When will this complicated relationship end?

Hello,

I am going to ask about the most complicated relationship I have with a man. I have previously asked a lot of questions about him because now its been 4 years we both are dealing with it and today also I am adding a new question about him.

Every time I posted a question about him, I always got a negative response to what I want to happen. Every time people said that he would go away and this is the end. Agreed, we ended lot of time but he reappears every time. On top of it, he does not love me but I do. About 10 months ago I met a new man and I really thought that finally, this on going on-off suffering ended but the new man left permanently, because I found out that I still love my best friend, on whom I am emotionally dependent.

I found out in 2013 that he does not love me, I accepted. But by then, I was already too much emotionally dependent on him. I have everything else in my life but no one to take care about emotions except him. Still since then I am only trying to end it, end our relationship/friendship by every mean but it does not end, no matter what. We stop talking for some time and resume again.

I will never consider any other man until and unless I get what I got from him - better emotional support and I found out that I have no other person to provide me the same, not even my family.

I think he loves someone. I should be fine with it but I am not. It hurts me badly that I am not able to overcome him, its been years now. He does not let me go closer to anyone else no matter how much hard I try.

In Dec 2014, I did everything to end our relation and we did not talk until July 2015. Since then he is again around me. He cares for me and my happiness. Saying good things about me, talking about future and meeting plans.

I think he sees me as a good friend and I see him as a lover. That's what is complicated? He was very very rude and strict, ignoring with me in past which he does not do anymore. But gets very angry if he finds that I am not living a happy life yet. He shows concern like the way no one else does.

When will it all end? Why do we have such a complex and complicated relationship? what should I even do regarding him? I don't think there is any other guy coming in my life soon or later whom I would love.

I know I am going to marry someone else who has not entered in my life yet and that would make my marriage very complicated. Husband should be the most important man of a wife's life not the person on whom she is badly emotionally dependent. I don't know but there is a very strong connection between us which is beyond the limits of love and friendship, and it does not break no matter how much I try, or he try.

Please help.
SA5

Sounds like you need therapy of some sort. Mercury here is combust and Moon entered Via combusta. You have no ability to see clarity or see reason, Moon is also Void. Via combusta indicates an emotionally turbulent time. Horary told you time and time again there is nothing to gain from this relationship. There is nothing more horary can do.

I'd suggest you seek counselling because I think there might be issues within yourself that get you to hold on to someone who is not right for you. You need therapy to understand yourself better and then let go of pain that has come about from this relationship. I do not think it has to do with him anymore, the issue is more within you.


I hope you will heal very soon

Thanks rafaella for your kind reading. But I don't need a therapy I am saying, I have accepted that the man does not love me. If something does not work out, especially in relationships, it ends, sooner or later. But in this case, its not ending.

I have been attracted to guys before and sooner or later, if its not working out, it ended, from my mind and life both. But this case, it is so much complicated that it is not ending. That's why I am asking, when would it really end!? I am not chasing him, he does not love me, then why the heck it does not end

In this emotionally turbulent time, I will be fine. I am habitual now to face emotions.

I guess with your significator combust and cadent you can not see things with clarity and that also means any advice anyone gives, you may not be able to accept.

Based on what you said, even if you accept that he doesn't care for you, the emotional turmoil is real and some therapy might help you to move forward. The thing is many people thrive on complicated relationships and drama. They want the emotions to be up and down to feel alive. I have known a few people like that who need strong conflict within themselves or with others otherwise life is boring. Whether you are unconsciously holding on to that emotional turmoil, that's up to you to analyse, as I don't know you personally.

From the chart it will be a while before you can move on. Moon has just entered Via Combusta, which starts at 15 degree Libra and last until 15 degree Scorpio. And in Scorpio, Moon is in fall. Moon is at 16.51 Libra, so you can see Moon has just started on this journey of emotional difficulty. Mercury is approaching combustion in a fixed sign, I think it might be at least a year before you can let go and move on, perhaps longer.

Wishing you all the best!

Hi !
I am a student of vedic astrology ..i have not seen your charts ..but i can say you have to 'cut the cord' . He must have a Scorpio influence somewhere..hes stringing you along as a back up. Read articles about narcissm. Does it ring a bell?

rafaella,

Its not just you, many people did advise but something stops me to accept the advise. I listen to people and do nothing about it. Yes I just cannot see anything clear. Still searching answers to WHY!

