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  #1  
Unread 06-15-2019, 06:40 PM
MajorTom MajorTom is offline
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What makes me feel so contradictory?

Hello everyone; I would be very grateful if someone could provide some insights on the issue which I'll describe below:

Sometimes I feel or face so many contradictory things/experiences. I can have very intense emotions, but very often have a hardest time expressing them like people usually do (just simply saying it for instance). Or I genuinely love having like-minded people in my life, but throughout life have grew so accustomed to being a peculiar loner, that I can be quite self-sufficient for long periods of time. But that changes when I have something to share (thoughts or art), and others seem genuinely glad that I do that. It's like I have this personal need to create something, then share it, which in turn other people could find valuable, and that makes me even more fulfilled. Maybe it's one of the few ways that I can let my raw feelings out in the world? One of the few ways to connect.

I also tend to be completely unemotional in situations when other people usually are, or vice versa, I can react very strongly to something that usually doesn't stir much emotions among others (for instance I am very responsive to music, and once a good colour combination made me cry. Or I also can't hold back tears when I'm watching something about how in the future people made this planet unsustainable for living; it feels like I'm grieving humanity's potential to actually do better choices for itself. And again I haven't met yet another person who would actually genuinely cry at this concept). And if we're talking about crying, I can stop doing it literally in seconds, like I'm turning off some switch.

So the question is why am I so contradictory? It feels weird even to myself.


Here's my chart:

https://pasteboard.co/IjyHQRH.png

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  #2  
Unread 06-16-2019, 02:44 AM
Cecile Cecile is offline
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Re: What makes me feel so contradictory?

You have a unique combo between fiery Mars and sensitive, artistic, emotional Neptune and between fiery Mars and eccentric Uranus. Your Sun Sign and Final Signature are Aries which intensifies Mars' energy. All but one of your planets are bundled within a little more than a trine. The outcast is Mars shooting stable Virgo energy from your 2nd House into airy Aquarius in your 6th House. The earth nature of the 2nd and 6th houses add stability in an otherwise unstable situation. Your isolation is normal for someone with Gemini on the 11th Cusp. Your alleged friends tend to take advantage of your kindness until you feel victimized and seek privacy. Your disconnect from others is a way of protecting yourself. It's the driving Mars energy that's toying with your Uranus and Neptune to cause you to have extreme emotions. The ability to laugh on cue and cry on cue is an actor's skill which Neptune gives you. It's a gift. The ability to shut down emotions is tied to your Capricorn Moon. More on that later. In an emergency situation you can keep your cool. You'd do well in a medical setting with that ability especially with so much activity in your 6th House which rules health and the health profession. The Uranus-Jupiter conjunction plays tricks on you I'm sure. One moment everything seems peachy, the next everything does a one-80. Neptune's conjunction to those two planets adds confusion to the mix. I can imagine the 3 planets can have you on an emotional roller coaster. I'm a bit rusty, but if your Aries planets were in your 8th house I believe you would be a surgeon, but with them in your 9th house you must be rather scholarly. But I've digressed. Your Moon is in Capricorn which is why you find yourself not just unemotional but unable at times to express your emotions especially since your Moon is in the house of Self Expression. It's like you've got a built in damper on your emotions. You can keep your cool on one hand while the conjunction between Neptune, Jupiter and Uranus can have you in turmoil. Just don't let that inner turmoil eat away at you. The Moon's square with your Sun (self expression) and Venus (art, beauty, romance) challenges your creativity. Moon's square with your Saturn restricts your artistic self expression, not to limit it necessarily but to define it, its character. It brings an element of precision to your creative self expression. Nothing you create would be splashy or gaudy in other words. Writing is probably your best avenue for artistic or creative self expression with the trine between your Moon and Mercury. Again I see the potential for scholarly work with this 9th House placement. I believe in creative writing you will open up the unexplored avenues of your soul to much satisfaction. Your Capricorn Moon in the House of Self Expression rules Cancer which is on your 12th House Cusp which is why your creative or artistic self expression is a solo pursuit. What is begun there pays off in the 2nd house and that's where your Mars is shooting energy into your 6th House planets. It all makes sense. Complex but logical. If you're not working on a manuscript or something you might at least keep a journal.
My 2 cents.
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  #3  
Unread 06-16-2019, 11:00 AM
MajorTom MajorTom is offline
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Re: What makes me feel so contradictory?

