I'll try to make a summary of the relationship with my recent crush:
- We met for the first time three years ago, the next day I was admitted at a hospital because of a serious health condition. I was in love with another man and this doctor looked quite feminine. I really thought he was asexual or gay, that's why I keep his last name in my mind in case I need him (I was glad to find a doctor I could trust and with whom I felt comfortable). We only talked once, however I witnessed how this doctor was kind with other patients. Two days before I leave the hospital I find him staring at me with a compassionate look in his eyes (I was on a post-traumatical state after almost dying during an emergency surgery). He had scheduled my surgery for a week after he medically examined me, however my condition couldn't stand no more and I had to go under the knife a few days before he expected. Though I never blamed it for underestimating my health condition, now I think it was karmic stuff.
Two years later I had a medical issue that make me look for him (despite his office was far from my house). Finally, I decided to wait and go to another doctor, but I had to dismiss the latest because I found he wasn't very ethical. I needed another surgery so I went to "feminine" doctor's office just to find him so changed. He really looked attractive and a bit aggresive, he speak to me so fiercely about my medical condition for half an hour while looking at my eyes. When I stand up from the seat in order to leave his office he stared at me as if he found me attractive (though he tried not to be obvious). After I left his office I was speechless, I felt mesmerized. My ex said it seemed the doctor had fell in love with me because he kept his eyes on mine all the time we were there. I just told my ex, he just wanted to persuade me to have the surgery in the same place where I had the first one, now he will be the surgeon one way or another. The end of the story is he couldn't do the surgery and maybe he lied to me when he didn't tell me I couldn't choose surgeon at a public hospital and that the month the surgery was scheduled he would probably be assigned only to emergency surgeries
So I went back to the hospital where I almost died just to experience again all the emotional pain I felt years before. Even worst, my new surgery was worst than the first one, nurses were very mean and the two surgeons made me feel awful, they all despise patients. With first surgery the surgeon and anesthesiologist were awful but nurses weren't so bad. Sometimes I think I was a bad doctor in a previous past life and that's why I find terrifying doctors whenever I go.
After I recovered from surgery I started to check my crush social networks almost daily (I did the same before but in a lesser degree). Then one day I sent him an email, he answered but he couldn't recall my name. After I sent him a picture he became sure of who I was. We messaged through wapp and the next day when I asked him his birth hour (to have an accurate synastry chart) and I told him how I managed to know his birthday it seems he becamr scared a bit and after that he didn't answer any of my messages. I gave up after a few days and sent him an email saying I got the message and that I was not going to disturb him anymore, that I wasn't sure about the authenticity og feelings. However three weeks later I had a terrible pain in the lower back so I had to contact him again. He seemed glad to receive my message because he answered right away and told me he was busy in class and that he was going to write to me later.
I see a lot of karmic issues going on since I met this doctor. The traumatic experience with first surgery made me end a relationship I had at the time.
Now I feel pulled and someway forced to see this doctor again because I have some health issues that began several years ago that seems got worst after I decided to move on and forget him (the first week of january). So I went to his office on February and I will be there again in June.
Now, any insight please
