angelcollection
Member
The deeper and deeper I go into my chart the more and more I feel as though I was bound to live a life of anguish due to karmic debt. The only other sets of astrologically interested eyes in my life would sadly agree. I would like some fresh opinions.
A trauma recap for some context (and then I’ll ask some questions)(don’t read this if you will be upset or triggered please...):
I was born into an already blended family. My father an Aries sun, Leo moon and rising (air void, with a mars opposite saturn) and my mother an Aquarius sun, Scorpio moon, Pisces rising (8th house stellium). My childhood home was full of angry, violent, abusive outbursts from my father, and an emotionally incestuous relationship with my mother (who raised me to have an eating disorder like she does, amongst many other messed up things she refuses to take accountability for to this day... she has a Chiron 1st).
Both of my parents have to this day been divorced 3 times and remarried 4 times.
My mother’s most recent ex husband sexually abused me for 4 years (13-17).
During that time, I became very socially inept and addicted to opiates, attempting suicide every year.
After being sent to a mental institution at 17 and becoming clean, I started college (I had skipped a grade as a child) and began dating my first real boyfriend. This person physically, sexually, and emotionally abused me throughout the year we were together.
A year ago, I was drugged at a party and killed (and revived).
Now, my questions are:
1. Give me your opinion on.. me. What type of person do you think I am? What stands out to you in my chart? What do you think of me and my path?
2. I am currently in a relationship with a man I plan to marry, but because of my past and knowledge of astrology I am fearful that I am incapable of clearly seeing who is in front of me. We have been together for 2 years, and I know him better than I’ve ever known another person, but in his chart I see concerning elements that have definitely surfaced in the past... what are your thoughts on this relationship? He has a lilith 1st, I have a lilith 7th.. not sure why those don’t show up on our charts through this website.
3. What in the world am I supposed to be doing with myself? I am at a point where I have processed my traumas, but I look back at my life thus far and feel defeated. I have suffered a lot mentally and emotionally, and knowing that my 12th house stellium exists makes me feel as though my life will continue to throw things at me to make me suffer in isolation. I don’t DO anything. My life is a monotonous and seemingly pointless routine of waking up, working, watching TV, sleeping (and having incredibly vivid lucid dreams every night, mostly nightmares). I don’t feel that I have the ability to produce anything or to make anything of my life. I want to be creative but lack the drive and doubt my abilities. I feel like I was meant to just be floating consciousness but I am trapped in a body and forced to be a person. What should I be focusing on in my chart to pull me out of this? I want to create. I want to be.
This was a lot in one post, sorry!
Thanks!
A trauma recap for some context (and then I’ll ask some questions)(don’t read this if you will be upset or triggered please...):
I was born into an already blended family. My father an Aries sun, Leo moon and rising (air void, with a mars opposite saturn) and my mother an Aquarius sun, Scorpio moon, Pisces rising (8th house stellium). My childhood home was full of angry, violent, abusive outbursts from my father, and an emotionally incestuous relationship with my mother (who raised me to have an eating disorder like she does, amongst many other messed up things she refuses to take accountability for to this day... she has a Chiron 1st).
Both of my parents have to this day been divorced 3 times and remarried 4 times.
My mother’s most recent ex husband sexually abused me for 4 years (13-17).
During that time, I became very socially inept and addicted to opiates, attempting suicide every year.
After being sent to a mental institution at 17 and becoming clean, I started college (I had skipped a grade as a child) and began dating my first real boyfriend. This person physically, sexually, and emotionally abused me throughout the year we were together.
A year ago, I was drugged at a party and killed (and revived).
Now, my questions are:
1. Give me your opinion on.. me. What type of person do you think I am? What stands out to you in my chart? What do you think of me and my path?
2. I am currently in a relationship with a man I plan to marry, but because of my past and knowledge of astrology I am fearful that I am incapable of clearly seeing who is in front of me. We have been together for 2 years, and I know him better than I’ve ever known another person, but in his chart I see concerning elements that have definitely surfaced in the past... what are your thoughts on this relationship? He has a lilith 1st, I have a lilith 7th.. not sure why those don’t show up on our charts through this website.
3. What in the world am I supposed to be doing with myself? I am at a point where I have processed my traumas, but I look back at my life thus far and feel defeated. I have suffered a lot mentally and emotionally, and knowing that my 12th house stellium exists makes me feel as though my life will continue to throw things at me to make me suffer in isolation. I don’t DO anything. My life is a monotonous and seemingly pointless routine of waking up, working, watching TV, sleeping (and having incredibly vivid lucid dreams every night, mostly nightmares). I don’t feel that I have the ability to produce anything or to make anything of my life. I want to be creative but lack the drive and doubt my abilities. I feel like I was meant to just be floating consciousness but I am trapped in a body and forced to be a person. What should I be focusing on in my chart to pull me out of this? I want to create. I want to be.
This was a lot in one post, sorry!
Thanks!