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  #1  
Unread 01-14-2015, 04:07 PM
hebke2011 hebke2011 is offline
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Synastry, composite, etc. - is it worth trying again?

I met my boyfriend 2,5 years ago via internet dating site. When I saw his photo I thought something along the lines of 'awww what a poor sad (and handsome) boy'. I need to save him! My cancer moon had gone maaad those days.

Later it turned out he was chatting and flirting virtually with others as well at the same time with me (my idealistic views about him were ruined, hehe). However, when we met, he decided he chooses me. And up to this day I'm not entirely sure if it was because he really liked me when we met irl, or was he just so 'desperate', and the others were not as ready to take him as I was. He explained that he didn't took what I was writing then to him seriously because he thought I was a, you know, crazy, partying student type of a person, and that we won't get along. But my paranoid plutonic mind kept dwelling on the matter.

All in all, it was me who took the initiative, it was me who first wrote to him, it was me who wanted to meet, it was me who was constantly visiting him (he lives 500km away) - but that was not a problem for me, as I wanted to stay away from home for a while. Sometimes I think that maybe I was making all of the decisions to have an excuse in the future - I mean, if I would disappoint him, I could always tell that he did "nothing" in the relationship, that I did all the work. But I really didn't wanted anything he feared the most - I don't want kids, I don't want marriage, I just wanted love, and maybe a group of friends (he doesn't need friends, he's more of a loner).

We had many, many great moments during those 2,5 years, a shared passion and many adventures, but after some time I felt it's more like a friendship than love. And he never told him he loves me, he said he never said this to anyone and he never will say it to anyone in the future. That made me unconsciously distance myself, I was angry even (I didn't express it openly), that I give to him, and give and give and give, and he 'doesn't even care to fulfill my basic emotional needs' (yes, I know, I probably have a very wrong idea of love). He distances himself from his emotions, he says it's safer for him this way. He was able to say (when I pushed on him) that he's glad I found him, and that he wants to live with me till the end. Even despite that, it made me wonder if he feels anything for me at all, or is it just a comfortable situation for him. He was never angry at me, he accepted me as I was, said he feels great when I'm around, but he feels ok when he's alone anyway. I felt accepted, sometimes understood (but he doesn't like talking about feelings), rather than loved and needed. I know that it's me who got problems with myself, not him. He was honest about his affection limitations. And probably even if he would express his emotions openly, I would not 100% believe his words, hehe. What a sucker I am. But until recently it was all more or less OK with me, I accepted the fact that he's not a romantic type, and only was getting mad each time I saw a public displays of affection of others, etc.

I don't know what to do. I tend to idealize people too much and then suffer when they are not what I imagined they will be. And I need to always be the one in control and I'm afraid of criticism. I think I still have many emotions for him (or maybe just need to control? sick), but I don't know how to deal with the situation. I miss doing things with him, but I feel I will never see real passion in his eyes for me. Or maybe it's just me who sees it this way, and the passion on my side disappeared. I feel we're very similar, we have similar tastes, we see things alike, but we are unable to openly talk about it.

Right now I'm in my hometown, we haven't seen each other since 1,5 month and I am entirely sure that if I won't take the initiative, he will not visit me. It's me who will have to book a hotel, or its me who will have to visit him, or insist on a visit in my hometown. And I feel like this actual situation fits him - we still chat via internet with each other as we did before, we just only don't see each other irl.

I'm afraid of being alone again. I'm afraid of my mind and emotions when I'm alone. I have problems relating with other people, I tend to be pretty paranoid.
I'm afraid he will feel betrayed, and alone, and won't pursue goals I was cheering him to achieve (he already slowed down his actions, when I'm not doing all the paper work etc. for him). I'm afraid he will feel very, very alone. Or that I'll lose my mind when he will find another woman, and will love her more


And I feel that if I even would find another person who would like to be with me, it will end the same way.

Is this even worth repairing? Is it possible to get over our saturnian vibes? Are there any ways of possible improvements you see in our charts? I noticed we have double whammy Vertex conj. ASC, I read it might mean it was a fated relationship and we will stay friends forever?

