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  #1  
Unread 09-01-2019, 11:52 PM
or1000 or1000 is offline
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Something Iíve been experiencing

Probably my most honest post yet. I just want to say that this forum does me a lot of good and I hope you are all doing well wherever you are in the world. One love to all.


~~Iíve been having this experience where I keep seeing myself in people... (my whole life) my characteristics, and I switch between loving and hating them. Itís a projection. they will do something that aggravates me and I verbalise it. It annoys me how much, in close relationships, some of these people can get under my skin. Very 8th house mercury-mars type characters that they turn out to be ... but please do not be mistaken, I DO NOT actively seek this. I suppose eventually they show me my Pluto. itís truly getting to me. Hurting me a lot.

I'm starting to believe that these people are just showing me the hate I have for myself... but why do I keep going back to them? reinforcing this pain? I can hold so much hate for many ppl Iíve had particularly intimate relationship with, I tell myself to let it go, it will crop up when they show me something else and then Iíll think to myself, I can see myself in them, theyíre not that bad, just got issues. Then I hate them again. But I donít want them to leave my life.

In my intimate relationships, it truly does get to me. I feel so undervalued and disposable. They try and compete with me (and me with them as an effort to maintain my identity) and keep an upper hand, when all I want, deep down, is peace.


Another thing I notice is i can relate to people due to the way I was raised eg. acceptance of certain things like thievery but I do not trust these people and donít let them in emotionally. But itís what I know and feel comfortable around the mindset, I suppose.

The boundaries blur (codependent) and being around people I see family members, my parents and 'myself' in as I keep saying. though I have vision and drive that these people focus into the 8th house matters or anywhere, for that matter. Opportunistic. Itís not who I am, but itís what I know best. so do I really see myself? I think I see my darker side, the side they will act out without any qualms. I can be bitter to an extent. A suppose a part of me want to be as reckless as that, not care as much about my focuses and take what I can.

In my conscious thoughts, Iím angry, upset and hurt that I do this to myself. With my Pluto in the 3rd I can verbalise my thoughts (when I'm switching between love and hate) and it doesn't do me any justice...
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Last edited by or1000; 09-02-2019 at 12:18 PM.
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  #2  
Unread 09-02-2019, 08:33 AM
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PlutoLibScoAsc PlutoLibScoAsc is offline
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Re: Something Iíve been experiencing

I took a quick glance and I feel you... your pain chiron conjunct your moon in scorpio. We have a similar one, just want to let you know that you're not alone. I will look into it more when I have time and if I see anything I will share with you. Hugs!
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May I explore to the very depth of this infinite universe, expose and fight the abyss of crimes, understands the hearts of every living things and find peace and the meaning of life for my restless soul
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  #3  
Unread 09-02-2019, 10:03 AM
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Meluzina Meluzina is offline
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Re: Something Iíve been experiencing

Quote:
Originally Posted by or1000 View Post
Probably my most honest post yet. I just want to say that this forum does me a lot of good and I hope you are all doing well wherever you are in the world. One love to all.


~~Iíve been having this experience where I keep seeing myself in people... (my whole life) my characteristics, and I switch between loving and hating them. Itís a projection. they will do something that aggravates me and I verbalise it. It annoys me how much, in close relationships, some of these people can get under my skin. Very 8th house mercury-mars type characters that they turn out to be ... but please do not be mistaken, I DO NOT actively seek this. I suppose eventually they show me my Pluto. itís truly getting to me. Hurting me a lot.

I'm starting to believe that these people are just showing me the hate I have for myself... but why do I keep going back to them? reinforcing this pain? I can hold so much hate for many ppl Iíve had particularly intimate relationship with, I tell myself to let it go, it will crop up when they show me something else and then Iíll think to myself, I can see myself in them, theyíre not that bad, just got issues. Then I hate them again. But I donít want them to leave my life.

In my intimate relationships, it truly does get to me. I feel so undervalued and disposable. They try and compete with me (and me with them as an effort to maintain my identity) and keep an upper hand, when all I want, deep down, is peace.


Another thing I notice is i can relate to people due to the way I was raised eg. acceptance of certain things like thievery but I do not trust these people and donít let them in emotionally. But itís what I know and feel comfortable around the mindset, I suppose.

The boundaries blur (codependent) and being around people I see family members, my parents and 'myself' in as I keep saying. though I have vision and drive that these people focus into the 8th house matters or anywhere, for that matter. Opportunistic. Itís not who I am, but itís what I know best. so do I really see myself? I think I see my darker side, the side they will act out without any qualms. I can be bitter to an extent. A suppose a part of me want tSo be as reckless as that, not care about people and take what I can. Life would be a lot easier if I didnít care as much.

In my conscious thoughts, Iím angry, upset and hurt that I do this to myself. With my Pluto in the 3rd I can verbalise my thoughts (when I'm switching between love and hate) and it doesn't do me any justice...

It's really brave that you are able of introspection and identifying a projection. I'd say minimum of people can do that by themselves. Unfortunately, that's not it. It seems to me like it was quite commonly felt that 'realization' is the psychological treatment for negative psychological phenomenons, past trauma, etc. However, you can know all these things about yourself and it's not really gonna change. Now you got to rewire. Replace old behaviour patterns with new ones willingly. Like you have to put much more mental effort and energy to that. And it's spoken that you can't really undo your placements, aspects etc. But you can work on getting more balance into the system. You can take the negative aspects, you tell yourself what they mean to you sofar and you replace it with pattern that still suits the shape.
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  #4  
Unread 09-02-2019, 12:06 PM
or1000 or1000 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PlutoLibScoAsc View Post
I took a quick glance and I feel you... your pain chiron conjunct your moon in scorpio. We have a similar one, just want to let you know that you're not alone. I will look into it more when I have time and if I see anything I will share with you. Hugs!
Thanks, my love!
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  #5  
Unread 09-02-2019, 12:08 PM
or1000 or1000 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meluzina View Post
It's really brave that you are able of introspection and identifying a projection. I'd say minimum of people can do that by themselves. Unfortunately, that's not it. It seems to me like it was quite commonly felt that 'realization' is the psychological treatment for negative psychological phenomenons, past trauma, etc. However, you can know all these things about yourself and it's not really gonna change. Now you got to rewire. Replace old behaviour patterns with new ones willingly. Like you have to put much more mental effort and energy to that. And it's spoken that you can't really undo your placements, aspects etc. But you can work on getting more balance into the system. You can take the negative aspects, you tell yourself what they mean to you sofar and you replace it with pattern that still suits the shape.
I agree with what youíre saying here. The realisation is just not enough and Iíve noticed this having spoken over things that it doesnít do anything, doesnít resolve. Itís putting new into action that removes old habits. The habits and thoughts cause it to loop the situations over and over. Itís strange though because when those are the only habits and thoughts ones you know, it doesnít seem even real that others exist. It seems like being stripped of identity. Itís quite a scary evolution. I strongly appreciate what you say towards the end, about balancing the system and telling yourself what these things MEAN to you and why you want to change. Thanks, my love.

Last edited by or1000; 09-02-2019 at 12:12 PM.
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