the worst synastry aspects ?
- Thread starter bsidmyself
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I think it depends on the person. I have an Aries sun in the 11th and Sag on my 7th house cusp. I also have no earth in my chart and only one fixed sign. I don't like to get bored in a relationship, the person I'm in a relationship with has to be my best friend and my playmate. I can handle harder aspects to Uranus. Uranus keeps me from getting bored. I'm someone who usually embraces change. But, I have a really hard time with hard Saturn aspects. In my last relationship, my ex's Saturn was conjunct my Mars and square my Mercury chart ruler. That relationship felt extremely confining on a mental level. Over the years I found myself checking out emotionally because I didn't feel like I could be myself around her. Once we finally broke up, I felt like I could breath for the first time in years. But someone who has alot of earth in their chart might feel just fine in that relationship. Someone with alot of earth or fixed signs might have a difficult time with Uranus aspects. You can't really look at a chart and say "this relationship is good because it's all soft aspects with these planets" or "this relationship is bad because of all the squares and oppositions to that planet". Each person needs different things in their relationships.
ALST123
Well-known member
He lies about liking your appearance.
virgo18
Well-known member
Kenoshamaensa
Well-known member
I would doubt that. I actually have this aspect with a guy I'm interested in, but I'm the Neptune, and I promise, I don't lie about liking his appearance. ;> That may be the case for some people, but I think it may be an overly literal reading.
While I'm not entirely sure what goes through his head, I think, looking at it from the reverse, that he's somewhat inclined to see me through rose-colored glasses, to assume I'm "more ..." than I actually am. NOT so much in appearance, but in other ways ... wiser, more logical, smarter, etc., than I see myself (or think I actually am). This is what I've gleaned from things he's said to me/to others.
In short, he has an inclination at times to see less who I am than who he THINKS I am, or wants me to be. (He also has Mercury on his Asc tied up in all this.) He PROJECTS things onto me. This is not necessarily in a romantic sense, and I don't think he's entirely conscious of doing so. Nor do I deliberately try to mislead him (aside from keeping some of my feelings to myself because he's not at a point he wants, or needs, to hear them). So yes, that is "deception" of a sort, but of the normal kind.
It's not terribly important, either, as our friendship exists quite apart from any romantic feelings I have.So with that in mind, I might suggest that you examine carefully how you SEE this guy? Are you really seeing him, or who you want him to be for you? Have you cast him in a script running in your head? Being on the other end of that, while it's flattering, it can also be a little frustrating, as you want the other person to see YOU, flaws and all, even while worrying that if they do, they'll stop liking you.
Much, of course, depends on the rest of the synastry, and whether there's a lot of Neptunian involvement, especially with hard aspects. In our case, there isn't. So while I think he tends to project onto me, it's not as "bad" as it could be, and as noted, we get along rather well and have a lot of other really good synastry aspects that helps to offset Neptune conj. Mercury on his Asc.
I'll also add that while I think Neptune usually works out with "dreamy" ideas/overly positive ideas of the other person, it just means confusion and deception in general. So it COULD indicate an unfairly *negative* view of someone, not just an overly positive one.
And yes, of course, it has to be said that it could indicate outright manipulative deception. But I'm not sure that should be the automatic default reading. Even if there is "deception" it may be of the common sort -- as in my keeping my feelings to myself because it would complicate the friendship if he knew at present. If he DID know I was "deceiving" him about that, he'd probably be glad I was. Ha. There are a lot of reasons why he's not dating anybody right now, not the least that he's considering taking a job overseas that would last several years and might even be permanent.
ALST123
Well-known member
I've just posted another thread on here about my synastry problems with "my" guy (hesitant about the "my" part). I want to know how we can get round the bad aspects using the good ones to help us.
We have:-
My Venus opposite his Saturn
His Saturn in my 7th
His Moon/Mars opposite my Pluto
My Moon opposite his Mercury rx
Our Mars/Chiron conj opposite our Uranus conj
My Saturn square his Pluto
My Venus square his Jupiter
My Mars square his Venus
His Venus square my Uranus
I could probably go on...