As usual, sorry for the long post, I really tried to compress it as much as possible







Last edited by hebke2011; 01-14-2015 at 04:41 PM.
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  #2  
Unread 01-14-2015, 09:31 PM
thelivingsky thelivingsky is offline
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Re: Synastry, composite, etc. - is it worth trying again?

Hello Hebke,

It seems to me if you just read your own post the answer will be obvious. You state that you are reconsidering because you are afraid to be alone -not a very good reason to choose a life partner. Being alone is always better than a very unfulfilling relationship. Clearly this man has not made you feel that you are desired enough to meet you half way. He has several things that point to passivity or inability to take the lead (Pisces Asc, Sun, Merc, Venus in Cancer, Moon in Taurus, )- do you want this for the rest of your life? Is he somewhat unfocused in his professional life too? Or just with you? If it's just who he is and if you are a very masculine type , one who likes to direct the energy of another and lead in the relationship, then perhaps you would be happy with this relationship.

There really are some nice synastry things and no really bad ones. But the composite is not compelling. The Moon in 12th is not a good position, and it has difficult aspects and the Nodes do not fall where they would indicate a long lasting bond. The Sun, Merc, Chiron has difficult opposition to Mars. I have been doing composites for 30 years and carefully watching which couples last. I have done hundreds of charts of couples , and I almost always see 4 things that indicate a long lasting bond. This composite only shows one. The really good relationships always have more positive aspects than the hard ones. You can read a couple articles about composite chart analysis at my blog at www.thelivingsky.wordpress.com

I think you owe it to yourself to find someone who really desires you and shows it.Doubt almost always means "no."
B
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Unread 01-14-2015, 11:36 PM
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jkxx74 jkxx74 is offline
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Re: Synastry, composite, etc. - is it worth trying again?

Hi Hebke,

I second the last part of livingsky's post - you are worth pursuing in the same manner you pursued this guy, and you will no doubt get a chance at such a situation.

To elaborate a bit, I noticed your natal chart has the Moon conjunct Chiron - this suggests past wounds in the area surrounding needs and emotional security, and that in some way you feel hurt with regard this. Your guy has several planets activating just this aspect, so perhaps he has come to represent your desire to heal yourself in these areas. The two of you have Moon-Venus contacts going both ways and these aspects are very good at sucking you in, so to speak, emotionally.

I am not the greatest at interpreting composites so will skip over this, but it sounds like you are already aware of some of the answers - you are more into him than he is into you, and that has played a role in your feelings of disillusionment over time. At the same time it's helpful to remember that this is a description of this particular relationship and not your general worthiness when it comes to other potential relationships.
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Unread 01-15-2015, 05:01 AM
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helgaleena helgaleena is offline
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Re: Synastry, composite, etc. - is it worth trying again?

My impression is that you have a 'karmic' relationship with this person. There are many good synastry features most notably the blue rectangle. You will likely meet again in next life too.

But at the same time it is not a very romantic type of relation. He's not meant to be your partner, there is not much equality between you.

His path forward (north node) is vastly different from yours. You yourself felt the urge to 'heal' him and his NN is conjunct his Chiron. But your NN is in the 5th house of Aquarius. Though tending to his own healing is his path, it's not your job to do it this time around. Instead you must learn the fifth house lessons of romance and play and creativity. You two are already growing away from one another and it's time to accept that. He already has, as he continues to seek out many other relations.

Cherish one another and realize that you are meant to be part of a cosmic family through many lives but you can't claim each other exclusively this time.
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Unread 01-20-2015, 05:14 PM
hebke2011 hebke2011 is offline
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Re: Synastry, composite, etc. - is it worth trying again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by thelivingsky View Post
Hello Hebke,

It seems to me if you just read your own post the answer will be obvious. You state that you are reconsidering because you are afraid to be alone -not a very good reason to choose a life partner. Being alone is always better than a very unfulfilling relationship. Clearly this man has not made you feel that you are desired enough to meet you half way. He has several things that point to passivity or inability to take the lead (Pisces Asc, Sun, Merc, Venus in Cancer, Moon in Taurus, )- do you want this for the rest of your life? Is he somewhat unfocused in his professional life too? Or just with you? If it's just who he is and if you are a very masculine type , one who likes to direct the energy of another and lead in the relationship, then perhaps you would be happy with this relationship.