Thank you so much for finding time to reply! I'll comment on some of the things you've mentioned:

Quote:
All but one of your planets are bundled within a little more than a trine. The outcast is Mars shooting stable Virgo energy from your 2nd House into airy Aquarius in your 6th House. The earth nature of the 2nd and 6th houses add stability in an otherwise unstable situation. Your isolation is normal for someone with Gemini on the 11th Cusp.
Interesting, I didn't quite see that (I'm relatively new to astrology), I'll read more about those placements

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Your alleged friends tend to take advantage of your kindness until you feel victimized and seek privacy. Your disconnect from others is a way of protecting yourself.
That's quite true to be honest;

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The ability to laugh on cue and cry on cue is an actor's skill which Neptune gives you. It's a gift.
At first I wrote that it's hard for me to do these things genuinely when on cue, but then I gave it another thought and have realised that I actually do this often. It's like for instance I can start laughing when it's relevant in a certain situation, and then it grows on me and I carry on laughing genuinely if I'm in the right mood. I also can fake crying, but without shedding tears (for that, there definitely has to be a reason that would make me want to actually cry; otherwise my eyes just won't water). And I've indeed been told that I can mimic emotions in a way that seem convincing. I also enjoy immensely good acting, of that sort that makes you believe an actor, and make you feel all the emotions that the played character feels (both positive and negative). And I guess it's also worth mentioning that I draw, and love capturing facial expressions of people, or conveying a certain emotion of some character by knowing and understanding how different emotional states manifest themselves through mimics.

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You'd do well in a medical setting with that ability especially with so much activity in your 6th House which rules health and the health profession
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I'm a bit rusty, but if your Aries planets were in your 8th house I believe you would be a surgeon, but with them in your 9th house you must be rather scholarly.
That's interesting that you've mentioned health profession; my grandmother was a doctor, and my dad wanted to become a surgeon (but eventually pursued another education and career). I have an immense respect for people from this field, and would say that I understand and take seriously health matters, but not sure that I could be a doctor myself for my whole life. But I'm indeed very interested in scholar pursuits: I really love learning, including studying theory (for instance when I was studying graphic design, there was a bigger emphasis on practice, and at times I would find myself needing and wanting to delve more into theoretical part). I also write music, and find its theory very interesting, especially tied with understanding of how it's linked to music's ability make one feel a certain way. And as I've already mentioned, I draw, and used to give private lessons to various people for some time, and have found the process of explaining how composition, colours and lighting work in drawing very much fulfilling. Especially when it reinforced some people's belief that they wouldn't be able to draw.

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The Uranus-Jupiter conjunction plays tricks on you I'm sure. One moment everything seems peachy, the next everything does a one-80. Neptune's conjunction to those two planets adds confusion to the mix. I can imagine the 3 planets can have you on an emotional roller coaster.
True, I was thinking the other day why it happens so sometimes that my emotional state just flips for no apparent reason.

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our Moon is in Capricorn which is why you find yourself not just unemotional but unable at times to express your emotions especially since your Moon is in the house of Self Expression. It's like you've got a built in damper on your emotions.
Exactly, it indeed feels like emotions are muffled in some way.

