12th house Stellium, am I doomed to struggle with social life and never fitting in?

A common theme I had throughout my life was that I was mostly a social outcast. Moved around a good deal growing up so no success there.

In high school I just wanted to move on to the next phase of my phase which was college.

In college I actually tried to have a social life but mostly failed, it was always as if I found kids to be stuck up and if you were not a part of their clique, they dismissed you. I don't think it was for a lack of trying on my part either, I just had a tough time getting anything close to a social life going.

I have always felt like a social outcast and never really fit in, especially not with the bigger popular crowds or larger crowds where you saw people out partying or having a great social time.

Now I am done with college and so far, I feel like an outcast other than the fact that I sleep with random women. It is almost like that is my social life, I sleep with a random woman (and for some reason I have a much easier time with dating than social life) and that is it.

I have never found my social tribe or close circle of friends and being that I am entering my late 20s, feels like the time on that is ticking fast.

Any comeback stories or redeeming features of this chart?

https://i.imgur.com/CHQutGB.png
 

Osamenor

Staff member
Do you really not socialize with anyone other than your dates? As I recall, you mentioned preferring social hobbies before--sports, that kind of thing.

I'm trying to figure out if you're literally a loner, or if this is entirely emotional isolation--as in, you have friends you socialize with, but you don't feel close or really connected to them. Emotionally, both situations might be similar, but externally, they're very different. And the solutions are different. It's one thing if you're holed up on your own and rarely or never socialize--in that case, getting out of your shell would make a difference. It's another if you're going out and socializing but still feeling alone.

What makes a person socially isolated can be quite complex, and I think there are multiple chart factors involved. When I look at your chart, the first thing I notice is your eleventh house. It's empty, so we look to its ruler--which is retrograde, combust (that means within a couple degrees of the sun--planets combust are not visible in the sky, sometimes said to be swallowed up by the sun, may feel like they're not really there), and in the twelfth house.

Not only that, your Mercury is also conjunct Chiron, which shows where the deep seated wounds are. Chiron represents the kind of wound that you spend your whole life in the process of healing (and also the healing process). Conjunct your eleventh house ruler, you might experience yourself as socially wounded, socially isolated--whether or not you objectively are isolated. Twelfth house also suggests isolation. At its best, twelfth house isolation manifests as simply a need for private space and alone time. At worst, it's involuntary isolation, exile, being kept out of the world. It sounds like you feel exiled from social life.

Next question you ask in your title: are you doomed? You don't have to be. That doesn't mean this is something that can instantly change overnight, but getting into a better space is possible. But that will have to be a subject for continued conversation.
 

mahaira

Well-known member
Opposition Sun-Saturn working through 6-12th was the first thing I noticed.
I have a conjuction in the 9th and have lived through a very intense isolation in a foreign country (typical 9th house).
Some of it was imposed by circumstances, but to be honest most of it came from my preconceived ideas and insecurities.
I have no doubt that the isolation period would have been inevitable, but I also know that it would have been shorter and had a lesser impact had I known how do deal with certain problems.
My point being that to some extent it is your choice and there are things you can do about it.

I agree with what Osamenr has said and I'd like to add that on top of it all your Mercury, lord often 11th house, opposes your Saturn.

Here's what you could think about.
- Your 11th house is in Gemini, sign of "sharing information"
- you have a stelium in the 12th (Sun included), house of many things that are perceived as limiting, but also of compassion

Maybe you could benefit from socializing through volunteering work. Find an activity you like (maybe sports) and see if you can somehow offer your services in that field as a volunteer (e.g. help out a school coach?). In my case I like teaching and translating, so when I can I help out others, tutor kids and/or translate articles for my friends. It has to be something you enjoy doing and something where you can meet like-minded people.
Another example, if you like animals and would like to meet compassionate people, volunteer in an animal shelter :)

I don't know you and I have only taken a glance at your chart, but you strike me as someone who could benefit from finding a meaning in activities rather than just going out and meeting (random) people in a bar.

The lord of your 7th house is Uranus (hence the lightness in romantic - and shallow - contacts) and it is well aspected. So you can use that energy even better.

Don't feel like you have little time left. People can make friends all the time, give yourself a chance!
 
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