There really are some nice synastry things and no really bad ones. But the composite is not compelling. The Moon in 12th is not a good position, and it has difficult aspects and the Nodes do not fall where they would indicate a long lasting bond. The Sun, Merc, Chiron has difficult opposition to Mars. I have been doing composites for 30 years and carefully watching which couples last. I have done hundreds of charts of couples , and I almost always see 4 things that indicate a long lasting bond. This composite only shows one. The really good relationships always have more positive aspects than the hard ones. You can read a couple articles about composite chart analysis at my blog at www.thelivingsky.wordpress.com

I think you owe it to yourself to find someone who really desires you and shows it.Doubt almost always means "no."
B

Yes, he's like that in his professional life as well, even though he's not stupid or anything like that. He goes with the flow, but I admire that he did not stopped working, and that he overcome teenage alcohol addiction. And for the time being I thought I am a sort of a masculine type, I liked ruling and controlling everything, but I know that's not really LOVE...

You write about moon in 12th house, but in fact in our composite the moon is in the 1st house (in the progressed composite it is indeed in 12th house - that's the last picture, the second picture is our composite). Does it change anything in your view on our charts???

Thank you for your answers, I really appreciate them.

Right now after I re-considered a few things I feel like I'm the bad guy here, not him. I was manipulating him so many times so he would show the affection I need, instead of talking openly about my needs, because I was afraid of rejection, and instead wanted to be the one in control. Control freak. Is it even possible to love someone truly with such a third house as I do have (pluto, lilith, juno, Part of fortune being there, all in scorpio)??? I mean, I felt I truly love him, I did all I could to make him happy, but right now I see I only manipulated his emotions all the way through, so he would become sort of dependent from me...

And I liked our relationship and the ways he changed for me, all that we did together, etc., but it changed when I met new, more "exciting" people. My feelings disappeared sort of. I feel like I'm the worst person in the world, because my feelings for him left me just like that, I stopped idealizing our relationship because I saw other people also could be into me. I don't know why it's always so black and white for me.

I have no idea how to live on my own, and not living someone else's life (in this case - his life). I want him to be happy, to find the woman who will love him for what he is, and not for what he could be..........

Last edited by hebke2011; 01-20-2015 at 05:20 PM.
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Unread 01-27-2015, 11:15 PM
hebke2011 hebke2011 is offline
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Re: Synastry, composite, etc. - is it worth trying again?

We broke up a week ago, but we still talk with each other about everything via Internet, like we did before a break up. And he says he's still open and will wait for me, but I'm not sure he really means it. And I feel when he decides that he doesn't want to talk anymore with me I will break down entirely. I already feel I have no one else on this planet, and I know that this is entirely my own fault.

I feel like it was all just an illusion from the very beginning. That I didn't really loved him, but just wanted to be loved. It's hard for me to judge and see the truth, I analyze, and analyze, and analyze the past and cannot find an objective conclusion. He did so many good things for me, but I don't know if it was love, or just the fact that he got used to me being good for him, and felt he had to be good in return. He hadn't had to do anything to have me, I served myself on a silver plate for him from the very beginning. And I know he would get mad for me saying to anyone that he didn't loved me, because I felt he did (another illusion?), but he never ever spoken this phrase to me (altough I do know that actions are more important than words).

I feel so bad and disrespectful that I talk about our relationship publicly. I feel I should deal with this on my own, but it's hard for me to be objective about anything.

