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  #1  
Unread 09-09-2018, 11:37 PM
Diepl Diepl is offline
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Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

I had very difficult childhood and was never loved by my parents. Same in my adult life. I have very strong power of imagination and can protect myself from reality by drifting away in my dream world without using any substances.

How can I break free from this bad karma and will it ever get better? Please help
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  #2  
Unread 09-10-2018, 05:47 AM
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

I'm sorry you've gone through so much emotional pain. You don't have to answer this, but do you think your escapism is related to PTSD? You also don't have to say whether you've been in therapy or not, but normally that would be the standard suggestion for someone describing him/herself as you just did.

The short answer is that you can use your chart to work on areas of life where you'd like to see improvement, but it does take commitment and self-discipline.

With Venus trine Neptune, I can well believe that you have a vivid imagination. Are you able to convert it into some form of artistic expression?
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  #3  
Unread 09-10-2018, 06:15 AM
ashriia ashriia is offline
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Originally Posted by Diepl View Post
I had very difficult childhood and was never loved by my parents. Same in my adult life. I have very strong power of imagination and can protect myself from reality by drifting away in my dream world without using any substances.

How can I break free from this bad karma and will it ever get better? Please help
I think you should use your powerful imagination in some creative way. Working in or around water would bring more joy to your life also. The mars square neptune is strong in you. And since aries rules your mc and neptune is in your 6th. Fulfillment will come with working with this aspect. Stay away from drugs and avoid getting involved with drug users is a good life motto for you.

No doubt you can be happy. Capricorn moons often fall into depressive feelings. But just try to think positively. Whatever you want to improve in your life, tell yourself you can change it and work toward it. Its never to late to improve your future.
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  #4  
Unread 09-10-2018, 08:00 AM
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

I havenít been to therapy because its hard for me to open to someone. I donít know if my escapism is related to PTSD but it certainly helps me moving on with my life.

I realized what due to Mars and Pluto in my 4th house my childhood had to be how it was. I donít think I will ever be able to find happiness in matters related to 4th house . But what should I do with my North Node in 4th conjuct Mars? Also when it comes to marriage : i was married to abusive drug user. Aquarius at the crusp of 7th house, with uranius having squere with mars?

In which areas of my life could I actually find fulfillment? I am ready to work hard and break the patterns. But I need help . Thank you
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Unread 09-10-2018, 10:45 PM
ashriia ashriia is offline
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

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In which areas of my life could I actually find fulfillment? I am ready to work hard and break the patterns.

I think a question you should ask yourself, is what areas of life do you want to find fulfillment. Maybe make a list of what would make you feel fulfilled, and work towards those things.



As an aside, do you work from home? or are you part of a family business?
Just wondering how the ruler of your MC works in the 4th house with the node.
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  #6  
Unread 09-10-2018, 11:28 PM
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

Hi,

Let me begin my responding to your question: "how can I break free from bad karma...?" The answer is quite simple, by doing plenty of good karma, which in itself will give you a lot of fulfilment. Venus-Neptune shows you have a generous and soft side to yourself. The Leo energy supports this. Venus-Nep also means you may be good at photography, music or the arts in general, so you could harness the energy for that, too.

Folks that have Saturn - Sun often have a sense of unfulfilment and also somehow the habit of blaming this on others. Students that may not do well may blame it on their teachers, children on parents or siblings, employees on their bosses, etc. So, try to check this habit if you find yourself also doing that. No use.

You are still quite your with your Uranus in Cap. Given the Sun (ruler of your Asc.) is in opp. to Saturn, you would feel more comfortable with this aspect only after crossing 38 yrs. of age. You may also find your self trusting older men more than younger ones. Trouble with authority is common with this aspect, too.