The thing is, while we have some very bad synastry aspects, we also have some very good ones, too. I don't think they cancel each other out (as someone mentioned on here), but I do think you can find solutions to the bad synastry, in the good.
The aspects above which I am currently finding particularly testing are the ones involving Saturn (because even though they are challenging and obvious, you are held to them like glue AND they play out over time). They seem to involve obligations and restrictions impinging on romance, affection and demonstration. They hinder a relationship from getting off the ground (especially with Saturn/Venus). The Saturn person can be like a "wet blanket", "raining on your parade" (as someone also said on here). It seems like they can think of every reason why not to get into a relationship; look on your attempts at romance with disdain; put their responsibilities ahead of your relationship; leave you feeling like you're the least important item on their long list of priorities - and you just know that they still have feelings for you despite all those things, so you can't walk away. That really gets you down after a while, even with some strong, good aspects. On the up side, the Saturn is like glue and perhaps means that the romance bit will "take time" unfolding (and therefore won't be a flash in the pan), but that won't necessarily be an easy time.
I think the Saturn/Pluto square problem we have actually means that when he looks at me intently (Pluto) or stares at me you could say, I actually give him a pretty cold look back. I receive his intensity with disdain. This is really weird because I'm not a disdainful person at all and can be described by others as being "warm", it's just this is how it is with him. When he does look at me like that, it is so unexpected as I'm used to him being the cold one and the hurt that causes me, I can't quite believe he's showing interest.
We have:-
My Venus opposite his Saturn
His Saturn in my 7th
His Moon/Mars opposite my Pluto
My Moon opposite his Mercury rx
Our Mars/Chiron conj opposite our Uranus conj
My Saturn square his Pluto
My Venus square his Jupiter
My Mars square his Venus
His Venus square my Uranus
I could probably go on...
The thing is, while we have some very bad synastry aspects, we also have some very good ones, too. I don't think they cancel each other out (as someone mentioned on here), but I do think you can find solutions to the bad synastry, in the good.
The aspects above which I am currently finding particularly testing are the ones involving Saturn (because even though they are challenging and obvious, you are held to them like glue AND they play out over time). They seem to involve obligations and restrictions impinging on romance, affection and demonstration. They hinder a relationship from getting off the ground (especially with Saturn/Venus). The Saturn person can be like a "wet blanket", "raining on your parade" (as someone also said on here). It seems like they can think of every reason why not to get into a relationship; look on your attempts at romance with disdain; put their responsibilities ahead of your relationship; leave you feeling like you're the least important item on their long list of priorities - and you just know that they still have feelings for you despite all those things, so you can't walk away. That really gets you down after a while, even with some strong, good aspects. On the up side, the Saturn is like glue and perhaps means that the romance bit will "take time" unfolding (and therefore won't be a flash in the pan), but that won't necessarily be an easy time.
I think the Saturn/Pluto square problem we have actually means that when he looks at me intently (Pluto) or stares at me you could say, I actually give him a pretty cold look back. I receive his intensity with disdain. This is really weird because I'm not a disdainful person at all and can be described by others as being "warm", it's just this is how it is with him. When he does look at me like that, it is so unexpected as I'm used to him being the cold one and the hurt that causes me, I can't quite believe he's showing interest.
virgo18
Well-known member
I would doubt that. I actually have this aspect with a guy I'm interested in, but I'm the Neptune, and I promise, I don't lie about liking his appearance. ;> That may be the case for some people, but I think it may be an overly literal reading.
While I'm not entirely sure what goes through his head, I think, looking at it from the reverse, that he's somewhat inclined to see me through rose-colored glasses, to assume I'm "more ..." than I actually am. NOT so much in appearance, but in other ways ... wiser, more logical, smarter, etc., than I see myself (or think I actually am). This is what I've gleaned from things he's said to me/to others.
