Creativity Anxiety

Hello everyone
I hope you can help me a bit in understanding and maybe solving this particular struggle.
I have been having a lot of panic when it comes to being creative in both my studies and my job. Not only creative block but just really getting ill over needing to "preform" and prove my creativity to other people and meet deadlines.
This has been a real pain because I really want to stay in a creative field for my career in the future...
But I won't be able to with the amount of stress this is causing. When I'm on my own I'm doing fine and have lots of ideas! But doing it for other people is gradually killing my sense of Self.
I know Saturn in the 5th house shows some creative block but what is the dynamic here and what in my chart can show a way out of this struggle?

Why do other people make it so hard for me to express myself?

Hello! What if Saturn is not the 'issue'? Having a look at your chart, what pops out to me is the quantity of Earth signs you have, including a Grand Trine (Jupiter, Mercury, South Node - I know some might not count it as a Trine due to the South Node, but it might be a relevant energy trio). Often Grand Trines need to be 'worked' on in order to unlock their potential, if not, the energy stagnates and creates inertia. Fear is associated with south node issues (to be balanced by embracing the opposite energy, north node - I'm confused it seems to appear right next to your south node in the chart?...).
Perhaps all this is worth thinking about.

On another note, I recommend the book The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It is a program to unlock creative potential, through specific exercises & weekly readings to reflect on. It helps unearth things within us that might be preventing a more flowful creativity of expressing itself. I highly recommend it, it might help you in many ways.

Since I'm in a creative field, I'll weigh in.

I actually do see Saturn as an issue. Keep in mind, I'm not used to reading charts from this particular program (I use another one, which I find much easier to read, in terms of interceptions, angles, etc. and my orbs are set tighter than these here). But Saturn in the 5th could certainly indicate some restrictions or difficulties expressing creatively. Do you work in some field related to technology, too? Also Saturn forms a square with your moon in the 2nd house of income. So I can see that as contributing to a source of moodiness/anxiety/or fluctuation with how you view your everyday workings/creativity. I have a Saturn/Moon square (in completely different houses and signs) and I've always thought it has led to a certain amount of melancholy or even bouts of depression. Saturn is also square Venus, which puts tensions on relationships and expression--is there some "task master" in group settings, I wonder? Your chart is showing Saturn square Sun in the 9th, albeit with a wider orb than I usually allow for with the sun--but not a way wider orb, so you'd probably feel the influence. Since the 9th rules abstract thinking and travels, foreign concepts, higher learning, you shine in these areas naturally and express yourself in these ways, but with a square to Saturn in the fifth you might feel restrictions placed upon you. Maybe you don't feel like you can have enough fun creatively, too...that it's all just work. Though now that I'm writing that I also feel there is a particular person who might be making you feel more uncomfortable expressing yourself in ways that make you feel freer vs less restricted.

And don't forget Saturn is the task master, so it might just take longer to enjoy the rewards of Saturn's energy in a house. It could be that you have to learn to balance your emotions/general approach and outlook about projects and push forward despite fears. It could be, too, that although working with others might be a source of tension, it might be just finding the right group of people--those who share your fundamental vision--could help. That being said, squares are never easy and there aren't really "release valves" like in a bucket or in an opposition. So there is that, too.

Hope this helps.
Sandy

Thanks Sandy,
Yes I work with technology and the group dynamics of this field make it hard for me. So it does sound like...Saturn in the 5th. I work with graphic design and advertising- for now. It does creates a lot of stress and i do hope to be able to still do this. I guess some fears of others being critical of my ideas makes me avoid doing what I love.

Good to know the orb of Satrun-Sun is at least not that tight. I admit to never noticing orbs and being new to that so cool