Trouble at home, besides due to the aforementioned aspect, also has to do with the fact that your Venus (ruler of your 4th house) is fallen in Virgo, so weak. It is further weakened by being opposed by Saturn and also the fact that a debilitated Mars is in the fourth house. Was there violence or rebellion against authoritarianism at home? However, your chart overall is like anyone else's chart - nothing extraordinary
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  #7  
Unread 09-11-2018, 12:28 AM
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

Mars, among other things rules athletes and your sense of courage. Your NN shows where your personal growth lies. So if you're not engaged in some kind of athletic activity now that challenges you beyond your comfort zone, even if just a little, this is a good place to start.

I've recently come across articles about how vigorous outdoor exercise has a lot of therapeutic value. You might start out even just by walking vigorously for a couple of miles per day, or going to a local gym (indoors, but maybe it would suit you better.) Don't pay too much attention if it puts you beyond your current comfort zone. With the NN, that's exactly the point. After a few months, you should notice more self-confidence.
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  #8  
Unread 09-11-2018, 08:26 AM
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

Hi Aquarius7000,

thank you for responding. I am wondering about Sun - Saturn aspect you described. On Astro.com I cannot see my sun in any aspect to Saturn . Maybe they made a mistake? There wasnít some rebellion against authority. But it could be that some of my ancients were soldiers.

Ashriia, thank you also for responding. No I am not in touch with my family and when I was 18 I moved far away.

Waybread ,thank you .
I am studying at the University and I have a job where I have to be on my feet a whole day. A lots of walking included and long working hours. Before getting this job I used to do spots, but was never extraordinary good at it. Since the job leaves me psychically exhausted, I havenít been doing sports since then. But maybe I should start again

At the time I have Neptune opposition Venus, Neptune opposition sun , uranius trine Moon and Saturn conjunction moon transits. Maybe this transits leave me with not such a positive thinking
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  #9  
Unread 09-12-2018, 04:01 AM
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diepl View Post
Hi Aquarius7000,
thank you for responding. I am wondering about Sun - Saturn aspect you described. On Astro.com I cannot see my sun in any aspect to Saturn . Maybe they made a mistake? There wasn’t some rebellion against authority. But it could be that some of my ancients were soldiers.
If you will notice, your Sun is in Virgo and Saturn is in Pisces. Both the signs lie exactly opposite to each other, firstly. Secondly, your Sun is at 11* and your Saturn at 22, which makes them 11* in opposition to each other, and with luminaries (Sun & Moon), wide orbs work.

Now you said you are not in touch with your family. Your family house is the 4th house in the chart, which is in Libra, whose ruler is Venus. As said in my previous post also, your Venus is quite weak in Virgo (fall) and also in opposition to Saturn in Pisces. This time it is a 7* orb. Saturn is also known to cause estrangement or a cold wall/ distance. In regards to your family issues, if I look further, I see that your Sun, as discussed, is weakened by Saturn anyway, but your Moon too is in its detriment in Capricorn. The Sun and the Moon both denote the father and the mother, respectively.

Btw, end of 2018, your Jupiter return starts, which means that Jupiter transiting the skies currently will come to meet your natal Jupiter in Sag. This will happen in your 5th house of romance and flirts, hobbies and pleasures, making new friends and also having children
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  #10  
Unread 09-12-2018, 05:22 AM
kshantaram kshantaram is offline
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

in case could relate to these planetary outcomes, share salient pointwise feedbacks,
how true-insightful-helpful-prospective, traits-talents-health etc etc :


sun-venus virgo 2nd, love of beauty, self-centred, artistic aptitudes,
impressive flowery speech, aptitude for pharmacy-medicine,
debilated and combust venus, need zinc supplements for health probably;

wear 0.25 carat diamond over platinum pendant touching heart
to strengthen debilated/weak venus :
venus lord 4/11 for property, income-gains;

moon cap ambitious, hardworking, event management, practical,
elevated aspect cancer 11th supportive of income-gains;

mer 3rd libra, aptitude for writings, communications, diplomacy, singing;

jup own sag 5th, good luck, education, romance, children, advisory-teaching-roles,
philosophical, optimistic, ambitious, sportive, impulsive; aptitudes for law-justice-medicine;
jup trine aries 10th supportive-protective of career;
trine leo asc, protective of overall health and well-being;
wear yellow sapphire over jup finger;
year-end jup moves to own natal jup sag 5th;


sat 9th pisces, spiritual inclinations, tech aptitudes, distant travels, trainer roles; settling at 36+


sun-venus/sat opp, stressed relationships in the family with father, stressed luck-edu-travels;
craving for affection but difficult to manifest,
sat 7th lord opp sun lord first, conflict in marriage:
observe fast sat evenings taking milk-fruits, avoiding evening meal, to appease saturn.


