Aquarius

I would like to hear some stories on how peaceful Aquarians deal with extremely controlling, possessive, obsessive, manipulative ppl by using their intelligence. I understand that there are also rebellious and shocking Aquarians out there but that's not what I'm after. I'm more interested in how a harmonious Aquarians would intelligently stop the controlling behaviour without having to leave. Eg in a situation where you couldn't leave the group.

Abby83 said:

I would like to hear some stories on how peaceful Aquarians deal with extremely controlling, possessive, obsessive, manipulative ppl by using their intelligence. I understand that there are also rebellious and shocking Aquarians out there but that's not what I'm after. I'm more interested in how a harmonious Aquarians would intelligently stop the controlling behaviour without having to leave. Eg in a situation where you couldn't leave the group.

Click to expand...

Aquarius energy is fixed, solid Air. Air rises above danger and chaos. It does so by being the most intelligent, most reliable, most perceptive mind in the room. SILENTLY SO.

Aquarians cannot allow themselves to be drawn into the drama, the turbulence, the pits of He!!. They must elevate themselves above the dysfunctional dramatics.

They do so by staying calm, rational, and logical. They detach from the agitators and watch in a detached, unemotional way---like they were watching a soap opera on TV. Do not engage or take the bait.

Just stand back and watch...and wait. When it is safe, you make a quiet, non-emotional exit. No theatrics, no anger, just a quiet calm reserve.

Stay confident and be that calm peaceful place for your children---the peaceful port in the storm. Don't take part in the craziness. Be the peaceful, relaxed safe space for them.

katydid said:

Aquarius energy is fixed, solid Air. Air rises above danger and chaos. It does so by being the most intelligent, most reliable, most perceptive mind in the room. SILENTLY SO.

Aquarians cannot allow themselves to be drawn into the drama, the turbulence, the pits of He!!. They must elevate themselves above the dysfunctional dramatics.

They do so by staying calm, rational, and logical. They detach from the agitators and watch in a detached, unemotional way---like they were watching a soap opera on TV. Do not engage or take the bait.

Just stand back and watch...and wait. When it is safe, you make a quiet, non-emotional exit. No theatrics, no anger, just a quiet calm reserve.

Stay confident and be that calm peaceful place for your children---the peaceful port in the storm. Don't take part in the craziness. Be the peaceful, relaxed safe space for them.

Click to expand...

Ok so everything you are explaining is exactly what I need to be doing. Around my mother in law I have tried detaching myself at family gatherings but she notices very quickly and then chases me to get me to notice. She might say 'Abby where are you, you are off in the clouds somewhere.' I then respond without responding eg 'ok sandy.' Or she might chase me with a question that she knows I don't want to answer cos she will go against me anyway or she will stroke my arm. I feel like I need to tell her to stop touching me but then any reaction is a reaction. Like she puts my kids in a position to choose between her and me and then make them feel guilty for choosing me or sometimes she makes plans with them without my consent. So in times like this it forces me to intervene but then she gets combative again. So do you think I should just keep staring at the wall. She's so silly she breaks my daughters earrings whenever my kids are there but I can't detach myself from that. She knows what will upset me and if I take action my husband goes against me. How would a peaceful Aquarius take a stand in this situation? Would they just keep themselves busy with the kids on the outside to avoid the troublemaker? Cos making a stand doesn't work at all. And she harasses us everyday to see the kids. I just make plans.

I think one of the advantages of being a cool and kind of detached Aquarius lays as well in their ability to question things, when they don't understand/like them. I've been into some arguments and confrontations with Aquarians, because to them I was behaving too weirdly and shady, and I've always been confronted with a open curiosity and will to understand. That "psychological" side of them was very effective for me, because it made me understand I was not behaving well (or as they wished). Then it was up to me to change or not, if I wanted to save the relationship. Getting to the heart of the problem with a very logical manner is another good Aquarian trait.

aleth3ia said:

I think one of the advantages of being a cool and kind of detached Aquarius lays as well in their ability to question things, when they don't understand/like them. I've been into some arguments and confrontations with Aquarians, because to them I was behaving too weirdly and shady, and I've always been confronted with a open curiosity and will to understand. That "psychological" side of them was very effective for me, because it made me understand I was not behaving well (or as they wished). Then it was up to me to change or not, if I wanted to save the relationship. Getting to the heart of the problem with a very logical manner is another good Aquarian trait.

Click to expand...

This is great to hear. Can you give examples eg scenarios?

I notice what you say about Aquarians questioning things and it is a very effective tool because you don't blame anyone for anything but you still manage to get ppl thinking.

Abby83 said:

I would like to hear some stories on how peaceful Aquarians deal with extremely controlling, possessive, obsessive, manipulative ppl by using their intelligence. I understand that there are also rebellious and shocking Aquarians out there but that's not what I'm after. I'm more interested in how a harmonious Aquarians would intelligently stop the controlling behaviour without having to leave. Eg in a situation where you couldn't leave the group.

