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  #1  
Unread 09-15-2019, 08:00 AM
ocelot ocelot is offline
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Why i struggle with self confidence?

Hi,


question is Why i struggle with self confidence? i am always afraid, sometimes anxious, only when i am tipsy with alcohol i am feeling like true myself. i dont know how to express my emotions guess it is moon in 12th house. struggle with job and love relationships and these areas are most problematic. i always end up thinking about the worst case scenarios. i can be very paranoid. when i was younger people told me i am intelligent, handsome and good athlete. and yet i still have low self image about myself. i think i am bad person. even when i am in good mood it takes only one thought and i am back to my natural negative state.
is this saturn return thing? i am watching youtube videos like jordan peterson and stuff like that and it make me feel better but only temporary.


what can i do to make permanent change of my natural negative and low state?
what does my chart say about this issue?
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  #2  
Unread 09-16-2019, 03:13 AM
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PurpleReign PurpleReign is offline
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Re: Why i struggle with self confidence?

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Originally Posted by ocelot View Post
Hi,


question is Why i struggle with self confidence? i am always afraid, sometimes anxious, only when i am tipsy with alcohol i am feeling like true myself. i dont know how to express my emotions guess it is moon in 12th house. struggle with job and love relationships and these areas are most problematic. i always end up thinking about the worst case scenarios. i can be very paranoid. when i was younger people told me i am intelligent, handsome and good athlete. and yet i still have low self image about myself. i think i am bad person. even when i am in good mood it takes only one thought and i am back to my natural negative state.
is this saturn return thing? i am watching youtube videos like jordan peterson and stuff like that and it make me feel better but only temporary.


what can i do to make permanent change of my natural negative and low state?
what does my chart say about this issue?
I'm sorry you're going through that and I hope that you find something that works in getting you where you need to be emotionally. It might be a long and tough journey, but be persistent in trying to figure out the root of the problem and try to resolve it in a healthy manner. Best of luck!

As for your chart, you have Moon in Leo. Typically people with Moon in Leo tend to think highly of themselves and have a solid self-esteem. However, those with Moon in Pisces, I have found, tend to be depressive and I have known many who tend to turn to drugs or alcohol as a way of escapism. Terrible and ineffective idea that only causes more problems. Pisces rules the 12th house. Your Moon in Leo is in the 12th. Not only that, but you have Chiron conjunct Moon in Leo. I think this might be the biggest culprit. Moon in the 12th conjunct Chiron would make you hard on yourself and your worth and ego (Leo). Your self-esteem and your ability to have pride in yourself is made difficult by this placement in my opinion.

Moon conj Chiron might also be why you find it to express your emotions, since Moon is our emotions and yours conjuncts Chiron, you might find it very difficult to express or share your feelings. Moon squares Pluto in your 3rd. Pluto is secretive and defensive. Pluto is communication. Thus, Moon square Pluto in the 3rd might make you guarded about your emotions. Moon is also opposite Saturn, so thus inhibiting your emotions, or at least how comfortable you are with having and/or showing them.

As for love, you have Venus in the 10th. I think that's similar to having Saturn in the 7th in some ways. It can mean there are delays in your relationships -- as in, maybe you have few relationships in life. As if they're hard to come by for you. They are few and far between. You also have Venus in aspect to Saturn, which can also create delays in relationships. However, it is in positive aspect, so when you do have relationships (or when you finally find the right one), it will be a long-lasting one. Maybe with someone a little older than yourself or with someone who is mature, reliable, and traditional, etc.

Since you now know the placements that are likely contributing to your self-esteem troubles, read more about the placements and think about how much they apply and how they come into affect in your life. Then think about ways in which you can improve yourself. Maybe it'll even help you in your romantic life.

PR
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Unread 09-16-2019, 05:06 AM
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passiflora passiflora is offline
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Re: Why i struggle with self confidence?

In addition to the above it looks to me:

(1) you were born during a war and have Pluto at the IC, the base of your chart, the location of ancestral identity and even a kind of cellular-level pride

(2) 12th house Leo Moon conjunct Chiron opposite Saturn is a lot to integrate, like it could take you a long time

(3) Generational Neptune-Uranus is widely square your Mars

(4) NN is right at the cusp of the 5th house and disposited by Saturn who in addition to causing you trouble with moon (SN ruler)-chiron mentioned above, is also squaring Pluto and sitting a bit rudely in your 6th house

#4 is where you might concentrate your attentions - there is a lot going on with the nodal rulers in your chart.
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Unread 09-16-2019, 05:12 AM
ocelot ocelot is offline
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Re: Why i struggle with self confidence?

I had brief love relationship 2 months ago with older woman. We were on some small island where I worked. We really enjoyed. On last day I helped her with her stuff. We talked about meeting again. 6 days later they called me and told me she commit suicide.

I am devastated. She even told me I have confidence issues and that I could have stronger ego. And I will never forget her and guilt that I am feeling
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Unread 09-18-2019, 11:44 PM
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PurpleReign PurpleReign is offline
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Re: Why i struggle with self confidence?

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Originally Posted by ocelot View Post
I had brief love relationship 2 months ago with older woman. We were on some small island where I worked. We really enjoyed. On last day I helped her with her stuff. We talked about meeting again. 6 days later they called me and told me she commit suicide.

I am devastated. She even told me I have confidence issues and that I could have stronger ego. And I will never forget her and guilt that I am feeling
I'm sorry to hear that. That's heart-breaking. I hope you heal and find someone compatible with you. Don't feel guilty. It was out of your hands and it is unfortunate that she felt she had to do that.
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