Going through some bad things, when do things get better?

Thought even more about my life lately and no wonder they say that Saturn Returns can potentially suck. I had a moment of truth to myself on how out of the loop I have been lately and out of touch with what I wanted to accomplish out of life.

Now I think to my obsession lately with the woman in the synastry discussions and then think to how sad it all really is. Here I am, a guy closing in on 30 in a few years and being obsessed with a woman decades older than me. Then I think to how sad it is that I have had no work life balance in the past few months because I have been wanting to get ahead for good.

Thankfully, for the time being, finances are slowly being handled to where I give myself breathing room for the next 3 or so months if I was not to make a dime. Even then, I realized how disconnected I got to my friends, dating life, and life outside of work due to wanting to get ahead and close on a good opportunity.

As I think to my current company, I start to toy with the reality that maybe that progression I was looking for might not happen despite all I have given it and what I have gotten as a result. I start to consider that yet again, I might have to switch jobs which I just do not want to do.

At times I wonder if it is best, if things do not work out where I am, that I do take a couple months off to vacation, travel, and then come back to work at a newer company so I can finally get some of my bucket list items knocked out of the way.

I want to travel to fun places, experience fun times with fun women (yes use your dirty imagination here please), party hard, make fun friends, and build fun memories.

Come to think of it, I wanted to be financially set enough with work to where I can take some time to do the very things I speak of. I missed out on so much fun in my youth due to growing up in poverty and grew up in such a repressed environment that a big theme for me has become sowing those wild oats as they call it.

Had this thought and am looking to build on it as I plan for my future.

So I guess I'll share, earlier this month, I lost my father. My life was an emotional mess. I came back to work to realize just how behind I really was. Been a down month at work because I had to take a week off.

Just comes to show me how far behind I was on maturity too though. I realize how much I have to be in charge of now with no father around and then also now, I have no fall back plan or home to really move back to if things go haywire. Lack of awareness on my part of retirement savings too and how just how stupid I was about them even though I had a 401k.

One thing that worries me is my career since that will put food on my table. Wish my Natal Chart had some indicators of what my calling is to make money. Saturn is in house 6 so no doubt this return will hit me hard on health and work.

this saturn return is definitely starting

The19thLaw said:

this saturn return is definitely starting

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You don't have a saturn return this year. Transit saturn got retrograde on 13° until next year.

A saturn return is a degree exact activation of natal saturn. And this will take place first time on 02-01-2022 and will only be a short overrun - afterwards not coming back to exact degree. It will be no serious check-up - saturn in transits is generally known for.

But transit saturn in your 6th house opposes challenging your mercury conj. chiron - mercury as your financial income ruler - forth and backwards - lasting until 12-27-2021- exact. And mercury/chiron conj. is same time squared by transit uranus forth and backwards - until 02-24-2022.

2nd house is also about selfesteem and own values. And to save and to defend own physical existence, own body, own territory and own space and what you see as worthy. You are more focussed and concentrated on (saturn) - now and make a check up of your life and to work on (6th) a necessary change of your habits (6th) - you have experienced as unsuccessful and to sort out (6th) what is no more serving you.

For every leo asc – father has an important role and impact in own life. You have a fated relationship with your father with northnode in 5th house- male principle and sun house. Poverty is a subconscious pattern taken over from your father and your male ancestor line – with neptune ruling your 8th house – family traditions and dogmata, money of the others – debts, loans and addictions - in 5th house- male sun principle.

You probably already took something over during pregnancy of your mother with you – sun in 12th house –prenatal house before own birth- conj. mercury and chiron in 2nd house. An inner spiritual wound and weakness to feel not as worthy enough for earning enough money continously – virgo in 2nd is the economic sign.

To have to work hard for your money with jupiter ruling 5th house in 1st inconjuncting degree exact saturn in 6th house. Moon as ruler of prenatal house 12th is in 2nd house – ruled by mercury and semisquares sun as ASC ruler and zero degree exact semisquares mercury as ruler of 2nd house- physical existence and financial income. Like fighting against each other under the surface – each as a tenant in house of the other one – and revolting each as tenants against house rules of their landlords and house owners.

Mentally you are endangered to easily to get under control of the female principle – as your mother or mother figure influence in childhood shows – mother as first female model role (4th) – with pluto ruling your 4th house in scorpio in 3rd house – you probably already took something subconsciously over during pregnancy from your mother -too- moon semisextiling venus. A pattern like “there isn’t enough available for you to feel safe and secure and to grow”... And same valid for your venus in 12th house above asc – ruling your 10th house career and life direction- fighting against tenant pluto in a venus owned and ruled 3rd house – squaring pluto and sextiling neptune as ruler of 8th house – like fighting or refusing to get born into the hard, real hard life and existence and in a human body.