Click to expand...

katydid said:

<...>. Do not engage or take the bait.

Just stand back and watch...and wait. When it is safe, you make a quiet, non-emotional exit. No theatrics, no anger, just a quiet calm reserve.

Stay confident and be that calm peaceful place for your children---the peaceful port in the storm. Don't take part in the craziness. Be the peaceful, relaxed safe space for them.

Click to expand...

I strongly agree with Katy here. Thank you, Katy.

I would only add that there will be no changing of the mil with intelligence or skillful interrogatory. In fact, there will be no changing at all of her kind of personality disorder unless she has some mind-altering event, like a stroke.

The only changing will come from inside you and it may seem paradoxical in a sense. It will not come from intelligence, but with heart, strength of heart. Which we know you have in spades. And that strength will have to be applied to softening your heart, paradoxically, to your mil's crazy suffering, because if you think she is making your life and the life of your family a living hell, I can tell you that her inner life is in the hell realm probably 24/7.

So, first you find compassion for her in your heart, which I know sounds outrageous and difficult. But that is the first part of the practice. Then the next part is the strength part, where you hold your calm center, like Katy so beautifully describes to you from one wise, loving mother to another, and you begin practicing this non-reactivity woven with your compassion.

It will be likely very difficult to cultivate it initially as it is for all of us. So you will just practice it over and over again, getting the tiniest bit better and stronger every time. And you will cultivate that calm in the center of the storm both for yourself and for the well-being of your beloved children.

You have the strength and heart to do this. I know it; I see it clearly in you. And I will tell you that what I have described here is the only way that will last and will protect you and your children without your having to undertake the impossible and infinitely energy-consuming task of trying to change your mil, and to no avail.

If this resonates for you at all and you want to PM me about it, I would be happy to talk more. If not, that is fine also.
But in any case, Abby, I am so very much wishing you and your loved ones the very best.

Abby83 said:

I would like to hear some stories on how peaceful Aquarians deal with extremely controlling, possessive, obsessive, manipulative ppl by using their intelligence. I understand that there are also rebellious and shocking Aquarians out there but that's not what I'm after. I'm more interested in how a harmonious Aquarians would intelligently stop the controlling behaviour without having to leave. Eg in a situation where you couldn't leave the group.

Click to expand...

katydid said:

Aquarius energy is fixed, solid Air. Air rises above danger and chaos. It does so by being the most intelligent, most reliable, most perceptive mind in the room. SILENTLY SO.

Aquarians cannot allow themselves to be drawn into the drama, the turbulence, the pits of He!!. They must elevate themselves above the dysfunctional dramatics.

They do so by staying calm, rational, and logical. They detach from the agitators and watch in a detached, unemotional way---like they were watching a soap opera on TV. Do not engage or take the bait.

Just stand back and watch...and wait. When it is safe, you make a quiet, non-emotional exit. No theatrics, no anger, just a quiet calm reserve.

Stay confident and be that calm peaceful place for your children---the peaceful port in the storm. Don't take part in the craziness. Be the peaceful, relaxed safe space for them.

Click to expand...

I strongly agree with Katy here. Thank you, Katy.

I would only add that there will be no changing of the mil with intelligence or skillful interrogatory. In fact, there will be no changing at all of her kind of personality disorder unless she has some mind-altering event, like a stroke.

The only kind of changing can come from inside you and it may seem paradoxical in a sense. It will not come from intelligence, but with heart, strength of heart. Which we know you have in spades. And that strength will have to be applied to softening your heart, paradoxically, to your mil's crazy suffering, because if you think she is making your life and the life of your family a living hell, I can tell you that her inner life is in the hell realm probably 24/7.

So, first you find compassion for her in your heart, which I know sounds outrageous and difficult. But that is the first part of the practice. Then the next part is the strength part, where you hold your calm center, like Katy do beautifully describes to you from one wise, loving mother to another, and you begin practicing this non-reactivity woven with your compassion.

It will be likely very difficult to cultivate in initially as it is for all of us. So you will just practice it over and over again, getting the tiniest bit better and stronger every time. And you will cultivate that calm in the center of the storm both for yourself and for the well-being of your beloved children.

You have the strength and heart to do this. I know it; I see it clearly in you. And I will tell you that what I have described here is the only way that will last and will protect you and your children without your having to undertake the impossible and infinitely energy-consuming task of trying changing you mil, and to no avail.

If this resonates for you at all and you want to PM me about it, I would be happy to talk more. If not, that is fine also.
But in any case, Abby, I am so very much wishing you and your loved ones the very best.

Hi. No sign has all the tools to deal with any given situation. Aquarius' strengths need to be backed up by empathy and an acceptance of the imperfection in human nature. It would be interesting to see what else is going on in your birth chart besides the Aquarius theme. This person may be providing an opportunity for you tap into unrealised potentials that your Aquarius side feels compromised by and wants to suppress.

