hope is slipping away.

i know someone is going to say,get some therapy and don't whine here.need some place to address my thoughts..cause i don't have anyone.i do have my grandparents.but i can't tell them how i feel.they see i´m not happy.they see I'm sad but i can't tell them how tired i am and how i don't want this life.

i´m not gonna do anything like that.because there is that sense in my head knowing how selfish it is.and how it would break their heart.i could never do that to them.but i am crying.feeling empty.and pain.i pray that god would let me go.not afraid of dying.i believe in heaven.and i believe its peaceful.but that would be wrong.

the one dream that has kept is going is having happiness and a family of my own.but I'm afraid not for me this lifetime.i wonder will life take a turn I've been waiting for.

needed to be said.even to strangers on astrology forum.i´s better than nothing.

drugs and therapy just won't fix the hole in your heart if you don't have people in your life.friends.and feeling importnant to someone and knowing you are loved.

Hi there.
I know what it feels like. For what I can see you are indeed passing trough some hard time; but trust me its temporal. The pluto transit opossing your sun is in my point of view one of life´s transit; you should consider the opotunity of meet someone and change the toxic enviroment you are in. Probably there is someone already, viewing the neptune transit in 7th and pluto transit in 5th. In another hand the saturn return is another shitty thing, saturn make us grow up, and reconsider our entire life about in our 30 and 60 crisis; thats why maybe it can be a complycate time.

Finally as person more that someone who likes astrology, please reconside your toughts because it really can be a vicious circle; dont try to scape the crisis just flow with it and try to learn the lesson.

Hope you get better.

I've nern hoping For a long time Things to change.for a while they did i found a new home but things weren't as they seemed.my lessor turn out to be something i couldn't even imagine..really evil person.who will leave me homeless in 6months.

Someone has been in my life.the kind of love i never dream to find but as it turns out having been wrong many times before i did'nt believe it.and pushed him away.he told me i am blinded by my depression.his actions showed so Many times he is for real but i couldn't see it.and hurt him And pushed him away.i do regret it everyday.

My progressed sun in 12th is in almost exact square to my natal Pluto..i feel that is heavy And dark..And Going through my Saturn return same time..

I feel either this time will destroy me completly but i hope it will rebuild me..

Shilonn, you sound young. (This is your first Saturn return, right?)
If so, there is plenty of hope of that person whom you "pushed away" returning to you - if that is what you want.

You probably ARE "blinded" by your depression. That's what depression does: it numbs and blinds people. So, at the risk of going totally off topic, I will venture some unsolicited advice. Try magnesium. Lots of it (just not so much you get diarrhea). It is one of the best natural treatments against depression.
(Also, check your vitamin D levels. Its impact on mood, among many other things, is tremendous.)

Good luck.

Just glancing at your chart, you're experiencing your first Saturn Return. I have mine next year but Saturn is conjoining my Ascendant for the final time and just conjoined my Moon for the final time and I can relate to the hopelessness you feel.

I'm experiencing these transits for the third time and each time I asked myself what's the point. It doesn't help that I struggle with anxiety-depression.

Tomorrow Saturn will exactly conjoin my Ascendant and this past week everything felt impossible and heavy. My goals and dreams seem so far away.

I have 3 suggestions:

1) Remember these feelings/influences are only temporary. They will not last forever.

2) Saturn is astrology's greatest teacher, and teaches through restriction. Saturn is trying to teach you a lesson, try to figure out what it is. For myself, Saturn's been in my 12th house for 2 years now, forcing me to confront old mentalities and clear away what no longer works. I got back into therapy and am talking about these things.

3) Take care of yourself. I started exercising earlier this year and I swear my workouts keep me sane. (Sure that's Saturn approaching my ASC talking.) I'm also trying to eat better. (My SR for this year has most of my planets in the 6th house.) But what you eat effects your mind and your mood. Be aware of what you take in. If you need to spend time by yourself, don't feel bad about it.

thank u for ur replies.this is my first saturn return yes.but this devil (depression) has been with me since i was 13years old.it´s so severe that i don't have the strength to do anything.only laying in bed.not eating.i don't understand why i don't have any friends..that is one of the biggest things that makes me so sad.i have been alone for so long time that i g´feel there is something wrong with me.i had friends but they turn out to be anything else.
for years i was in that group and all that time they were deceiving me behind my back.in a very ruthless way.it´s been 5years and i still haven't found new friends.

as for the man i pushed him away for so may times.and the last time i did something cruel and told him i don't love him even i do…and told him to take that job abroad and leave..so yes this is completely my own fault.but age 29 no one has ever told me loving me.he did.and i thought he does´t mean it.self sabotage..

i hear you about saturn going over ur Ascendant.i experienced that years ago.and it was indeed the hardest time there can be.like to believe there is some reason for these things to happen.but i also do know some people end up alone and die alone..it´s very sad..i hope that won't happen to me.no one deserves that.