I have only recently entered the world of astrology, so don´t take anything I say as the truth.
My first thought when looking at your chart was that you should write. You could spend a lot of time reading, thinking and writing. You should do what makes you happy. You have Saturn, Venus and Mars in Gemini and seem to be a deep thinker. I believe that it would be good for you to have a creative outlet for your mind. Just keep trying. If you want to you can try to publish something and you can try to make a living out of it.
Mercury is the ruler of Gemini. You have a T-square between Jupiter, Mercury and Pluto. T-squares consists of tensions but also drive and ambition. They can help you become successful. You need to focus on the apex, Jupiter in ninth house (expanding your mind). Mercury opposite pluto is difficult and it is important to not stay stuck in the tensions at the bottom of your T-square. Oppositions to personal planets plays out in our interaction with other people, we need to balance the opposition instead of playing out one of the sides and dealing with another person who plays out the other end of the scale. When you have found the balance within, you can free yourself more and more from those kinds of situations. The ninth house deals with publishing, teaching, higher education, self-education, interactions with other cultures etc.
You mentioned problems with a former co-worker. If you begin to question every belief and opinion you have you can expand your mind (Jupiter) by beginning to see things from many perspectives. You can start to see how there are different layers of truth and that life is filled with paradoxes.
Since I do not know your specific problems I´ll give you some examples from my own life:
If I talk to a feminist who is masculine, angry and hateful towards men it is difficult for me to not feel triggered. My view on feminism is that it should be about allowing the people who feel feminine to be feminine and still be as valued in the society as masculine people. If I would try to become more masculine I would feel like I am repressing my femininity and in my opinion that is not the way to go to stop the repression of women. Instead of being offensive towards these kinds of feminists I try to see past their anger. They feel that this world is dysfunctional and they feel strongly that they want a better world. I feel the same so if I go to that layer of the “truth” I find that we are alike. Seeing it from the first mentioned perspective the “truth” is that we are very different. There are many layers of truth and I practice being present with as many as possible at the same time and being more open. If I want to, I can tune in to the other person and choose a way of talking about feminism that will resonate with her. I can also try to find our common ground instead of focusing on our differences. Whenever I tune in to someone like that the person often views me as an amazing person and feel a great chemistry and connection with me. From that place I can softly try to push her just a little bit into expanding her way of thinking about the subject and inspire her to open up to new perspectives. Since she feels a connection and likes me, she feels a need to maintain the feeling of connection. Therefore she will not be as easily triggered when I challenge her. She makes an effort to maintain the feeling of connection within our conversation and become more accepting of and open to my opinions. This way of dealing with others has opened my mind a lot. If I want to try to change someone, this is the way to do it and I have to accept that it will only be a baby step forward or perhaps no step at all. Everyone has as free will. I can also choose to not spend my energy on discussing the subject with her. It´s my choice.
If I would time travel to a younger version of myself that version would fight with me regarding many topics since I have different opinions now. I used to be very rigid, extreme and I felt that I always knew best and that I had to make other people think like me. Everybody has their own path to follow and I need to accept that, even though I still believe that I am right and that everybody should be like me
I have a Libra Midheaven and I have learnt how to make co-workers like me. When I want to fit in I can´t be myself completely and be direct and I feel like I have to work in a way that doesn´t feel right to me. That is something that I have to accept since everyone has their unique perspective and we all need to compromise and adapt when we interact with others. I have a few things which are deal breakers to me and I stand up for them, but when other people obsess about details I give in even though it makes me feel uncomfortable to see them being so dominant, controlling and pushy. By being this way, I don´t get involved in the conflicts at my work place. If I don´t like my job and the environment there, I need to either try to improve it in a constructive way, quit my job, or simply accept my situation and realize that I am stuck there because of my own lack of belief in my capability of creating the life that I want. My problem is not that they are the way they are, my problem is that I feel incapable of getting a job that suits me better. I would love it if my work place would completely transform to suit me, but it´s not going to happen. If I feel like I don´t want to cooperate I should work by myself. If I want to be the person in command I should be a leader. If I want to cooperate with people who are more like me I need to search to find people who are like me. Not easy at all of course. But this way of thinking makes me less combative at my work place since I am more focused on my inner limitations than on trying to change my work place.
I do not know if you have the path of a loner or if it would benefit you to for example have a relationship and perhaps some close friends. Perhaps you did not become fully connected to the world while growing up? Perhaps you grew up in an eccentric or unstable environment or with parents who seemed detached or busy? You have three planets in your twelfth house. You say that you have never been interested in taking part.
We all have different paths to walk. If you feel like you would want a partner if only people were different, that is an obvious sign that you want to be in a relationship and that you need to expand your mind and change your perspective to get it. The general view that you have on how people in this world are is based on earlier experiences. In the world there are so many different kinds of people and it is also a fact that when we change, our interactions with other people change as well. There are endless possibilities. If you believe that you can´t find a woman who gets your way of thinking, that is just a belief, not the truth.
Everybody needs connection. When we are not connected to ourselves we feel empty and emotionless. Some people feel drawn to living the life of a monk and focus on connecting with a higher power, some people are genius scientists or introverted writers and they are connected to a well of creativity and inspiration. The majority of people have the need to connect with other people and they need to practice and create the kind of social life that would suit their own unique personality.
We all have some kinds of needs and we all have something that we want to give out. We want to express ourselves somehow and by that giving from ourselves to the world. The monk types seek inner peace and when they become very present and peaceful they irradiate peacefulness to their surroundings. What they share is their presence and a peaceful vibe that affects other people.
You say that you want to feel again. If you connect more with your emotions, you connect more with your inner compass that is constantly telling you what you want and like and what you don´t want and like. Our emotional self is our compass. To connect with your emotions you need to do some kind of mindfulness exercises where you regularly practice focusing on each part of your body and look for any kind of sensation. But there is a reason why people are more or less emotionally detached. Connecting deeply with your self is like opening the box of Pandora. Humans feel both negative and positive emotions and the negative ones are not fun at all to deal with. Depression is caused by things like repressed emotions, repressed creativity and unfulfilled needs.