Best wishes

Miquar (strongly Aquarian/Uranian)

Abby83 said:

Ok so everything you are explaining is exactly what I need to be doing. Around my mother in law I have tried detaching myself at family gatherings but she notices very quickly and then chases me to get me to notice. She might say 'Abby where are you, you are off in the clouds somewhere.' I then respond without responding eg 'ok sandy.' Or she might chase me with a question that she knows I don't want to answer cos she will go against me anyway or she will stroke my arm. I feel like I need to tell her to stop touching me but then any reaction is a reaction. Like she puts my kids in a position to choose between her and me and then make them feel guilty for choosing me or sometimes she makes plans with them without my consent. So in times like this it forces me to intervene but then she gets combative again. So do you think I should just keep staring at the wall. She's so silly she breaks my daughters earrings whenever my kids are there but I can't detach myself from that. She knows what will upset me and if I take action my husband goes against me. How would a peaceful Aquarius take a stand in this situation? Would they just keep themselves busy with the kids on the outside to avoid the troublemaker? Cos making a stand doesn't work at all. And she harasses us everyday to see the kids. I just make plans.

Click to expand...

I'm really sorry for this situation, it must not be easy at all. Let me add, what she's doing makes me want to punch her from here! So, whatever you'll do, like if you pierce the wheels of her car, I'm with you! Ok, rage apart, communication is the key. I suggest you to let her know exactly what behaviors of hers are causing you problems, and let her know that it's bad for the kids to be in the situation of choosing between the 2 of you (omg this makes me crazy!)... only then, if she will continue to cross all of your limits, you might decide to "leave", although I guess that's not really an option for you.

In my case the Aquarius person is my best friend, and we went into some problems because well, he fell in love with me, it was just unexpected, so I started acting distant and used to never answer the phone anymore, and just avoided him. Well in the end we made up because I was missing my best friend too much. So we saw each other again, and he asked me all kind of things in his very cool way, and we solved the entire situation which I was just trying to flee from.
Another example, always from him but with his male best friend this time. This other guy basically acted like me, not for the same reasons eheh, so my friend called him and basically told him very plainly "you're acting pretty bad towards me lately, I'm your friend and you know that, so never mind what's going on, I'll be ready to put a patch on it all if we can be cool again", of course, the other guy melted instantly and they were cool again. This episode didn't last long though because soon after that, this guy stole my best friend's gf... so you can imagine.

I believe anyway that situations can be solved. If you don't explain what you're feeling, you can't expect people to read it from your face. Especially if they're just full of themselves and have an hard time in empathy... next time she follows you everywhere, tell her quietly that there are things that you don't like, that are related to the upbringing of the kids and that you don't want to let them think of the 2 of you in a competition... or that they might learn values that you don't agree with. You should be firm on this, because the kids are yours, and no granma should be between this bond. Talk to her, explain yourself in your cool way, don't let her get the best of you. <3

I just want to add a few things.

Firstly, I'm not interested in changing my mother in law.

Originally i turned to tarot which usually works well for me. I asked 'what can I do to stop my mil from attacking me?' I got the star card. Now there's not enough info about this card but it is the equivalent to the peaceful and intelligent and 'hopes and wishes' part of Aquarius. The Uranus part of Aquarius comes under the fool card which is funnily enough the card I got for how to better my relationship with my husband. And I always believe there is a way to stop horrible events.

It is true that my mil wants a reaction so katydids advice makes sense. Although most of the time I find myself running away from her cos she keeps chasing me to get that reaction.

Unfortunately with ppl like this compassion only makes her abuse u more. She's looking for compassionate ppl. She has ruined their lives too.

So because she is a psychotic narcissistic my goal is to protect myself and the kids and my parents as best I can. Especially emotionally. So learning detachment might be key here.

Aleth3ia,

I love hoe she is infuriating you even from here. I feel the same. Thanks for your reply.

Good luck Ms Abby!

https://www.peacequarters.com/empaths-constantly-fall-wounded-narcissist-reason-will-surprise/

Ilenek here is an article you might find interesting explaining why empaths and narcissists should avoid each other and how empathy only exacerbates the relationship.

Hi,

Abby, just a word of caution, please bear in mind that every (Sun-sign) Aquarian will have many other energies also. So, it is better to talk about the Aquarian energy, lest you might expect too much logic and good sense from an Aquarian-Sun person (and might be disappointed). This mistake is too commonly made by most of us.

Let me take myself for e.g. - an Aquarian Sun, Merc. and Dsc. However, I don't always rise above the situation as an air sign because my Capricorn Moon (status conscious) and my emotional Piscean Venus get hurt too easily and I then sometimes (depending on how dear the situation/person is to me) get pulled into drama and emotions - the opp. direction. I might feel stupid later when my Aqua Merc. starts kicking me in my behind and my mind, but the drama has happened.

A person is much more than their Sun sign. That is what I am saying and I know you know.

If you really want to know how to get along better with your mother-in-law, you might want to pull up a synastry chart - look at your strengths and weaknesses with each other.