aries-mars 10th inimical for leo asc, stress-delays in career-recognition;


inimical mars-rahu NNode libra 4th, stormy temper when provoked;
stress-delays in domestic comforts-mother-property matters,
toxic heart-lung-kidney issues, tending to foreign lands;

mars-rahu rise-fall in life, pray for ancestors welfare seeking their blessings,
observe fast No-moon evenings taking milk-fruits, avoiding evening meals,
observe death anniversaries in the family religiously;

ketu NNode inimical aries 10th, hyper-impulsive, career-job changes;
pain-injury-surgery knees-head etc; jup trine aspect aries protective;
prayers to Christ, offer red flowers tues mornings at the alter at home;

sat now coming 2yrs transit direct own cap-moon moving towards 6th,
good for employment prospects, but under emotional stress;
elevated aspect libra 4th supportive of domestic comforts-property-mother;


past 3yrs sat transit jup-sag 5th, seeking change, but stuck,
negating employment prospects,
luck-edu-romance-children-position under stress;
prone to heart-stomach-liver-thigh issues;
sat sag aspect own acq 4th good for vocation-business,
but not good for health of spouse;



do promptly ack, and share salient pointwise feedbacks,
hope find the inputs insightful and helpful enough, and remedies,


wishing well, kshantaram
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Last edited by kshantaram; 09-13-2018 at 10:59 AM.
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  #11  
Unread 09-12-2018, 07:27 AM
Amit89 Amit89 is offline
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

I'm sorry for what you've been through.

You could try counselling to heal your part wounds?

As for karma, don't waste time, treat people with respect, be kind, do good things, have good character, work hard.

You'll reap the results.
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  #12  
Unread 09-12-2018, 12:51 PM
Diepl Diepl is offline
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

Thank you Aquarius7000. I must admit that before I used to blame my parents and was very mad at them for not giving me emotional support or love that every person needs and also for not giving me any financial support to make it easier for me to make my Dream of studying medicine come true.

The lack of support made it really hard for me, but I am proud to say that I was able to forgive and I just realized they were doing the best they knew. I went a long road of being mad, disappointed, desperate and self hate to realize I need to leave it all behind me and move on. Thatís left itís just sadness. But at the same time because of everything I went though I became very strong and my own best friend.

Nice to hear of my Jupiter transit, but at 23 I donít want children so I will take extra care.

Thank you so much.
I would be interested if you have to tell me anything else about my aspects. Maybe about some positive ones?
Best Regards
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  #13  
Unread 09-12-2018, 01:09 PM
Diepl Diepl is offline
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

Thank you so much kshantaram!

Should I also post my Vedic chart or is the position of planets the same?

Amit89, thank you for your respond.
I gave my best to heal as much as possible, but I quess I will just have to live with a certain sadness when it comes to memories and try to make the best out of the future.

I definitely would say I am extraordinary loyal and fair person. That certainly brought me strikes of luck in moments Iíve felt there is no way out. But I am still young and Ali really want to work hard to provide myself a life I truly believe I deserve.
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Unread 09-12-2018, 08:58 PM
kshantaram kshantaram is offline
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diepl View Post

Thank you so much kshantaram!

Should I also post my Vedic chart or is the position of planets the same?

