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  #1  
Unread 01-09-2007, 08:16 AM
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Post Difficult mother daughter relationships...

Hi there

I have drawn up a composite chart for my mother and I and the odd thing that strikes me is that we have venus in the 12th House. alittle odd for a parental relationship huh?
We have had more than our share of difficult moments. I wonder if anything else in particular stands out that i'm just not getting.

It's like she has always been a better parent to others and found it difficult to love me.you know, buying all the other kids and ice cream and leaving you out.( it really was alot worse than this) I understand that at 35 I should be getting over this now... is there a reason i'm just not picking up?

Sadly, due to this lack of motherly love, I have wished that friends parents were mine, i was theirs and so on. however, it's like I act very needy waiting for the sligtest drop of affection. I don't trust anyone and have never ever been secure that someone loved me.wanted to sleep with me yes but, never really loved me. I want to understand & release these dynamics from my life.

can you help me put some of these demons to rest?

waterlilly

Sun - Libra 9 36' in house 11
Moon - Leo 29 49' in house 10
Mercury - Libra 9 35' in house 11
Venus - Scorpio 2 29' in house 12
Mars - Scorpio 26 20' in house 1
Jupiter - Sagittarius 27 21' in house 2
Saturn - Cancer 26 39' in house 9
Uranus - Leo 22 55' in house 10
Neptune - Scorpio 8 14' in house 1
Pluto - Virgo 8 18' in house 10
Ascendant - Scorpio 6 11' in house 1
Midheaven - Leo 19 52' in house 10
Node. - Pisces 15 19' in house 4
2 Sagittarius 4 46' in house 2
3 Capricorn 11 8' in house 3
4 Aquarius 19 52' in house 4
5 Pisces 22 18' in house 5
6 Aries 17 3' in house 6

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  #2  
Unread 01-09-2007, 06:13 PM
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Re: Difficult mother daughter relationships...

ahhh, the parental units ... when i gave birth to our daughter, my husband said "i completely understand my parents now" and i responded "i complete do not understand them at all." just when i thought i understood the whys and the hows of their parenting of me, i became a parent and i just thought, 'how could they have done that to any child, let alone me.'

so, likely much of your answers are to be found in that 10th house and 4th house ... as well as perhaps that venus in the 12th so close to your ascendent. without knowing anything about you, i would say that you came to the world quite well developed in areas your mother was not. as often the 10th house does represent the mother, i do not know if that is necessarily true with you, but lets just say for kicks and giggles, that your mom was the most major parental influence in your life, she was the one who taught you how to interact with the external environment you experienced growing up.

with your sun in the 11th ... you've already eclipsed her realm and what is she to do with you? often parents 'pull back' the 11th house sun child because of fear of what the world can be ... mostly from their experience of hardship, etc. often its a natural protective kind of thing "you don't know how cruel the world can really be", and often its a jealously thing "you can't get more than i did in life," and then there's the chip on the shoulder "you won't amount to anything," and they habitually teach you how to get less out of life than you would naturally gain if left alone.

so, the 11th house sun has a lot of challenges that many other sun placements do not have with parents, in general. take that and the load up that 10th house with the moon (hi mom!), uranus and pluto doing the leo to virgo transition within the house, and you are probably the reason why she was such a "good mom" for everyone else. you instinctively knew how to be a good mom, more so than she knew ... and you taught her (and not through anything other than being her child) ... but perhaps like many mom's of the generation our parents were in, they could not accept teaching came from THEIR child, and while you did teach her, she was not going to give it to you. i believe that is a generational thing, and not necessarily you in particular ... but something we pluto in virgo generation experienced, especially if your mom was of the pluto in cancer generation.

so, how do you get over it? well, i would ask what is your relationship like now. for me, it was putting up a BIG boundary with my parents -- something my venus/ascendent conjunct ... which we both have, although mine is on the 1st house side and your's on the 12th house ... could not fathom for a long time. when i had my solar return reading done for my 38th birthday, erin sullivan told me that i would need to 'divorce' my parents in order to heal the relationship within myself. i had already started that process at 37, and knew that if i was going to do what i wanted to do with my life, i had to let THEM go.

i could no longer allow them to hurt me in the intimate ways they know how to do it ... and not that they do it intentionally, they just live in the habits of relationship with me that hurt me so much when i was a child ... e.g., the buying of ice cream for everyone else and not me. they still do those habits and you can either (a) spend the rest of your life telling them everytime they hurt you and sometimes that would be your healing way, or (b) spend the rest of your life protected from their habits and growing in your own way with your own internal nurturing parents giving you the parenting you truly needed.

you, with mars & neptune in the 1st house (and the sun in the 11th ... note that 11 is the master of the 1 vibration, its the house of true individualization that brings about the aquarian concept of oneness of the universe), the latter may be your path.

personally, i've been using the 'walnut tree essence' to help me. walnut trees drop their nuts, thousands of them every year, but it takes the one nut that gets far enough away from the parent tree to actually take root and grow into a tree of its own. all the other nuts get harvested, eaten by squirrels or birds or rot and die under the shadow of the mother tree.

if you feel like the first choice is a preferable way to heal, then perhaps using the strawberry essence would help you ... a strawberry's vine grows out and it can develop a root system and new plant from the vine of the mother plant. its a symbiotic relationship that allows both to grow together.

the uranus in leo to me indicates perhaps you are more like the walnut than the strawberry.
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Unread 01-09-2007, 06:15 PM
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Re: Difficult mother daughter relationships...

