Coming out of social isolation

Hiya.....I'm going to be as short as I can so here goes:

I've lived in relative social isolation for 3-4 years because of shame concerning my physical presence. Prior to that I had a monk/ nun-like existence with virtually no hedonism, sensuality, sexuality or pleasure, working very diligently on music and with a titanic desire for personal power and greatness. Prior to that I was a normal kid who played soccer and baseball.

While in social isolation I realized how deeply I desire I life with connection, real human experiences, joy and some degree of freedom, rather than single-mindedly pursuing personal superiority. I also realized how essential narcissism and a need for beauty are to my personality (for better or worse)....this is complemented by the fact that I am not really a boy or a girl gender-wise - both of these thigns have led me to painstakingly learn to do things like pluck my eyebrows, shave in a variety of places, even invest in female wigs that I like. I think with these things in place I feel more prepared to begin to engage with the real world.

My goals are to be involved with and form connections to the external world through things such as sports (in spite of my gender non-conformity) and possibly getting a job doing something I like (such as cooking). The obstacles to this are many but very significantly that I don't have a real home and live in temporary situations that are not really comfortable, safe or healthy.

I would really like to have more social interaction and form real bonds with other people and begin to move in the direction of whatever it is I'm supposed to do in this lifetime. I feel compelled to change the world through some creative effort of large proportions.

The last thing I feel compelled to add about myself is that deep down I know that I have greatness beyond a shadow of a doubt, but my desire is to have beauty, to such an extent that I will try to manipulate my next re-birth to suit my desired circumstance.

Can anyone offer any insight into how I can go about with the more 'practical' of my goals, like just getting involved with the external world, acquiring a suitable living space, etc?

Thanks in advance!

Saturn is transiting your natal Moon. I think that will help with your practical concerns. I think it will help you to find a steady job and reenter a routine social life.

Transiting Pluto is opposing your Chiron right now. That might be kind of intense and you might be uncovering and releasing a lot of old painful wounds. Do you have help or support for any of that? Any counseling available to you? Any family or close friends who can be there for you at this time?

katydid said:

Saturn is transiting your natal Moon. I think that will help with your practical concerns. I think it will help you to find a steady job and reenter a routine social life.

Transiting Pluto is opposing your Chiron right now. That might be kind of intense and you might be uncovering and releasing a lot of old painful wounds. Do you have help or support for any of that? Any counseling available to you? Any family or close friends who can be there for you at this time?

Click to expand...

I don't have any emotional support or guidance re: my personal issues, that's why I posted on an amateur astrology forum......but I do have modest but helpful financial support which is good - I've had that since Saturn started transiting my 1st and 2nd houses, which seems to be the progenitor of the whole circumstance.

I do have my ancestors, spirit guides, and guardians that I pray to and I think they've come through in big ways with advances I never expected. Or maybe it's those Scorpio/ Sagittarius full moons over the past 1.5 years.....who knows.

I've since asked for this thread to be deleted because I thought my discussion about myself was too embarrassing, but as long as it's still here I might as well answer questions and see what people have to say.

Please don't be embarrassed. I commend you for your bravery and honesty. And wanting to re-enter a social life, take up sports etc sounds brilliant. Sometimes the answer to life is just to live it, which seems like the answer you've come to. No man is an island, right?
I can understand why you probably felt life was too judgemental for you re your gender issues. Thankfully we are more accepting as a race in general, but I also find it very telling of your strong mind and character, that you are ready to come back to the grind. Bravo!!! (Sorry no reading from me yet)

you are who you is, to Sorcerer

Sorcerer,

You said:

SORCERER said:

I've lived in relative social isolation for 3-4 years because of shame concerning my physical presence. Prior to that I had a monk/ nun-like existence with virtually no hedonism, sensuality, sexuality or pleasure, working very diligently on music and with a titanic desire for personal power and greatness...My goals are to be involved with and form connections to the external world...I would really like to have more social interaction and form real bonds with other people and begin to move in the direction of whatever it is I'm supposed to do in this lifetime. I feel compelled to change the world through some creative effort of large proportions.

Click to expand...

Everything who you are begins with your chart. Your chart holds the secret to how to become more of who you are and how to bring out the things that are uniquely you. And this chart is all about...being YOU. There's a stellium collection of energy) on the Ascendant (self), and Easy Opposition focused on the Ascendant. Most of the planetary energy is on the bottom (inner world) left (self) side of the chart, indicating you use your self awareness to connect inwardly. Your North node northnode: future goals) is on your IC (inner world). The ruler of the Ascendant...is on the Ascendant. Ruler of the Midheaven (outer world)...is on the Ascendant. Everywhere you go in this chart, you come back to yourself.

So everything in this chart points to your needing to be by yourself, with yourself, and becoming deeply, inwardly comfortable with being yourself. The challenge is it's easy to look around at other people interacting socially and thinking, "That's what normal people do. I want to do THAT!" While this seems like normal behavior, trying to force yourself into social situations, only to experience how uncomfortable they all feel only takes you further from being you and who YOU are.

With Scorpio scorpio: transformation, also sex, power) modifying your Ascendant (self), personally, sexually transforming yourself in a powerful way is very important to you. Pluto (ruler of Scorpio) is on your Ascendant, indicating you go through a series of transformations of "deaths and rebirths" (not literal deaths, but the death and rebirth of your awareness of the world). Continuing your self-examination and awareness of the world around you through you is who you are.

I get that this is difficult. As a person with many planets on the Ascendant, I, too, have struggled with this intensive self focus and dabbled with trying to force myself into more social situations. I have discovered that once I became comfortable with me and who I was...the whole world opened up around me, and social issues stopped being an issue.

Wishing you the best,

Tim

Note: with all that Pluto and Scorpio (transformation, also research) combined with Jupiter (wisdom) you probably would make a good researcher.

Re: you are who you is, to Sorcerer

Tim and blue bell - thanks for your replies. What you say makes a lot of sense.

Regarding being a researcher, I have a *very* easy time knowing what's on people's minds, what their agenda is and what their emotions are, but I have a need for glamor that a field like research wouldn't really satisfy.

socializing, to Sorcerer

Sorcerer,

One other thing about socializing...while YOU will have a difficult time socializing with others (since it's not your nature), SOME others will WANT to socialize with you. That's because just as your chart focuses on yourself, so other people's charts can focus on OTHERS. These people (usually indicated by having lots of planets on the right side of the chart) naturally are aware of and very involved with the people around them. They need to be around others and, often, to do for others. These people may be happy to find someone who is very self-focused, since it allows them to focus their attention entirely on that person with the person focused on feeling comfortable with their attention.

Not sure how to find people like that, but they ARE out there. Look for the people who seem to naturally and easily start conversations and seem to take a sincere interest in what people are saying. These might be "other-focused" people who you can get along with.

Following up,

Tim