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  #26  
Unread 09-23-2018, 05:37 AM
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Well, for starters, how about dropping this whole "pain" thing? You chose it, you can un-choose it.

Would you describe yourself as "intense"?
Im trying, that's why I made this thread

And yes I am intense

I've mentioned so many times how I' trying desperately to find channels for myself so idk why you came at me with this drama queen, narcissist ****

I honestly cant take that right now. People making false implications about me

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  #27  
Unread 09-23-2018, 05:39 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

So why not commit to changing something?

There are plenty of ways to challenge yourself to the limits without taking ****.

If you're in ER now, think of what those medical staff do for a living. Had you ever thought of becoming a paramedic?

Nobody wants you to self-destruct.

Your NN in the 4th so close to your IC in Sag suggests a profound look at depth psychology, and really coming to terms with your early childhood.
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  #28  
Unread 09-23-2018, 05:51 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

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Originally Posted by waybread View Post
So why not commit to changing something?

There are plenty of ways to challenge yourself to the limits without taking ****.

If you're in ER now, think of what those medical staff do for a living. Had you ever thought of becoming a paramedic?

Nobody wants you to self-destruct.

Your NN in the 4th so close to your IC in Sag suggests a profound look at depth psychology, and really coming to terms with your early childhood.
I want to be a writer and an artist of any other kind on the side, but mainly a writer


I couldn't be a paramedic. I just couldn't. I can't stand to see people in pain or suffering or worse, dying, especially in horrific ways. I've read and heard stories from paramedics. I can't do it

I endured some psychological abuse as a child and I'm very deeply intrigued by human nature and humanity, humanity's relationship with various forces such as love and hate, life and death, etc.. For me, I channel this into writing and characters. I love people, I love characters

atm I'm very lost. I'm gonna need to rebuild myself after I get out of the psyche hospital
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  #29  
Unread 09-23-2018, 06:01 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

I think writing would be an excellent way of dealing with all of your raw emotions. I hope you are writing now, even if it's only a bit of journaling or chance thoughts that come to you to be revisited later. Possibly you could craft a semi-autobiographical novel or short stories, starting with a file folder of some of your personal recollections.

Due to the late hour, I'm going to sign off now, but I will check your threads again tomorrow.

I hope you can focus just now on your health and well-being. One step at a time.
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  #30  
Unread 09-23-2018, 06:25 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

I made this thread to genuinely explore my worst habits and where they may arise from in my natal chart, but for some reason, it's caused drama, so just forget it

Evidently, when you authentically express your feelings and emotions, a few things will happen.... Either you're a drama king/queen, or people will attempt to use those emotions against you because they have issues
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  #31  
Unread 09-23-2018, 06:29 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lykanized View Post
Is there possibly something Saturnine here? I'm still trying to understand Saturn, but things I've read about it lead me to believe it's possibly masochistic
Your Moon/Saturn midpoint is the tightest aspect in your chart to an angle of it (see attached chart). By pride of place I think it affects all other aspects in your chart. I also think it tends to promote your expression of them more often than not.
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  #32  
Unread 09-23-2018, 07:00 AM
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Originally Posted by unique_astrology View Post
Your Moon/Saturn midpoint is the tightest aspect in your chart to an angle of it (see attached chart). By pride of place I think it affects all other aspects in your chart. I also think it tends to promote your expression of them more often than not.
This is really intriguing.. I haven't delved into the midpoints facet of my chart yet. How do you think a moon-Saturn midpoint affecting everything in my chart like that might manifest?

I'm not familiar with midpoints or with how the energies of the moon and Saturn make love
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  #33  
Unread 09-23-2018, 08:04 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

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This is really intriguing.. I haven't delved into the midpoints facet of my chart yet.
Delve. The only one you really need to find out about is the Moon/Saturn.
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  #34  
Unread 10-01-2018, 06:25 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

Found this while researching quintiles.

Moon quintile Pluto: Adopting a hard, ruthless, self-punishing style of behaviour in response to events. In some cases the person seems to be bent on self-destruction (physical or mental) through his behaviour; in other cases there is a façade of hardness and ruthlessness.

https://www.astrologyweekly.com/astr...h-harmonic.php

I knew the moon-pluto and saturn-pluto had something to do with it.
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  #35  
Unread 10-01-2018, 08:36 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

Revisiting this thread because I only realized very recently I have some childhood trauma I need to deal with and I feel like the moon may be pertinent here, especially considering the trauma involves my mom. This trauma I believe extends its impact to relationships, interpersonal, romantic, and intrapersonal. I understand with Saturn and Pluto, there may be some issues with repression, control, brutality, harshness

Moon quintile Pluto

https://www.astrologyweekly.com/foru...ad.php?t=13644

"A Quintile is essentially an aspect that displays energy which others clearly see within you, yet you yourself do not realize you have-- though the ability to build upon it is there once recognized."

