I thought Aries sensitive ? Am I being hard on him

CaliCapricorn97

Well-known member
ARENT SENSITIVE **

My Aries bf has been upset with me this week; his complaint is I come off as a parent , or life coach. I recently told him keeping a clean environment benefits mental health ( I am more organized than him, he cleans but not as consistent as Me) and explained how I don’t like things being messy for too long in a blunt honest way

He said he we wants to know he’s going to marry a supportive girlfriend and doesn’t want to feel like he’s marrying a parent or life coach. He’s and that he’s happy his kids will have me as a mom because of how caring and nurturing I am.
I know I’m brutally honest, and usually don’t hold back I never expressed him especially him being an Aries to take it too hard.
He doesn’t come off like an usual Aries which I always wondered why it’s like his fire is missing sometimes, it comes out when he’s mad about something.

Do we have aspects that prove I’m hard on him ? Or can be ?
 

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Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
He’s being hard on you. Tell him you don’t want to be his mother and he needs to grow up. It’s like he emotionally manipulated you into feeling guilty. Be more Aries with him or clean up so much you clean up his belongings and throw him out.
 

CaliCapricorn97

Well-known member
He’s being hard on you. Tell him you don’t want to be his mother and he needs to grow up. It’s like he emotionally manipulated you into feeling guilty. Be more Aries with him or clean up so much you clean up his belongings and throw him out.

I’m Aries moon too I can easily be Aries on him. Noted :)
 

ElenaJ

Well-known member
You have a sun/saturn and a moon/saturn connection between you.
These two aspects show strong commitment and sense of responsibility of one to the other.
However, in a certain sense, yes, you are coming across to him as a teacher and disciplinary figure. Saturn is authority. And your Saturn opposes your mars, so you might tend to push a little too much at times.
On the other hand, his Saturn can turn a cold shoulder to your emotional needs. He's wondering why you are getting excited about something, and in his way tries to discipline you.
The general synastry is quite nice overall, but when these two kick in, for example right now with retrograde mars in Aries stimulating these planets, you will feel it.
Notice that it is actually him with mars in virgo who is at heart the cleanliness and detail freak, not you.
If his virgo energy isn't kicking in, it means he's currently frustrated and rebelling.
Sagittarius moon doesn't like to fight, it will laugh and giggle its way out of a conflict, but his mars is in wide square so sometimes his back gets up and he reacts heatedly.
So probably, you might want to avoid getting on his back too much, but he should make more of an effort to accommodate your needs.
Your two moons in trine help a lot with this.
 

katydid

Well-known member
ARENT SENSITIVE **

My Aries bf has been upset with me this week; his complaint is I come off as a parent , or life coach. I recently told him keeping a clean environment benefits mental health ( I am more organized than him, he cleans but not as consistent as Me) and explained how I don’t like things being messy for too long in a blunt honest way

He said he we wants to know he’s going to marry a supportive girlfriend and doesn’t want to feel like he’s marrying a parent or life coach. He’s and that he’s happy his kids will have me as a mom because of how caring and nurturing I am.
I know I’m brutally honest, and usually don’t hold back I never expressed him especially him being an Aries to take it too hard.
He doesn’t come off like an usual Aries which I always wondered why it’s like his fire is missing sometimes, it comes out when he’s mad about something.

Do we have aspects that prove I’m hard on him ? Or can be ?

I am married to an Aries and our firstborn is an Aries. I will testify that Aries can be very sensitive. They are kind of thin skinned. Mostly, they don't like to be told what to do.

They are very headstrong and independent. They are happy to work and do chores but not when being ordered to do so. It really depends upon how they are asked.

My husband will often ask what he can do to help if we are really busy and have a lot to do. But I have to express it in a positive way.

If I say ' oh, thanks hon for asking, I am really swamped. I think the biggest thing right now would be if you could clean up the kitchen a bit before people arrive...' He would gladly do so if directed nicely.

But if I say it heatedly and make it seem like I am blaming him or being bossy, he kind of shuts down. He hates feeling controlled by others.

I am a Scorpio with a Cap Moon, so I admit I can come off as controlling. :innocent:

And your bf has a Moon/Mars square in his natal. So he may have experienced a controlling and critical mother figure as a child.

When you correct him or 'educate' him, he feels like that bullied child.

So you might need to really work hard not to fit into that narrative from his past. You can still help him work on being neater.