In short, he has an inclination at times to see less who I am than who he THINKS I am, or wants me to be. (He also has Mercury on his Asc tied up in all this.) He PROJECTS things onto me. This is not necessarily in a romantic sense, and I don't think he's entirely conscious of doing so. Nor do I deliberately try to mislead him (aside from keeping some of my feelings to myself because he's not at a point he wants, or needs, to hear them). So yes, that is "deception" of a sort, but of the normal kind.
So with that in mind, I might suggest that you examine carefully how you SEE this guy? Are you really seeing him, or who you want him to be for you? Have you cast him in a script running in your head? Being on the other end of that, while it's flattering, it can also be a little frustrating, as you want the other person to see YOU, flaws and all, even while worrying that if they do, they'll stop liking you.
Much, of course, depends on the rest of the synastry, and whether there's a lot of Neptunian involvement, especially with hard aspects. In our case, there isn't. So while I think he tends to project onto me, it's not as "bad" as it could be, and as noted, we get along rather well and have a lot of other really good synastry aspects that helps to offset Neptune conj. Mercury on his Asc.
I'll also add that while I think Neptune usually works out with "dreamy" ideas/overly positive ideas of the other person, it just means confusion and deception in general. So it COULD indicate an unfairly *negative* view of someone, not just an overly positive one.
And yes, of course, it has to be said that it could indicate outright manipulative deception. But I'm not sure that should be the automatic default reading. Even if there is "deception" it may be of the common sort -- as in my keeping my feelings to myself because it would complicate the friendship if he knew at present. If he DID know I was "deceiving" him about that, he'd probably be glad I was. Ha. There are a lot of reasons why he's not dating anybody right now, not the least that he's considering taking a job overseas that would last several years and might even be permanent.
Yes I have to learn to see and "love" this guy like he rally is.
If my neptune sextile he's ascendant means the same?
virgo18
Well-known member
Well I know that Venus-Neptune in a good aspect mean that the Venus is bewitched by the Neptune. But I dont know if it mean true love. And the opposition... forget about it... totally a dream.
Mercury square neptune... the neptune person will confuse and lie to the mercury.
Moon trine Neptune is good, but I heard Is a karmic aspect.... the neptune person will remind the moon person's mother/father of the previous incarnation.
I HATE U NEPTUNE!
Kenoshamaensa
Well-known member
I found this particularly interesting because in the synastry chart between I and the guy I was talking about just above there's a Venus-Saturn square, and it's probably the most difficult/challenging aspect between our charts (much more so than the Mercury-Neptune conjunction, actually). I also had one of these suckers with my ex-husband.
In both cases, what you described above EXACTLY nails how I felt about the other guy ... except he was the Venus and I was the Saturn! Now, with the ex-, I think he might also have agreed with the above. We seemed to do it to each other. It did play out over the long run, it was not pretty, although in the case of the ex-, we also had a nasty Neptune-Venus aspect, which let to self-deceptions too, and we had less in the way of truly positive aspects. There was a little more sexual fire there, however, so the relationship did actually get off the ground. And it did last (19, almost 20 years).
But with the new guy the above is ESPECIALLY true, most notably the busy schedule, the excuses for not considering dating, and the delay. There are a ton of really good synastry aspects, but this Venus-Saturn aspect is a real killer. It doesn't seem to affect the *friendship* much, but a romantic relationship, yes.
But again, the above description fits me, the Saturn person. I do think he feels some of the "wet blanket" aspect, but more in terms of what he perceives as "reasons I can't date her," some of which are valid, some of which are not. But this in particular -- "look on your attempts at romance with disdain; put their responsibilities ahead of your relationship; leave you feeling like you're the least important item on their long list of priorities" -- describes his reactions as the Venus (conj. Neptune) person. "Disdain" might be less true than "impractical," but that's very Saturnian: practicality. I should also add that he has a LOT of impetus in his personal chart that demands freedom even while seeking (idealized) attachment. He's a Libra Sun, but it's conjunct Uranus. He's got a lovely 1st house Venus conj. Neptune ... in Sagittarius. He should come with a warning label: "Don't Tie Me Down!"
