Issues with self-expression

Hey y'all,

So I'm not here to whine, but I want to dissect some things that have been going on in my life. I'm lonely, withdrawn, and going through HUGE changes in my life. Truth of the matter, it seems like I'm never happy, and when I finally feel happy, I mess it up. And, I feel like I'm never settled, either within myself, or in my external environment.

I've included my chart here. To clear up the readily apparent dark stuff in my chart: I'm a childhood incest survivor as well as a survivor of mental and emotional abuse. I've been institutionalized, medicated, and therapeutically enhanced. Pluto and Neptune have made themselves VERY known.

I was wondering if someone could 1) point out some of the positives in my chart and 2) constructively guide me in understanding some common themes in my chart, or anything that really sticks out to them.

I'm no novice at this stuff: I know my astrology. And please, don't rail on me about the nasty Pluto mess, at least help me understand WHY THE HECK it's so strong, and how many changes I can expect to go through (Pluto's transit in Capricorn is going be hell for me, right?)

What I'm looking for is big picture.

Thanks

Mod!


http://www.astro.com/cgi/chart.cgi?cid=3wbfilefgrr1L-u1108330500_4178947852&lang=e&gm=a1&nhor=867623&nho2=9929352&btyp=2&mth=gw&sday=29&smon=6&syr=2009&hsy=-1&zod=&orbp=&rs=0&ano=1&ast=

Okay, I promise not to go on and on about your Pluto squares. I have Pluto square Mercury, and conjunct the angles as well. And yes, unfortunately I was a victim of sexual abuse too, at the hands of a teenaged uncle when I was very young.
When I was about your age I began to act out sexually, as I was under the mistaken impression that if I slept with someone, then they would love me. Of course it never worked out that way, and it was a downward spiral for me. But I have the Sun in Scorpio, so that made a difference from our chart comparisons.
Anyhow, you have the Sun in Cancer in the 7th, ruler of the 8th. Your Sun is at the midpoint of Jupiter and Saturn, making that grand trine exact. Extreme emotional sensitvity and an abundance of feelings and creative energy. However, that may sometimes feel more like a push and pull effect, than it does an easy flow of energy. It is hard to know who or what to trust with Jupiter in Pisces saying one thing, and Saturn in Sag another.
The lesson comes in learning to trust your own intuition, and learning to turn your back on those who do not deserve you.
The talents inherent in Jupiter/Saturn trines come with learning to fit into society in such a way that you improve things for others. So you may one day find yourself counseling teens on suicide watch, or those who have been domestic violence survivors. Saturn takes, but Jupiter gives back in a bigger return.
You and I have so many similar placements in our charts. I also have Moon conjunct Mars in Capricorn. We earned that exaltation of the Mars with good karma in the past. It WILL help you persevere and get to the top of the mountain. But it is along way and there are obstacles in our path. But never underestimate the mountain goat. It will succeed, but the long strange trip is not always pretty.

The ruler of your Cap asc is Saturn, in the 11th in Sag. I can see your aptitude for astrology, and metaphysics. The saturn, although retro, makes a nice tight trine to Mercury in Leo in the 7th. You are a great judge of character, and you know things that surprise others, because they think they are hiding the truth. But you KNOW, and it causes problems sometimes, because it makes things awkward.
Things will work out in time, and your strength of character, and your spiritual beliefs will win out in the end. You are very young still, and things will begin to look up for you as you mature. Cap rising does much better as they age.

You have been having the famous Pluto in Capricorn upheaval already, as it has been hovering your Neptune in the 12th. That may be where some of your concern is coming from. Sure, Pluto asc transits are hard, but certainly no worse than what you have already experienced through your natal Pluto. In effect, this transit will be about working that old stuff out. Horrific, but only in terms of getting through it therapeutically, but not about new bad things happening.

Hi,
It's not a good idea to give people access to your account on astro!
It's much better to upload the chart as an attachement....

Your Pluto has a nice sextile to venus in 9th,(Equal house system) which suggests you may live abroad at some point. Saturn is conj 12th and therefore having more effect in there, in 11th suggests older mature friends and few of them, in 12th suggests a resentment of authority figures. Pluto is conj 11th house which can also suggest a bit of loner wolf.

You have seen the worse of T Saturn going over your venus and I would have expected some break in relationship, job or just a feeling of being unloved.

T Uranus conj natal jupiter can bring flashes of excitement, risk and opportunities for communications (3rd house Equal) and Jupiter rules 12th some inner healing work should have been going on there.....

You have Venus trine Mars and Jupiter trine the Sun. You have seen (and experienced) the worst in the world, and your job is not to perpetrate it.... to be a better and more functional human being than the dysfunctionals from your past.

Every time there are good aspects to either Mars or Venus, the Mar-Venus trine is triggered. Each time something good happens to either your Jupiter or Sun, your Sun-Jupiter trine is triggered.

However, with the moon in the first, your programming is very powerful, and you need to "deprogram" consciously. There are many ways to do this, and you need to find these ways; in other words, walk in the LIGHT and not let dark things or people have "space" in your life.

Remember also that Sun, moon and Saturn are all parental "figures" in the chart, and because the Sun and Moon are so strong, you need to find your own authenticity. And NO ONE can do this for you. It has to become your life's quest.
LIN