A frustrated writer

Hello! I'd like to ask a question concerning my writing process. Yes, I consider myself a writer, although my first book is yet to be published(hopefully, it will be a couple of years from now). And since writing became a serious activity for me, not just role-playing in forums like I used to do long ago, I've noticed something about my style and process that more often than not frustrates me. The point is, I have no problem playing with ideas(that I call 'visions')in my head, picturing them, dancing them around any other idea I have ever came up with, getting deeper in their essence, enjoying them as they come or reseacrhing the way they should be and so on and so on(really should stop here xD). I'm feeling my best when that happens but then comes the 'problem'. When I put my hands on the keybord, the state of delight and enthusiasm flies away. I start struggling with my thoughts, with the words and not that I'm not appreciating the good side of perfectionism, but I can't quite explain why it's so difficult for me to put up with the practical side of things. I'm not one of those writers that experience moments of some almost otherwordly trance and start writing without thinking. At least, I'm not like that when it comes down to actually writing down what should be written down. I never edit, everything has to be perfect from the first time or there is no point in its expression, at all.
I really would like to know how astrology can explain this set of my qualities. Maybe an earthy influence that is needed but at the same time difficult to deal with? I can't be sure, I'm very new to astrology and I can't do a good chart interpretation. I'll be very thankful if someone who understands better than me can say a thing or two.

I have two charts, the second is with a bunch of asteroids that I recently learned existed and I'm not sure if they can be of any help(maybe they aren't but they seem cool there, they make my chart look more complicated and beautiful )

P.S. Sorry if I made mistakes, English is not my native language and I struggle with it even more than with my own lol.

I'm posting my charts again but this time with birth data. I tried to edit my previous post but I couldn't do it with the thumbnails. Anyway, I don't know how astrologers in this forum, or in general, proceed with interpreting charts but if the birth data is required I'll show it, no problem.

[FONT=Andalus, serif]Look to your Mercury as the root of the problem:[/FONT]
[FONT=Andalus, serif]-square the Moon/Neptune and Jupiter; [/FONT]
[FONT=Andalus, serif]Moon/Neptune: the capacity for good visualizations and imagination, however your Mind gets in the way of your creative flow. The Virgo influence over your house of creativity; searching for perfection; you are too critical of your own work and tend to be distracted by that at the level of the intellect; you need to let your imagination get into the flow; you spend too much time 'editing in your head ' and this interferes with the flow; also the lack of water can be inhibiting and the Lunar afflictions shows a disconnect between the mind and the emotions; too earthy by nature; imagination is fuelled by the emotions; [/FONT]
[FONT=Andalus, serif]Jupiter/Saturn; the flow is interrupted by your beliefs and judgements; [/FONT]
[FONT=Andalus, serif]Mars/Pluto; another interference; the stressors and demands of your daily living pull you out of the creative process; [/FONT]
[FONT=Andalus, serif]these tend to be the blockages indicated in your chart;[/FONT]
[FONT=Andalus, serif]you do have the potential for tuning into the flow of the Higher intellect and the creator [Uranus with Moon/Neptune] though, once you overcome these mental hurdles... Good Luck![/FONT]

Thank you, kimbermoon, to be honest, I have never suspected that my Mercury and the Moon can be the source of me being too 'mental' when I get down to actually express the flow of imagination. I know that Mercury is a rather 'mental' planet but being in the sign of Libra, I considered it a good position because of the airy qualities of this sign. But the aspects...And Virgo. I really like that my Venus is in the 5th house but Virgo... Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for being able to judge myself but it's hard. I'm getting tired after writing a couple of sentences. You're so right about the 'editing in my head' . Most of the work is in my head and the actual expression is just a small part of of the whole process and usually comes only after I decide that everything is as close to perfection as it can get at the moment. There are feelings embedded in the final result but they don't seem to free me of my habits.
As of the lack of water...it would be so good if I had more of this element(except my Descendant in Scorpio) if it helps in cases like mine.
I don't think I have a problem with imagination because I delight in the moments when the flow of 'visions' and emotions comes but when it's time to be practical...sometimes I hate it when my book won't just write itself.
Mars square Pluto...aah, Mars/Pluto. I still don't see this aspect as a major affliction because so far it's working mostly in a positive way for me. Intensity, drive, ambition. It's a very helpful aspect, really. It's good feeling it burn inside you, although there are times when it strikes from out of nowhere and because aggression is not a quality I posess(I mean, I don't express it) I can easily end up hurting myself, even physically(but it's not on purpose, self-harm is out of the picture). There are some serious stress factors in my life, but I can't escape them. They are a major reason for blocking me but this is probably a different topic to discuss.