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You can keep your cool on one hand while the conjunction between Neptune, Jupiter and Uranus can have you in turmoil. Just don't let that inner turmoil eat away at you.
That happens too; sometimes the turmoil is quite big indeed. But I try to distract myself from it (doesn't always help though)

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The Moon's square with your Sun (self expression) and Venus (art, beauty, romance) challenges your creativity. Moon's square with your Saturn restricts your artistic self expression, not to limit it necessarily but to define it, its character. It brings an element of precision to your creative self expression. Nothing you create would be splashy or gaudy in other words.
This is very true! Very often I can't do something (especially drawing) without having at least some idea of what it should be. When I was younger, one of my drawing teachers couldn't understand why it was so hard for me to produce a vast amount of drawings in a short time: I was too deliberate in my approach to accomplish that, as though I didn't want to spend much energy on something that I hadn't thought out yet. It's easier to do now of course, and see that this approach is good for loosening myself up; and I've learned to improvise more easily (I actually really love it in music, because I come up with many melodies and riffs in exactly this way, which I guess is more intuitive). But sometimes the feeling of "restricting" myself is indeed there, but I would say that it really more like a filter.

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Writing is probably your best avenue for artistic or creative self expression with the trine between your Moon and Mercury. Again I see the potential for scholarly work with this 9th House placement. I believe in creative writing you will open up the unexplored avenues of your soul to much satisfaction.
This bit is probably one of the most intriguing in the reply of yours, because I really do find writing and way of finding right words so satisfactory! Sometimes metaphors, images, symbols or word combinations pop up in my head randomly, and I jot them down in my notebook, which I always carry around; I do it very quickly because it often feels that they are about to slip away from my consciousness, and I don't want to let them go. Mostly I save them for lyrics that I use in my songs. And at times I come up with words and melody for them simultaneously, and it indeed feels like something that I wouldn't explore about myself in any other way. I'm a big fan of lyrics in general actually, and combination of imagery created by words along with music inspires me immensely. It's also probably worth mentioning that I love languages, and studied 7 of them throughout my life (fluent in 3 of them). That's mostly influenced by my environment and life circumstances I guess (people of the country I live in mostly speak 2 languages here, and my mom is an english teacher and translator).

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Your Capricorn Moon in the House of Self Expression rules Cancer which is on your 12th House Cusp which is why your creative or artistic self expression is a solo pursuit.
Interesting, because I do see myself with a band in a future, but I would definitely much prefer to write most, if not all parts of songs on my own, indeed. Can I ask you how exactly these placements signify solo pursuit? I'm just curious

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What is begun there pays off in the 2nd house and that's where your Mars is shooting energy into your 6th House planets. It all makes sense. Complex but logical.
Do you mean artistic pursuit by "there"?

Quote:
If you're not working on a manuscript or something you might at least keep a journal.
I guess all the lyrics I write can be some sort of manuscript hahah


Thank you a lot again!

Last edited by MajorTom; 06-16-2019 at 11:38 AM.
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  #4  
Unread 06-16-2019, 12:28 PM
MajorTom MajorTom is offline
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Re: What makes me feel so contradictory?

Forgot to mention that I can also "fall in love" with abstract concepts very easily, or even with humanity in general, but at the same time when it comes to certain individuals, it happens once in 283 years. I crave romance, but at the same time don't want it to be superficial, so I've been single for as long as I remember myself (although there have been individuals that confessed their feelings to me, I couldn't reciprocate the latter; instead actually I just felt as bad as them, it seems I'm empathetic in this weird way).
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  #5  
Unread 06-16-2019, 01:44 PM
Cecile Cecile is offline
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Re: What makes me feel so contradictory?

Ground Control to Major Tom.


I'll try to answer your question:
Interesting, because I do see myself with a band in a future, but I would definitely much prefer to write most, if not all parts of songs on my own, indeed. Can I ask you how exactly these placements signify solo pursuit? I'm just curious
Your cool Capricorn Moon in the 5th House of Self Expression rules Cancer. Cancer is on the cusp of your 12th House. Think of these lyrics to understand the 12th House better: "There's a place I can go to tell my secrets to . . . In my room." It's the pursuits you carry out in your 12th House that the Moon brings into your chart through aspects, etc. What is begun in one house pays off 2 houses later. Two houses away from your 12th House is the 2nd House where your energy driven Mars is located. The 2nd House represents your talents from which you derive an income.
Do you mean artistic pursuit by "there"?
Actually anything you begin in the 12th house, not just artistic pursuits, will reap rewards in the 2nd House.
I guess all the lyrics I write can be some sort of manuscript hahah

Yes. But you should keep a journal. Something you write in your journal today could turn into a song or story or inspiration for something else later on. You never know.