I feel I will never again find such a good-natured, calm and handsome person with which I will share so many common interests, similar sense of humour, and a person with which I will feel at peace, and LIKE A NORMAL, NORMALLY FUNCTIONING HUMAN BEING, and which will not run away after seeing my true emotions and what is worst in me. But on the other hand, I felt really bad during the relationship when we were unable to connect on a some kind of a deeper level, when he didn't wanted to show affection, like he was ashamed of admitting he has feelings for me, and when I've seen he's not that into me that I was into him. Even now when I write this I'm not sure, whether this was my illusion, or was it the truth, probably the first option.

There were moments I felt really depressed, knowing that I will never ever marry him (he doesn't want to get married, or to have kids [I don't want them too, I think], etc.), or even receive any romantic gift (not that I care about gifts, but I mean the gesture itself), or that he never ever even took me on a date, and that he will never will (but we did go on many trips, where he was very good to me, etc., I don't know I probably idealise a relationship too much and demand too much without giving the same). And the fact he just needed a company of one person (me), and I feel like I need to meet other people too to prevent totally losing touch with reality. He doesn't see a problem here, he says I can meet whomever I want, but the problem is, I wish that he would be there with me, that we would be like a team opposing the rest, and meeting the rest.

Oh, and the bursts of jealousy and my own problems with opening emotionally. I wish I could be more special to him. Maybe I just project my own issues on him. Or maybe it's just my imagination and idealization that such things like deep emotional connections happen, and maybe it did happened, but I overlooked it. But he hates to talk about emotions, he gets irritated when I ask him what he feels at any moment. He's still a mystery man to me, I don't really know what to think about this. Probably I made the biggest mistake in my life, letting him go. But maybe it will allow him to find his true happiness in the longer run. Maybe we both need more airy or fire types of people in our lives to open ourselves more? I don't know, when I write this I already see that all of the problems were rather my own issues, rather than his fault.


And yesterday I visited a friend I met on a therapy (she has many similar aspects in her chart as I do, venus [in scorpio] semisquare sun, mars in pisces, moon in cancer, but sun and mercury in saggitarius, etc.). I thought I finally met a new person who truly understands me, we were sitting in her room for a few hours listening to piscean music, but I guess I talked a little too much about myself and my problems, even though her are bigger than mine. I had no idea how to comfort her, it feels so weird comforting somebody. I feel like I'm such a zero, that whatever I would say it wouldn't make any positive impact anyway (comfort zone much). My words never helped anybody.
Afterwards I sent her a message that I hope I haven't spoiled her bad mood even more, because I feel like all I did was TALKING ABOUT MYSELF AND RANTING AND RANTING ALL THE WAY. And I sent her a message thanking for the meeting, and offering contact wherever she would feel she wants to talk about something stating that I'm probably not the best person to hang out in her situation etc., but she haven't even opened the message yet. I hope it's not because she despises any contact with me (I wouldn't like to have a friend like myself, this is what I know for sure). I know she has her problems, and I have not given enough empathy or sympathy for what she was saying to me (I even analyzed two things she said too harshly, I regret that very much). I analyze the whole situation since I wake up. This sounds so pathetic, I know. But maybe I should apologise her?

Meeting new people for me is a horror, I always assume the worst, and I always try to "lick one's boots" to deserve someone's interest. But I am unable to act differently especially in the beginning, I don't want to be rejected, and it's like I don't really know my true self to act on it, so I just try to be what I assume a given person would want me to be.

How stop being like that and how to feel at ease being alone (without feeling better or worse than others at the same time)? Is this what my NN and SN are pointing to?

This is a chart of my current transits:


Could the Juno conjunct my South Node right now be connected to the whole situation of mine at the moment? And Pluto conjunct Neptune?
How to distance myself from my raging emotions? Is it a good idea to seek a job right now? I miss my boyfriend very much, everything reminds me of him, but I don't want to go back just to leave him again. I would love to have him back, but I feel I cannot as I said all those bad things about him, and thought about a different man for a second. It would just be morally wrong. Guilt would destroy me, and I don't want to cry all the time from regret when I'm with him (he thinks that when I cry its because of him, and something he did wrong), instead of doing something normal, something pleasant. And it would be so much easier if he wasn't 500km away, but somewhere nearer. I don't want to ride so many hours just to meet him, and feel like a pathetic begger. And I don't want him to come here, and spend so many hours in a train, etc. etc. and make him spend money etc., after all the ugly things I said here etc. and thought in my head about him. And he doesn't really want to come here, he hates travelling long distances by train, and it makes me feel even more pathetic, that I had no problem with such long travels for those 2 years, I was just happy he wanted me.

