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  #76  
Unread 06-01-2019, 05:40 PM
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Not yet,first years could not stand the costs of visit doctor,now i'm working but still salary isn't something special,need to earn some money first of all.Second,is the decision i cannot take to make this visit and get a diagnosis,so i've been burying my head in the sand for the last 15 years,reality i can say.
You won't get a diagnosis that you don't know already. It's not a diagnosis to not know how to deal with your emotions. It's 2019 and therapists are much more evolved than they used to be. Like you won't get lobotomized I promise ya haha. They will just help you and give you ways to cope and heal. You gotta be persistent and fight for your mental health. Don't expect miracles it takes hard work as most people said. But it's achievable. The subconscious mind integrated a pattern in 21 days. Meaning if you repeat a positive affirmation for 21 days straight and longer it will immediately get integrated and will start working on its own. It's much like learning to drive a car. At first you gotta think about it and be mindful a d conscious of what you do and eventually it becomes automatic. It's same with mental health. You are re programming your mind to have a healthier and more positive outlook on life.

You might also try spiritual healing. That helped me a lot and with your moon and NN in 8th might be actually good for you too.

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  #77  
Unread 06-03-2019, 07:07 PM
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What is the spiritual healing and where i can find proper official infos? It costs a lot of money? My emotions can't easily be controlled and people around me see this behavior in my face everyday so they think i'm a weird dude.
Just do your research. Google, make an effort. Look for Facebook pages also. Reiki , QHHT and so on.
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  #78  
Unread 06-04-2019, 09:40 PM
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I deny Reikik and that kind of healing,don't believe in them at all.
What about working through the pain from your past and forgiving yourself and others.
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  #79  
Unread 06-05-2019, 01:57 AM
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I deny Reikik and that kind of healing,don't believe in them at all.
Then go oay crazy amount of money to psychologists while they drill in your psyche to bring out every painful memory you ever stored and having to rework it and heal it. Sounds fun doesn't it. My point is, sometimes life breaks us so that light can come in the cracks. Apparently you haven't been broken enough yet. Usually people who say they are that depressed and desperate are willing to try just about anything and see what works. you don't strike me as that type.

With that NN in 8th I can see how you don't believe since your north node is so underdeveloped. I speak from experience. But know that people with SN in 2nd biggest enemy is stubbornness and lack of open mindedness. I advice you to read all you can find on Google about North Node in 8th. It might put things in perspective to you.
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  #80  
Unread 06-05-2019, 02:40 PM
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I bet that didn't come out right. Point is spirituality is free and you can learn to do it yourself. Meditation , chakras etc. Psychologists charge prolly more than 50 per hour. Try to be a but more open minded to it. In both cases it's you doing the work. No one can do that for you I hope you realize it's not magic.bht one is free
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  #81  
Unread 06-09-2019, 11:25 AM
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And it's not I don't wanna find solution to resolve issues,I fear to try due to personal fears of rejection and failure generally.Well,all these are too strange for me.I'm trapped and no escape soon.Hard time coming through summer.
Life is what you make out of it buddy. So far you have a problem for every solution .
We all have fears,we just suck them up and act despite cos life is too short and then you die and nothing ever mattered lol
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  #82  
Unread 06-09-2019, 12:36 PM
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Re: Struggling in every possible area.

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Encouraging post though..
Nothing seems to encourage you ,mate. Whatever I say or someone else, it's never enough or encouraging to you.
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  #83  
Unread 06-09-2019, 12:59 PM
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Re: Struggling in every possible area.