A Capricorn Sun makes one mature from birth. Capricorns typically get younger as they age. I guess a Capricorn Moon has a similar expression, as you appear much older than your years. I should have addressed the importance of the cluster of Jupiter, Uranus and Neptune in Aquarius. Aquarius is electric. Electricity travels at the speed of ... extremely fast. Aquarians and people with Aquarius emphasized typically have the genius gene. Aquarius also rules music. Added together your music is not typically acoustical. Aquarius rules a lot more than Music though, like electronics, computers, environmental and humanitarian concerns, etc.



Languages are one expression of 9th House talents so it's no surprise you have a proficiency in languages.



You have no planets in water signs which contributes to your sense of lack of emotions. One compensation is Pluto in the 4th House which is water sign Cancer's domain. Pluto is infusing profound, positive yet subtle energy into your 9th House Sun, Venus and Saturn by trine. You could express concepts of home and country through a creative outlet as those are concerns of the 4th House. Pluto contributes a regenerative quality. The lyrics you write, the music they become, the drawings you do could be inspirational to others and/or regenerate them in some way. With the crazy conjunction in your 6th House chances are whatever you create will have a healing capacity. You can be very logical in your approach to creativity which suggests you could develop someone else's idea. Think of an architect who is creative but has to create something he/she is assigned. There's a certain amount of detachment and logic that goes into their work which ultimately they are inspired to do. I hadn't considered it before, but architecture might suit you quite well; although with so many Fire signs architecture could be too mundane for you. Designing a space ship might be more appropriate - lol. Aries combined with a strong Aquarius suggests a "far out" "leader." Not surprising you chose the moniker "Major Tom." Am I right, or am I right?
Cecile
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  #6  
Unread 06-16-2019, 03:02 PM
MajorTom MajorTom is offline
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Re: What makes me feel so contradictory?

This is Major Tom to Ground Control,

Quote:
Your cool Capricorn Moon in the 5th House of Self Expression rules Cancer. Cancer is on the cusp of your 12th House. Think of these lyrics to understand the 12th House better: "There's a place I can go to tell my secrets to . . . In my room." It's the pursuits you carry out in your 12th House that the Moon brings into your chart through aspects, etc. What is begun in one house pays off 2 houses later. Two houses away from your 12th House is the 2nd House where your energy driven Mars is located. The 2nd House represents your talents from which you derive an income.
Ah I see, thank you for the clarification.

Quote:
Yes. But you should keep a journal. Something you write in your journal today could turn into a song or story or inspiration for something else later on. You never know.
You're totally right; I used to have one, but to be honest used it only when I was feeling extremely down, just for letting heavy feelings out. But I guess using it regularly is indeed a good idea, considering that it could be used for something else later.

Quote:
A Capricorn Sun makes one mature from birth. Capricorns typically get younger as they age. I guess a Capricorn Moon has a similar expression, as you appear much older than your years.
Yes, I usually confuse people in this regard by expressing myself in a way that other could expect from an older person (but I actually look younger than my age). And sometimes internally, it feels like being simultaneously a 80 years old monk and a 4 year old child hahah

Quote:
Added together your music is not typically acoustical. Aquarius rules a lot more than Music though, like electronics, computers, environmental and humanitarian concerns, etc.
This is quite fascinating, considering that although I do play acoustic guitar, that's definitely not my main instrument; almost always there has to be something electric (guitar for example, or synthesizer). And that Aquarius influence also seems to explain my concern for humanitarian and environmental issues I suppose.

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You could express concepts of home and country through a creative outlet as those are concerns of the 4th House.
I am about to start doing one project (a book with own photos of the city and some observations) about my birth town; the concepts you've mentioned are quite intriguing to me, maybe because throughout my life I've been moving around a lot, and don't really have one "home".

