Being abandoned and feeling lost is not the first time happened - as far as I see from your chart. And a feeling of loneliness neither.
You have neptune in your 4th house - house of emotions, house of soul and house of mother experience in childhood. And with neptune therein, and saturn as ruler of your 4th house opposing chiron in 11th house - your mother has left an injury in yourself and might have been not available for you in your childhood as a mother. You got the feeling from that you are yourself not wellcomed not allowed to feel well earth-grounded and have a lack of basic trust and basic confidence to be right - in the family you were and in the place you are and as you are - and even not welcomed on on earth.
Neptune semisextiles your mercury as your co-ruler of 9th house - faith also religious faith and also rules your 12th house - prenatal experience house before birth during pregnancy of your mother with you.
To me - you had to learn early (neptune rules 6th house) in childhood to be silent and to not disturb anybody in your family and to hide yourself and to hold yourself back.
This loneliness feeling is mentally coming up right now again ith t-pluto conjunct as ruler of your mind house 3rd conjuncting your neptune as health and work house ruler in your 4th house - emotions and real home.
But it is not caused by her - only triggered by her.
Pluto's transit on your neptune will intensify again on september 1st,2020 in retrograde and will last until november 6th, 2020. You can't sit it out or drink it away - you should get on your feet and change your work you are mainly doing and what your opinion is you mean to be. Your loneliness feeling is mainly the feeling that you let yourself alone and submit yourself to other people's wishes and needs. Disrespecting and subpressing your true real own wishes and needs.
Your money flow and financial income is only safe and secure if you follow your inner instincitive flow with venus/pluto trine.
In my eyes -- your are not a writer. Money flow always shows energy flow and if you really innerly burn for something or not.(Venus/pluto trine). If you don't burn for something anymore- because time is over for this - first what is cutt off - is money flow -venus rules your 2nd house - as this is one of the areas even stubborn human beings start to listen - second is health area.
But believe me - you are stronger as you think yourself - pluto energised persons have an immense energy to overcome all and to stand up afterwards again as completely different.
But pluto/venus is always endangered to see oneself or to make oneself as a victim- even if they aren't. Venus/pluto trine is an intense creating energy - for the most best and for the most worse. Your mind and thoughts about everthing and their direction are most important to look at and to observe - they can create a self-fullfiling prophecy.
What you say about the early home life and the psychological legacy of that is fairly close to the bone, I would say. Very accurate. But, in her defence, my mother is a strong woman who did the best with what she had, she was emotionally abused herself growing up and I don't think she ever got over it. She maybe wasn't ready for a child so young herself and was abusive, I guess, but I know she feels extreme guilt about that now which she's unable to articulate. And she encourages and accepts me as best as she can. Fundamentally a good woman. We don't get along well but I do admire her.
And yes, Zola, I am a writer and will always be, have always been. Look deeper
I'm not poor for no reason! And yes, I've always felt I could endure, but the death drive is strong in me, too. To most people I seem to be quiet and charming (words I've had applied more than once) and a good listener. But inwardly I'm fairly intense and obsessive and driven. I've come close to ending it before, but I don't think I would. I love life too much, though not so much at the moment, with her gone.
She's a writer too, though she's always struggled to find direction, and changes her career choice every five minutes. We talked about her options all the time. When she does settle on something though I think she's going to be very important.