I know it's another too long post and I haven't made many specific questions in my post, but I would be grateful for any insight you may have regarding my chart, etc. But I have to admit writing it all down, made me calmer. Maybe I should start writing a journal or something like that to collect my thoughts. I once did, about 10 years ago, but when problems in my family started to happen at that time I got mad at myself that I only write ugly and sad things, and that I feel nothing and am empty inside, and I hidden the journal and never got back to writing it. I once read that those with pluto in 3rd should write journals, with detailed data etc. and then burn them, to never dwell back on the matters which were written down there at one point.

How I wish I was someone else!

Last edited by hebke2011; 01-28-2015 at 12:17 AM.
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Unread 01-28-2015, 12:07 AM
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jkxx74 jkxx74 is offline
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Re: Synastry, composite, etc. - is it worth trying again?

Hi hebke,

Quote:
Meeting new people for me is a horror, I always assume the worst, and I always try to "lick one's boots" to deserve someone's interest.
I am this way so I thought I'd take a look at your chart. All I can say is, I know this can be pretty difficult to deal with and at times it can feel like your world is disappearing from under your feet (when a loved one goes away). There is no easy answer either, so try to take it one day at a time until you feel more grounded and feel you know where you want to be headed.

As far as your chart, I created one of my multi-combined charts that includes transits and progressions for you -




and you have plenty going on with the progressed planets (in green in the chart). Several planets are in aspect to the nodal axis (NN to your natal moon, jupiter to the natal and progressed NN, and progressed NN to your progressed Mercury - while I can't interpret these very well, this could create a sense of fate somehow driving events in your life.

You also have a major aspect between transit Saturn and your progressed Sun (an opposition) that is exact right now - this can create depressing feelings and a sense that you have been cut off from what you need to feel secure; you have progressed Chiron opposite transit Pluto which is likely to try and reform any areas of your life where you have been hurt in the past, and probably in a rather extreme manner - this aspect will help you once it's over but it probably does not feel good at all right now.

Finally there is a square between p Chiron and Uranus which is similar to the previous aspect but can cause sudden and upsetting events in your daily life. Curiously transit Chiron is also trining your natal Pluto, so the theme here is definitely going to be healing and reforming things, and this aspect actually works in a positive way for you.

Overall, expect to see some relief soon (within a month or so) as the aspects to transit Saturn and Uranus dissipate, at least temporarily. I realize this doesn't answer your original question, but there is plenty going on which will steer you toward dwelling on the areas you mentioned.

**Progressed Mars is also exactly conjunct your natal Venus, so affection in relationships is likely to feel like top priority for you right now. This is likely to work to your benefit due to the sextiles to Saturn in your chart.
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Unread 01-28-2015, 04:41 PM
hebke2011 hebke2011 is offline
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Re: Synastry, composite, etc. - is it worth trying again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jkxx74 View Post
Hi hebke,

I am this way so I thought I'd take a look at your chart. All I can say is, I know this can be pretty difficult to deal with and at times it can feel like your world is disappearing from under your feet (when a loved one goes away). There is no easy answer either, so try to take it one day at a time until you feel more grounded and feel you know where you want to be headed.

As far as your chart, I created one of my multi-combined charts that includes transits and progressions for you -




and you have plenty going on with the progressed planets (in green in the chart). Several planets are in aspect to the nodal axis (NN to your natal moon, jupiter to the natal and progressed NN, and progressed NN to your progressed Mercury - while I can't interpret these very well, this could create a sense of fate somehow driving events in your life.

