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Horary Questions on Relational Issues For horary questions about relationships.


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  #1  
Unread 11-20-2020, 01:02 AM
greentree greentree is offline
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Why does my boyfriend keep contacting his ex?

For some reason my boyfriend won't stop contacting his ex. When we first got together it made me uncomfortable and I found out he had been trying to keep his contact with her secret. I think he feels guilt from how their relationship ended.

I was upset and we came up with boundaries that helped me trust the situation which is he would let me know of any contact.

I'm finding out he is in contact, not from him. I know he loves me and I don't think he's cheating, I just feel frustrated and sad that he couldn't follow through with boundaries we agreed upon. It makes me feel like I can't trust him.

I am very curious why he just wont stop contacting her.
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  #2  
Unread 11-20-2020, 04:30 AM
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waybread waybread is offline
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Re: Why does my boyfriend keep contacting his ex?

I'm finding this chart difficult to interpret because you and his ex would be symbolized by the same house.

As best as I can make out, your BF (symbolized by Jupiter in his turned 3rd house) is not a happy camper these days. Jupiter is in the sign of its fall, so he's feeling mentally weakened. The quality of his conversations with his ex probably boosts his feelings. Maybe he feels like she understands him or sympathizes with him in a way that he finds gratifying.

Also, without knowing this other woman, it's possible that she's encouraging these communications. She's not tied to your boundaries.

You are symbolized by Mercury in his turned 12th house of secrets. You're being kept in the dark. Mercury has no essential dignity, so it looks like you don't have much leverage over the situation. Mercury will catch up to a nice sextile with Jupiter by month's end, so maybe that is a good time to have a talk with your BF about where he sees your relationship heading, given that he's unwilling to let go of his former GF.

A lack of trust in a relationship is hard to put back together, once it's broken. I think you can keep your BF if you want him, but the moon (your emotional stake in the matter) looks like it's moving on.
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My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And well change the world. Jack Layton, "Letter to Canadians"

I thought we went along paths--but it seems there are no paths. The going itself is the path.
C.S. Lewis, Perelandra.

Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. Message on a refrigerator magnet.
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  #3  
Unread 11-20-2020, 07:25 AM
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Bunraku Bunraku is offline
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Re: Why does my boyfriend keep contacting his ex?

Wow please just leave this POS.
Hes hiding things keeping secrets and contacting an ex and you had to catch him in it? Hes keeping it secret because he knows its a bad thing to do.
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Unread 11-20-2020, 08:35 PM
greentree greentree is offline
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Re: Why does my boyfriend keep contacting his ex?

Thank you waybread, yes he's having a hard time with family and facing some hard ugly truths about himself these days. I don't think he's telling me all about it but it seems heavy.

I just confronted him and asked him if there was anything he wanted to tell me, he admitted to being in contact with his ex for about a month now and was moving into technicalities on why it was never a good time to tell me. I let him know he needs to take responsibility for his actions and the trust he's lost with me. The lack of integrity to his word is a disservice to our relationship. He's apologetic, I wish he was stronger and had a stronger resolve to his word.

I don't know if he's able to give me what I want or if I can trust him. I didn't think he could do this. I am going to take a couple days to think. He was going to move across the country for me and uproot his whole life, I know he loves me, but I don't know if he is who I need/ or thought him to be.

You're right, trust is the backbone...
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Unread 11-20-2020, 08:47 PM
greentree greentree is offline
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Re: Why does my boyfriend keep contacting his ex?

Thank you bunakru, he's actually a very kind and loving person I just think he has problems with facing hard realities and within that having integrity with his word no matter what the reaction outcome will be. Which is the kind of character that i want. So we might not be a good fit, not like I thought.

You're right he kept it a secret because he didn't want to face the consequences to his actions. I'm going to sit with this for a few days and see if this is something I want to work through, what I can request of him moving forward, if anything.

I just don't know if I can trust him going forward...
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  #6  
Unread 11-21-2020, 02:32 AM
wan wan is offline
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Re: Why does my boyfriend keep contacting his ex?

Is he a Pisces? Just curious.
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Unread 11-21-2020, 03:43 AM
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Re: Why does my boyfriend keep contacting his ex?

Greentree, love comes in all different forms. It is not one-size-fits-all.

Some love is infatuation or a big crush. Some love is genuine but insufficient to overcome weaknesses. Then there is love that moves mountains and makes us stronger people. Your BF may not be capable of the strong kind of love.

Of course, your call. We're just the advice-givers on the sidelines.
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My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And well change the world. Jack Layton, "Letter to Canadians"

I thought we went along paths--but it seems there are no paths. The going itself is the path.
C.S. Lewis, Perelandra.

Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. Message on a refrigerator magnet.
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  #8  
Unread 11-22-2020, 07:04 PM
greentree greentree is offline
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Re: Why does my boyfriend keep contacting his ex?

Pisces moon
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  #9  
Unread 11-22-2020, 07:07 PM
greentree greentree is offline
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Re: Why does my boyfriend keep contacting his ex?

Thank you, waybread.

Indeed that is so true and at the same time I seem to forget, I appreciate the reminder and advice. We will have a final talk later today.
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