Whatever you hate in a well placed sag person -is in truth about your conflict with your father authority figure- your father’s life and opinions and traditions – and being a man and male yourself as 5th house – male principle start with sag ruled by jupiter. You preferably attract in relationship and work house area - to work on – with saturn in aquarius semsextiling uranus in 5th as ruler of your 7th house - to liberate yourself from what in truth doesn’t belong to you.

The19thLaw said:

So I get the feeling that March is gonna be one rough rough month for me, like it could result in me not having favorable news at work.

Here are the transits for me on March 1

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I haven't read through the whole thread but wanted to offer some perspective from a traditional astrology standpoint. I work with whole sign houses, which after 40+ years of study found to be extremely accurate in astrological natal work. It's not that I discard the quadrant houses but I find the essence of the chart in wsh and some other information on how those essences play out with quadrant systems.

So, I would read all your Leo planets as being in the 1st house. I would read Saturn as being in your 7th house (attraction to older women as Saturn opposes your Venus). I read your 10th house as Taurus with your MC in the 11th Gemini. This would suggest that your career could be multi-faceted or different changes in it as Gemini is a double-bodied sign. But Taurus there suggests that it's ruler Venus being in the 1st house in Leo
puts the control in your hands and in Leo you could consider something in the arts or at least something that allows you creative expression. Saturn in retrograde opposing there tells me that your father meant a lot to you but he wasn't always supportive of your ambitions and was pretty much absent from you at least emotionally. This may be stifling your creative expression. With the ruler of the MC, Mercury being combust, your father was overtaken by the Sun which rules your 1st house. Perhaps he couldn't handle having children for some reason.

Mercury also rules your 2nd house of finances so the combustion plays here as well. Your money seems to be almost an obsession. With Jupiter is its detriment in Virgo (I have it there as well). This causes an analysis paralysis problem where you want to solve your money issues - over and over and over again. And with your Moon there as well, you are emotionally charging this unhelpful analysis even more. You can make money though Mercury related things such as working in media - even social media since your MC is in the 11th house.

I would give you more info on the Mercury retrograde issue, but without your birth data, I can't tell you when it progresses out of retrograde but I would expect a career change when that happens. Also an improvement in your finances. Mars does act in Gemini as well so some help there but limited as I believe it's peregrine.

Your NN is still in the 5th house but I'm a little suspect of the Sag placement because it's in the last degree - could be Cap and 6th house.

The only other comment I'll make at his point is about the lack of water in your chart. You only have Pluto in the 4th house which is Mom. Your emotionality is probably compensation for this lack of water. You need to find ways to build empathy, compassion and flow in your life - especially with yourself. I was missing air in my chart and developed sleep apnea. You might consider swimming as an exercise and a way to immerse yourself in it. My meditation for you is "Row row row your boat gently down the stream - merrily merrily merrily merrily - Life if but a dream."

Been meaning to get back to this forum. So my father actually passed this year, it was a tough one for me to endure but I did although him being a d1ck to me for most of my life made it easy.

The biggest thing I have been fighting with is work-life balance in life and just learning not to take work as seriously as I used to anymore. At times I have felt like I am used and abused by the powers that be to the point that I feel like there is no need to overextend myself.

One priority I have been thinking a lot about is being a waiter and eventually bartender on the side of my 9 to 5. Could be a virgo thing too! I thought about that a good deal.

I have learned to detach from certain outcomes from work and also the toxic relationship I had going which has been such a great god send for me. About 3 weeks ago, I took a week off of work to just travel across the country and go jet skiing.

Different than normal for sure.

Now ready to get back to evaluating my chart again

bumping an oldie

How are you doing?
Transiting Neptune opposing natal moon, transiting Saturn opposing your Leo ascendent and placements, and putting pressure on your 7th of relationships.
You sound angry and bitter. Is Neptune helping you at all to find a spiritual side to things?

The19thLaw said:

bumping an oldie

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one year and a half later - what is better now - what has improved ?

One year later - new transits - new chances

Do you still live in your birthplace- region- country ?

Zora said:

One year later - new transits - new chances

Do you still live in your birthplace- region- country ?

View attachment 91950

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19th law apparently out for coffee.

So where to even begin since it has been a bit. Definitely not at my birth city, lol haven't been there since I was a 1 year old boy. That said, I think I am somewhat for the most part turn with my Saturn Return and it is some Deja Vu happening. I feel like in some ways, as bad as it may sound, I am starting to see through things and see people for what they are at times. It is like I am getting a lesson in human nature from a third-person perspective. Like I am seeing people who didn't turn out right because of mindsets they had in their 20s and then come to realize how close I was to turning out like them had I not had a change in mindsets.