Mostly, I'm okay with that, but I think it inclines him to regard personal relationships generally as "Saturnian" because of the demands that automatically go with them.
ALST123
Well-known member
I found this particularly interesting because in the synastry chart between I and the guy I was talking about just above there's a Venus-Saturn square, and it's probably the most difficult/challenging aspect between our charts (much more so than the Mercury-Neptune conjunction, actually). I also had one of these suckers with my ex-husband.
In both cases, what you described above EXACTLY nails how I felt about the other guy ... except he was the Venus and I was the Saturn! Now, with the ex-, I think he might also have agreed with the above. We seemed to do it to each other. It did play out over the long run, it was not pretty, although in the case of the ex-, we also had a nasty Neptune-Venus aspect, which let to self-deceptions too, and we had less in the way of truly positive aspects. There was a little more sexual fire there, however, so the relationship did actually get off the ground. And it did last (19, almost 20 years).
But with the new guy the above is ESPECIALLY true, most notably the busy schedule, the excuses for not considering dating, and the delay. There are a ton of really good synastry aspects, but this Venus-Saturn aspect is a real killer. It doesn't seem to affect the *friendship* much, but a romantic relationship, yes.
But again, the above description fits me, the Saturn person. I do think he feels some of the "wet blanket" aspect, but more in terms of what he perceives as "reasons I can't date her," some of which are valid, some of which are not. But this in particular -- "look on your attempts at romance with disdain; put their responsibilities ahead of your relationship; leave you feeling like you're the least important item on their long list of priorities" -- describes his reactions as the Venus (conj. Neptune) person. "Disdain" might be less true than "impractical," but that's very Saturnian: practicality. I should also add that he has a LOT of impetus in his personal chart that demands freedom even while seeking (idealized) attachment. He's a Libra Sun, but it's conjunct Uranus. He's got a lovely 1st house Venus conj. Neptune ... in Sagittarius. He should come with a warning label: "Don't Tie Me Down!"
Thanks for your comments
It's pretty spooky actually. I used to date a guy with a Libra Sun conjunct Uranus AND Venus conj Neptune in Sagittarius. He was virtually impossible to pin down, even though he said going out with me made him feel like "the luckiest guy in the world" (genuinely). It lasted 4 months, and I've never gotten over it. He was the "one who got away". After our relationship, we lost touch, he emigrated to Australia to marry the woman he fell in love with, and at length we got in contact again, but had scant communication (yet intense), then he disappeared again. V. strange. He genuinely thinks I am "all that", but just could never deal with the commitment. We have our Saturn conjunction in my 7th, opposite our North Nodes conjunct my ASC. Complete bummer. Our relationship just couldn't get off the ground properly, but feels like it will "click" at some point in the future. Looks like we both have obligations which prevent us getting together for now (my young children and being in England; his marriage, young child and being in Australia). I just can't believe it worked out so badly, and that we are still crazy for each other. Bizarre!
Claire19
Well-known member
Venus challenging Saturn is really difficult to deal with. Pluto with personal planets can mean control, obsession and other dark matters.
No Saturn aspects though mean the relationship is not likely to endure.
Saturn on the Moon can be depressive and inhibiting.
I would go to a synastry website and check out their comparisons. i.e. Cafe Astrology and their romantic aspects.
No Saturn aspects though mean the relationship is not likely to endure.
Saturn on the Moon can be depressive and inhibiting.
I would go to a synastry website and check out their comparisons. i.e. Cafe Astrology and their romantic aspects.
Kenoshamaensa
Well-known member
Would you mind posting his chart? I'd like to compare. What was his moon? (It would be too spooky if it was in Aries!)