"As I mentioned in the beginning, Quintiles take on very Ascendant- like qualities. If there are Quintiles in your chart, people Will see those qualities as apart of your personality."

So with quintiles typically given the title of 'the aspect of talent', I'm guessing these are aspects that are less conscious, but still powerful and ones we need to become conscious of to be able to use that 'talent' whether it's a straightforward talent or more like a skill or mechanism

I could be wrong, but correct me if so

http://astroarena12.blogspot.com/201...deep-well.html

"With the Moon conjunct, opposite, square, sextile, or trine Pluto, you are a deep well. The Moon is the planet of emotional responses and needs, so the intense power of Pluto connected to it means that you don’t have a faint heart. Instead, all of the emotional energy of your Moon sign is strengthened and amplified, resulting in a highly emotional nature, even if your Moon sign is in Air or Earth. Now, being so emotionally intense can allow you to live a deeply fulfilled life of boundless inner riches. But, it could also be the source of an almost endless cycle of inner turmoil. For you, Moon-Pluto, the task is learning to deal with the very power of your emotions, as well as their source."

So I'm thinking perhaps this is one of the possible aspects in my chart of untouched emotional issues, like there's this deep well that others can see but I myself may not be fully aware of and so it risks projection as anything we're less conscious of does. It makes sense...I've just begun coming back to something I noticed in myself as a teenager which I described as this door behind which lay intense, chaotic emotions that would suck me dry if I opened the door. A part of me always wanted to open it, but I didn't know how. There was something inside of me keeping me from doing so because I think that's where all the childhood **** lies

I need to open that deep well and use it to fill me rather than let it control me as it does. I think it can possibly be a reason why in relationships, I may become controlling or jealous very easily. Maybe this is the source of Plutonian relationship issues I've been searching for lol. It would make even more sense since I really do believe that trauma is why I've had such a hard time with relationships, easily feeling insecure and projecting that by either making the other person feel insecure or trying to control them so that I don't feel controlled or **** like that

It's terrible, I know. Most of that is in my past, but at this point, they're only not issues because I've recognized them and have started to suppress them which isn't getting to the root of the issue which I feel is linked with selfesteem which could easily be represented by the moon

"
Moon quintile Pluto: Adopting a hard, ruthless, self-punishing style of behaviour in response to events. In some cases the person seems to be bent on self-destruction (physical or mental) through his behaviour; in other cases there is a façade of hardness and ruthlessness. "

--This makes a lot of sense too. I harden myself in the face of life. I'm harsh and brutal with myself and I don't ever treat myself with kid gloves. Self destruction of course I already know about. Perhaps this relates to the 'deep well of emotions'. I don't exactly know how to handle it, so I have to harden myself until I figure it out. I'm brutal with myself because all of what makes me feel weak hasn't been reckoned with fully even tho I've tried and have done so much working with my shadow. Self destruction because these emotions run so deep that they need to be expressed and with Pluto revolving around control, self destruction is a very perverse means of control as well as showing myself just what I can take. There's definitely this inner beast within me and I can even feel it when I write these words
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  #36  
Unread 10-01-2018, 08:58 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

Quote:
Originally Posted by unique_astrology View Post
Your Moon/Saturn midpoint is the tightest aspect in your chart to an angle of it (see attached chart). By pride of place I think it affects all other aspects in your chart. I also think it tends to promote your expression of them more often than not.
This I'm much more lost with as midpoints are newer to me

How do I determine that it's the tightest aspect? And you say it's really the only impactful midpoint I need to look at, at least for right now? How does it affect all other aspects in my chart? Do they act like aspects?

And to delve more deeply, how do I begin to work with midpoints? If I look visually, it seems like the midpoint is in my 3rd house, but very close to my northnode in my 4th house, but I don't know what that would mean

http://john-sandbach.blogspot.com/20...-midpoint.html
"Principle: Controlled or repressed feelings. The avoidance of emotions. Emotions that either do not change or which only change slowly. The ability to be dutiful, careful, and attentive. Fear for one's security. Emotional sensitivity. Awareness of lack of fulfillment in terms of one's emotional needs. The meeting of basic needs. At best one may eventually come to a realization of the spiritual purpose behind one's emotional problems.

Process: Connecting with and clearing negative emotions. The development of the ability to protect oneself emotionally when needed. The growth of one's ability to clearly perceive and deeply experience one's feelings."

