Difficult aspects with husband's family member

anjelik

anjelik

Well-known member
I feel like there is a bit of a strain on the relationship with a close female family member (husband's family). She comes across to me as very combative. If I say something she generally automatically shuts it down as if she is the final say of all subjects. As an example, in March 2020 I expressed concerns about Covid and she shut me down and said I need to educate myself because it is just like a flu (she is a nurse, so she obviously knows everything...ha). Fast forward to months later and she had done a complete 180 in her opinion. Another example was that I recently said I did not want to get the AstraZeneca vaccine because I have a history of clotting, hence why I cannot take any hormonal birth control and was prescribed blood thinners after the births of both of my children. She basically told me I am an idiot and I have a higher chance of developing a clot on a plane and I still fly. Yes, this is true but if I have a choice in the vaccine and it makes me uncomfortable I am going to do what makes me comfortable. Anyway, those are just two examples of how she constantly behaves towards me....which led me to look up our synastry. I don't have her birth time so I don't know her rising or where each planet falls...

My Mars in Libra is exactly square her Sun in Capricorn at 18 degrees. My Saturn and Pluto also square her Sun and Mercury (23 degrees Cap). Is this the main culprit to this agitation? It's funny because I feel like we were close when my husband and I first got married but now I feel like she doesn't even make an effort to maintain a relationship with me. Is it me or is it her? Or is it both?

She also does some other things in terms of appearance. She heard I was on a diet (losing baby weight) and told me I shouldn't lose weight because I would be the same weight as her. Odd since I was the same size as her before children. And so she went on a diet and felt the need to tell me she lost 10lbs when I never asked or told her anything about my weight loss journey. Another bizarre thing she did was I asked her for the information for the woman who does her botox and I had been asking her for years since I have wanted to get it on my frown lines and around the eyes. She has always avoided giving me the information and when I asked her about 6 months ago she told me the person who does hers isn't doing it now and gave me the name of someone else she heard was good. I went for my first ever botox experience and I ended up with heavy eyelids. Fast forward to 3 weeks later when I saw her on Christmas briefly and she had botox done! I was furious. I don't understand why she would deliberately not share that information with me. When I asked her about it she evaded the question and acted like she had it done only twice in past tense. I just don't get it. I am sorry for rambling but this is all to give context to the strange ways she behaves towards me.

Her Moon in Aquarius (18 degrees) conjuncts my Mercury in Aquarius (14 degrees). Our moon signs flow since my mine is 4 degrees Gemini - both in air so we have that in common. I personally have Venus square Pluto so I am wondering if her Sun/Mercury conjunction aspecting that is causing friction?

It is annoying me because I do like her....but she just does some stuff that I don't like and it makes me feel like she doesn't want me to be happy or better than her or something. I just don't know what it is! I feel like she is someone that I cannot penetrate and she is severely guarded. I have known her almost 10 years and I feel like she keeps everything so surface that it comes off as superficial to me.
 
K

katydid

Well-known member
On just a basic level, we can note that she is a Capricorn with Moon in Aquarius. So Saturn rules both her Sun and Moon. :wink: No surprise that she is somewhat guarded.

But I think you hit it perfectly by pointing to :
---the squares between your Mars and her Sun.
---Sat/Pluto square her Sun/Mercury, with your Venus squaring that too


here is a good, simple excerpt about Sun square Mars in synastry:

The Sun square Mars synastry aspect has a lot to do with ego. Both partners find their egos getting triggered often; they then react to the other in an impulsive or angry manner. When arguing, the Sun person might come off as self-righteous or as a bit of a know-it-all. The Mars person will be both defensive and angry.

https://teaandrosemary.com/mars-sun-aspects-in-synastry/


The Saturn/Pluto squaring her Sun/Mercury can bring it to even a higher level of intensity.

Saturn/Pluto=This energy represents 'getting to the bottom of things.' The transcending and transforming of limits.

Personality wise, the compulsion to return again and again to problems until they are truly and completely solved.

So you have a serious side to you and it runs deep.

Now we look at what the square means, coming from that Saturn/Pluto. It means that someone in a square to your Sat/Pluto may see a wall of intensity at times.

They may feel like you are always trying to 'get to the bottom of things' or going too deep on trivial matters? And that you do not let things go?


Sun/Mercury/=Principle: The purposeful organizing of thoughts and the ability to rank ideas in terms of their relative importance. A tendency to place undue importance on an idea or ideas due to feeling insecure or vulnerable or because of some other emotion.
http://john-sandbach.blogspot.com/2010/11/planets-activating-sunmercury-midpoint.html


So there two principles are challenging each other whenever you two get together. :sideways:
 
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anjelik

anjelik

Well-known member
katydid said:
On just a basic level, we can note that she is a Capricorn with Moon in Aquarius. So Saturn rules both her Sun and Moon. :wink: No surprise that she is somewhat guarded.