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Cause I'm hopeless and I see wall and mountains around me.
Well then prepare for a long and shitty life. No one can change your perspective but you. No amount of healing or astrology will help your stubborness. You just want to be miserable. Thats fine, thats a way of life too.
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  #84  
Unread 06-09-2019, 01:19 PM
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Fine,nothing else,all said and done then.
That's the harsh reality. We chose our own perspective and no one can help us with that. Just because you chose to have a grim perspective doesn't mean you won't have happy moments. It means you might not appreciate them or enjoy them as much . There is no magical cure to remove your unhealthy look of life. You need to find your own philisophy and find your own happiness within. Astrology can help with that if you were the least bit willing to help yourself but you are so stubborn and this will be your downfall . It always is with people who have south node in 2nd.
Life is short. You can spend the rest of it being depressed and ungrateful ,or learn to be great full for the small things in life. Because life will find ways to crush your ego. Pain is inevitable ,suffering is a choice.
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  #85  
Unread 06-11-2019, 11:29 PM
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I choose nothing from the above,i don't know many people who have an issue and not willing to help their self.Suffering isn't a choice,whoever says that is out of real world,nobody choose to feel pain and suffer for a reason.
I know but suffering is still a choice. I hope you feel better soon.
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  #86  
Unread 06-12-2019, 09:36 PM
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Re: Struggling in every possible area.

Maybe suffering is not a choice. But build some hope is one.

If it's the only exit door, you have to do it. Just start with your imagination. Imagine that it's possible, and you are able to change. The more you will think about it everyday and feed this idea, the more it will appears clears until it really exists
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  #87  
Unread 06-12-2019, 10:41 PM
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Originally Posted by three M symbols View Post
Maybe suffering is not a choice. But build some hope is one.

If it's the only exit door, you have to do it. Just start with your imagination. Imagine that it's possible, and you are able to change. The more you will think about it everyday and feed this idea, the more it will appears clears until it really exists
I couldn't have said it better thank you. This is so true . All great change always happens with a little belief and imagination. And something you don't need to believe yourself. You need to believe someone who believes in you.
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  #88  
Unread 06-15-2019, 04:45 PM
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Not much people believe in me,I don't receive trust I need.That's a reason I am alone and not socialize.
Well sometimes we gotta believe in yourself when no one else does. A lot of people don't socialize much for many different reasons. We all wear our crosses .
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  #89  
Unread 06-15-2019, 11:44 PM
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Re: Struggling in every possible area.

Depression *****. I try to build a life for myself once circumstances allow, even if itís only a temporary relief from a life characterised by depression. Thereís a whole meaning behind the universe that gives me some fuel, as in, thereís a lesson of soul growth behind the suffering, and if there is no such lesson, at least it will be over and I will be a spirit once again. But really, while Iím here, I want to prove my enemies wrong, those people who made me depressed in the first place. I want to forgive them and love myself and find peace. If not, then at least I tried. The good thing about depression is it humbles you, especially when it takes away your ability to be involved in a happy life, so even being happy for a few weeks or months at a time or returning to a previous state of health, is success enough. Plus, if you stand up and keep reaching for that goal post, then others may be effected by your story and get strength from it, even itís just to say Ďwell if that broken machine can still run then so can I.í Maybe that becomes our purpose, and we win, by keeping going. Thing is, itís so easy to half *** it and keep going but not put the full effort in and so not really try it live at all. Thatís not trying though, Iím aiming for peace which depression has given me great determination to aim for, and the icing on the cake would be to actually have fun once in a while. Fuk everything else, thereís no room for ego when youíre constantly on your last legs.
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  #90  
Unread 06-15-2019, 11:54 PM
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Re: Struggling in every possible area.

I also wanted to say that energy is everything so people at your work are gonna be repulsed by your negative energy. Itís harsh but true, people are scared of depression cause itís negative energy,it reminds them of something theyíd rather not see in themselves. But cos itís energy you canít really take it personally when you feel negative energy back from people at work. Thatís why itís wortthwile putting in the effort and doing some inner healing because you really will see changes in how people respond to you cos you respond to yourself better. People can pick up on resentment and all sorts.

But yeah, I hope you pick up your guitar. Plus, Iíve thought this before, it you could actually be a comedian because your incessant depressed talk has its humour, which Iím sure is not lost on you either. Itís very dry, British humour. Just saying.
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  #91  
Unread 06-16-2019, 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Ukpoohbear View Post
I also wanted to say that energy is everything so people at your work are gonna be repulsed by your negative energy. Itís harsh but true, people are scared of depression cause itís negative energy,it reminds them of something theyíd rather not see in themselves. But cos itís energy you canít really take it personally when you feel negative energy back from people at work. Thatís why itís wortthwile putting in the effort and doing some inner healing because you really will see changes in how people respond to you cos you respond to yourself better. People can pick up on resentment and all sorts.