Appreciate the prompt ack,

how about caring to share salient feedbacks on the reading offered,
how true-false-helpful etc etc, traits-talents-health etc etc.

wishing you well.
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Unread 09-13-2018, 12:10 AM
Diepl Diepl is offline
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

Sorry I was busy today and didnít have so much time to answer properly. Thank you for responding me.

sun-venus virgo 2nd, love of beauty, self-centred, artistic aptitudes,
impressive flowery speech, aptitude for pharmacy-medicine,
debilated and combust venus, need zinc supplements for health probably;
0.25 carat diamond over platinum pendant touching heart for weak venus :
venus lord 4/11 for property, income-gains;

Yes i wanted to study medicine.
I am more of a listener and used to have problems when it comes to expressing myself - maybe due to Chiron 29 degrees in Virgo. I am more practical than interested in beautiful things. Self centred no- people used to take advantage of it that I was always there for them and helping them. Servant nature of Virgo that shows love by doing so many small things and not pointing it out?
When it comes to health only problem I have is eating meat and body temperature
I am not sure what do you mean by ď0.25 carat diamond over platinum pendant touching heart for weak venus ?Ē


moon cap ambitious, hardworking, event management, practical,
elevated aspect cancer 11th supportive of income-gains;

True

mer 3rd libra, aptitude for writings, communications, diplomacy, singing;
not until now , but maybe in the future?

jup own sag 5th, good luck, education, romance, children, advisory-teaching-roles,
philosophical, optimistic, ambitious, sportive, impulsive; aptitudes for law-justice-medicine;
my Jupiter form square to sun and Venus which maybe made it weaker?

jup trine aries 10th supportive-protective of career;
trine leo asc, protective of overall health and well-being;
wear yellow sapphire over jup finger;
year-end jup moves to own natal jup sag 5th;
okay, yet to be experienced looking forward ďjup fingerĒ?


sat 9th pisces, spiritual inclinations, tech aptitudes, distant travels, trainer roles; settling at 36+
yes I am very spiritual. Rest yet to be experienced

sun-venus/sat opp, stressed relationships in the family with father, stressed luck-edu-travels;
craving for affection but difficult to manifest,
sat 7th lord opp sun lord first, conflict in marriage:
observe fast sat evenings taking milk-fruits;
not sure what do you mean by ďstressed luck-edu-travelsĒ And ďobserve fast sat evenings taking milk-fruitsĒ? ;

pray for ancestors, observe fast No-moon evenings taking milk-fruits;
observe death anniversaries religiously, offer red flowers tues mornings at the alter at home;
I am sorry I havenít understood. Can you explain it more precisely?

past 3yrs sat transit jup-sag 5th, seeking change, but stuck,
negating employment prospects,
luck-edu-romance-children-position under stress;
prone to heart-stomach-liver-thigh issues;
sat sag aspect own acq 4th good for vocation-business,
but not good for health of spouse;
Mostly true, but to be honest whole my life was about struggling. I cannot remember ever having peaceful time where everything was going smoothly. Itís just stress and more stress and more struggles. Although I grave harmony so much - mars in libra . So I think my transits for last 23 years werenít so great
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  #16  
Unread 09-13-2018, 12:54 AM
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

kshantaram, I think you are talented and thank you for investing your time.
I think your interpretation is very suitable for Vedic charts.

I will post my Vedic chart too and would be happy to hear from you what do you think about it.

If I donít hear from you, still thank you. Youíre great
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Unread 09-13-2018, 12:57 AM
Diepl Diepl is offline
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

Edit my previous post, because I forgot to upload a picture
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Unread 09-13-2018, 05:43 AM
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diepl View Post
Hi Aquarius7000,

thank you for responding. I am wondering about Sun - Saturn aspect you described. On Astro.com I cannot see my sun in any aspect to Saturn . Maybe they made a mistake? There wasnít some rebellion against authority. But it could be that some of my ancients were soldiers.

Ashriia, thank you also for responding. No I am not in touch with my family and when I was 18 I moved far away.