But I think you hit it perfectly by pointing to :
---the squares between your Mars and her Sun.
---Sat/Pluto square her Sun/Mercury, with your Venus squaring that too


here is a good, simple excerpt about Sun square Mars in synastry:

The Sun square Mars synastry aspect has a lot to do with ego. Both partners find their egos getting triggered often; they then react to the other in an impulsive or angry manner. When arguing, the Sun person might come off as self-righteous or as a bit of a know-it-all. The Mars person will be both defensive and angry.

https://teaandrosemary.com/mars-sun-aspects-in-synastry/

The Saturn/Pluto squaring her Sun/Mercury can bring it to even a higher level of intensity.

Saturn/Pluto=This energy represents 'getting to the bottom of things.' The transcending and transforming of limits.

Personality wise, the compulsion to return again and again to problems until they are truly and completely solved.

So you have a serious side to you and it runs deep.

Now we look at what the square means, coming from that Saturn/Pluto. It means that someone in a square to your Sat/Pluto may see a wall of intensity at times.

They may feel like you are always trying to 'get to the bottom of things' or going too deep on trivial matters? And that you do not let things go?
Click to expand...

Wow, that is an excellent summary of how I perceive her at least. She comes across as a know it all and if you challenge her she gets very irritable. Once when drunk when she was incorrect about something she screamed at me “You are not always right!!!!” and stormed off. I was right and my husband got annoyed with me for googling to prove that I was right. But I can’t stand how she talks over people and asserts herself thinking that she is correct when she isn’t even stating fact. Maybe it is the Saturn/Pluto and also my Gemini Moon that make me want to gather alllll of the information. I also have Mercury in Aquarius so I do get quite stuck on things. I know that I can come across as quite intense if a topic is of interest to me. I also don’t have a problem having opposing views from someone and am able to detach myself an argue objectively without letting emotion get the best of me. I find that with most people this is not the case. Which is why my husband gets frustrated with me when I challenge her because it always ends with her getting huffy and it is then perceived as if I was pushing her buttons and causing an argument. So I have to just bite my tongue all the time and I find that really agitating. Because I have to sit there and listen to someone spew utter sh*t half the time.

I think she gets frustrated that I don’t let things go if they don’t make sense. Where as other people will just take what she says at face value and move on. I guess what it boils down to is that her ego (Sun) doesn’t like that I challenge her.

It is interesting because my husband has another female family member that cannot stand her and thinks she is self-righteous as well. I have never expressed my feelings to anyone except my best friends in the US and my mom. But I find it interesting that she feels comfortable venting and confiding in me about how she feels like she is constantly being judged by her.


katydid said:
Sun/Mercury/=Principle: The purposeful organizing of thoughts and the ability to rank ideas in terms of their relative importance. A tendency to place undue importance on an idea or ideas due to feeling insecure or vulnerable or because of some other emotion.
http://john-sandbach.blogspot.com/2010/11/planets-activating-sunmercury-midpoint.html


So there two principles are challenging each other whenever you two get together. :sideways:
Click to expand...

What kind of aspect could cause the withholding of information or being competitive about physical appearance? She is naturally a very slim person and has never had a weight issue so I find it strange that she would even care if I was trying to lose weight. I have to work at keeping my weight within the range I want to be and am not as fortunate as her genetically. I have lost 25lbs since Christmas and she saw me recently and didn't even comment on my weight loss but made it a point to highlight that she has lost weight. I found it very odd and just congratulated her on her success. She has a naturally very athletic build and if she does hold any weight it’s in her bottom but she still has never ever been fat. I am genuinely happy for my friends if they lose weight and are happy with how they look. I also would tell my friends or family members where I got my botox done if they asked and not send them to someone random and then let them get a botched job basically. That for me is what has caused me to really take a step back and assess her as a person. Upon further reflection it isn't only directed at me. I have noticed over the years that she likes to pick apart other women's appearances by commenting on their weight or if they wear too much make up or "they try to look too perfect." Also we have a mutual friend who likes to make sexual jokes and she always makes it a point to point out that she is actually really prude (according to her husband). For some reason a woman coming across as very sexual makes her feel threatened and she has to set the record straight. Who cares? It's funny. I couldn't care less if someone is really prude or if they are a total freak in the sack. I am not having sex with them!

Another thing that has me wondering is why when anyone says how beautiful my 11 month old is that she always follows it up with "she looks like your dad" and never that she looks like ME. She is my mini clone and has my eyes etc. My 3 year old looks like my husband. Why can't she just say "Wow she looks just like you." I find it strange and makes me wonder if it makes her feel insecure to say another woman is attractive? I am not her competition. We are family. I just don't get it.