You also have a major aspect between transit Saturn and your progressed Sun (an opposition) that is exact right now - this can create depressing feelings and a sense that you have been cut off from what you need to feel secure; you have progressed Chiron opposite transit Pluto which is likely to try and reform any areas of your life where you have been hurt in the past, and probably in a rather extreme manner - this aspect will help you once it's over but it probably does not feel good at all right now.

Finally there is a square between p Chiron and Uranus which is similar to the previous aspect but can cause sudden and upsetting events in your daily life. Curiously transit Chiron is also trining your natal Pluto, so the theme here is definitely going to be healing and reforming things, and this aspect actually works in a positive way for you.

Overall, expect to see some relief soon (within a month or so) as the aspects to transit Saturn and Uranus dissipate, at least temporarily. I realize this doesn't answer your original question, but there is plenty going on which will steer you toward dwelling on the areas you mentioned.

**Progressed Mars is also exactly conjunct your natal Venus, so affection in relationships is likely to feel like top priority for you right now. This is likely to work to your benefit due to the sextiles to Saturn in your chart.
Thank you kindly for your reply and the time you have taken to look into my chart.

This is exactly the sensation I feel right now, like the world is disappearing from under my feet. I don't really know who I really am anymore, I have no drive to do things. I feel like there is no real ME, but I am only something created by what other people wanted me to do, or what I thought they wanted me to do. There's no much room for spontaneity, etc. I am only spontaneous when others allow me to be so. I hope that during a psychotherapy I will find at least a little part of my identity if I have any. How stupid it sounds, gosh. But I really hope for the better and look into the future, to survive this massive chironic attack, hehhh.

It is a bit striking that you mentioned this mars/venus connection in progressions in my chart. During the last year I didn't really cared that I felt "unloved" romantically in my relationship. I was just going with the flow, and felt that's enough that we both get along in my relation. But on the end of the year, it was as if someone turned the switch ON, I saw how much I yearn for this kind of romantic attention, etc. I just hope I will not lose my head completely and will not end up in another relationship too quickly this year just because someone had shown me slightest bit of attention I craved for, or whatever along these lines it may bring.

I see you also have venus and mars both in pisces, but in a different house. How does it affect your life if I may ask? Is this also about the sensation of losing your ground you mentioned? I only know people with Mars in Pisces (we usually get along, really, really well unless their Venus is in Scorpio, I feel I appear too shallow and stiff for scorpionic types), but nobody with their Venus also in the fish sign.

Last edited by hebke2011; 01-28-2015 at 04:50 PM.
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Unread 01-28-2015, 05:12 PM
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acmicasa acmicasa is offline
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Re: Synastry, composite, etc. - is it worth trying again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hebke2011 View Post
I met my boyfriend 2,5 years ago via internet dating site. When I saw his photo I thought something along the lines of 'awww what a poor sad (and handsome) boy'. I need to save him! My cancer moon had gone maaad those days.

Later it turned out he was chatting and flirting virtually with others as well at the same time with me (my idealistic views about him were ruined, hehe). However, when we met, he decided he chooses me. And up to this day I'm not entirely sure if it was because he really liked me when we met irl, or was he just so 'desperate', and the others were not as ready to take him as I was. He explained that he didn't took what I was writing then to him seriously because he thought I was a, you know, crazy, partying student type of a person, and that we won't get along. But my paranoid plutonic mind kept dwelling on the matter.

All in all, it was me who took the initiative, it was me who first wrote to him, it was me who wanted to meet, it was me who was constantly visiting him (he lives 500km away) - but that was not a problem for me, as I wanted to stay away from home for a while. Sometimes I think that maybe I was making all of the decisions to have an excuse in the future - I mean, if I would disappoint him, I could always tell that he did "nothing" in the relationship, that I did all the work. But I really didn't wanted anything he feared the most - I don't want kids, I don't want marriage, I just wanted love, and maybe a group of friends (he doesn't need friends, he's more of a loner).

