fortunately I wasn't overly into them in the final analysis.
Then this past year, one of them contacted me out of the blue and said he really regretted not keeping in touch with me, even marrying me. I had no idea.

Not saying this guy will do the same for you. But just saying, sometimes people think they know what they want- and they actually do. Then other times they think they know, but later realize they didn't. Again not making any promises on this person and what will or can happen.

Let me ask you this. Is the nagging question as you may have said, more trying to figure out the perplexing nature of this person's response? Or, do you have a gut feeling that all is not really being expressed by him?
Just some food for thought. If its not the world, then yeah you will probably eventually know.
 

craft94

Well-known member
Tenacious C -

What is the answer you want from all of this?

Is it Saturn - "but YOU came after me - there must be a commitment!"

Or is it Pluto - "how dare you recognize my dark side so quickly and reject me?"

Or is it Neptune - "Nobody understands what I'm asking...."


What is it that you are really wanting out of all of this? Your answer gets 10 pts for honesty - whatever your answer is if it is honest.

Then we can delve further into the the layers of this blind onion question.
None of these. Pluto is probably the closest but I wouldnt necessarily call it my "dark side"...maybe. I just wanted to know what drove him away. I'd rather not talk publicly about the details but I'd message you if you want to get a better sense of the situation/what I'm asking, though you probably do have some idea

For all I know, he could have an account on here (which I doubt but weird coincidences are always happening)
 
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craft94

Well-known member
Hey this comment has nothing to do with horary astrology...I've experienced a couple guys who lost interest in me years ago. Fortunately I wasn't overly into them in the final analysis.
Then this past year, one of them contacted me out of the blue and said he really regretted not keeping in touch with me, even marrying me. I had no idea.

Not saying this guy will do the same for you. But just saying, sometimes people think they know what they want- and they actually do. Then other times they think they know, but later realize they didn't. Again not making any promises on this person and what will or can happen.

Let me ask you this. Is the nagging question as you may have said, more trying to figure out the perplexing nature of this person's response? Or, do you have a gut feeling that all is not really being expressed by him?
Just some food for thought. If its not the world, then yeah you will probably eventually know.
He doesn't know what he wants, that much is clear. He changes his mind every five minutes,
 

Nikki of Dawn

New member
~Craft94,

...right. So yeah, who knows what this guy will ever do. Funny, don't hold your breath for him. But if he calls you 10yrs later, you can look back and say we never know what odd things can occur in life eh?
 

Nikki of Dawn

New member
He doesn't know what he wants, that much is clear. He changes his mind every five minutes,

...right. So yeah, don't hold your breath for this guy.

Funny though, so if he happens to call you in 10yrs and says he likes you after all, you can look back, recall what happened and decide whichever direction you want to go with it.
 
"In that case he wasn't that into you"
"In what case? The case that I'm ugly,"

Rafaela meant he wasn't that into you because if he was, he wouldn't have lost interest.
 

craft94

Well-known member
"In that case he wasn't that into you"
"In what case? The case that I'm ugly,"

Rafaela meant he wasn't that into you because if he was, he wouldn't have lost interest.

That makes sense, but I was mainly referring to sexual attraction, nothing more. I never thought he was in love with me (or anybody but who knows)
 
I'm a newbie at astrology so can't answer your astrology question but I've been in that situation before though where you push people away and then analyze why and why to the point of punishing yourself. It's not nice to be in that zone. So I feel ya.

Some great advice though. Like the user (sorry can't remember name) who went into depth about how self-esteem is related to ego, and therefore inherently flawed. And the user who said guys will lavish attention on you because they want your body, not your heart or mind basically.
 
Oh sorry forgot to say and this answer can be generic to everybody not just you. A fixation on physical appearance is masking some kind of trauma. you were born in 1989 right? So maybe use astrology to gain insight on what it if there is some form of childhood trauma, rather than worrying about him. Unfortunately, people get scared when they see real emotion and problems. Men are boys at the best of times, if he doesn't know what he wants, he's hardly capable of understanding unresolved trauma. That's what's so traumatic about causing trauma in the first place because no one can take the pain away from us, but us? Hope that's helps and ignore if it's left field.
 

craft94

Well-known member
Oh sorry forgot to say and this answer can be generic to everybody not just you. A fixation on physical appearance is masking some kind of trauma. you were born in 1989 right? So maybe use astrology to gain insight on what it if there is some form of childhood trauma, rather than worrying about him. Unfortunately, people get scared when they see real emotion and problems. Men are boys at the best of times, if he doesn't know what he wants, he's hardly capable of understanding unresolved trauma. That's what's so traumatic about causing trauma in the first place because no one can take the pain away from us, but us? Hope that's helps and ignore if it's left field.
I was actually born in 1994, not 89, but your answer is still relevant. Thank you
 
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