So would this mean there's possible issues with repression? That would really seem to amplify the moon-Pluto quintile issues with control and dealing with that deep, intense well of emotions. If it does aspect my north node, I can see why all of this feels so important for me to work through and why it may be both my greatest weakness and greatest strength if I work through these issues

Tho still, correct me if I'm wrong

I can be extremely guarded, so guarded I seem cold even tho I'm truly not. I do feel as if so much within me has become repressed to the point I won't cry in front of anyone, I have problems with emotional expression in general, I can easily become defensive with people

I see myself as a deeply emotional person, yet because of my trauma, I have trouble accessing these emotions in their true beauty which I desire to so intensely for the sake of my development and because I'm a creative individual and I cannot bring myself to continue living with any repression. I'm able to access them sometimes and I know when I am because what I write(I'm a writer) will make me cry from a place so deep it's unnameable. I desire surrender yet surrender is so damned tough for me. I wish it was as easy as a pride issue. It's much deeper than that

But after recent events, I realize this and the moon-Pluto quintile issues are things I really need to take care of right now
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Last edited by Lykanized; 10-01-2018 at 09:04 AM.
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  #37  
Unread 10-01-2018, 09:05 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

I really want to dig deep here. I don't want to seem like I'm connecting every little aspect of my life to astrology, but I want to use astrology as a possible tool is this endeavor

And see, this is actually helping unlike the previous conversation ffs
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Last edited by Lykanized; 10-01-2018 at 09:07 AM.
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  #38  
Unread 10-01-2018, 09:33 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

Quote:
Originally Posted by watcherofthesouth View Post
Before I read a chart, I generally get a sense of the issue or behavior before even looking at it. In this case, I immediately thought Scorpio or Pluto (and also agree with others about Mars). Then I looked at natal Pluto which is in 22nd degree (Virgo degree) of Scorpio. On top of it, Virgo moon can be very critical, analytical. Some say that the 22 degree can mean pain or to kill - in this case for you it might be communication (3rd house). Agree with Oddity about writing (3rd house again). Research would be perfect for you, or fighting for a cause on the behalf of others who need your help.

Many insightful and philosophical people have had similar (intense) aspects. The key is channeling it and being aware of your power to hurt others if misplaced.
I've been very aware of my Pluto placement in that 3rd house, especially being a writer. I'm not much a great speaker, but I know how to write and I know my words tend to have quite a lot of power to them. I'm really not a great researcher tho. Research papers are the bane of my existence lmao. That's the one area I've suffered in in writing through to my university years,. Maybe I can owe that to my Cancer/water mercury based more in feeling and flowing energy and impressions. The Virgo Mercuries are the tru researchers I've encountered. I'm very sure Mercury Caps are the ultimate thorough researchers too

I believe I have an intuitive understanding of how to use words to hit right where it hurts as well as pick people apart psychologically which I'm sure my Virgoishness aids in. It's nasty. I will get nasty really easily when defensive and it'll express itself in words used like a sword finely cutting or a gunshot doing the deed in an instance

But at the same time I do know I also know how to use words to heal and I have an intuitive understanding of what people need in the moment when someone is suffering emotionally or mentally and I want to help people, not hurt. So I despise the fact that sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I hurt others

I know my Pluto is also at an anaretic degree for fixed signs but what would that effect be?

I suppose this doesn't tie into selfdestruction perse, if only for the fact I may say things that I deeply regret or may turn the gun on myself. I pick myself apart relentlessly. I'd also love to connect this to the moon-Pluto quintile and my moon-Saturn midpoint
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Last edited by Lykanized; 10-01-2018 at 02:05 PM.
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  #39  
Unread 10-01-2018, 09:50 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

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Originally Posted by GemwDepth View Post
Definitely.



Suggest reading Donna Cunningham and Jeremy Neal. I think you may identify with the article below.

The Saturn-Pluto Vibe
http://www.neptunecafe.com/donnaC2.html

The latter (Neal) has an interesting article on his blog in which he can recognize the ones with Saturn/Pluto conjunctions, which can only happen in 2 birth years, actively avoids them, as it triggers his own Uranus/Pluto conjunction.





You have a Quintile between moon and pluto. Although I do not have enough sample sizes to make a definite conclusion, the Quintile generally means you channel the energy of the two planet in a creative way that can be construed as talent, or a quirk. I say talent. I would even venture to say that you may call upon this 'talent' at times to fuel and drive you for both accomplishments and survival. It's quite admirable really, and you should maximize it and find a good use for it. From the web below:

"Deeply Buried Compulsions?

Quintiles can point to deeply buried compulsions which drive uncontrollable behaviors. This is true when the aspect is exact. It’s also true that behaving in any unexplained way triggered from deep within can be especially disturbing.

Trying to identify how any natal, progressed or transiting quintiles trigger compulsive behaviors may diffuse them somewhat.

Knowledge is true power.

