Dear Waybread,
thank you very much for your kind reply.
I try to be "stronger" and I try to get rid of my fears, but often I have panic attacks and I have no clue how I could get rid of them. I have been to several psychologists, but they did not really help....It is not that I don't want to change, but my fears keep coming back. I moved abroad in March 2014 and since then my life is very difficult. I moved abroad because of a guy I am still in a relationship with, but I am not happy with him at all...I am afraid of ending the relationship with him, because I would be alone in a foreign country on the other hand I am also emotionally attached to him...I don't like my job, because I am afraid that I cannot manage the challenges...I am afraid I will be fired...
Actually I want to use astrology to be able to "foresee certain tendencies" no matter if they are negative or positive, but at least...I want to be able to see them earlier and constructively make the best out of them...
I attached again the two charts, would you mind taking a look at them? This time with degrees...I would be very helpful....
Hello Rainbow88!
I just looked at your chart, wondering why you may be so fearful. You've been on the planet a while now, and, I'm sure you've been trying to resolve this for yourself. I agree that looking at transits and progression can help prepare for a difficult time, but your tendency toward fear and anxiety is more basic than that. I think the real work is not in looking for outside influences but in calming your mind. Anxiety cannot continue without thinking fearful thoughts. You need a plan for calming yourself.
Mercury rules your rising sign (Virgo) and is the ruler of your entire chart. Then, your Moon is in Gemini, a sign Mercury rules. Then, your Sun is in Libra - an air sign like Gemini. The air signs all have a high degree of mentality in them. The mind runs fast and furious in air. So, you are naturally a very mental-type person - your mind is quick and it can run out of control. Mercury is all about mental processes.
Virgo is the worry wort of the zodiac. It is the one who is most anxious, most self-doubting, most eager to please and help others. It thinks of others before oneself. It is said to be the doormat of the zodiac. It can be, but it doesn't have to be. Gemini can be a chatter box, go in circles discussing an issue with oneself, and can easily have conflicting goals and opinions with itself. It is the sign of the twins. And they are two different people who can argue any little thing to death. These are some of the negative traits of Mercury, Virgo, Gemini.
Libra needs others - to be in relationship to learn about himself. It is the one dependent sign in the zodiac. So relationships are very important to you because you are learning about yourself and developing a self-concept in the 2nd house. We ALL learn about ourselves through relationships, but Libra experiences it as a necessity.
All the planets, signs and houses are symbols of both positive and negative human drives, qualities and experiences. But we can choose to develop the positive qualities in each and all of them. We have the potential to live out either. So, the real goal, is to turn Virgo's negative qualities into its positive. I also have Virgo rising, so I've worked hard at it myself. You make a pact with yourself that whenever you can, you turn self-doubt or anxiety into analysis for understanding. You ask WHY a lot. Analyze yourself, your situation and those who are involved with what you're analyzing. Write it in a journal. Analyzing feels so much better than anxiety or self-doubt or self-criticism or any other negative Virgo activity. When you understand something thoroughly, you no longer fear it. The anxiety goes away. WRITE. You must write a lot. Spill it out on paper or computer. There are many good books on how to journal for personal growth and it's a great tool for a Virgo-Gemini-Mercury person. But ANALYZE. Don't just talk about your anxiety or fear and just spin into more anxiety. Analyzing feels more solid - more like we are going to understand this no matter what - we're going to get to the bottom of it. Even if you don't get all the answers or even any answers in one session, you will still feel better and learn something. One day at a time.
Do the same with all the other planets, signs and houses in your chart. What are their negative and positive qualities? How do you live out the negative sides and the positive sides? How can you turn the negative side into the positive side? Make a plan to catch yourself doing the negative and decide what positive you want to practice. This is your spiritual practice. You will begin to feel more in control when you have a plan what to do when you catch yourself doing a negative planet or sign.
The other thing I'd suggest is yoga and meditation - but if you don't want to do yoga, then mediation is the most important. The simplest technique is to pay attention your breathing. It's grounding. You can choose a word or phrase to say over and over to quiet the mind. You can also simply observe what it is you are thinking. This develops your Witness or Observer self who has no thoughts. It calms the mind because you are distancing yourself from your thoughts - separating yourself out from your thoughts. You are not your thoughts. They come and go and you are there always. You can have the thoughts or not have them once you gain the ability to observe your thoughts. This takes time. You have to practice every day. Progress is usually slow, but slow and steady wins the race.
I'm intrigued by your natal Saturn conjunct the IC. It suggests a very controlled childhood environment. It is your most private place. You can use this positively by going more within yourself and find yourself from within. That's pretty challenging with a Libra sun. But, I think it may suggest that when you feel an influence from another person - something you like but feel you don't have, try to realize that you have that quality and you can own it. Libras sometimes forget to own what it is they think they are learning from someone else. You are actually recognizing something you already have within yourself.
A positive of Saturn is that it focuses your attention where it is at. In your chart, it is your innermost, private self - your soul self. You need to own your own individuality, your own self-definition, your right to be a person.
Focus inward. Virgo wants you to. Gemini conjunct the MC wants you to. Saturn conjunct the IC wants you to. Learn from others and take the positives to the bank. You earn your self-respect and integrity this way. Just make sure you put yourself in the presence of people you admire. Without that, you are lost. You don't need negative energy around you, because you are way too vulnerable to absorbing what is around you. In this, you must be careful. Your south node is in 12th house - you need grounding in positive energy - someone with qualities you want to own.
This is not a complete reading of your chart. I just tried to focus on some main things in response to your questions.