Quote:
The lyrics you write, the music they become, the drawings you do could be inspirational to others and/or regenerate them in some way. With the crazy conjunction in your 6th House chances are whatever you create will have a healing capacity.
Interesting, I've noticed this before. Actually, during my school years, I thought of my art as something pretty much useless, because I didn't see how by doing it I can be "useful" and "help" people like, say, doctors, firefighters, layers etc. do; I really wanted to serve humanity in some way, but at the same time knew that I wouldn't be personally fulfilled in a complete way if I did any of the mentioned professions. But quite recently I have realised what you've mentioned here, and it all made a lot of sense.

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You can be very logical in your approach to creativity which suggests you could develop someone else's idea.
You are very right here! For instance, I do enjoy making illustrations to songs, or add some new twist to covers (including translating to another language). I also like to include references to something else (movie for instance, or other songs) in lyrics.

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Think of an architect who is creative but has to create something he/she is assigned. There's a certain amount of detachment and logic that goes into their work which ultimately they are inspired to do. I hadn't considered it before, but architecture might suit you quite well; although with so many Fire signs architecture could be too mundane for you.
Yes, I understand; that really is the way how I usually do things, there has to be at least some logical framework. And I actually adore architecture! More as a spectator though, or taking photos of it for example. But again, in the long run being an architect would indeed be quite mundane for me.

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Designing a space ship might be more appropriate - lol.
I almost did this in one of my concepts for a visual novel hahah; need to continue developing it actually. It's set on another planet, very similar to Earth, but slightly different.

Quote:
Not surprising you chose the moniker "Major Tom." Am I right, or am I right?
Hahah, yes, you definitely are right!
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  #7  
Unread 06-16-2019, 04:21 PM
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Lykanized Lykanized is offline
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Re: What makes me feel so contradictory?

You have your mars, the fiery, raging, action oriented mars in Virgo. That leads to 2 things I notice right away that may lead to some of what you're experiencing
--Virgo is a sign that struggles to surrender, to let itself truly feel the rawness of their inner experience. There's this urging desire to just let go which leads to the 'virgin--whore' complex

This is the best description of Virgo I've ever read. No one else ever seems to grasp that Virgo isn't quite so virginal. It's pulling the individual to release their inner whore. But note that 'virgin' and 'whore' are more symbolic of being the dichotomy between feeling restricted and unable to just let yourself feel, express, and be VS the need to let go. Virgo NEEDS an outlet. Virgo is a very creative sign. Much more so than most people realize. That's why so many renowned writers and artists have prominent Virgo in their charts. Eventually this chaos leads to creation

http://astroarena12.blogspot.com/201...gin-whore.html


--the second thing I noticed is that your Mercury(which of course rules Virgo) squares Uranus and Neptune. I have a lot of Virgo/Gemini in me, a prominent Mercury opposing Uranus and Neptune so I have an understanding of the pain that comes with those hard aspects. So I get this lol

It can lead to one feeling unable to express themselves clearly or in a way others understand as you may make so many intuitive jumps but not know how to make it coherent to others. With those 2 aspects, I'm gonna assume you probably have such an ocean of imagination, so many ideas, so much novelty in what your mind concocts, but these ideas may not be well received by others as there's a bit of a disconnect between how you think and how the world around you thinks. This may result in hesitance to express yourself, a shyness despite the fact you're probably extremely bright and hold immense brilliance in you

It'll be a challenge for you to find that area in which you're able to express how you think. Uranus hard aspecting Mercury can make your mind and actions unpredictable and while often very original and very much yours, just not well received by others. There's a gap that needs to be bridged


Your Mars being retrograde also means that it's more insular, more introverted and self referencial, it operates more internally and it takes times for it to operate externally. But there's greater heat and intensity to it which probably increases the chaos of that Virgo complex
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  #8  
Unread 06-16-2019, 10:17 PM
MajorTom MajorTom is offline
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Re: What makes me feel so contradictory?

Hello!