But keep in mind----that is YOUR preference. You said:
"I recently told him keeping a clean environment benefits mental health ( I am more organized than him, he cleans but not as consistent as Me) and explained how I don’t like things being messy for too long "


You are the one whose mental health needs things not to be messy. That is not necessarily something an Aries/Sag is overly concerned about.

His messiness may come about because he is spontaneous and creative and busy.

With Moon square his Mars in Virgo, organization may not be his thing or his priority. He likes to be impulsive and free to go about his business and try to get things done, sometimes by the seat of his pants. At the end of a busy day, he would like you to notice how much he has gotten done and how creative he was---and not necessarily notice that all the tools are on the kitchen counters and the bills he just paid are spread all over the couch. :pouty:

Your Aries Moon hovers near his Saturn in Aries. Saturn is where he feels insecure and inadequate. Your Moon might be impatient in the same areas he is insecure.

He may worry that he is inadequate and worries if he is able to handle all his responsibilities and support a family, etc. Your Moon there helps inspire him and make him want to be able to do so. But when you criticise him, he begins to doubt himself.

As you say---you are 'brutally honest.' And your Mercury squares your Moon and his Saturn. So your 'brutal' honesty may feel brutal in his eyes at times. He might miss the message but he does get the brutality and anger behind the message that you may not realise is there?

Also, your Sun in Cap squares his Mercury in Aries. So your 'personality' and your power[Sun] is in conflict with his self expression.[Mercury]. That can feel annoying for both of you.

I think he felt a lot of doubt from others when he was young. He doesn't want to feel that in this relationship now. :unsure:

Honesty does not need to be brutal or blunt. It may be that you are expressing your own frustration about this relationship and he is picking up on it. If you do feel like he is a child and you are not sure he is mature enough or accomplished enough to be your life partner , better to figure it out now and move on...
 
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Bunraku

Well-known member
Because he’s a human being? The more you nag, or be “brutally honest,” with men the more they’ll end up resenting you. I don’t know what you have to gain by not having a productive conversation with each other , and it seems like your communication mode with each other is failing. Often times when I hear “brutally honest,” people are more interested in the brutality rather than the honesty.

Also the emotional labor like cleaning and being organized unfortunately falls to the woman. It’s important that he really understands what’s a stake here because having children in the mix it’s important to split work evenly. Otherwise you will resent him because you end up doing a majority of the work.
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
This is the worst advice.
Fighting in a relationship and describing it as fighting fire with fire is the perfect way to ruin it rather than salvage it.

It is better to be neutral when communicating but some people do not mind a more fighting way to communicate. I guess it depends what you were used to growing up. But I do agree a neutral type of communication is better but it’s not gonna be natural to some people and in my experience guys seem to like it.

What I did not like was the ownership was put on her to clean and feel guilty for complaining about it. That made me feel horrible for her. No, the emotional and cleaning labour should not be given to the women and she should not accept that role.
 

Harmelia

Well-known member
ARENT SENSITIVE **

My Aries bf has been upset with me this week; his complaint is I come off as a parent , or life coach. I recently told him keeping a clean environment benefits mental health ( I am more organized than him, he cleans but not as consistent as Me) and explained how I don’t like things being messy for too long in a blunt honest way

He said he we wants to know he’s going to marry a supportive girlfriend and doesn’t want to feel like he’s marrying a parent or life coach. He’s and that he’s happy his kids will have me as a mom because of how caring and nurturing I am.
I know I’m brutally honest, and usually don’t hold back I never expressed him especially him being an Aries to take it too hard.
He doesn’t come off like an usual Aries which I always wondered why it’s like his fire is missing sometimes, it comes out when he’s mad about something.

Do we have aspects that prove I’m hard on him ? Or can be ?


I know that I'm not answering your question exactly, but the way we say things can make a big difference in how it's received. How clean or organized we are is highly personal, and if, for instance, his mother bugged him or judged him about being cleaner, then perhaps it is a significant sensitive point. This can be one of those sticky points between couples. I know that it matters to me. So, you might have to approach the matter differently. Maybe he'd be more willing to be more tidy if he knows it's important to you - if it's your issue - and not perceived as a fault or that he's contributing to poor mental health by not being as clean and tidy as you are. He may have felt judged by the way you said it.

I'm an Aries with a Sagittarius Moon. People with a Sag Moon can be a bit touchy about feeling judged. I was in younger years. I absolutely appreciate direct communication, but if there's judgment in it - that's a different story.
 
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