We had many, many great moments during those 2,5 years, a shared passion and many adventures, but after some time I felt it's more like a friendship than love. And he never told him he loves me, he said he never said this to anyone and he never will say it to anyone in the future. That made me unconsciously distance myself, I was angry even (I didn't express it openly), that I give to him, and give and give and give, and he 'doesn't even care to fulfill my basic emotional needs' (yes, I know, I probably have a very wrong idea of love). He distances himself from his emotions, he says it's safer for him this way. He was able to say (when I pushed on him) that he's glad I found him, and that he wants to live with me till the end. Even despite that, it made me wonder if he feels anything for me at all, or is it just a comfortable situation for him. He was never angry at me, he accepted me as I was, said he feels great when I'm around, but he feels ok when he's alone anyway. I felt accepted, sometimes understood (but he doesn't like talking about feelings), rather than loved and needed. I know that it's me who got problems with myself, not him. He was honest about his affection limitations. And probably even if he would express his emotions openly, I would not 100% believe his words, hehe. What a sucker I am. But until recently it was all more or less OK with me, I accepted the fact that he's not a romantic type, and only was getting mad each time I saw a public displays of affection of others, etc.

I don't know what to do. I tend to idealize people too much and then suffer when they are not what I imagined they will be. And I need to always be the one in control and I'm afraid of criticism. I think I still have many emotions for him (or maybe just need to control? sick), but I don't know how to deal with the situation. I miss doing things with him, but I feel I will never see real passion in his eyes for me. Or maybe it's just me who sees it this way, and the passion on my side disappeared. I feel we're very similar, we have similar tastes, we see things alike, but we are unable to openly talk about it.

Right now I'm in my hometown, we haven't seen each other since 1,5 month and I am entirely sure that if I won't take the initiative, he will not visit me. It's me who will have to book a hotel, or its me who will have to visit him, or insist on a visit in my hometown. And I feel like this actual situation fits him - we still chat via internet with each other as we did before, we just only don't see each other irl.

I'm afraid of being alone again. I'm afraid of my mind and emotions when I'm alone. I have problems relating with other people, I tend to be pretty paranoid.
I'm afraid he will feel betrayed, and alone, and won't pursue goals I was cheering him to achieve (he already slowed down his actions, when I'm not doing all the paper work etc. for him). I'm afraid he will feel very, very alone. Or that I'll lose my mind when he will find another woman, and will love her more


And I feel that if I even would find another person who would like to be with me, it will end the same way.

Is this even worth repairing? Is it possible to get over our saturnian vibes? Are there any ways of possible improvements you see in our charts? I noticed we have double whammy Vertex conj. ASC, I read it might mean it was a fated relationship and we will stay friends forever?

As usual, sorry for the long post, I really tried to compress it as much as possible
hebke2011 I am not a chart reader but when I read your story here is what I have to say... there is this thing that I see... you wrote such a biggy paragraph to express your emotions... this explains that you have such a great capability to love someone... flip side... you are expressing this to all of us (strangers)... meaning the person you love is not responding the way you want to feel... question that you will ask is whether you are demanding or he is careless... answer that you probably won't understand right now is this... If there had been love you probably have been wasting time with your love there but the fact is you are here with us... trying to get that sense of security for your own feelings and no matter how much you express and we will respond back you will do what you have to do... thats what true love does... makes you mad... my advice try to love yourself rather than getting dependent on someone... once you will realize love for yourslef.... then probably things will become clear to you and haze will fade out... and then you can evaluate everything properly... First get out of this state of being too dependent... (1) see yourself... (2) love yourself....(3) then find answer ... (4) then follow heart

Last edited by acmicasa; 01-28-2015 at 05:16 PM.
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helgaleena helgaleena is offline
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Re: Synastry, composite, etc. - is it worth trying again?

this man will always be a friend. It is you who wanted more than a friend. You must first show love for yourself. Somehow you got this idea that you will only be loved if you give presents and services. Actually the things you do will be gifts that won't come back in the same shape as how you give, or even from the same direction. Just love each moment in your life and make friends with yourself, then be glad for what your friend has for you. It may be unrealistic to get that from this person, but somewhere once you are feeling full of your own love, it will come from someplace entirely new.
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