... the note on the 4th house ... you are looking for the fulfillment of the parent that internally nurtures you ... you are well developed in your self, but finding deep internal nuturing is what the 4th house NN represents on the deepest levels is what some may say is your life's purpose this time around.
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Unread 01-09-2007, 07:25 PM
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Post Re: Difficult mother daughter relationships...

Wow thank you so much for taking the time to respond in so much detail. I cried my eyes out thanks..lol

So many things you mention ring true regarding our relationship. I do indeed believe that I had better mothering skills which she readily put to use. One hand, shed behave like the child forcing me to be the mother and then, shed resent me for it Im really considering writing a short book on my experiences. They are so far out I think people would not believe it. Id maybe need to go back to collage and take a creative writing course with English.

Home for me was like a prison without bars. My mother went further, (after a trauma that affected me) by having agoraphobia and forcing me to take responsibility for every thing inside & outside the home from the age of about 8 I was a nervous wreck. This makes me terribly unhappy as my own children have suffered. I dont know how to play. Im too practical, not really a fun mum. I feel its because of my mother that Im so anxious and suffer with my nerves. This comes out in either two ways. 1, tension and shakes or 2 defence and aggression. There is rarely middle ground.

In addition you mention divorcing your parents. Its funny, my mother and I have only just started talking after 3 years. Its as though its been her duty to belittle me, show me up and to a large degree manipulate me. Shes the kind of parent that would go out with your friends. Actually a girl I used to be close with. Is now my mothers best pal! In addition, one thing that crushed me was her inability to treasure a confidence and, always mine!

Where I lived on an estate in London, there was a rumour that, there was a witch on the top floor of the tower block. In my dreams that witch was my mother.

Im going to take your advice regarding the essence you've suggested.

Thanks so much:33: I'm going to print this off
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Unread 01-09-2007, 09:33 PM
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Re: Difficult mother daughter relationships...

I can't offer any astrological help but I know how you feel my mother is wicked too. It sounds like your mom is jealous of you and wants everything you have, It's probobly easier to make you feel bad than it is to admit failure.

Virgo
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Unread 01-10-2007, 05:49 AM
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Post Re: Difficult mother daughter relationships...

I think in a way your right Virgo.
I sense that my virgo moon was too sensative for her astrological make up. Don't get me wrong, I do love her. There have been times when the flickers of motherhood burnt brightly. But, in times I really needed her to either support me or mentor me or guide me, she just was not there. I don't know what's worse having the parent physically present, able and being a surrogate to all or being adopted and living a life of wonder and hope. at least with the latter someone wanted to parent you. ( No offense to adoptees)

Today has been the first day in a while that i'm actually really going to try not to be disappointed, critical and judgemental. I suppose she was to teach me something too. I just have trouble seeing what that is. However, The mist is clearing alittle and maybe she was supposed to teach me to loosen up...i don't know. But it's 5am, she's managed to keep me up another night and she doesn't even know.

Thanks for taking the time to respond
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Unread 01-10-2007, 06:00 AM
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Re: Difficult mother daughter relationships...

You mention having kids yourself
May be it would be interesting to see their charts (& your mothers) or seeing the composites of your and each of your kids, and compare that to the composite of your mother.
Grtz
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Unread 01-10-2007, 06:05 AM
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Re: Difficult mother daughter relationships...

Thanks BMG

I'm gonna check that out. Be interesting to find out what comes up.

Cheers
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Unread 01-10-2007, 05:12 PM
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Re: Difficult mother daughter relationships...

I'm sorry, but isn't the planetary positions and signs that you give here Waterlilly, from the composite chart with your mother? And not your natal chart? If you are 35 years old now and born in 1971, the planetary positions definetly don't match to your natal.

So, it is nice that you really can identify with business voodoo's interpretation, but it is not your own chart and I would like to make everyone here aware of how easy it is to believe everything we read here and in other similar sites. Sadly, the lack of a critical view is something that I feel holds astrology back and makes it very hard to accept for more "scientific" people. And examples likes this really just proves their point..

With the composite NN in your 4th house, you and your mother are definetly trying to learn to relate to each other as a familiy.. and I hope you don't stop trying to work on that issue.

Best wishes!
Tarion
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Unread 01-10-2007, 05:28 PM
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Re: Difficult mother daughter relationships...

business voodoo, i love your essence therapy ideas!
My advice for Waterlilly, find yourself a white stone and work this white stone meditation here;
http://www.vaux.net/greyspace/LitWS.htm
when your new name comes to you, write it on your stone.
Peace and strength,
2rainbows
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Unread 01-10-2007, 06:46 PM
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Smile Re: Difficult mother daughter relationships...

Hello Tarion

I thought that the interpretation was based upon the compisite chart however,. I'm happy that BVoodoo & everyone else real took the time to respond as, this is a sensative issue for me . I kind of got the drift anyway. I don't take everything i read as gospel. I'm the only one who can decifer if something feels relavant. but, you do have a point.

Thank you also for your comments relating to my mother and I. we'll keep at it i suppose. We had a nice chat on the phone last night. ...slooowwly does it...

Cheers
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Unread 01-10-2007, 06:49 PM
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Re: Difficult mother daughter relationships...

Hello 2rainbows.

Thanks for that advice.
I'll have a look at that link alittle later.

Cheers
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Unread 09-02-2017, 11:39 AM
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While reading ur reply i had tears ...my mother drains my energy as she criticises me day and night. The only affection she shows buying me clothes and accessories.
I'm abused and berated day and night by her and my brother joins in too. For frivolous issues I'm called names.
My father and his love is the only solace and strength I have. Your techniques are very well said...
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