Thank you for sharing your experiences, they definitely seem similar to mine!
I have also noticed that men feel jealous when they are with me. It seems as if they believe that I am promiscuos and I am really the opposite of that. I have always been faithful and when I have a relationship I never feel attracted to other men and I am not the flirtatious type.
Men often feel intensely interested in the beginning. Then they seem scared and easily triggered, or feel that they want another kind of woman. However they often tell me that they still want me sexually and many of them contact me months or years later.
I have also solved problems within relationships with sex. I guess I am more comfortable with being sexual than I am with dealing with conflicts. My last ex did not feel worthy of me and was hot/cold. I should probably have given him compliments instead when he felt low.
About your aspects; I do not believe that your orbs are too wide.
I imagine that Aphrodite conjunct ascendant is more about being beautiful.
A friend of mine has Chiron conjunct ascendant and she is often afraid that men will reject/leave her if she would gain a little weight or something. Men see her as attractive but her self-image is twisted. This seems to be a difficult aspect and I believe that it makes it difficult for you to see yourself the way men do.
Persephone in the first house might be about feeling powerless in some aspect.
I have read that women with Lilith on the angles or with the sun will experience this theme in their life.
I do not believe that Lilith necessarily is bad. She is untamed and some men are afraid of independent women. Lilith does not behave the way men want her to behave in order to be loved. I leave a man if something is wrong.
It may be that you attract men who express a lower kind of Lilith or that you attract men who have difficulties with accepting a free and untamed woman = Lilith.
See the thing with Lilith is that it could be a good thing, but it creates situations that you literally have to fight everything in order to stay true to yourself which is so hard to do at times. Lilith and other dark goddess can sometimes make you see the light more clearly than other people. So you are not really about turning the other cheek when it comes to about anything. Before my relationship, I became an appostate when it came to my religion, when most people in my religious group has a tough time dealing with the fundamentally flawed aspects of my religion and instead turn the other cheek instead.
However, leaving the garden can be hard because staying true to yourself or what is, can be so difficult. When it comes to relationships, it can be similar. Lilith is the honest individual that stays true to herself even if she's crazily in love with Adam. She would go to any height to prove a point, whether it costs the love of her life, her family or friends, or face. I think these are the themes that come up usually. These are the themes that has been coming up with me time and time again.
When it comes to men that can have lilith aspects, I believe they either are fatally attracted to lilith type of women, or if they are the lower lilith types, they strive to feed their ego, and sex drives quite a lot. Because lilith has a mars energy to it which again, mars is more about the ID, the unsocialized aspect of us, and mars is also the most immature planet with him representing sex and aggression so lower lilith types usually play out their instincts. I think higher lilith types are more self-righteous and raw and honest about how they reflect back or response to the world around them.
As for lilith relationships or women with lilith in relationships-there seems to be a central theme of jealousy or looking at the other woman as promiscious like our experience-there could be multiple possibilities. One, the independent woman that wants too much time to herself, is very different from the dependent eve. That frightens men. Two, sexed apearance along with skills in bed (my skills in bed went from 0 to 10-I was a virgin before my ex) that makes it seem like: if she's this dirty and into it with me-how might she be with other men?
I mean most women would be into sex especially with those they love, but I feel like lilith types bring a sort of passion, with a pinch of dirtiness/kink into it looking like they really like what they're doing, like they could do it for hours and not get sick of it. It's really easy for lilith types to classically condition(psychogical term, Ivan pavlov's dog experiment if you want to know the history behind it) their men to want them sexually. We become the conditioned stimulus
It's hard to see that type of women with other men and our partners think that other men who happen to be strangers would respond the same way they do and we'd provoke them the same way exact way.
Anyways, I'm going on and on. I've been interested in lilith too for a while. Next, I feel like lilith relationships bring out demons in both of the people. There's a theme of sexual unworthiness where one or both can really try to compensate for their feelings of inadequecy. There's often a theme of jealousy, and sometimes neither of them intentionally provoke jealousy into the other. It's purely circumstantial sometimes. It's just that collectively, humans are so ****** that they have to be triggered in order to passionately love someone in order to redeem the parts of them, they regarded as unacceptable or unworthy.
As for my placements, chiron conjunct ascendent has given me disordered eating and a disordered lifestyle. I have recurring symptoms of bulimia.
I have no idea how persophone in my first house has played out. It's also in scorpio. My first house if half libra, half scorpio with the ascendent being libra. I feel so much more like a scorpio sometimes though lol. Probably my lilith or my pluto transits.
How do you look like? There was this other thread started here about lilith in first house, and most of these women said they were short with small everything with a sexed look and way about them. Many of them also said they were either the first girl in the family in years. I happen to be the last girl born in my dad's and my mom's side of the family. All of my aunts and uncles that had kids after my birth had boys. So I don't know if there's a theme of lilith types being 'speical' in the family in someway.