Waybread ,thank you .
I am studying at the University and I have a job where I have to be on my feet a whole day. A lots of walking included and long working hours. Before getting this job I used to do spots, but was never extraordinary good at it. Since the job leaves me psychically exhausted, I havenít been doing sports since then. But maybe I should start again

At the time I have Neptune opposition Venus, Neptune opposition sun , uranius trine Moon and Saturn conjunction moon transits. Maybe this transits leave me with not such a positive thinking
How do you feel about swimming? (Very Neptunian and lunar.) Even if you're a non-swimmer, you may be able to find an aquatic exercise class near you.
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My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And weíll change the world. Jack Layton, "Letter to Canadians"

I thought we went along paths--but it seems there are no paths. The going itself is the path.
C.S. Lewis, Perelandra.

Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. Message on a refrigerator magnet.
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Unread 09-14-2018, 02:04 AM
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

What else can I tell you?!

Money will come through hard work by native because Saturn is in the mix, and this also shows some karma from a previous life attached to money. Money is some way will also always remain your focus. There may also be this feeling of not having enough (Saturn opposes the planets in the 2nd house, esp. Venus). Venus is the natural astrological ruler of finances.

Now you see you said that you blamed your family/parents for not supporting you with higher studies. Venus also rules your fourth house (family) and sits in your 2nd house of self worth and money and Saturn from your 9th house (higher education) is in opposition to Venus (money and family). So money (Ven and 2nd house) was the cause of disagreement and bitterness (Saturn) with family (4th house ruled by Ven) in regards to higher education (Saturn in 9th house). See how exactly it played out.

Your Jupiter is strong and rules your 9th house of higher education and travel. So higher education is what you seek and will make it somehow (the Leo Asc. will power). Nep also influences Sun and Venus, so it could be that you may somehow engage in something like providing free medical service to the needy - like doing some social service via using your skills.

You could meet the future partner, Saturn (via Aquarius) via gaining higher education, or she could be highly qualified. There is also a chance that you may go to a different country.
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Unread 09-15-2018, 11:34 AM
Diepl Diepl is offline
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

Waybread, I like swimming, but I have a problem with using public swimming pools because of hygienic reasons. Sport classes are just fine. At the sport centre I used to visit there are a lot of classes I can take. Thank you for your advice looking forward to hear from you if you have some more advices or interpretations

Aquarius7000,
thank you so much.
Money is definitely my focus, but oddly it doesnít mean anything to me nor it makes me happy since I not into buying things nor I care about trends.
I would like to have money just to have it as for me itís a confirmation of doing my job good and gives me feeling of safety (Sun in 2nd trine my Moon in Capricorn in 6th / Sun ruler of my 1th house in 2nd house)

I am so curious what kind of connection I have with money from my past lifes?

I believe that Saturn in Pieces in 9th house stops me from having fun and definitely stops me from finding meaning or pleasure in ordinary things. Thats guite difficult on the one side, because very often nothing means anything to me and I have to struggle to find something worth living for.

Also my moon in Capricorn and my sun Virgo are quite non emotional and practical. So my emotions thowards anything are quite reduced and with moon having bad aspect to Mercury, emotions are definitely not something that leads me thought the life.

I used to be frustrated about having very little amount of feelings but I realized that can be very positive because people ruin their lives very often because of emotions.
Do you think there are some aspects in my chart that show mental illness? I realize that Jupiter square Sun, weak and bad aspected Venus, moon in Capricorn and Saturn in pieces leave a feeling of depression , but I feel it more like that feeling is here to stay so for me itís more like melancholy. That can be positive if I decide to pursue career in art, I believe?

But I have one silly habit of playing lottery from time to time, because my Jupiter in 5th conjuct Pluto. I stay away from gambling.
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Unread 09-16-2018, 03:10 AM
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Re: Difficult childhood and hard life. Please help me

There is nothing in your chart that shows mental illness. On the contrary, I think you are quite a balanced and pragmatic person. And, yes, given Jup in the 5th, be careful of overdoing it with the lotto. Your chart is like any other chart. Nothing wrong with it at all.
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