How do I motivate myself in my career/ How do I conquer this anxiety?

I'm back from a 4 year break from this site. It wasn't intentional, I just had a lot less time on my hands and my activity sort of fell by the wayside. A lot has happened in the last 4 years, too much to even generalize.

I recently quit an almost 2 year job delivering pizzas. It was soul-sucking, but one of the easiest careers I've ever had. The only problem was that I started getting these emotionally/spiritually crippling anxiety attacks. It happened a lot when I was behind the wheel of a car. I'd just feel as if I was going to veer of the road and crash, or pass out, or throw up.

Eventually it got to the point where I dreaded showing up to work. I became scared of flying, and am really not looking forward to the next time I have to take a plane.

The last month or so since I left the pizza place, I've been making money off of design freelancing and working odd jobs. It's not as stable, but it's way more soul-affirming to be able to do something that's more inline with what I want to be doing. I know a lot of my anxiety may stem from my tendency to overdrink/ take drugs, but I've tried to cut down on those bad habits. I've had a really hard time curbing my drinking habit though, and need motivation to treat my body with more love, and also to stop procrastinating with getting jobs done/ promoting myself.

Below I've posted both my natal chart. I also have a natal chart with transits


if you want me to post that too. Thanks to any readers out there who want to give me a second opinion on my chart, BE WELL.

with NN transiting virgo, it might be prudent to optimise your instincts to quit drinking (imo one of the "drugs" associated with pizza delivery isn't detrimental if administered in moderation, but that can be a burden if you pay modern prices for it as well). minimise, save the money, gain some stability and insurance.

you've got retrograde pluto rolling over your neptune, (a few years i think before it moves on to NN) and neptune headed for your natal moon, which might be a fun time. maybe you'll get some good play out of freelancing.

neat chart, i like the 14s and 15s and the mars-saturn lineup. with mars in 1st and venus in 12th.. i'd connect that to your pisces moon, but i'm a novice so only obvious interpretations i'm thinking the saturn placement is good for freelance, venus-mars creative/aesthetically sensible.

i don't read on that level, but i wonder if this also says something about your parents. if you're male, is dating/mariage a relatively low priority, like drugs and creativity are more engaging. as said, i haven't researched much on charts and parents and life event stuff, just more basic symbolisms.

thanks for the response. I've actually been in a long term relationship, living with my partner for the past 3 years now. But I don't put a huge stress on marriage, or starting a family until I'm more financially, emotionally, and spiritually sound for that matter.
when you mention drugs associated with pizza delivery, you're talking about weed right. My use of the "drug" (which is recreation legal in my state) is a double-edged sword. I've grown to realize I need to use it as a reward and not a means to getting a job done. I have this false idea that a nice joint, or a bottle of beer will help me with my work, but an hour or two into that notion and I'm completely useless at finding my muse.

You are in a period of inner reorganization as your partile,exact, natal square, [suggesting conflict between how you see yourself, your identity, (Sun) and your feeling life (Moon)], is being reworked in a transiting grand cross featuring Jupiter and Saturn.

This is a really rich time to align yourself with and realize your aspirations while still attending to your inner needs. But you must not squander this opportunity, because that is all it is: an opportunity being thrust upon you. It remains up to you to strategize and implement if anything is to come to pass.

Easier but weaker energies are available to assist you through the middle of next month via transiting Jupiter. Meanwhile more challenging life lessons from Saturn manifesting through some sort of returning or repeating will likely present well into the autumn.

"Awake, awake," my friend.
"Don't waste this life."

I sense the anxiety you may be describing is a result of your innate understanding of this call, this truth. Respond wholeheartedly to this call and I suspect the anxiety will transform into a more productive energy.

I am wishing you the best.

could be. i can't find the reference but eg. iirc the smithsonian had some research indicating it improved hearing. imo the calmness is very good for culturing "objectivity" and aesthetic sensibility. i guess it depends on what style of creativity. alcohol otoh is too sanguine, too much self confidence for the kind of art i do. iirc it used to work for eg. bukowski and hemingway. strain and grower are other variables. a nice clear sat like durban (-V) is very lucid (but i also like the slow gear effect). imo a person puts their intent in, and eg. that's not always good.

g/l with *your* way! if our state were rec i'd probably be doing something apart from posting here..

You are in a 1st house profection year, making Sun Lord of the year but more importantly activating your natal Mars on the ASC. Currently you have TMars just past the retrograde square with natal Mars. It's not really a coincidence that you are just now looking to figure out how to move forward. Ever had a transit that was a dud, and another that made you feel like everything is happening all at once? It's like that.

Mars (who rules your 10th) in your chart is VERY challenged by a domiciled, retrograde Saturn. The opposition is almost exact, with mutual application. So, everytime you want to do something, someone in authority (partners, authority figures, girlfriends, what have you) tells you you can't. Moon is up in Pisces in the 8th, which means scared is your default setting. Scared more about people not supporting you than anything else, because the 8th is above the horizon (so the things we seek rather than the things we just have come to us.) It's like...being afraid that what you want isn't going to meet the approval of everyone else.

With natal Mercury, Venus and Mars in welled degrees you can probably add in great big heapings full of guilt/self blame..."this must all be my fault." Moon in Pisces wants escape (don't take that the wrong way. I have Moon in Pisces too!) and sometimes it's easier to hide the fears behind a wall of numb. That numb can come in the form of drugs or alchohol, but it includes anything that takes your mind away from the current circumstances. I found reading fiction at a very early age. Any thing that lets you tune out to what the moment holds, because mostly the moment holds too much emotional pain to stand. **Note, I mean this only for Moon in Pisces in the "dark houses," as in those houses that do not make a Ptolemaic aspect to the ASC.

You are coming up on your next SR, just as Mars will station direct and take another pass at your natal Mars. This year brings the second house to the ASC by profection, making Mercury Lord of the year and focusing your attention on your second house. T-Mars moves direct in what? Late June and gets back to natal Mars in August. Your next SR isn't bad at all. I'd look for the tide to turn sometime in August. Like Ilene said, take this time to reflect. Specifically about how much of your insecurities are the result of your circumstances and not about anything inherently wrong with YOU.

If you need help with addiction, find it. You have apparently got a girlfriend who loves you enough to live with you for three years, you've gotten to a point where you know what it is you are doing now isn't working...so. Mars galvanizes, lol. Figure out what you want to do (and believe me, it's ok if whatever you choose involves mistakes and missteps at first. We all fail our way to success, and some of us HAVE to go through the school of hard knocks to do it) and then be ready to jump onto something come August.

xo
t

Thanks @tsmall for the well-thought response. If it's any consolation, I've been completely aware of my Martian energy as of late. I've run upwards of seventy miles this month, I feel at points my energy is too intense to handle, and at other times I am tired, but still capable of sitting and staring at the computer screen for hours.

Hello, dude.

Well, I must say that I'm quite newbie in astrology, so I don't know if my interpretation is complete or useful for you, but...

I see you have Uranus ans Neptune in capricorn (6th house). This placement denotes, I guess, a necessity of freedom and autonomy in your everyday work activities, so I suggest you find an activity in which you can be independent and action-oriented. I think it denotes, also, that you have difficulties to chose and to adequate yourself in a job: maybe you expect too much and get disappointed later (neptunian infuence).

In general, your chart is very action oriented, so I suggest you do not act so recklessly in order to avoid abrupt incidents or disruptions in your workplace (because you already get a lot of uranian influence in this area).

Hope I've helped