You are welcome Forest Fairy. My pleasure.
Yes i recognise a lot. And i love it.
As you mention the jupiter in 8th house. I think i have to do something with the unconcious. Yesterday someone told me about a course she had followed about dreams (such valuable information dreams can give~ subconciousness & guidance), and this morning about non-stop-writing and random poetry (i was shocked how much that can show me about my unconcious).
So saturn &pluto are conjunct but not in the same sign.
Same with Neptune(Sun)/venus(moon/mercury)? Can i see this stellum as two seperate influences in my life?
I mean, is my sun/neptune also conjunct south node? Or can i leave that out because of the bigger gap and different signs?
Many things you mention are spot on 😁
I do like to study/research many topics.
And travelling (mostly camping/hiking in this country) almost always makes me feel better (don't have means for long travel..). Writing and travelling seems like a dream impossible to do (like many people want that). But maybe i can start practice an informal blog or so.
I also moved houses a lot too, and love to explore new surroundings
And kind of blamed myself for being that 'unrooted', as if it is social norm to settle in a city and have close friends group (which i long for). I feel a bit jealous for people owning a house. Especially those with harmonious places. I love to stay at those places and feel the atmhosphere.
As a read your post, i notice, it may be possible to combine these aspects. Not only travelling..or only home. But i ideally would like to have a home base (and decorate it beautifully) and be able to be flexible and travel ☺
I feel a relieve... Even though i can't afford it now. I am in need for new ideas.
Yes i ve been punished for being emotional a lot. Being sad or angry or saying no (or being excited) wasn't allowed at our home. I had very tough upbringing (but i guess it's also past life influence). And didn't know who i was anymore.
Learning to allow loving people in my life is quite a journey (this " no no, by Venus" ) and i had a lot of fear of meeting people. And on the other hand it's what's make my life as human and i get many good responses people like me. Sometimes they are touched by my vulnerability when i open up.
Maybe it's this neptune/sun conjunction and brave aries that gives me a 'knowing' that there's potential for harmony with people and courage to again show up (even when i feel like an desolated house). To be honest every time i meet someone (even the most wonderful people) i feel scared like =&$/#\. So that's also draining a lot of energy, and not easy to solve.
Like pluto says i am here to work on 1 to 1 relationships. That feels that way, yes. So i continue and learn and grow.. Your comment makes me realise it's also possible to learn that while travelling..so i stay also energized. I feel i need to search for what feeds me...
I have a tendency to be way to submissive to anyone. And feeling i supress my own emotions and i have to care for them (like i did for my parents). And sometimes i get suddenly angry (which i hurt myself in stead of opening), because i get so drained..but i learn to show my vulnerability and sensitivity and limits. And so i show up a bit more..
(Lilith Capricorn is transitted by pluto this year 3 times
I had a tendency to admire certain people (10th h). And notice i really start liking equal relationships now.
7 years ago i got burn out..then i spend years of acknowledging my emotions and dark sites and trauma release.
When i feel well, i seem to have a childish and funny face..and somehow i seem to inspire others with playfullness. I am suprised myself about that, but i have this non-serious part that's joyful
(Funny he, that's beyond the capricorn i guess!)
often feel like " ok i am ready with the dark and now i meet people"..so i have this tendency to hide the darkness (i am not the only one with this of course)
Sometimes i think i need art to keep an outlet for it. I love beauty too. To express my love for life and nature and colours. It can feel that quite intensely 🌈
I feel it is so true what you mention "don't run away from you emotions"
I didn't manage to work last years (because of panic attacks), except for house sitting, gardening etc. But i explored many things on my own (like diaries from the world war2, mysticism, astrology, nature) ♐ and kind of released a lot of fear. Sometimes i felt that was a waste of time.., but as you write when you see the chart, it wasn't.
In every sentency i notice my uncertainty (as if i look for confirmation all the time 😬). Sorry if it annoys you guys. I worked on it, but guess that may be just something this life i am living..
Ah maybe Chiron 1st house Taurus.
Anyway i took some space to show myself, with struggles and joy to explore. And thanks a lot for putting part of my charts in words.
Btw. Ceres is also exactly at Venus/South Node/MC. Again contradiction to cancer.