I feel as if some stuff which would have gotten the old me from my early and mid-twenties angry, riled up, and bitter is just sort of rolling off the shoulders now and not affecting me as much mentally.

Most of all, I feel as if I have taken almost an embracing view towards being different and not like the rest. My company is full of corporate types and it is a very corporate environment. As a result you get a lot of people who love to play golf and chug beer as they watch some dumb sports. Old me would have been desperate to fit in with them and come off that me. Somehow, after my Saturn Return, new me has embraced not being like them and just sort of treating work as work. Do it for fun, do it for money, and then get out and live your life.

A coworker I did not get along with for the longest got promoted to being my manager a month ago and old me would have been broken from it. New me sort of rolls with the punches as I look for a new job and as soon as the work day is over for me, it is truly over for me no matter how hectic it gets.

In a way though, I feel as if I embraced my 12th house instead of running from it. I love being alone and doing my own thing. I go out by myself, if I find a woman I like I chat her up, and I just go from there. I have had random guys approach me and go "whoa dude did you like just meet her and like uh get her number and like uh", and I say a simple montone "yes" and keep moving. My social life on the dating end has been really fun and led to a lot of fun but in terms of friends, I feel like I am actually shutting down doors and don't care for it. Like I have women I see who make me happy and then I am sort of just okay being with myself and maybe a drinking buddy or two that I just click with.

Complete 180 from my validation seeking youth where I was trying to fit in with the boys. Now, I am like I rather not fit in with them at all and just enjoy my life. Then at the same time, now that has led to them trying to push to be my friend and pull me into trying to play golf with them or get some beers. I turn it down.

Not sure what life has in store but it is a unique kind of happiness I have never felt before. Like my inner world has lit up and I am happy about it.

All that I wanted with the large friend groups and popularity, I could care less. Yet somehow, the more I have avoided that the more it is coming at my doorstep and trying to pull me in but I don't want it. I am just so happy and fulfilled with myself to where I cannot help but think that I embraced my 12th house.

@Osamenor
@Zora
@ElenaJ

Thanks for taking the time to write it out so clearly. It does sound like you are making progress, positive progress, along your pathway. Well done!

Ditto to what Elena said. Thank you and wishing you well.

Not sure if it is the Leo new moon or what but man today just hit me hard, I have never been this stressed in ages from work.

Your pluto/saturn square being activated by the mars/uranus/NN conjunction at 18 taurus.
Difficult.

So I did some digging around and found that very likely, it is going to take place in my 10th house of career and reputation. I have been feeling it to. Ever since the start of this year and especially in the past month, I have felt so overwhelmed with work and know for a fact that it is not really my calling. My career definitely is but the company I am at, it is not for me. I had a couple of coworkers I was close friends with quit this week. Then I recall the intense partnership with a coworker as well that I talked about earlier and how I am super over that but also how that just consumed me too, now super over it.

It's like I know for a fact that I am in the right career but the company I am at has run its course for me. I went above and beyond what I came for and now I have burnt out almost completely from work. Starting Tuesday, I am going to take a week long paid time off which I should have done quite some time ago anyways. I have known it for a while that I have run my course here and that my main goal now is to find a new job. I have quite a few interviews next week but am going to spend the birthday with the family. It's been happening for me so much where for months I know I have needed to find a better job and a newer work environment but lately the stuff at work has almost shoved me into speeding that process up.

I am not myself at work anymore and yeah, it is weighing down on me hard. I sound way more nervous at work and not like the confident stereotypical Leo I usually am. The **** that nasty woman I had to deal with for the longest time at work put me through has still stuck with me and to think how easily I was consumed by that. Now that I no longer have to work with her, I am just so happy about that very thing but cannot believe I got so consumed.

It's likely where all of this is pointing to for all I know. I am not even myself at times because of how draining my job has become. Very likely, I think what happens with it all could force me hard into looking for a new job and just ramp up the life out of my job search.

Updated transits as of today, really not feeling it, anyone wanna take a shot at em?

Transiting saturn is the "work" we have to do, one way or another.
In your chart, it is actually passing through the 6th of work, so this is where you do have to put your focus. From what you write you have done a good deal so far, learning how to distance yourself and hold boundaries in the personal environment, concentrate on the Work.
You have several natal planets in the 15/16 degree, and transiting mars is setting them off, stimulating them.
It does actually look like a positive moment for you, call to action, upward and onward!
Transiting Jupiter sextiles your natal mars, and will soon trine your sun, you want to be ready to reap the rewards when that happens, but first you have to do your due diligence.