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  #1  
Unread 11-03-2018, 12:08 AM
Palmtree Palmtree is offline
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No love why?

Dear Forum,
Maybe you can help me out by having a look at my chart and sharing your thoughts on why it seems so impossible for me to truly live and find love.

When I was a teenager I had a really tumultuous love story and then decided it would be best to just stop dating for a year or so to "find myself".
That turned into 10 years now!

I always have good encounters and conversations with men (at work, in sports, in learning environments etc.) and some of them also seem to be interested in me, but then it just never goes any further.

I would not say that I am classically beautiful, but am attractive, witty, dynamic, interested in many things, kind etc. But: I can turn cold real quick and also be rather sarcastic with men and I do not generally show much interest in men romantically. Am just real slow in that regard.

In the past years I have also developed some health problems that cannot be explained through school medicine. Alternative medicine did not help very much either so far. It feels as if there is something really deep inside of me that inhibits love in every possible way and just keeps me "safe" - by myself.

I really love to be alone actually, but am starting to miss having a relationship and think my life would not be complete without having love again, kids and so on.

Can you see whether there could be a deeper problem/s in that regard that I could address to become more "ready" to experience love?

THANK you very much for any input you might have.
And please let me know if more information on my part is needed.
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Last edited by Palmtree; 11-03-2018 at 12:12 PM.
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  #2  
Unread 11-03-2018, 12:36 AM
Lin Lin is offline
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Re: No love why?

Do you feel that your health problems inhibit your overall social life? If so, if you don't socialize I don't know how you will meet anyone....do you?
LIN
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  #3  
Unread 11-03-2018, 05:48 AM
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waybread waybread is offline
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Re: No love why?

Palmtree, people born in your year had Uranus and Neptune in Capricorn, with Saturn just a bit ahead in Aquarius.

These aren't easy planets for many people. Uranus deals with sudden change, and Neptune deals with beautiful illusions and bitter disillusionment, missing reality in between. Saturn can show how we and where we feel inadequate.

So everyone born in your year will have these placements by sign, but it will vary by birth time what house they land in. Your Uranus-Neptune landed on your descendant (cusp of your 7th house of committed relationships.) I think this can account for relationships that never quite get off the ground. Uranus-Neptune also oppose your sun, which can produce a feeling that committed relationships are not for you.

Since the sun and ascendant are major "me" points in your chart, it's likely that you prefer to retreat into your Cancer-shell of 12th house solitude.

This is NOMB, but I'm looking at your 8th house Saturn, plus Venus-Mars square Pluto. Venus and Mars are the sexy planet, but Pluto has some dark undertones. Health-wise, the urinary-genital tracts may be affected. You may, deep-down have a fear of intimacy.

But it seems to me, you also have a lot going for you. If you can enjoy being a happy single, that is so preferable to being one of the miserable love-lorn. With your moon in Pisces conjunct your part of fortune and trine sun, I can believe that you are happy during solo travel.

Relationships in astrology go by chart comparisons. It's likely that the right personjust hasn't shown up yet.
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  #4  
Unread 11-03-2018, 10:04 AM
Palmtree Palmtree is offline
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Re: No love why?

hey Lin, thanks for replying to my thread!
My health problems are manageable, just make me retreat more often than before. For example I would not go to weekend trips with my roommates because I know I'd have some problems. Also don't go partying or hang around with big groups. Anything that is a bit unforeseeable I don't really do.

But I love to see good friends and family, do regular sports, go to educational events and university, work several side-jobs (with customer contact), travel a lot (by myself)... And in those occasions I often met men that seemed rather interested, just somehow it never got further than talking.

Have a nice day.
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Unread 11-03-2018, 10:06 AM
Palmtree Palmtree is offline
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Re: No love why?

Dear waybread,
Thank you very much for your answer. It is very valuable to me, much "food for thought" and truth in it! All the best.

Last edited by Palmtree; 11-04-2018 at 10:37 AM.
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  #6  
Unread 11-03-2018, 11:22 AM
Frisiangal Frisiangal is offline
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Re: No love why?

Hi,
Further to Waybread's remarks, you do have the difficult Venus (love) in 3rd house (encounters in youth)square (conflict) Pluto (power control) in 5th house (love affairs; self expression; parent-child relationship) tied in with Mars(action, energy, lust). AND in the fixed signs. Venus desires love and/through
commitment, Mars doesn't. The two are natural antagonists. With Pluto entwined there is (obsessional, compulsive, jealous) passion, yet its almost a classic signature for 'true love doesn't run smooth'. The 'if you loved me, you would/wouldn't', as a means of imposing control of one's own will, especially if 'parental control' is a factor. It can become a contest between which part of one's traits (or another's will) is the stronger.
The fixed signs don't change and/or let go easily of the effects of circumstances, whilst Sun in Cancer semi-square Venus can resemble a memory bank holding on to situations that are best best allowed to die a natural death (Pluto!) before they 'eat away inside'.