Quintiles ultimately may unlock incredible strengths and powers helping us to succeed in whatever it is we’re here on this earth to accomplish."




As human beings, many times we are not able to express things in words that we feel, and feeling are multi-facted. Part of the job of the astrologer is to act as a third party, comprehending what the native may not be able to express in words. What you described gave me a certain impression, and my Uranian reflex was immediately drawn to the strong energy of that 'power' aspect in your chart.
I'm sorry that I didn't pay attention enough to this when you posted it originally. It's giving me a lot to think about and it's really making so much sense. I read this after I questioned if the quintile aspect pointed to things that may be buried more in the subconscious and able to be utilized as talents when realized before reading this and I suppose this kinda confirms that

I've really put so much effort into facing myself and my darkness and yet I know there's endlessly more to discover and right now I feel like there are things that are downright vital for me to look at and come to terms with. I don't feel I've gotten to the point where this quintile is a strength. I think that's the path I have to take right now


As for the Pluto-Saturn square...
I suppose that may also be prominent in my chart since Pluto is and Saturn forms hard aspects to important places, eh?

Pluto negative traits

"Experiences/expects betrayal, Isolates due to mistrust, Cynical, suspicious, Broods on resentments, bitterness, Unresolved, buried bereavement, Obsesive/compulisve, Seeks control of others' resources, Subverts, seduces to gain power, Power-hungry, controlling"

Saturn negative traits

"Experiences/expects hardship, Erects wall out of fear, Realistic to pessimistic, Sinks into depression,despair, Sorrow, due to crucial losses, Perfectionist, driven, Ambitious, even ruthless, Knows how to go thru channels,Authoritarian, demanding"

I'm more ruthless with myself than with others, but I can be demanding of others. I moreso prefer not to have to deal with others, but when I do, I can be very demanding. These traits definitely seem to coincide, but with the square, I suppose all those traits, even with the wide angle, are set on fire which makes sense bc even for a Virgoish individual, I'm incredibly perfectionistic

I've hardened myself and I suppose bc of Uranus's influence, I'm very unpredictable and never stay in one spot for long, but because of Saturn, a part of me is very hardened to the consequences that come with it. I have that bestial part of me and then a part of me that's very stalwart and ramlike

Granted these are only facets of myself highlighted. But they're definitely important pieces of the puzzle
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  #40  
Unread 10-01-2018, 10:43 PM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

I am now positive Moon Q Pluto is at the root of your self-described issues, if we can call it that. I don't think its an "issue" now at this point, just misdirected energy and talent. I bet when push comes to shove, you have a singular ability to survive and are exceptionally strong.

There is a lot of work to be done to understand the Quintile and BiQuintiles, as there just isn't much information on the web. Everything we have are short descriptions and anecdotal evidence. I'll post more links when I see them.
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  #41  
Unread 10-02-2018, 09:35 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

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I am now positive Moon Q Pluto is at the root of your self-described issues, if we can call it that. I don't think its an "issue" now at this point, just misdirected energy and talent. I bet when push comes to shove, you have a singular ability to survive and are exceptionally strong.

There is a lot of work to be done to understand the Quintile and BiQuintiles, as there just isn't much information on the web. Everything we have are short descriptions and anecdotal evidence. I'll post more links when I see them.
I am too. Tbhq, I never knew quintiles could have such an impact, but this is hitting right home. I do think uniqueastrology is also onto something with the Saturn-moon midpoint, but I think the quintile is probably more impacting. But for me I do feel it's a pretty deep problem, especially if I connect my trauma with it and how I've felt unable to access that 'deep well' which means it inevitably has subconscious control over me. I am a very strong person tho. I relate to the typical Plutonian ideal of the phoenix rising. So I'm evershifting with my Uranian nature, but every time I fall, I get up and I'm a million times stronger. I'm definitely a survivor and I'm confident in my ability to take whatever life throws at me even tho recently I've been.... tested lol


I LOVE the fight of life, I really do



I wish there was more info too


sidenote...how do you think Pluto quintile my AC might show itself in me?
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Unread 10-02-2018, 05:02 PM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

Am I correct in thinking my 1st and 8th house may be connected? My reason for asking being that Aries rules my 8th and of course Mars is in 1st
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Unread 10-16-2018, 05:39 AM
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Re: Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

Any other perspectives?

What I've realized very recently as I think I noted is that I have some childhood trauma I need to deal with. I knew that as a teenager but I despise the feeling that I'm making a big deal out of nothing so I had to look to a neutral 3rd party therapist and ask them if it was considered trauma. They said yes. So I have all these deep emotions within me, this door that I have a hard time opening, tho is slightly ajar. It's a source of much darkness within me, a lot of chaos and disparate emotions


My goals with writing from now on are gonna be consciously additionally focused on opening that door
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