LostinPhilly
Well-known member
This is an issue I have been struggling with my entire life, but it wasn't until I discovered my own spirituality outside of the parameters of the religion I was brought up in, that I noticed certain negative aspects of my life.
As a child/teenaged, I was physically and emotionally abused. The abuse was a daily routine for me, on top of the bullying I was experiencing in parallel at school. I was not allowed to magazines, music, friends or even speaking to boys for homework at school. My mother has always thought of me as less than an individual. The abuse remains to this day, even now that I am 25. She doesn't have any substance abuse, but I suspect she has a personality disorder (bipolar ...). She isn't educated (stopped school before high school) and was brought up by her grand-mother as her parents refused to keep her. She then married my father as a result of an arranged marriage and got shunned by her family for marrying him after they had changed their minds.
Being the eldest, I quickly became her victim. I was used as an outlet for her inner struggles. I never really cared this much until she cheated on my father and when he found out through me, she told him I manipulated everyone and lied. I was forced to apologize to her even though the proofs were right in front of my dad!
I was hurt but I tried to move past it. However, now that my father "believed" to her version of the story, she feels as though she has some kind of power to treat me like trash. She often hits me when she's mad and is praying "God" so that I become beautiful (mind you, people often assume I work in the entertainment/modelling industry due to my looks. I have no problem dating). She also tried for a while to brainwash me into thinking my dad hates me until I confronted her.
Now, I realized her energy has been poisonning my life. If I tell her about something before finalizing the last details, I can be sure that endeavor/relationship won't work out. For instance, I told her about my last job and I got fired after two days, I told her about someone I had just started dating and two days later he dumped me, I told her about a friend of mine and things went sour a couple days later, I told her about my move and visa plans and now the visa issuance has been delayed ...
Everytime I tell her about something positive, it simply doesn't work out! The day I got my college degree, she told me she didn't care and didn't speak to me for a week. Same the day I graduated from high school and before my birthdays. She's never been happy about anything regarding me.
I have younger siblings and she treats them like gold. I'm trash.
How to get rid of her negativity or block it from affecting my life? Nothing works out when she's aware of my plans. I can't anymore. None of my siblings want to stick out for me because she treats them so well, they don't even believe me (it doesn't help that we're 13 years apart).
Thanks,
As a child/teenaged, I was physically and emotionally abused. The abuse was a daily routine for me, on top of the bullying I was experiencing in parallel at school. I was not allowed to magazines, music, friends or even speaking to boys for homework at school. My mother has always thought of me as less than an individual. The abuse remains to this day, even now that I am 25. She doesn't have any substance abuse, but I suspect she has a personality disorder (bipolar ...). She isn't educated (stopped school before high school) and was brought up by her grand-mother as her parents refused to keep her. She then married my father as a result of an arranged marriage and got shunned by her family for marrying him after they had changed their minds.
Being the eldest, I quickly became her victim. I was used as an outlet for her inner struggles. I never really cared this much until she cheated on my father and when he found out through me, she told him I manipulated everyone and lied. I was forced to apologize to her even though the proofs were right in front of my dad!
I was hurt but I tried to move past it. However, now that my father "believed" to her version of the story, she feels as though she has some kind of power to treat me like trash. She often hits me when she's mad and is praying "God" so that I become beautiful (mind you, people often assume I work in the entertainment/modelling industry due to my looks. I have no problem dating). She also tried for a while to brainwash me into thinking my dad hates me until I confronted her.
Now, I realized her energy has been poisonning my life. If I tell her about something before finalizing the last details, I can be sure that endeavor/relationship won't work out. For instance, I told her about my last job and I got fired after two days, I told her about someone I had just started dating and two days later he dumped me, I told her about a friend of mine and things went sour a couple days later, I told her about my move and visa plans and now the visa issuance has been delayed ...
Everytime I tell her about something positive, it simply doesn't work out! The day I got my college degree, she told me she didn't care and didn't speak to me for a week. Same the day I graduated from high school and before my birthdays. She's never been happy about anything regarding me.
I have younger siblings and she treats them like gold. I'm trash.
How to get rid of her negativity or block it from affecting my life? Nothing works out when she's aware of my plans. I can't anymore. None of my siblings want to stick out for me because she treats them so well, they don't even believe me (it doesn't help that we're 13 years apart).
Thanks,
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