It could be the residue of the effects of the deeply involved teenage relationship that plays its part upon the development of any other relationship. No desire to get burned (Leo) a second time?
With Sun and Moon in water signs, and the Uranus-Neptune in Capricorn factor breaking down all sense of outer authority, a person could be very gullible towards outer forces stronger than themselves if they don't take charge, be responsible for, and protect themselves against their own weakness(es).

The non-physical astrological point Black Moon Lilith in Capricorn could explain a reason for 'distancing one's self' from physical involvement (Sun opp. MEAN BML; Mars-Venus inconjunct MEAN BML). A fear of rejection could act as an invisible barrier that keeps one self-imprisoned inside because it does not allow others on the outside to get close.
There can be a right or wrong reason for such an action.
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  #7  
Unread 11-03-2018, 12:03 PM
Palmtree Palmtree is offline
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Re: No love why?

Dear Frisiangal,
Many THANKS also to you for your answer!
It makes me think a lot and I can definitely see myself in what you write.

Maybe after an answer like yours more information on my part can be interesting for you (to learn more about how people's charts play out for them), but maybe it also is too much information... Anyhow:

The teenage relationship was filled with jealousy, violence, game playing and indeed felt like true love, we wanted each other very much for a long time (he also had mars-pluto square and -instead of my venus-pluto square- a scorpio Venus). I left the country for a couple of months to end it and start over and kind of rationally decided that I would never want to be this vulnerable and exposed again. And indeed ever since I have taken charge of myself, my life, stood up for myself and others and was just generally a very responsible person.

I feel as if I just switched to the contrary which now inhibits me to get close at all with anyone who might be risky for my life goals, self-esteem etc. I feel as if I could never bring love and marriage together because the kind of man that could attract me in love is not the kind of man I'd start a family with. And the kind of man I'd start a family with could maybe not handle my extreme need for independence and my temper.

Lately I have been thinking I can not get to the core of these issues without "throwing" myself in the game a bit again. And doing so I realize there are so many unconscious mechanisms that keep potential encounters from going further that it will be really hard to overcome. I think I will have to get a grasp of the fear of rejection and intimacy that you mention and start working at those first.

Thank you again.

Last edited by Palmtree; 11-03-2018 at 12:05 PM.
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Unread 11-03-2018, 07:59 PM
Lin Lin is offline
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Re: No love why?

Hi Palmtree,
You know what that first romance (the way you described it) sounds like? It sounds like the way heroin users describe their first high. But instead of repeating the same pattern again you have learned to deny yourself and sublimate your desires; and also do some real damage to that Jupiter in Leo.

That Leo is your love connection. It's already disabled in a way because of the inconjuncts TO it.

So you are between a rock and a hard place.

You may have to wait for your Saturn return to learn how to handle that Saturn detachment (what you call need for independence). That type of remoteness can really be projected very far, very fast.

The Pluto squares all your Leo and that is like water on fire. It just extinguishes the flame.

I think you believe that all men belong in specific categories. The idea that there could be a man you are attracted to and who is also attracted to you, but is more "functional" than the "bad guys" doesn't seem to have occurred to you.

However: I know personally about the attraction to a specific psychological type of man; and yeah, it's hard to figure out a way of readjusting your psyche to accommodate a totally different type of man.

But you need to begin with some professional help. Because the teen romance was not the first romance in your life. The dysfunction and all the **** you went thru then was a reflection of something you had already experienced and that is what seemed familiar even if it was dysfunctional.

Then you need to figure out what you actually DO want in your daily life and in the future. YOu must think very long and clearly about this. It will lead you to a list - a priority list.
You also need to know how to know very quickly if the guy you are attracted to is someone you should see a second time. Or a third time.

You also may be very defensive and when someone shows an interest in you you may not be aware of what you are projecting: it may be defensiveness, self consciousness, self involvement - or the guy just may feel from your conversation that you are not really interested in him - that you have some agenda going that he doesn't understand. It may be mistaken for "game playing" or....it may be that he senses you are closed down.

This is a big issue and astrology is a great tool, but it's best when it is "diagnosing". CURING is not one of our strengths.
Think about this ....
LIN
LIN
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Last edited by Lin; 11-03-2018 at 08:16 PM.
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  #9  
Unread 11-04-2018, 10:36 AM
Palmtree Palmtree is offline
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Re: No love why?

Dear Lin,
Thank you VERY much for your reply.
I am thinking a lot about what you wrote.
Your "diagnosis" as well as advice on how to start looking for curing are both extremely helpful to me. Thanks again and have a nice day.
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