No I am not going through all these from years for drama or to make my life spicy. Its just I am not able to find a man superior to him who could handle my emotions and stop this suffering. I met other men but they just left, then why is he not leaving just like that!?!?

You gave me an answer. Minimum 1 year more and then I might see an end to this complicated relationship, finally. No more leave me-go away-come back loop ever again. Its already been 3 years. He does care for me but as a friend only, not as a lover. He controls my mind, somewhere. I am open to almost everything with anyone else but when it comes to love and affection I dont see anyone else. If I have any good or bad news, I need him badly

I am so much in troubles

RaRohini,

He is a Scorpio. I am a Taurus. No I am not his back up. He is not a narcissist. He really cares for people. The problem is with me that I am just not finding proper ways to be done with him. I did cut the chord about 6-7 times approx. in past 3 years and we are still in each other's life. I want to cut the cord, for ever!! But it just does not happen

ScorpAsc5 said:

RaRohini,

He is a Scorpio. I am a Taurus. No I am not his back up. He is not a narcissist. He really cares for people. The problem is with me that I am just not finding proper ways to be done with him. I did cut the chord about 6-7 times approx. in past 3 years and we are still in each other's life. I want to cut the cord, for ever!! But it just does not happen

Click to expand...

I hope it is okay if I jump in here.

You are right. It does not just happen.

There is one proper way to cut things off that works without exception.

And that is: no contact whatsoever. None.
It always works, and if you apply it, it will work for you.
Without a doubt.
100%.

If you violate the absolutely no contact vow,
if you are willing to have contact with him for any reason,
then you, and you alone, are undermining your own wishes.

So it is not that you cannot end the relationship;
it is that you will not.

The choice is yours.

IleneK said:

I hope it is okay if I jump in here.

You are right. It does not just happen.

There is one proper way to cut things off that works without exception.

And that is: no contact whatsoever. None.
It always works, and if you apply it, it will work for you.
Without a doubt.
100%.

If you violate the absolutely no contact vow,
if you are willing to have contact with him for any reason,
then you, and you alone, are undermining your own wishes.

So it is not that you cannot end the relationship;
it is that you will not.

The choice is yours.

Click to expand...

IleneK hit the bulls eye !

ScorpAsc5,

One thing strikes me about your message :
You say 'I found out in 2003 that he does not love me' and ' I think he loves someone'..' I think he sees me as a friend and i see him as a lover'..Have you asked him directly whether he loves you or not? Scorp will appreciate directness..but be prepared for a blunt answer. At least it will be over and done with and you can move on ..Another thing you say ' he controls my mind' . Unevolved scorpios love control my dear ..sometimes more than love . He loves the fact that you cant move on without him.If you love being controlled/possessed the he may be the man for you.

First, I feel sorry that you're caught, even if you're caught in your own ideas.
What did strike me was "2003" -- you mean you live with all this for 12 years?
somehow I'd say if you were fine with it for so many years, then it might be just the right thing.....
I cannot imagine how this feels, but obviously you can live like that.

I hope you'll feel better soon.

IleneK:

You are always welcome for your comments. Yes, I did that, "No Contact Whatsoever" Once in Nov 2013, then in June 2014 and then December 2014. But why this guy reappears? I am always very very strict with myself especially when I see that my presence is not worth it, but with him, my presence matters.

Why would a guy care for a girl about whom he knows that she loves him no matter what? I graduated recently and when he got to know about it, he gave me numerous best wishes and told me how much happy he is that I graduated. Similarly, I was going through a roomie issue and when he got to know about it, he just resolved it. If he would keep on caring, how would these feelings for him go away? when I know I am not able to find people genuinely concerning about me.

He is the one person who made me really strong but side by side is my weakness too. I really don't know how to handle it now. If today, I end again, I know first of all, he would rubbish it away but then if I end it strictly, he would again be back after some time.

It is complicated. I don't know - if two people here wants to stay with each other or stay away from each other. What binds them or what makes them go away.