But yeah, I hope you pick up your guitar. Plus, Iíve thought this before, it you could actually be a comedian because your incessant depressed talk has its humour, which Iím sure is not lost on you either. Itís very dry, British humour. Just saying.
Your post was very inspirational thank you.

However, I don't fully agree that people are repulsed because they don't want to see it in themselves. It's not that . I've found the best people when j was depressed , who helped me a lot. But I has to be vulnerable and open and they accepted me. The only time you would get rejected is when you become dependant on someone else for your state and happiness . That will never go well. No person can handle someone constantly crying on their shoulder and demanding their attention and help. We have to be self sufficient if we want to truly enjoy connections. No one likes the Debby downer. I speak from experience because I've been in both places.

I think it was exactly that way of thinking that used to depress me even more. That everyone else is happy and I'm not. That I'm the only one who deals with those stuff. I was separating myself from humanity . Vulnerability taught me this is not true. I realized 90% of the people I know are going through the same things.depressiom , anxiety, lack of self worth. But everyone is dealing with it in their own way. And that helped me see I wasn't "special " not broken, but just a normal person.

I think it's the lack of vulnerability that causes us to feel denied and rejected because we ourselves reject the world.

It took me a few years of self work to accept who I am and be able to joke about it. Being vulnerable with people is what helped me deal with it. And I think that's a major theme with NN in Scorpio or in 8th house.

Now I've just developed coping mechanisms that are healthy for me, and specifically watch carefully my taught process when something bad happens . Life isn't always great and often times is hard, and everyone goes through it. It's silly to think some have it harder than other since ita all a perspective .

You can see a person who is actually struggling with 2 jobs trying to survive but for them it might not be a struggle. They might be happy and grateful .
You can see a rich kid who has it all and is insanely miserable.

Life is that colorful and we all need to stay in our Lane and look at ourselves to find our own happiness and not compare ourselves to other people because things are never as they seem.
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  #92  
Unread 06-16-2019, 12:44 PM
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Re: Struggling in every possible area.

Itís not the only time you get rejected (when you become dependent on someone else) although that is true as well, and I do believe you have to take responsibility for yourself. But based on my experience, life and people can be a lot darker than that.

Without going on about my background, my depression started when I was a child because I was scapegoated by all my older family members because they couldnít cope with losing their daughter/ wife (my mum). They abandoned and abused me emotionally and sometimes physically.

At work places, Iíve found women especially to be vultures. If they spot weakness, you become the scapegoat.

Iíve also found people willing to help me and sometimes they could help me but most of the time they couldnít. I had to work it out for myself, this is what you were saying. But itís also true what I said, that people will find you an easy scapegoat if you are already in a state of weakness.

Your perception of life seems to be that everyone is lovely. Well, because of the abuse my dad gave me, it left me open to finding other men who wanted to abuse me. Thatís the nature of abuse, it becomes embedded in your psyche for years.

Most people canít be bothered dealing with it because they have their own lives to get on with, so it was up to me to change it, but only once I was wise enough to understand the pattern of what was happening.

It doesnít even need to be as extreme as abuse, if someone has a manipulative and cruel personality, and I am programmed to blame myself because of my upbringing, then I still find little games being played by people to harm me subtly and the person can literally hide what theyíre doing.

Thereís a lot of darkness in this world.

Have you never met people who have an outwardly social personality but are cruel underneath? Or not even as extreme as cruel, most people are idiots and only care about themselves and will make life hard for you because youíre perceived as a threat or because they try to make you the weak one so they can be the strong one. Itís kinda sick when you look beneath the surface.

Last edited by Ukpoohbear; 06-16-2019 at 12:50 PM.
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  #93  
Unread 06-16-2019, 03:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Ukpoohbear View Post
Itís not the only time you get rejected (when you become dependent on someone else) although that is true as well, and I do believe you have to take responsibility for yourself. But based on my experience, life and people can be a lot darker than that.

Without going on about my background, my depression started when I was a child because I was scapegoated by all my older family members because they couldnít cope with losing their daughter/ wife (my mum). They abandoned and abused me emotionally and sometimes physically.