Quote:
Virgo is a sign that struggles to surrender, to let itself truly feel the rawness of their inner experience. There's this urging desire to just let go which leads to the 'virgin--whore' complex

This is the best description of Virgo I've ever read. No one else ever seems to grasp that Virgo isn't quite so virginal. It's pulling the individual to release their inner whore. But note that 'virgin' and 'whore' are more symbolic of being the dichotomy between feeling restricted and unable to just let yourself feel, express, and be VS the need to let go. Virgo NEEDS an outlet. Virgo is a very creative sign. Much more so than most people realize. That's why so many renowned writers and artists have prominent Virgo in their charts. Eventually this chaos leads to creation
Wow, that's a great read indeed, thank you a lot! That blog is great actually, I've read some posts there on several aspects that I have. The virgin-whore complex is exactly how I could describe many of my issues. That actually reminded me of my tarot birth card, which are The Devil an Lovers; very similar model at work there I think.

Yes, exactly, it's not that I fancy some outlet from time to time; I desperately need it in order not to loose my mind hahaha

Some parts of the post you've shared really resonated with me, especially the bit about being very sensual, enjoying experiencing the world with all the five senses. I also relate to this a lot:

"...This is the Virgo-influenced person who doesn’t care about working out or cleaning up their room on a regular basis. Virgo Sun and Moon tend to be a bit more regimented about these things. But, Virgo Venus and Mars, in particular, can become surprisingly lax and lazy about certain routines."

and especially to this

"Virgo is refined just in its ability to carry on an intelligent conversation and clearly articulate itself. But, paradoxically, this can be an utterly foul-mouthed sign, especially if they’re going on one of their critical rants or are just in a more jocular mood. Venus in Virgo, in particular, is a placement that often displays this dual nature. They can give a well-read criticism on Tolstoy and Jung, then drop one f-bomb after the next and tell some of the most vulgar jokes you’ve ever heard. It can surprise people to hear such talk coming out of the mouth of someone who looks like a refined angel."

I even have one friend who doesn't seem to like my tendency to be foul-mouthed at times, because in the past I used to not swear at all. But at some point it has become just another way of expressing emotion, and it seems that it goes in conflict with how I'm perceived by him. I couldn't care less though.

Quote:
It can lead to one feeling unable to express themselves clearly or in a way others understand as you may make so many intuitive jumps but not know how to make it coherent to others.
It does happen quite often, yes: at times I even automatically explain something in details before someone actually asks any questions to save time.

Quote:
With those 2 aspects, I'm gonna assume you probably have such an ocean of imagination, so many ideas, so much novelty in what your mind concocts, but these ideas may not be well received by others as there's a bit of a disconnect between how you think and how the world around you thinks. This may result in hesitance to express yourself, a shyness despite the fact you're probably extremely bright and hold immense brilliance in you
It does seem that there's a deep disconnect, yes; sometime I still think that those things that I see must be obvious to others too, but very often that's not the case. I actually need to keep track of my ideas, because there are quite a lot of them, up to the point that some can be remained on hold for quite some time. And I'm indeed shy in the regard of sharing them, thinking if it's actually worth putting everything I do out there, and will people actually find it useful in some way?

Quote:
It'll be a challenge for you to find that area in which you're able to express how you think. Uranus hard aspecting Mercury can make your mind and actions unpredictable and while often very original and very much yours, just not well received by others. There's a gap that needs to be bridged
After considering numerous areas and career paths, I'm pretty much sure that pursuing music might suit me best. So far though I'm making money with working in a filed of graphic design, but it's so commercialized, and thus ver energy-draining (to be honest I found my current full-time job just to save up for buying musical gear and moving to another country).

Quote:
Your Mars being retrograde also means that it's more insular, more introverted and self referencial, it operates more internally and it takes times for it to operate externally. But there's greater heat and intensity to it which probably increases the chaos of that Virgo complex
Very true about operating internally and taking some time to manifest externally. And that chaos is a constant inner battle to be honest.


