Why was our relationship so painful despite similarities in out charts?

I know I shouldn't bring up past hurt, but this is a good opportunity for me to learn something about astrology, and also maybe an answer.

We were born in the same city, and she was born a day later than me, so there are a lot of conjunction in our charts. But our relationship was a turbulent one. She was an utter hot head, in contract with my calm and cautious personality. She freaked out at almost everything, and got offended easily, and her overbearing personality drained me out. She was also very good with words, while I was much more awkward, so I usually lost in arguments. We were like fire and ice to sum it up.

She was the one to approach me and started the relationship. I always had a feeling she was using me to prove to her friends that she had this power to change a person. At times I did feel like she was genuine, but then we got into an argument and I got bitter. I counteracted her noise with my silence. And we ended up questioning each other who was being dishonest with who. She couldn't approach me because I kept my mouth shut, and I couldn't understand her because what she talked contradicted each other.

It was hard for me to see anything that indicate emotional manipulation from her chart, nor any disharmony in our charts. We have similar charts, so we are supposed to understand each other. But what we both saw was that there was a barrier between us. She remained unaccessible to me and so did I.

Here's the synastry. I'm the blue one, and her chart has been rectified. Feel free to comment on our relationship, because I have accepted that I may play a part in the hurt.

https://imgur.com/a/dgz0elK

I wouldn't say you are similar, you are almost identical!
The clinker looks like the moon square Neptune and Uranus, with an inconjunct to Pluto.
You as moon suffered the painful consequences.

I'm not really good at this, but could the Mars conj Mars and Pluto conj Pluto be the culprits? With your Mars' conjuncting, I would imagine it'd be a relationship where you both fight and argue a lot, and Pluto conj Pluto could create potential power struggles and tension with maybe an element of controlling behavior (perhaps worsening the effects of Mars conj Mars). She's a Taurus Moon, which might make her stubborn and set in her ways. Your Aries Moon might make you quick-tempered in your own way, maybe in the sense that you get mad quickly but you don't necessarily show your anger, whereas she does. You have Mars in the 5th as well, so perhaps you attract the hot-headed types? She has Pluto in the 5th, so again, she's likely prone to be in intense relationships with power struggles and control issues.

Take what I say with a grain of salt because I'm not really good at reading anything that isn't a natal chart