In general she is a huge gossip and if you tell her something personal she will definitely share it with other people. She told people in our village I was pregnant with my first before I even announced it and I was upset about that. I don’t tell her anything I don’t want everyone to know now basically. If someone tells me something private and asks me to keep it to myself I don’t even tell my husband and he is the same. A family member of his told me she got an abortion a few years ago and I have not told a soul.
 
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anjelik

anjelik

Well-known member
In her natal she has Pluto square her Sun and Mercury as well. Didn't even think to look at Pluto. This probably causes even MORE agitation since my Mars, Saturn and Pluto all conjunct her Pluto. :pinched:
 
K

katydid

Well-known member
anjelik said:
Wow, that is an excellent summary of how I perceive her at least. She comes across as a know it all and if you challenge her she gets very irritable. Once when drunk when she was incorrect about something she screamed at me “You are not always right!!!!” and stormed off. I was right and my husband got annoyed with me for googling to prove that I was right. But I can’t stand how she talks over people and asserts herself thinking that she is correct when she isn’t even stating fact. Maybe it is the Saturn/Pluto and also my Gemini Moon that make me want to gather alllll of the information. I also have Mercury in Aquarius so I do get quite stuck on things. I know that I can come across as quite intense if a topic is of interest to me. I also don’t have a problem having opposing views from someone and am able to detach myself an argue objectively without letting emotion get the best of me. I find that with most people this is not the case. Which is why my husband gets frustrated with me when I challenge her because it always ends with her getting huffy and it is then perceived as if I was pushing her buttons and causing an argument. So I have to just bite my tongue all the time and I find that really agitating. Because I have to sit there and listen to someone spew utter sh*t half the time.

I think she gets frustrated that I don’t let things go if they don’t make sense. Where as other people will just take what she says at face value and move on. I guess what it boils down to is that her ego (Sun) doesn’t like that I challenge her.

It is interesting because my husband has another female family member that cannot stand her and thinks she is self-righteous as well. I have never expressed my feelings to anyone except my best friends in the US and my mom. But I find it interesting that she feels comfortable venting and confiding in me about how she feels like she is constantly being judged by her.




What kind of aspect could cause the withholding of information or being competitive about physical appearance? She is naturally a very slim person and has never had a weight issue so I find it strange that she would even care if I was trying to lose weight. I have to work at keeping my weight within the range I want to be and am not as fortunate as her genetically. I have lost 25lbs since Christmas and she saw me recently and didn't even comment on my weight loss but made it a point to highlight that she has lost weight. I found it very odd and just congratulated her on her success. She has a naturally very athletic build and if she does hold any weight it’s in her bottom but she still has never ever been fat. I am genuinely happy for my friends if they lose weight and are happy with how they look. I also would tell my friends or family members where I got my botox done if they asked and not send them to someone random and then let them get a botched job basically. That for me is what has caused me to really take a step back and assess her as a person. Upon further reflection it isn't only directed at me. I have noticed over the years that she likes to pick apart other women's appearances by commenting on their weight or if they wear too much make up or "they try to look too perfect." Also we have a mutual friend who likes to make sexual jokes and she always makes it a point to point out that she is actually really prude (according to her husband). For some reason a woman coming across as very sexual makes her feel threatened and she has to set the record straight. Who cares? It's funny. I couldn't care less if someone is really prude or if they are a total freak in the sack. I am not having sex with them!

Another thing that has me wondering is why when anyone says how beautiful my 11 month old is that she always follows it up with "she looks like your dad" and never that she looks like ME. She is my mini clone and has my eyes etc. My 3 year old looks like my husband. Why can't she just say "Wow she looks just like you." I find it strange and makes me wonder if it makes her feel insecure to say another woman is attractive? I am not her competition. We are family. I just don't get it.

In general she is a huge gossip and if you tell her something personal she will definitely share it with other people. She told people in our village I was pregnant with my first before I even announced it and I was upset about that. I don’t tell her anything I don’t want everyone to know now basically. If someone tells me something private and asks me to keep it to myself I don’t even tell my husband and he is the same. A family member of his told me she got an abortion a few years ago and I have not told a soul.
Click to expand...

I guess you may have to use this relationship as a 'test' for your own evolution. :tongue:

Can you let it roll off your back and truly let it go, in each moment? :joyful:
 
anjelik

anjelik

Well-known member
katydid said:
I guess you may have to use this relationship as a 'test' for your own evolution. :tongue:

Can you let it roll off your back and truly let it go, in each moment? :joyful:
Click to expand...

Hahaha... I have to. It PAINS ME more than anything in the world to do so. But to keep the peace in my marriage and the family I do. I mean I will still challenge her but it is never nearly to the degree that I want to or could. She may think she is dominant but I am just letting her have that position...lol. :)
 
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