Thank you again for your input!
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  #9  
Unread 07-03-2019, 09:44 PM
MajorTom MajorTom is offline
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Re: What makes me feel so contradictory?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cecile View Post
You have a unique combo between fiery Mars and sensitive, artistic, emotional Neptune and between fiery Mars and eccentric Uranus. Your Sun Sign and Final Signature are Aries which intensifies Mars' energy. All but one of your planets are bundled within a little more than a trine. The outcast is Mars shooting stable Virgo energy from your 2nd House into airy Aquarius in your 6th House. The earth nature of the 2nd and 6th houses add stability in an otherwise unstable situation. Your isolation is normal for someone with Gemini on the 11th Cusp. Your alleged friends tend to take advantage of your kindness until you feel victimized and seek privacy. Your disconnect from others is a way of protecting yourself. It's the driving Mars energy that's toying with your Uranus and Neptune to cause you to have extreme emotions. The ability to laugh on cue and cry on cue is an actor's skill which Neptune gives you. It's a gift. The ability to shut down emotions is tied to your Capricorn Moon. More on that later. In an emergency situation you can keep your cool. You'd do well in a medical setting with that ability especially with so much activity in your 6th House which rules health and the health profession. The Uranus-Jupiter conjunction plays tricks on you I'm sure. One moment everything seems peachy, the next everything does a one-80. Neptune's conjunction to those two planets adds confusion to the mix. I can imagine the 3 planets can have you on an emotional roller coaster. I'm a bit rusty, but if your Aries planets were in your 8th house I believe you would be a surgeon, but with them in your 9th house you must be rather scholarly. But I've digressed. Your Moon is in Capricorn which is why you find yourself not just unemotional but unable at times to express your emotions especially since your Moon is in the house of Self Expression. It's like you've got a built in damper on your emotions. You can keep your cool on one hand while the conjunction between Neptune, Jupiter and Uranus can have you in turmoil. Just don't let that inner turmoil eat away at you. The Moon's square with your Sun (self expression) and Venus (art, beauty, romance) challenges your creativity. Moon's square with your Saturn restricts your artistic self expression, not to limit it necessarily but to define it, its character. It brings an element of precision to your creative self expression. Nothing you create would be splashy or gaudy in other words. Writing is probably your best avenue for artistic or creative self expression with the trine between your Moon and Mercury. Again I see the potential for scholarly work with this 9th House placement. I believe in creative writing you will open up the unexplored avenues of your soul to much satisfaction. Your Capricorn Moon in the House of Self Expression rules Cancer which is on your 12th House Cusp which is why your creative or artistic self expression is a solo pursuit. What is begun there pays off in the 2nd house and that's where your Mars is shooting energy into your 6th House planets. It all makes sense. Complex but logical. If you're not working on a manuscript or something you might at least keep a journal.
My 2 cents.
Major Tom to Ground Control again,

I'm going to revive this thread for a bit because I wanted to share one peculiar thing that has happened to me recently, in relation to something you've mentioned here.

In short - somehow it has become even more clear that I definitely should write more.

Not in short: this week I was introduced to one short tv series by my father. The thing is I've always been amazed by the idea of storytelling (heck, I've studied it through mediums of animation and comics in university, and I've already mentioned my fondness of lyrics in music); for some reason this theme has always been present in my life, but it was sort of in the background, or rather like a constant thread woven through years. But back to the show: I love the concept of it so so much. It's that type of a concept that covers universal truth so beautifully. If I'm being very concise, it's a story about two "enemies" by definition - an angel and a demon, but! The angel is not so saint as you could expect such an entity to be, and the demon (who actually was an angel in the past but had fallen) is not vile at all, as you would expect a demon to be. Another underlying theme is also about humanity as a whole. And it's all told with a dose of humor and irony in such a great way.

(Also, my father actually introduced me to the series by saying that one character there reminded him of me, which turned out to be very true, and made me realize how delightful it is in general to be able to relate to some character).

As it turned out, and what has become known to me later, the story is based on a book, and was written by two writers who worked on it together. One of them, who, unfortunately, has deceased already due to illness, was an author whose works I knew and have enjoyed for quite some time already. The remaining living author, his friend, made a show in the memory of another author.