RaRohini:

It's 2013 not 2003. Yes I asked him directly. Me: "I have to really say something. Don't know if my actions ever told you but I am in love with you." His response: "I already know you love me the way no one else can but I couldn't develop any feelings for you." I replied: "You know in that case, I should not be around you at all for both's sake". His response: "How can you go away from me? We were and still are good friends. I would never let you go. Now stop being so emotional and don't cry for me. I am always there for you. "

These were real words. He is still always there for me. But he does not see me as his potential partner. We have talked everything directly and the final answer from his is No. For god's sake, it should end then. But it is not ending !! Yesterday we were talking about Batman vs. Superman :| I am not the person anyone can control, not even me. That's where our power struggle is.

Its pissing me off now while I am writing the response. We have become a typical Taur/Scorp people.

Oleanna,

Its 2013 not 2003. I am dealing with him from past 4 years total. I also hope I feel better soon. Rafaella said probably around a year more and I might be done with him, forever. In all those 4 years, I could not consider any other man, even if I encountered so many better and beautiful men, ready to love me. But somehow they left, and I was always back to him. Recently I met a Cap man who was super amazing and I was rebounding but he left and I found myself back in this complicated man's zone. I always bounce back to him. The more I seek other men's support and love for me, the more I go back to the Scorp man. It's like by the end of the day, he is the need, not anyone else.

It feels horrifying to be struck this way. I have no idea what is going to happen with me considering I am getting forced to get married, arranged.

Thanks,
SA5

You are not the only one in this situation, you know. There are others as well.
The problem lies in your weakness towards him and when saying that, I think you misunderstood Ilenek's post.
She said that if you want to quit this relationship, you quit it, but the problem is that you are not wanting to. And yes, she is right. You said it was no contact for some months, but he kept reappearing, but what did you did then ? You replied, right ? So can you say there is no way of ending/cutting contact with him ?

Whatever happens, if you cut him off, cut him off. If he texts you one day and says "how are you ?" don't reply. That means I want to end this and nothing else.
Your problem about why he keeps coming back is blinded by the love you carry for him - he comes back because he cares about you and you accept it because you always hope it is love there. It is not. Remember, cutting off means letting go, no matter if he contacts you after a month, year, decade, 100 hundred years and so on. You don't answer.

I'm sorry if I am imposing by jumping in, but I do agree with what everyone above has said. This is beyond horary and boils down to you having the want and will to actually cut him out. I watched this happen between two mutual friends for five years. He would string her along and use her for when he needed attention and she would come running. Albeit their relationship was sexual, but it was always on his terms. I think the only way you will move on is if you cut him out completely. You CANNOT be friends with him and that is clear, since you don't want to be friends; you want more. I am not trying to be rude, but I do feel sorry for you in the fact that you do not see that you are being manipulated and not treated the way you deserve to be treated. This man knows that you are in love with him, yet he continues to string you along and engage you for his own amusement, on his terms - most likely when he is bored and attention starved. Until you learn to love yourself and see your self-worth you will continue to put yourself in this situation until he moves on (or keeps you around as the friend who is in love with him while he has a wife and family). Take a stance, be strong and end things on your terms, not his.

ScorpAsc5 said:

IleneK:

You are always welcome for your comments. Yes, I did that, "No Contact Whatsoever" Once in Nov 2013, then in June 2014 and then December 2014.

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No, my dear one, you did not do that. I have a hard time understanding how you think you did.

No contact whatsoever means no contact whatsoever. It does not mean for a period in 2013, and then two times in 2014.

Apparently you are not able to implement no contact whatsoever in your life at this time. When you are, you will get your wish [if it really is your wish] and the relationship will truly be over.
Please take good care of yourself.

ScorpAsc5 said:

RaRohini:

It's 2013 not 2003. Yes I asked him directly. Me: "I have to really say something. Don't know if my actions ever told you but I am in love with you." His response: "I already know you love me the way no one else can but I couldn't develop any feelings for you." I replied: "You know in that case, I should not be around you at all for both's sake". His response: "How can you go away from me? We were and still are good friends. I would never let you go. Now stop being so emotional and don't cry for me. I am always there for you. "

These were real words. He is still always there for me. But he does not see me as his potential partner. We have talked everything directly and the final answer from his is No. For god's sake, it should end then. But it is not ending !! Yesterday we were talking about Batman vs. Superman :| I am not the person anyone can control, not even me. That's where our power struggle is.

