Should I let this go?

Hi

I guess there are a lot of people out there that have been in a relationship that shook them to their core and shaped their whole life. Well, mine was in April 1998 when my north node transited my north node. Me and my best friend started a secret affair and were inseperable. It lasted a year until we drifted apart and went to separate universities.

We remained friends, which wasn't enough for me and I became needy and jealous. She turned to drugs to numb her pain. She fell so deep into the whole drugs scene that I got worried something would happen to her and had to get her parents to intervene. She hasn't spoke to me since. It's been 13 years and I still think about her even now....it really was a life changing relationship for me.

Both of us are now happily married to men and have children. Although 13 years on, I still feel there are unresolved issues and think of her often and wonder if we will ever speak again. It's not a romantic reconciliation I want...but I lost my best friend back then and because the relationship was secret I had NOBODY to talk to. It was a dark time for me. I kind of feel, with the 8th house stellium I have in my chart, that she was a big karma lesson for me.

Sometimes I think about sending her a message on facebook just to say "hey, how you doing" but I always stop myself. Is it all best left? I don't have her exact birth time, I think it was late morning so I have plumped for midday. Here is the synastry and composite charts....is this just a bad relationship to forget once and for all, or is it worth trying to salvage something now we are both older and hopefully more mature?

hi chillertwist

the composite has the mars/venus conjunction square to uranus. uranus is often strong ion a same sex female relationship.
neptune is square to satrun so the hidden nature of the relationship is apparent.

jupiter is conjunct the north node.
this is usually extremely favorable as it shows similar ideas and world views. it tend to honesty and just behavior. this is probably why you acted to salvage her life. but it can also show the actions of a "tyrant", one who tries to rule others, so it may be this aspect is the facet she is reacting too.with this aspect i would advise to try to reconnect as your minds are truly innertwined.
but on the other hand the venus/mars conjunction square to uranus is extremely passionate and it is possible that subconsciously you want to reestablish a "hidden" relationship with her.
if this is the case, i would think that there would be havoc wreaked on your rspective families and children.
i would wait till after the new year, then try to reconnect.the transitting node was recently over the uranus/venus/mars pattern so i little more time to allow the latent passions tpo cool may be called for

rahu

of course the saturn movement can also be interpreted as bringing the relationship from it's "hidden" status into a new and open phase.
with the nodal axis so square the composite sun indecember, the favorable juiter/node conjunction maycome to the fore. this is an excellent aspect and as you have already helped "save" her, i would expect she would love to reestablish the friendship

rahu

Thank you Rahu and Marinka.

It sounds like if contact is going to be made then the next few months would be the right time. I'm going to think long and hard about this before I jump into it because a lot of time has passed. I'm hoping we are both older and wiser and a hell of a lot more mature now.

Despite the jupiter and node aspect, there are a lot of neptune and saturn issues in both the composite and the synastry which have been highlighted to me as bad. This makes me worry a little about making contact.

Rahu, I never knew that Mars/Venus square uranus can mean same sex relationship so thats very interesting. Is it just the square....or other aspects that also indicate this?

actually i have found that a strong uranus influence in a womans chart if often found in same sex female relationships. usually if a woMan has a strong uranus and is not gay, she will still have as manY women as men attracted to her. i think this is because a woman has to project her inner self to acknowledge her sexual identity.
whereas in a man's case i have found neptune to be emphacized which seems to indicate that a gay man has to shed the culturally dominant role to shows his inner self. of course it is a complicated issue and there are other astrological dynamics that must be included. so it is not cut and dried ,uranus and neptune.
but as i practiced astrology in san francisco for many years, i have looked at many gay charts and these trends stand out.

on one occasion, i looked at the chart of a woman in her late 20's with a child and no history of gay tendencies. but she did have a history of abusive relationships. she had uranus conjunct the moon and square to venus, which gave her a very attractive appearance. but i told her she would likley enter into a gay relationsjip in several months. she of course disavowed the possibility , but low and behold, she reported back several months later to tell me she indeed had a woman lover.

in another case i did the chart of an air force major, with a military personality. i was introduced to him as the boy friend of a previous client. but his chart had the mar/neptune influence along with several other indices . i tried to shy away from saying he was gay but they pressed me on certain obscure references i had made(she was a astrolger).
so i told him he had a gay chart. and it turned out he was in fact gay and readily verified my analysis. so it seems their relationship was platonic and not romantic as i had assumed .

again it is a complex subject and it is not simply a matter off uranus and neptune .

rahu

Rahu - Thank you for the clarification about the Uranus link to female sexuality. So you say that a "strong" Uranus would indicate this but how do you know if a planet it strong? I'm only learning at the moment so this is something I don't know about. Is a planet strong if it is aspecting many other planets/houses etc.... or is there another way to conclude planetary strength? Sorry to keep picking your brain!

Marinka - thank you for the list of events. I think this seals it for me that getting in touch may end in disaster. Even if we do rekindle a friendship, it sounds like it will probably go downhill fairly quickly. I suppose...with the saturn transit in the composite, there is just as much chance of her getting in touch with me as me her? Both of us would be reflecting at this time? Well..I think I will not take any action at the moment and see how I feel in the next couple of months.

One other very interesting note, Mars was conjuncting the configuration of Mars/Uranus/Mercury at the end of September/beginning of October. This shows your action (Mars) posting information about your question on the web.

You may want to consider posting your own chart.

Thanks Marinka...here is my natal with transits.

Marinka, thank you so much for looking at my natal in such detail. I really didn't expect that so it was a nice surprise.

In terms of Pluto entering 1st house in November 2011, I fell pregnant in December 2011 and had a baby girl in September 2012. I know Pluto is a planet of transformations, so I am not surprised the transit started just a few weeks before I conceived . Looks like Pluto is going to be lingering around my 1st house for a long time....so, like you say, there are going to be more changes to come.

In terms of Jupiter in the 7th. Me and my husband aren't haven't been as solid as we were since the baby was born, and the physical side of things is certainly lacking....which probably adds to me casting my mind back to the more satisfying experiences in that area that have been and gone. Anyway, things are starting to look up because we are talking things through more and I today spoke to him about where my mind is and how i've been thinking about what happened when I was 18. He was very supportive and wants to help me work through it, but under no circumstances does he want me making contact with her. He knew I had this experience but not too much detail, and now he knows a little bit more, so maybe this is how the 12th house comes into play and more of the secret coming to the surface. Maybe this can bring us closer....I would like to have sex with him again at some point!! lol.

Not sure how the 10th house/public image thing will come into play. Unless my family found out about the previous affair (which would embarrass me greatly).

I looked up Saturn transiting MC and it seems to be very career orientated? Well ive just gone back to work (i'm a tax advisor) and feeling a little out of my depth after being off for 13 months. Never really felt suited to it anyway so maybe changes are afoot.

Rahu I would love to know your view on the midpoints and whether you think there is a karma element to this. Marinka, thank you again, you have been inspiring