In Synastry, I also have a Saturn-N.Node connection with this guy, and it does sometimes feel fated (which I understand that aspect brings out). And yes, he seems to have issues with commitment because what he wants OTOH seems to conflict with what he wants on the other. It's probably no accident he's 37 and never married!
In our case, though, we've never made it past friendship and I'm not at all sure we ever will, although I sometimes feel like if we *could*, there is a ton of potential. Although when I'm fully honest, I think there would always be ways in which we just frustrated the h*ll out of each other at a purely emotional level, largely due to his great need for freedom and mine for reassurance. I'm a Leo Venus, he's a Sagi Venus ... those blend in fire, but they wear cock-eyed. :-D In virtually every OTHER way, we're an ideal match.
starsgalore
Well-known member
I once dated a guy where most of our aspects were great together with lots of good jupiter aspects, venus/mars, venus/pluto, neptune/venus, venus/north node etc. It was loaded with good aspects ...... and then came his mercury in my 12th house oppose my mars. This aspect makes the mercury person tell lies on you and that he did! His saturn was trine my venus, but his venus was oppose my saturn, and he couldn't get comfortable around me because he knew that I would tell him to behave better or I would try to raise his moral conscious. One other aspect, his mars was square my uranus. These few bad aspects sent this relationship completely down the toilet and I can't stand to even look at him now. I still have some very deep emotional feelings for him, but I can walk away from everythning I feel and just hold onto the memory. He still thinks that we will get back together soon, but it will have to be in another life, and only then if I don't remember what happened in this one!
pudinnpop
Well-known member
For me ,neptune has always been a killer for me.The lies and the deception..Me and an ex had neptune square sun and he would always lie to me and if he wasnt lying hed always see me in ways i just wasnt.For example,hed try and tell me that im this passive ,nice human being ,when in reality im feisty and spirited,lol...He was also abusive,he had pluto square merc and venus square pluto in his natal chart and in our syanstry ,we had plauto square mars!!! Another nasty aspect IMO!!
But i still feel that neppy played a HUGE roll in our breakup,i just couldnt take it anymore,his trying to project a certain image on me and being forceful about it!!
But i still feel that neppy played a HUGE roll in our breakup,i just couldnt take it anymore,his trying to project a certain image on me and being forceful about it!!
Vagabondgirl
Well-known member
Haha, yes! I also hate Neptune
There was this guy I liked who had Mercury conjunct his and my Neptune, and our Moons and my venus square this Mercury/Neptune conjunction. Also my mercury conjunct his and my pluto, sextile the mercury/neptune. I never understood why he wasnt able to date, he seemed SO secretive.... I kept having strange dreams about him. I think maybe these intense Neptune, Pluto connections to the personal planets was just a little bit too much:/ I still know him today though...
ALST123
Well-known member
Here is our synastry chart for your info:-
The guy I dated was 37 too, and an Aries Moon as you can see from the chart! Wow!
So you can see we both have Saturn vs North Node aspects in our natal charts, so it is something we are used to dealing with. Infact, I think our Saturn conjunction is the closest aspect in our chart, so a big deal.
You can see why I think we'll be together in the future due to the conjunct North Nodes, unfortunately that occurs in my h12, so that's not great.
I don't know his birth time but have made a best guess.
LittleMiss
Well-known member
I was just looking at the synastri chart of one of my closest friends. (A girl). We are good friends, but we don't seem to get close, and something is always in the way of our friendship to depend.
We are born just a couple of months a part, so I noticed that alot of aspects in our natal charts also appear in the synastry. I have never thought about this before.
For instance. I have venus square saturn nataly, but because we are born so close, my Venus sqaure her natal saturn too...
Would this indicate that some of the problems we meet in ourself also comes up litteraly in the relationship?
We are born just a couple of months a part, so I noticed that alot of aspects in our natal charts also appear in the synastry. I have never thought about this before.
For instance. I have venus square saturn nataly, but because we are born so close, my Venus sqaure her natal saturn too...
Would this indicate that some of the problems we meet in ourself also comes up litteraly in the relationship?