At work places, Iíve found women especially to be vultures. If they spot weakness, you become the scapegoat.

Iíve also found people willing to help me and sometimes they could help me but most of the time they couldnít. I had to work it out for myself, this is what you were saying. But itís also true what I said, that people will find you an easy scapegoat if you are already in a state of weakness.

Your perception of life seems to be that everyone is lovely. Well, because of the abuse my dad gave me, it left me open to finding other men who wanted to abuse me. Thatís the nature of abuse, it becomes embedded in your psyche for years.

Most people canít be bothered dealing with it because they have their own lives to get on with, so it was up to me to change it, but only once I was wise enough to understand the pattern of what was happening.

It doesnít even need to be as extreme as abuse, if someone has a manipulative and cruel personality, and I am programmed to blame myself because of my upbringing, then I still find little games being played by people to harm me subtly and the person can literally hide what theyíre doing.

Thereís a lot of darkness in this world.

Have you never met people who have an outwardly social personality but are cruel underneath? Or not even as extreme as cruel, most people are idiots and only care about themselves and will make life hard for you because youíre perceived as a threat or because they try to make you the weak one so they can be the strong one. Itís kinda sick when you look beneath the surface.
I stopped perceiving people long ago as cruel or manipulative because I realized perceiving someone that way instantly gives away my power. I always assume good intentions , if that doesn't live up to my standard I just put boundaries and move on with my life.

I don't feel manipulated nor abused because I take responsibility for my choices that put me in this situation .

Yes, I've encountered a lot of not so pleasant people, I used to be easily manipulated and abused. Now I just give people a chance to prove me they are as good as I see them . In the end we are all human. If someone fails I perceive them as hurt ,someone who carries their own pain and projects it on people and as I said I just wish them well and move on with my life. It's easier said than done, but once you work enough on yourself to be in full power it becomes.quite easy.
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  #94  
Unread 06-16-2019, 04:43 PM
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I stopped perceiving people long ago as cruel or manipulative because I realized perceiving someone that way instantly gives away my power. I always assume good intentions , if that doesn't live up to my standard I just put boundaries and move on with my life.

I don't feel manipulated nor abused because I take responsibility for my choices that put me in this situation .

Yes, I've encountered a lot of not so pleasant people, I used to be easily manipulated and abused. Now I just give people a chance to prove me they are as good as I see them . In the end we are all human. If someone fails I perceive them as hurt ,someone who carries their own pain and projects it on people and as I said I just wish them well and move on with my life. It's easier said than done, but once you work enough on yourself to be in full power it becomes.quite easy.
Why did you stop perceiving people that way though? I think thatís dangerous in itself but a lot of people do it, itís like as soon as theyíve entered a more positive phase they want to forget about the dark and then what happens is they blame people in darkness as if itís a choice.

Btw, I want to clarify something - I have such a soft heart that I always give people the benefit of the doubt, so itís actually necessary for me to take a step back and look at the underlying motives behind somebody. So I always will still believe in humanity but I have developed a healthy distrust. The shadow side definitely continues to exist, it doesnít mean you need to forget about it in order to be happy.

So I would actually see me having depression or experiencing abuse as a type of soul growth lesson, to go from a naive, dependent soul and moving towards seeing the undercurrent of humanity. Itís a bit of a harsh way to teach a soul but I guess Saturn or Pluto isnít all about fluffy teddy bear lessons.

Last edited by Ukpoohbear; 06-16-2019 at 04:54 PM.
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  #95  
Unread 06-16-2019, 04:57 PM
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Why did you stop perceiving people that way though? I think thatís dangerous in itself but a lot of people do it, itís like as soon as theyíve entered a more positive phase they want to forget about the dark and then what happens is they blame people in darkness as if itís a choice.

Btw, I want to clarify something - I have such a soft heart that I always give people the benefit of the doubt, so itís actually necessary for me to take a step back and look at the underlying motives behind somebody. So I always will still believe in humanity but I have developed a healthy distrust. The shadow side definitely continues to exist, it doesnít mean you need to forget about it in order to be happy.