Thank you again! At this point in my life, I see the only way of doing things is pushing harder and harder. If only I could do that all the time without exhausting myself so much.

I almost forgot...what is the possible meaning of Jupiter/Saturn interrupting by my beliefs and judgements? Maybe such questions should be answered by myself and I can guess but I'm not sure what exactly this aspect indicates. How the power of this two planets can be directed in my chart and probably in my writing? Sorry for the yet another question but I'm curious...

[FONT=Andalus, serif]Jupiter/Saturn; the flow is interrupted by your beliefs and judgements; [/FONT]
[FONT=Andalus, serif]Saturn restricts and limits; as ruler of your 9th you might encounter some difficulties in actually getting your work published;
[FONT=Andalus, serif]what do you believe Jupiter is really all about? [/FONT]
[FONT=Andalus, serif]You also need to consider the houses ruled by these two planets as well as other aspects to the square. [/FONT]
[/FONT] [FONT=Andalus, serif]Jupiter in the sign of Capricorn can denote being overly concerned with traditions and cultural standards...being the conformist in terms of what you think people want to read , and whether it is ethical, to avoid breaching any racial considerations. Together these two represent responsibility and being highly organized. As the planet of expansion and multiplicity, again it could be a case of just 'overthinking' . As per beliefs, it may take many years to understand that is our 'beliefs about a thing that affect it's manifestation' so if by chance you subconsciously harbour judgements or prejudices this can make you concentrate overmuch on not stepping on anyone's toes, but that relates more to the legal aspects of publishing. I can say that if you believe enough in a thing, you can make it happen. If you have any doubts about your abilities in writing itself, then it can make for a mental blockage as well. I do think that a big part of your problem is in not having enough emotional experience as yet to really allow the creative flow to surge...you have to be able to put yourself in the other person's role and speak to their heart, not just their mind...don't know if this helps...personally, it took me a long time to learn to 'trust' in my abilities and the worthiness of what I had to say...and only then did I start to feel the creative flow...just my thoughts...[/FONT]

Hmm, I thought Jupiter positioned in the 9th house feels at home there - it is supposed to give luck and good fortune. Or I could be wrong.
Saturn being the ruler of my 9th house... Thanks for pointing out this connection. I myself haven't thought about it. It may or may not play this exact role but now at least I know there is this connection.
About traditions and cultural standards... The truth is, the only Capricorn influence I actually feel affecting my character is my Moon being in Capricorn. It does make me reserved and stops my feelings from their full expression in front of other people(even siblings and close friends). About Jupiter I can only guess and at this moment I can't think of the right manifestation for this planet. But there is something I'm completely sure about - the knowledge I have about traditions and cultural standards is best described by the phrase 'know your enemy'. Creation comes after a certain level of destruction(maybe destruction itself is a form of creation). Sometimes complete destruction of the needed 'evil'. Purging. It is needed because in a way directs the drive and ambition. I don't want to sound like a revolutionary who plans to do things only against someone and something because I'm not. At least, not entirely xD. The point is, considering traditions and fearing them is not a part of my personality. I'm not saying that my Jupiter in Capricorn is for nothing there. In fact, I understand what you are saying, it's just that I'm interpreting it a little bit differently, now that I think of it as playing a role in publishing and similar things.
Trusting your abilities really is freeing, I'm happy that you trust yours. I trust my abilities, if only I could learn to use the flow without the prysm of perfectionism(there are times when the movie "Black Swan" fits in the image of my writing process and whole parts of my character perfectly. It has a tragical ending, unfortunately). This is also an ability, but for sure not so enjoyable. Or maybe...if I learn to enjoy even this part of the process. Trusting, like you said. And accepting.
Thanks for your thoughts and help! You gave me a direction.

