Does my bf upset me on purpose?

LovelyMissAries

Well-known member
I tend to cry easy when my bf says something I find hurtful or offensive. I've gotten a lot better with my anxiety and calming down, but I'm still upset easily by things he says sometimes. I asked the chart if he upsets me on purpose ..

L1/L7

He's in my 1H which is positive, but in the late degrees. I also receive him in my 12H but in detriment and in Libra. You can see how I might feel confused and unable to change things there, especially being so close to the Sun?

His L3 is in Cancer, and Moon is in his turned L5 in Virgo, and aspecting Pluto if you count that... I can def feel how it feels on purpose here, but with his L3 being in Virgo, it could say he's actually trying to fix the problem by getting details?

MY L3 is ruled by Saturn. I have a difficult time communicating or getting him to understand my point of view sometimes. He's patient with me but my emotions aren't logical so he doesn't understand where it comes from.

So I guess no, he isn't doing it on purpose.

http://imgur.com/a/zM5uZ6Y
 

IleneK

Premium Member
bf's should not be saying things that are hurtful or offensive, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

Can this really be your true question?

You as Mars are really in poor shape: in detriment, being fried by the Sun's combustion as Sun approaches Mars to meet and pass it. And in your own 12th house.

He is in poor shape, too, by detriment. He is certainly interested in you with Venus in the 1st, and you both care for each other by mutual reception.
But I am just wondering out loud if either of you is really a candidate for relationship at this time of your lives, given the ongoing strife of how you perceive that he regards you?
 
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ElenaJ

Well-known member
IleneK made some very valid observations for you, please take them to heart.
Note that in the chart Venus, him, isn't making any aspects, but it is semi-square to you, mars.
Normally this aspect isn't taken into consideration in horary, but in this case, it involves the two significators, and makes Venus more active. And the question is about him.
So there is fundamental stress going on between the two of you in the relationship.
Please remember to enter the South Node in your charts. In this case, it is almost exactly on your 2nd house cusp, the house of self esteem. This relationship is costing you.
In addition, he has Uranus in 7th, which is inconjunct you, mars.
Another aspect not usually considered in horary. But again, it ties in directly with the question. Friction. Irritability. Mars in libra wanting a relationship, Uranus wanting freedom.
That's a major red flag conflict.
Saturn is squaring the ascendent/descendent axis, and sitting on the IC of endings.
Moon approaches an opposition to Neptune.
And lastly, Sun and mars opposing Chiron. Chiron in your house of health.
 

IleneK

Premium Member
How can one know their comments will be hurtful until it happens?

I think when the Moon moves into Libra it may provide some relief...

The way we avoid hurtful comments and actions toward others is two-fold. First, we need to have some understanding off who the other person is.
The second and most important is that we think about what we are saying before we say it. Take that time to consider how our words might affect another. It’s not foolproof but thinking before talking goes a *long* way towards not bringing harm or suffering to another.

But you already know this 😊..
 

LovelyMissAries

Well-known member
Elena - is Uranus in Taurus in detriment the same way Mars in Libra is? Is it struggling to find balance between stability and chaos or self vs others the same way?

Ilene - good food for thought. I want to talk to him about it, but I'll need to time it right.
 

ElenaJ

Well-known member
Elena - is Uranus in Taurus in detriment the same way Mars in Libra is? Is it struggling to find balance between stability and chaos or self vs others the same way?

Consider that taurus is a stable, fixed sign that likes continuity. It is grounded, cautious, sensual and basically earthy.
Uranus of course is up in the air, it's unique and original, its unpredictable, its electric. It isn't faithful to "one", it's too busy looking after throngs of humanity.
So we see, these two energies don't match up very well.
Then you place Uranus in an awkward aspect with mars, uncomfortable itself because instead of charging off on its own selfish path, its tied down thinking about the "other" in its life.
They will set off sparks.
Each is bound in an energy that isn't their own, with their hands tied down if you like. And have to contend with an input of energy from the other (mars from Uranus, but also Uranus from mars) that is compromised and out of its own sphere.
This creates a dynamic push/pull, individualist Uranus pushing against the libra need to couple, while action-minded mars is pulling Uranian energy out of taurus, that seems like gooey taffy to him.
And at the same time, underneath, neither is really where they want to be.
How frustrated can they get!!
 

LovelyMissAries

Well-known member
Man I really like that explanation, and you made me realize too that while Uranus is about freedom, it's also about taking care of humanity and that's part of the friction with my bf too. He is often Mr. Go-To to fix practical problems for his family, and even though I've heard him argue he doesn't always have to be the only one who does it, it continues.
 

ElenaJ

Well-known member
And there you have it, mars needing its partner (unusual situation for mars to be in) while Uranus is off taking care of the universe! (in this case his family members)
This can be lived with.
It isn't a strong energy like a square or opposition, or even more difficult, a conjunction.
But it is a push/pull situation.
In the meantime, you are going through a period of difficult learning.
So while you are trying to (subconsciously) concentrate on that, there is this annoying background music that interrupts your concentration. Difficult to tune out.
And quite easily the emphasis then shifts from the learning process, to trying to stop the annoying background noise.
 
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