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  #1  
Unread 03-15-2017, 10:40 PM
PinklySM PinklySM is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 14
I'm "strange" and change all the time

I have no friends, I have no social life, I can not integrate myself, I have many fears, people reject me for being like this. No one knows much about me, when I talk too much I want to disappear, I'm not constant, relationships suffocate me. I know I should not feel bad because it's what I am but when I see people having fun, with friends and a close family I wish I could be more "normal", however in those attempts I lose myself, I become false, I become horrible and In the end I have to leave everything and go back to being nothing, where I feel happy.
In the end no one stays, they all leave, I feel that loneliness is the only thing I have. Although I always try to integrate myself I feel that no place is for me, it is as if I did not have feelings, I want the good superficially like a robot. Maybe I would not feel bad if they did not tell me or society would judge me when I say I have no friends or I do not like certain things. I am sad because if it were not as I am it would be easier and I would not feel inadequate.
Whenever I act very "I" caused negative things, people attack me but I have no bad intentions.
Sometimes I feel stupid, I can not understand many things, my family does not treat me very well, the people around me always want to impose things on me, nobody ever said that my personality was good. I feel that I am boring.

Buenos Aires, Argentina.
22:45
December 22, 1996.

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  #2  
Unread 03-15-2017, 10:57 PM
CancerEvolve CancerEvolve is offline
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Re: I'm "strange" and change all the time

Firstly hi and welcome since we have not met.

Here is your natal chart.

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  #3  
Unread 03-16-2017, 12:22 AM
Vyri Vyri is offline
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Re: I'm "strange" and change all the time

Na..don't worry little one's..all will be well with you sooner than you think...by

tis written in the heavens...
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  #4  
Unread 03-16-2017, 05:41 AM
RaRohini RaRohini is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PinklySM View Post
I have no friends, I have no social life, I can not integrate myself, I have many fears, people reject me for being like this. No one knows much about me, when I talk too much I want to disappear, I'm not constant, relationships suffocate me. I know I should not feel bad because it's what I am but when I see people having fun, with friends and a close family I wish I could be more "normal", however in those attempts I lose myself, I become false, I become horrible and In the end I have to leave everything and go back to being nothing, where I feel happy.
In the end no one stays, they all leave, I feel that loneliness is the only thing I have. Although I always try to integrate myself I feel that no place is for me, it is as if I did not have feelings, I want the good superficially like a robot. Maybe I would not feel bad if they did not tell me or society would judge me when I say I have no friends or I do not like certain things. I am sad because if it were not as I am it would be easier and I would not feel inadequate.
Whenever I act very "I" caused negative things, people attack me but I have no bad intentions.
Sometimes I feel stupid, I can not understand many things, my family does not treat me very well, the people around me always want to impose things on me, nobody ever said that my personality was good. I feel that I am boring.

Buenos Aires, Argentina.
22:45
December 22, 1996.
Hi Pinkly !
I recast your chart as per vedic format and will say the following :
Ascendant Cancer Ashlesha the binder who craves to intensely bond with another. They think emotionally. Ruled by Mercury, they are very smart tacticians.
Your Moon is exalted in Taurus Rohini the star of ascent in the 11th house of gains. You may do very well in business. Now Rohini has a craving to be desired and admired for what they are; this craving is very intense. Moreover they are quite sensitive as well. They are very charming and sensual.
However your so called 'problem' stems from Mars and Rahu Conjunction in Virgo Uttaraphalguni.Mars Maha Dasha was from 2001 to 2008 and then Rahu is from 2008 to 2026. Now Virgo Uttaraphalguni is in the 3rd house of friends and it is very analytical and this analysing of everything may make the friendship 'boring' to others. But this energy is required for your life path. Ketu is in Pisces Uttarabhadra the ocean of consiousness. So it is needed to move away from the energy of surrendering to the infinite towards the energy of setting goals and achieving them. You have to steer clear of negative friends as they will take you away from the path. The energy of soaking in others emotions and bending to their will has already been mastered. There is no need to please everyone. Now this star in Virgo is all about 'doing'. This star excels in 'social service' and 'giving away'. They are great in communicating with animals and they make great animal activists too ! They are quite the rebel in activism. So let your work do the talking. From 2026 onwards, your Jupiter Dasha starts and then people who are really your 'type' will get attracted to you. Things will improve greatly. Hold on !
Do as your spirit wills! God bless !
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Unread 03-17-2017, 06:58 AM
aldebaran aldebaran is offline
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Re: I'm "strange" and change all the time

For a start, I would say that, just like anyone else, you don't comprehend exactly your own psychology, and also don't comprehend the formation of it - cause you have confusing notions about the people around you (including family).

Of course this is valid for any person. What I mean, though, is that with the flowing of time you'll be able to understand yourself better, and at the same time you'll understand the people around you - and the influence they had on your psychology.

You seem to be aware that the problem is not within yourself, but in the others. Yet, how much can someone resist in being aware of it when surrounded by people? If you are sure you are only living your life, without wanting to harm anyone, and all those people are being bad to you - you must be firm and solid in being aware of this: nothing is your fault. And being very aware of this you can try to make your life better, without never stepping in assuming the harm other people do as it were your fault.

The world is big, very big, I think you are living a part of your life around people that envy you and for that have some kind of pleasure in harming you. You can be sure this moment of life will pass... Things change, sometimes slowly, sometimes sudden, but they change.

I guess part of your confusion is to believe that because the very people that harm you dislike you, that every other kind of people will be this way too.

This is absolutely not true... There's many people in this world, many places, each one very different of each other... Don't take people that harm you as a parameter for nothing. People have different personalities, that's normal. Don't expect that every kind of people can socialize together, it's just not possible.

By your map I would say you have a strong personality, though most planets are in personal houses, for what I think you don't have such a need for "integration". I would rather think your personality, though strong, is more of having a life in your own than integrating too much. So, you are being naive if you believe you need "integration" because people tell you this. They are just using this argument because they envy something in your personality, and they already realized this is a point that for some reason you feel hurt, so, they hurt you, for them to feel better.
Having the necessity of "social integration" is something that can be quite a big problem for many people; your chart points the opposite, that you are more a reserved person; so, perhaps some people have envy exactly of this capacity you have of being in your own!

Your house of "social contacts", 11th is in Gemini, ruled by Mercury. You have a duad of Mercury right on your Ascendant, in Leo.

Well, this might make you talk a lot and in an expansive way while you are in a "social" place. I wouldn't say this "is not yourself", though your general personality might be more reserved, in this very circumstance your personality works differently. The biggest issue with it is that you might get too exposed... Imagine you talking a lot and a lot with people, exposing yourself, and some "Scorpio" kind of people only watching and watching and waiting the moment to harm you? Doesn't seem it will be easy for you.
So, it's not a problem being expansive talking with people, but you should take very much care to what you say - to not say things too personal or that can give them weapon against you.

Honestly, I quite believe if you are so persecuted by people, some reason certainly is in it. You cause envy on them, for some reason. This is something auspicious for your life - how hard is it, it would be worst if you didn't cause any envy - cause you only wouldn't cause if you were just like them...

Those aren't easy times for many people, but hard times will pass. Trust in your self for this while, and if you need, be tough.
"Hay que endurecer, pero sin perder la ternura jamás...."
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