Its pissing me off now while I am writing the response. We have become a typical Taur/Scorp people.

Click to expand...

Sorry for the 2013 thing ScorpAsc5 ! If he is always there for you as a friend..he should be happy if you get together with someone else.. he should let you move on. Why is he saying that he will never let you go ? That is Control.

I agree completely with Ilene, ScorAsc, no contact is the best policy here if you want to move on. And that means you delete his number from your phone, delete him on facebook, if he calls you, you do not answer or even better - get a new number. You don't respond to his emails or any contacts face to face. You ask him nicely that you don't want to see him anymore and to respect your wishes. If he breaks those rules and tries to see you at home, you ask him to leave because you want to move on and be happy. I'm sure sooner or later he will understand if you stand your ground.

Frankly, I don't know how you keep being friends with someone who rejected you. Its painful and destructive. Best to cut off and move on. I think if you do this, you will finally be on the road to recovery. Mind you the one year time frame I gave you is just the cycle period that I'm getting from the chart as Mercury is combust, but combustion doesn't last forever. So you need clarity of mind and decisive effort to make things happen. If you let him keep pulling you back, it may take much longer.

heidy26, anjelik, IleneK, RaRohini, rafaella,

After this post, I thought a lot, day and night. Yes I am being a weak person here. I am now in the phase where I completely love him, there could be no one else at all. I am pretty sure he has a girl but he never talks about it. I felt he is happy somewhere and I don't fit anywhere in his life, not as a soulmate, not as a friend, not as any important relation, that's why he does not care if I am there for him or not. I deleted his contact without saying anything. How would he know that I did so? Only when he can feel my absence. But I know he would never feel my absence as he has all the people he need in his life. I am not important. Right now, this thought is giving me strength to not contact him and pass every day in isolation. But I know deep down, this heart is working against this thought and just want to go and be with him.

The funniest thing for me is, I had lots of crushes before him. But somehow, something came up and things ended automatically, I never had to go through a lot or deal with any man so long and with so difficulty. But this man, he marked before-after in my life. Its not ending, naturally or by force. I have asked so many questions about him that now I feel tired to ask more. I just feel like to just end up with a random stranger.

They say, if you love a scorp man, this love would destroy you. For each second, this has been true for me.

I cannot see anything positive about my relationship, either with him or with someone else. I always thought that he never loved me that means there is some another man coming in life to love me, but heck, it just does not happen. I am probably going to marry someone with this scorp guy in my heart, and that time I will be the person who will hate myself the most. Its cheating and I am a complete loyal kind of girl. Its like something would make me do that even when I just don't want to do it.

I cannot be just friends with him. In my life, that person's position is made just for love. Can I even love anyone else the way I love this man? How can I trick myself forever regarding the most important ingredient of life called love?

He never asks me if I am seeing someone else, even if he wants just to be friends. I don't know if I am happy that I met him or sad. Long time ago, he randomly asked me once, just for fun, if I would even like to marry him. And I said yes, but not as fun.

Now question is not that if I love him or not. It has been established as a clear fact that I love him and he knows that, that the way I love him, no other girl can. But he does not want me. He is ready to spend his valuable time with random girls but not me. Sometimes I feel how big a fool he is that he is so much careless about that 1 girl out of billions who can do any god **** thing for him. How can one be so stupid? Or is it me who is stupid?

Nothing is easy. I will probably get married to random guy and it would be more complicated than what it is today. I have maximum 2 years, being coming from an Indian family, I don't have much bachelor time remaining. And honestly, if a new guy is coming in my life and if I could really love him even 1% of what I love with this Scorp man, that guy would be equivalent to god for me, who did a miracle for me, and that would be beyond the concept of love I know.

I would have changed my number, but I cannot as I am still hunting for new job and people know only my that number. But yeah, I deleted his contact from my email address, my phone, my Facebook, my LinkedIn. But I could not delete him from my heart, from mind and from my life. God should give me another guy who could help me come out from this mess and forget him completely and I would again be free from this latch.

I don't know what else to say.

Thank you all for your time and support when I just cannot find anyone to care for me.