So I would actually see me having depression or experiencing abuse as a type of soul growth lesson, to go from a naive, dependent soul and moving towards seeing the undercurrent of humanity. Itís a bit of a harsh way to teach a soul but I guess Saturn or Pluto isnít all about fluffy teddy bear lessons.
I stopped perceiving them that way because I believe what we see in others is what we carry ourselves. I'm not manipulative nor have Ill intentions hence why I don't see people like that. I haven't had bad experience ever since j made that choice so I wouldn't call it dangerous . Nothing can hurt.me as long as I allow it to.

I have Pluto conjunct Jupiter squaring Saturn and Mars. So yeah, not an easy lesson.
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  #96  
Unread 06-17-2019, 01:18 AM
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I stopped perceiving them that way because I believe what we see in others is what we carry ourselves. I'm not manipulative nor have Ill intentions hence why I don't see people like that. I haven't had bad experience ever since j made that choice so I wouldn't call it dangerous . Nothing can hurt.me as long as I allow it to.

I have Pluto conjunct Jupiter squaring Saturn and Mars. So yeah, not an easy lesson.
Thing is, just because you arenít manipulative, doesnít mean other people arenít. If your view of the world really worked then there would be no victims. Just because you donít have bad intentions doesnít mean no one else does...anyway, whatever.
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  #97  
Unread 06-17-2019, 07:01 AM
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Thing is, just because you arenít manipulative, doesnít mean other people arenít. If your view of the world really worked then there would be no victims. Just because you donít have bad intentions doesnít mean no one else does...anyway, whatever.
I know, all I'm saying is I don't meet these people anymore. Call it law of attraction or whatever but it works. You can call me naive or stupid ,but I believe our perception is exactly that powerful.
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  #98  
Unread 06-17-2019, 12:13 PM
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I know, all I'm saying is I don't meet these people anymore. Call it law of attraction or whatever but it works. You can call me naive or stupid ,but I believe our perception is exactly that powerful.
So what will you do when evil knock on your door? Donít get me wrong, using the power of positivity is a very useful tool but I think you should also seek to balance it. Look how easily you assumed I was still in a negative frame of mind just because I was talking about seeing the darkness still. However, this conversation has made me realise how much Iíve improved on both the darkness and the light inside me. So Iíll happy to be balanced and not just an angel of light all the time. The darkness isnít for everyone, it reminds of oh in Harry Potter how people were scared to mention Voldemort and called him He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named instead.
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  #99  
Unread 06-17-2019, 12:18 PM
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So what will you do when evil knock on your door? Donít get me wrong, using the power of positivity is a very useful tool but I think you should also seek to balance it. Look how easily you assumed I was still in a negative frame of mind just because I was talking about seeing the darkness still. However, this conversation has made me realise how much Iíve improved on both the darkness and the light inside me. So Iíll happy to be balanced and not just an angel of light all the time. The darkness isnít for everyone, it reminds of oh in Harry Potter how people were scared to mention Voldemort and called him He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named instead.
I don't think the world is as black and white as you present it. Also I don't think "evil" will knock on my door. I don't know what you perceive as evil tbh.

When you are in a certain state there isn't only light and darkness. They both exist simultaneously which gives you the understanding that sometimes "evil" is necessary and you just don't take it personally but take it as a lesson and a challenge. I did not assume anything about your state, everyone has a different perspective on life that produces different results .

Just because I'm so positive doesn't mean I don't encouter challenging people or situations or that j don't get "played". We can never fully protect ourselves from negative influences , all that matters is how we perceive them.

Yin and Yang represent light and darkness, however combined together they are a symbol of balance where none is good or bad,just is.
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  #100  
Unread 06-18-2019, 04:30 PM
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As you see I'm not alone with similar issues,but it's super hard to deal with chronic loneliness and chronic insecurities,you try to recover,you dissapoint,then you feel lost,damnation.

And when you have to deal with Saturn,squares etc,even worst.
You don't need to tell me about Saturn squares alright.

I have a t square from all malefics plus Jupiter. If I can deal with it, so can you. Whatever it takes. Even if it means to numb yourself and care less.
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