Your Mercury is square Neptune, however it is sextile both Vesta and Ceres, two very important creative points. You think you don't "get into the zone" because of the Mercury/Neptune square - you are not in touch with the "zone" and have difficulty accessing it. However, with the Vesta and Ceres sextile Mercury, you definitely do have access to it. Because Neptune is also conjunct the Moon, these squares mean your emotions are getting too involved in the writing process and blocking the flow of the logical, intellectual energy needed for writing. Pallas is also sextile the Moon and Neptune, but square Mars in the 4th - home life or something in your surrounding is affecting your ability to get going. With Pallas in Scorpio and Ceres/Vesta in the 8th house, you really need to make changes in a spiritual way to overcome this block. Get out of the home or wherever it is you write - get out into nature, some place that lifts you in a spiritual way, not a place that brings you back to earth and reminds you of other duties and responsibilities. It doesn't matter where that place is - but it needs to a be place that is a match for your vibration and allows you to get into that "zone" where the words will indeed fly out. Right now your emotions are affecting that and I'm guessing it is because you are being continually reminded of other things EXCEPT WRITING when you try to do so.

Wow,yes, this is all so true. Actually, last year, I had the same problem(I always have it but then I decided that the reason is...paranormal because of the nature of my books) and I went to the astrologer I always go to when I want to learn something more or have a problem. And she said that there are two problems that she's able to identify. One is paranormal, although this is a topic for another discussion and I think I prefer to not share this right now. The other problem is the environment I grew up in and in which I still am. It's incompatible with my energy. There is a place for me but is not my present one. Actually, the first thing she asked me when she understood the problem was - Where do you write? My surroundings and the life I have at this point drain energy for me and more often than not succed in disconnecting me from my energy source. So, my astrologer 'saw'me(yes, she has certain abilites that most people haven't learned to access) writing in the nature, near a sea or an ocean or a very big lake. A cold sea, not in an exotic tropic areas. And it just clicked - yes, this is true. It's interesting that when I go to the sea in my country(which happens once a year or two) I feel a connection with it that I can't feel anywhere else. I could cry for no reason when I sea its vastness(especially at dusk) and not exactly because I'm sad but because the sea's energy merges with mine on the same energetic frequency. It's like being part of it, like feeling what the water is feeling and I'm happy because of the beauty, the mystery, the intense emotions flawing through me and later the inner equilibrium. But it's sad because I can't experience this connection, that I can't even describe, every day, because my every day life is far away from the place I feel like myself and I can't travel, let's say, once a week because I have other duties and responsibilities. If only I could...
Thank you for pointing out these spiritual problems. Unfortunately, I can't think of a way to overcome my dificulties right now. But I can't also delay the writing for distant day in the future. In the reality I'm living in I have to push this giant invisible wall if I want to have a future, at all. At least my first book has to be written in this way, then I'll go find a sea for my soul.

One more thing - I found something interesting and I'd like to share it - my chart with the Part of Fortune, Victory etc. What caught my attention is the part of Necessity in Scorpio(which is a water sign). Can there be a connection between me wanting to be near the sea and the placement of this part? Or the other parts have roles in something, too?

If you have a laptop there are many places you can go - a park with a fountain or lake, or maybe some large office building that has a big atrium with a fountain or waterfall inside - for instance a hotel in the city I'm from has a large waterfall inside with many plants and things - that would be a great place to write. If there is a river or brook nearby that might do as well, a place where the water is shallow and quickly moving over rocks. Have a laptop with an extra battery, keep one charged up in your car while you use the other and switch them out when it gets low. Or the old fashioned way with a pen ...

Also, your need for water is probably because you have no major planets in a water sign, and no water signs on the 1st, 4th and 10th house. Only Pallas is in a water sign, and this is the object that helps you find solutions to problems, so that is what it seeks.

There is a river passing through my town, a big river, but nobody goes down to the shore(not sure of the world in English, sorry) because it's in a bad state. I can buy a picture of a sea, put it on the wall in front of my writing place and see if it helps...

Yanel said:

There is a river passing through my town, a big river, but nobody goes down to the shore(not sure of the world in English, sorry) because it's in a bad state. I can buy a picture of a sea, put it on the wall in front of my writing place and see if it helps...

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Lol - a picture is not going to work. The river is a good start, maybe you'll have to go a little further out of town to find a good spot. The 'shore' of a river or brook is called a "bank", as in "we sat by the river bank and enjoyed the day".

Well, then I'll have to think of different variants. Maybe there is at least one café somewhere by the river bank(I knew the word is different, it just didn't come to my mind. Thanks for the lesson in English, too!) or...I can try with a park. Maybe not the kind of a natural environment I seek but still an option. I'm still going to search for a picture by the way and I'l probably try to arrange a sort of a blue writing place at home. Right now I have two pictures of dolphins swiming in the universe/cosmos/the space above (literally, with constellations in the background xD) which are both blue and are a gift from the astrologer I go to.