I could talk more about all of it, but that might turn into something very long.

The reason why I'm telling all of this is to illustrate what exactly has prompted me to be more serious with writing from now on; this all made me realize even more now how enticing the whole act of creating stories and/or conveying concepts is. And how powerful it can be, bringing people together.

I did have several ideas for graphic novels, and had started to develop them at one point, but for some reason has stopped (I've realized that I've just shifted to another outlet for storytelling, which was lyrics. But now that I'm conscious of it, I can do both ha! Or even more).

And couple of days ago I've recalled this thread with your reply about writing, and it all clicked. I guess I'll have to develop a more or less steady habit of writing from now on.

I'm not sure why exactly I'm sharing this, but I find it all quite interesting.
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Unread 07-11-2019, 01:27 PM
Cecile Cecile is offline
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Re: What makes me feel so contradictory?

You should look for a writer's group to join. This will help you stay the course. Look for contests you can enter. This will help you set goals. Find other outlets for your writing and music, set deadlines and goals. New beginnings are easy. Completion is challenging.
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Unread 07-14-2019, 12:33 PM
MajorTom MajorTom is offline
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Originally Posted by Cecile View Post
You should look for a writer's group to join. This will help you stay the course. Look for contests you can enter. This will help you set goals. Find other outlets for your writing and music, set deadlines and goals. New beginnings are easy. Completion is challenging.
Iím in the process of developing some sort of discipline for writing, yes; totally agree on having it easy with beginnings, but being challenged by endings (it has always been like that across with all sorts of things, from starting new sketchbooks and almost never finishing them, to having a hard time wrapping up some project). And finding other outlets is very needed as well, indeed; gotta figure out what exactly
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Unread 07-14-2019, 02:14 PM
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All,

As a reminder please do NOT give general, non-astrological advice on the Read My Chart forum. IF you give general advice, back it up with astrological references.

Back to astrology,

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Unread 07-15-2019, 12:33 PM
Cecile Cecile is offline
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Re: What makes me feel so contradictory?

The ability to complete tasks is reflected in astrology by having a majority of planets in the 3rd, 6th, 9th and/or 12th houses which you do according to my software which sets your time of birth at 2:59 PM Daylight Saving Time. If I set the time for 3:59 PM Daylight Saving Time the majority of your planets fall in the 2nd, 5th, 8th and/or 11th houses which is what would make completing tasks a challenge. If your birth time is accurate then you should be a task master, a closer, someone who can tie up loose ends. If instead you start things but seldom wrap them up without outside motivation then I have to wonder if Daylight Saving Time was in effect in Kiev, Ukraine the year of your birth.
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Unread 07-16-2019, 06:21 PM
MajorTom MajorTom is offline
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Originally Posted by Cecile View Post
The ability to complete tasks is reflected in astrology by having a majority of planets in the 3rd, 6th, 9th and/or 12th houses which you do according to my software which sets your time of birth at 2:59 PM Daylight Saving Time. If I set the time for 3:59 PM Daylight Saving Time the majority of your planets fall in the 2nd, 5th, 8th and/or 11th houses which is what would make completing tasks a challenge. If your birth time is accurate then you should be a task master, a closer, someone who can tie up loose ends. If instead you start things but seldom wrap them up without outside motivation then I have to wonder if Daylight Saving Time was in effect in Kiev, Ukraine the year of your birth.
Ah, I see; well, the daylight saving time must have been in effect at that time, as far as I know.

I probably should have clarified, though, that I do have the ability to easily accomplish a task and get rid of loose ends, but usually only if there is a personal interest involved in some way. Otherwise, if there are any external circumstances like deadlines, or in some cases personal promise to someone/something (which can feel more like duty), I have to push myself hard to accomplish tasks. These latter circumstances do motivate in some cases, but more often than not feel energy draining. And the fact that I want my work to be done qualitatively, doesnít make it all easier.
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