Yanel said:

Hello! I'd like to ask a question concerning my writing process. When I put my hands on the keybord, the state of delight and enthusiasm flies away. I start struggling with my thoughts, with the words and not that I'm not appreciating the good side of perfectionism, but I can't quite explain why it's so difficult for me to put up with the practical side of things. I'm not one of those writers that experience moments of some almost otherwordly trance and start writing without thinking. At least, I'm not like that when it comes down to actually writing down what should be written down. I never edit, everything has to be perfect from the first time or there is no point in its expression, at all.

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This last sentence stopped me in my tracks. I looked at the chart and noticed that merc is not strong in your chart. Yes, it's squaring, but it's not in 3rd or 8th house.

I'm a writer, actress, director... Produced quite a bit.

Never editing could be the square issue your chart. Merc square Nept...delusion with the way things are being conveyed. EVERYTHING NEEDS EDITING. It's not a slight on your talent, really. Editing is all about perfecting enough... NO ONE is able to create without some altering.

I looked at your 10th house and 6th house for career and job environment. The 6th is all about collaboration. You are better partnering up with someone. The 10th is about people and intellectual communication. You need to be doing a job that is about communicating with people....maybe the news. (The 6th does involve the Scorpio, which means you like 'looking things up'.

I do editing, but it's in my head. I make sure that the sentence is perfect before I write it down. I can spend some very long minutes thinking(intuitive thinking or something like it. It's not my regular thinking xD)of the right way to form the words although after the fifth or sixth sentence the process becomes a little bit faster and if I'm in my writing mood(this is different from the 'ideas mood') it's even more faster. Like...almost a page for an hour or two xD. I don't edit after I've written the chapter. Only in rare cases. Like wanting to completely delete a paragraph and then write a new one.
Partnering...Like someone to read what I write and comment with admiration? I do everything on my own, I just need a person for discussion. The need is of emotional nature. I maybe want someone to be commited to my work, not to be a part of it and certainly not to give ideas - just to understand what I do. I don't know if this is what my 6th house placements show.
Communicating...like the potential for it? I don't know, I've already set my mind on a life mission and even an ideal of a sort. The process itself doesn't include other people but I can't know all the details surrounding the realization of my career path, can I? The interpretations vary.
Thank you for taking the time to analyze my chart!

I was wondering...Can a 5th Harmonic chart show more clearly(or at least show xD) things concerning my talent and similar themes?

Yanel said:

Well, then I'll have to think of different variants. Maybe there is at least one café somewhere by the river bank(I knew the word is different, it just didn't come to my mind. Thanks for the lesson in English, too!) or...I can try with a park. Maybe not the kind of a natural environment I seek but still an option. I'm still going to search for a picture by the way and I'l probably try to arrange a sort of a blue writing place at home. Right now I have two pictures of dolphins swiming in the universe/cosmos/the space above (literally, with constellations in the background xD) which are both blue and are a gift from the astrologer I go to.

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When I'm at work and my co-workers are being noisy (which is most of the time) I'll tune into the various websites that have sounds like waterfalls, thunderstorms, etc. The site simplynoise.com can give you both, I use it all the time and it is very good for letting you tune out and tune in.

Aundine said:

This last sentence stopped me in my tracks. I looked at the chart and noticed that merc is not strong in your chart. Yes, it's squaring, but it's not in 3rd or 8th house.

I'm a writer, actress, director... Produced quite a bit.

Never editing could be the square issue your chart. Merc square Nept...delusion with the way things are being conveyed. EVERYTHING NEEDS EDITING. It's not a slight on your talent, really. Editing is all about perfecting enough... NO ONE is able to create without some altering.

Click to expand...

Some people are good at self-editing. I've written a great deal and I edit everything myself. It's not perfect the first time, no - but pretty darn close. I usually let it sit for a couple days then go back and read it again and at most change a word here or there. Seldom do I have to change whole sentences or paragraphs. My mercury is sextile the Moon very close, and trine my MC close, and is in Gemini.

How did I not think of this before? I know a musician from a Youtube channel who has some wonderful relaxing melodies with sounds of rain and wind. They are enchanting. I'll check the site you suggested, too. This is a great idea and not only for when you want to write easier. Thanks!